"I knew something was wrong when he came to me at night." even over seven years later, Natasha was still mad at James for the way he played it all out. "The way he looked at me, the things he said. That he has everything under control, that everything will be okay."
Natasha bit her lip and closed her eyes for a moment. God, how she hated him at that moment.
"He left a trace. Purposely let them know where he was going. I begged him not to do that, to run away when he still had a chance. But he begged me to agree. Made me promise I would save Katya and gave me a letter for her. And also this." she reached underneath her shirt and pulled out the star necklace, identical to Katya's. "He told me he loved me. For the first and last time." the first tear found its way down Natasha's cheek. She wiped it away with one quick move. "I never said it."
"But did you?" Laura asked.
"Did I what?" Romanoff's brows furrowed in confusion when she got pulled out of her thoughts.
"Love him?"
"More than anything."
Laura opened her mouth to say something but never did. Romanoff met her gaze for the first time in a while. She saw mostly compassion and sympathy.
When the guards barged in, he fought like never before. It took almost then men to take him down. But he got his way. He wanted chaos, and disturbance, to turn their focus to him and away from everything else. Maybe a few hours later, they dragged her to a plane and the next thing she knew, she was in Siberia. James was there too, already prepared to be wiped out. They made her stand a few feet away, two guards holding her, one pulling on her hair, making sure she wouldn't move her head.
Electricity crackled and his screams started echoing through the space. She got hit every time she tried to look away. Something was telling Natasha, a gut feeling maybe, that they tortured him for much longer than they needed to. When they dragged him out of the chair, he lost consciousness. The guards laughed in unison and then someone stood inches from her and held her by her jaw.
The older man's voice was low, steady and there was something almost mocking in his tone. "Love is for children."
"That was the last time I saw him before I joined S.H.I.E.L.D." Her voice was strikingly plain, but it was the only way to keep it from cracking.
"And what about Katya?" Laura asked softly like she was scared of knocking Natasha off the track.
"She was supposed to be transported to Austria. And they chose me to go with her. Somehow no one thought I would about care her to try something, especially after what happened with James." using his name in conversation with someone else still felt so weird. "And initially, I didn't want to. I thought it was too risky and I wanted to try another time, in a different way. But then we stopped in Budapest."
"And that's when Clint showed up." Laura finished with a knowing smile.
She knew the Budapest story pretty well, that one part of the story didn't require going into details. Both Natasha and Clint had gone over it so many times. It had a great significance to them as the beginning of them, the strongest friendship they ever saw or experienced.
"Honestly, I think if it wasn't for Katya, this would have gone much differently," Romanoff admitted.
She remembered Barton's shock when he noticed the girl for the first time. He froze, giving Natasha the upper hand in their fight which she didn't have time to use because the girl spoke up, breaking them apart. Later he was complaining that no one told him about a child - she was supposed to be alone.
"You think he wouldn't have spared you?" Laura wondered.
"Maybe he would" Natasha shrugged "But it would take him much longer to make that decision."
She and Katya were supposed to stay in Budapest only for the night. She could've kept driving, and let the girl sleep in the car but she wasn't a big fan of it and wasn't sleeping well and if she was tired her visions were more easily triggered. With the additional stress caused by moving her, it could've been very bad and Natasha felt like she had enough on her plate as it was, without stressing about the girl's health. So they were supposed to get some sleep and set off to Austria at first light.
But of course, Hawkeye showing up unexpectedly turned everything upside down. After the initial clash and an incident with Katya, they got a chance to talk. To this day Natasha had no idea what made her tell her everything. He already knew a lot about her, S.H.I.E.L.D. did good research on her but there were still some doubts to dispel.
So she shortened Katya's story and what she promised to do for her, omitting James completely. She told him about her mission of escorting the girl and looking for a way out. Then he decided to help them. He contacted the authorities and explained everything. It took some time and a lot of arguing but somehow negotiated a deal.
In the meantime, Natasha also got a message. One that made her believe in fate, destiny, pure luck, or whatever more was there. General Dreykov was in the city. And wanted to meet when they arrived. They were ahead of time, she hadn't yet updated the status of their journey so they had time to make a plan. One that would prove if Natasha's intentions were true and if she was truly ready to take a different route. With the Red Room's overseer so close, it would be a shame not to use it.
Their goal was clear. Assassinate Dreykov and thereby bring the Red Room down once and for all.
Clint took them to a S.H.I.E.L.D. safe house where they were met by another agent. A dark-haired woman was introduced to her as Agent Hill. She became Maria years later. It was obvious that for her safety, Katya couldn't go with them when they would go out. Yet then Natasha didn't think completely clearly as each look at the girl brought back memories of James begging her to take her away. So when Agent Hill said she would stay with her, Natasha almost ruined everything for them both.
Convinced they just want to separate them and later use the girl as leverage, or just take her away and use them for their gain just like the Hydra and the Red Room did, she drew her gun, ready to hurt anyone who would try to take Katya away. She promised. She couldn't lose her. She couldn't fail him. Clint stopped her seconds before she aimed it at Maria. Later she heard them argue. To say that Hill wasn't her fan was an understatement. It took Barton a while to convince her once again that she deserved a chance and to stop the woman from calling authorities and aborting the plan all together.
Clint vouched and fought for her from the very beginning when they were still strangers to each other. She owed him so much that she knew she would be never fully able to repay that debt. She owed him not only her life but also Katya's.
Everything went fine, rigging the building with explosives was maybe even too easy. Lying that Natasha and the girl were already in the building too. And the temporary hesitation when she saw Antonia go inside, Romanoff overcame so easily that she scared herself. To go back to the child waiting for her back at the safe house, she had to sacrifice another one. One innocent life for hers, Katya's, and of hundreds of other girls. So when Clint asked if they were clear, she looked away and confirmed. Collateral damage.
The real trouble started later when Hungarian Special Forces came into the picture and forced them into hiding for ten days. On day four, Hill contacted Barton and at first, Natasha thought that maybe after all there was an extraction plan for them but his reaction only said something completely different. In addition at first, he refused to talk, downplaying everything and saying that she was just checking in. But after a few hours, he cracked and confessed.
Maria was going back to the States and took Katya with her. Clint already surmised what Romanoff's reaction might be, so when she snapped and started to threaten him he wasn't even surprised which was aggravating for Natasha. Once again she was convinced that her biggest and main fear came true. That she broke her promise. But Barton kept calm like having a gun put to his head was bread and butter. Well, maybe it was. But still, his composure was disturbing.
The way how steady his voice was, how his face didn't even twitch when Natasha was on the verge of going feral. He managed to talk her down. He explained everything, calmly, assuring her that the girl is safe and they'll be reunited as soon as they find a way out. He swore that no hair from her head would be harmed and that Agent Hill took her away for her safety and because there was no reason for them to stay in Budapest. There was also the risk of the Red Room authorities founding out that she was still alive and then coming after her as an act of vengeance for Dreykov. Natasha was so in over her head about Katya's safety that she didn't even think about the initial danger. With the gun still touching his temple, Barton swore on his own life, that no one betrayed her and no one is taking the girl away.
"He told me then that I can shoot him now if I don't believe him," Natasha recalled. "I knew I couldn't do this because then for sure I would never see her again. But in the end, I didn't because I believed him. Every word he said."
When they finally got out and traveled back to the USA, Fury was already waiting for them and Katya with him. Clint seemed pretty shocked that the director himself took the girl under his wing but he just said that the girl liked the view from the huge ceiling-to-floor windows in his office and that it seemed to calm her. Romanoff didn't have any expectations about Katya's reaction to her being back, but the child clinging to her leg with her tiny arms, caught her off guard. And later, when she spent hours talking with Nick, the girl sat in her lap the whole time and even dozed off for a while.
Fury wanted and needed to know everything. Everything she knew about the Red Room, everything about her skillset, which was later checked in practice, everything it was to Natasha as a person, and back then there wasn't much. The same with Katya, her story, and her abilities, which weren't very clear to Romanoff yet.
After the director made sure he got everything out of her that there was (and he didn't as Natasha kept everything about James to herself.) he presented her with three stacks of documents. Two were filled partially, one still blank. He placed them side by side and pointed to the one on the left.
"This was you," he said, not breaking eye contact.
This one had her 'real' name written on top. Romanova, Natalia Alianovna.
"This is you." he moved his hand to the middle one. "Or will be, if you sign it."
Romanoff, Natasha. It felt almost funny seeing that name again.
"And this one." he pushed the last file, the one on the right closer to the edge of the desk. "Is for her."
Natasha kept looking at him, expecting it to be a test of some kind but nothing like that ever happened. Fury just mentioned that he heard from Hill that the kid doesn't have a name so she better picks a nice one. When he handed her a pen, she didn't hesitate, reaching for the blank file first.
Only one thought flashed through her mind when the tip of the pen touched the paper. I did it. I did it, Yasha. Her hand seemed to have a mind of her own as she wrote the three words that would accompany the girl for the rest of her life. Romanova, Ekaterina Yakovlevna. At that moment that petite girl, napping on her lap, with fist clamped on her clothes, became hers.
"And when it comes to Katya, you know the rest better than anyone else." Natasha picked up the wine bottle only to realize it was already empty.