Author's Note: This chapter contains sensitive and possibly triggering content. It revolves around an eating disorder so please do not read it if that makes you uncomfortable!
But please do tell me how excited you are for 1989 (Taylor's Version) because I'm beyond excited about it and I want to hear your thoughts on it as well!!
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Taylor let out a heavy sigh as she felt you pull away from her once more.
It's early in the morning but you're still in bed.
You were meant to be enjoying the time that you have together and Taylor thought that included being able to hold you in her arms for as long as her heart desires.
But you just keep pulling away from her.
It's something you've been doing every day for the last several days now and she can't help but wonder what she did wrong.
"Are you mad at me or something?" She asked.
You turned over to face her and shook your head.
"Then why do you keep pulling away from me? You keep pushing me away! And I don't mean just now, I mean every day for days. You don't let me hug you or hold you."
"It's nothing."
"It's obviously something or else you wouldn't keep doing it!" She said as she tangled her fingers in her hair in frustration. "Will you at least let me take us out for breakfast?"
You nervously toyed with your fingers as you shook your head once more.
"I'm not hungry."
"Okay, then we'll go out for lunch."
"I probably won't be hungry then either."
Taylor furrowed her eyebrows.
That sounded a little strange to her.
"I'm going to take a shower." You said and stood up from the bed, only to feel dizzy.
Taylor panicked and jumped out of bed to come over to you and wrap you in her arms before you fell.
Thankfully, you would've fallen back onto the bed, but she was still terrified nonetheless.
"Are you sick, baby?"
"I'm fine."
That's when Taylor noticed it.
You seemed so... fragile.
She's never once judged you for your appearance because no matter what you look like, she always finds you beautiful.
Your body is beautiful to her and so was every other feature.
But you just seemed so small compared to before.
On top of that, you seemed so weak and so low on energy.
You just don't seem to be acting like your usual self and that was very worrying for Taylor.
"What's going on, baby?"
"Nothing."
"Stop brushing off every concern that I have!" She said before sighing and calming down. "Something isn't right. I can tell. Please talk to me."
"I haven't been eating." You confessed.
Taylor's heart dropped instantly.
"How long has this been happening?"
"A few days, almost a week."
"What!?" She panicked. "Oh, my god. Y/N, do you realize how sick you could get from this? Do you realize what you're doing to yourself?"
"Yes!" You said as you looked at her. "I do, Tay. But part of me just doesn't care anymore."
You had tears in your eyes and Taylor just wanted to pull you close and give you the biggest and warmest hug.
She wanted to hold you so tight and never, ever let you go.
"People keep saying things about me and I just thought that I wasn't good enough for you. You deserve better."
"No, baby." She sighed. "How am I ever going to find someone better than you? You're the greatest girl in the world."
You sniffled and cracked a little smile.
"Baby, I know people are cruel. I know they say a lot of things and I know that the comments and the harsh, hurtful words can easily get under your skin. But those people don't matter. We have each other. That's what matters, right?"
"Yeah." You quietly answered.
"People are always going to say things, baby. If I could, I'd get it all to stop. But no matter what happens, people will always find some sort of reason to make people feel bad. That's the world we live in, unfortunately. But that doesn't mean any of it is true. Because, darling, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. You're so perfect that I often ask myself how did I ever get so lucky? What did I ever do so right to deserve you? How am I this lucky?"
"Tay," You sniffled, finding your smile growing a little more.
"And I know it's hard to ignore people's opinions, especially when you're in the position we are, where our lives are out there for the world to see and it feels like everyone is watching and judging you. But they don't matter. Those people suck. They're just jealous or angry and they're taking it out on you. It's unfair, I know it is. But their words mean nothing when we have each other."
"You're right about that." You said as you looked into her eyes.
"I think that my opinion matters more than the opinions of some stranger who sits behind a computer screen and tears people down for fun."
"It does. Your opinion is what matters most to me."
"Then listen to me very carefully." She said as she cupped your cheeks gently. "You're fucking perfect."
You chuckled.
"I'm serious. You are. At least to me, you are. You are wonderful. You're smart, you're kind, you're funny, you're everything I have ever dreamt of. You are the best thing that's ever been mine."
You smiled brightly as she leaned in to kiss your forehead lovingly.
"And I love you so much, okay? I need you around for the rest of our lives so we can grow old together and make all of our dreams come true. Please don't do this to yourself."
"Okay, I won't anymore. I promise." You said and watched her eyes light up as a breath of relief left her lips.
She gave you a few soft, loving kisses before putting her forehead on yours.
"I'm hungry."
"Yeah? I bet you are. Tell me what you want, and I'll get it for you, darling."
You put your head on her shoulder as she held you close and, at last, you felt okay again.
You had never meant to pull away from her so much and you never would again.
Because you love her too much.