"Immediately, he says. Come on, we have another group of brats to deal with."
***
The two of us rushed to get our things together, palming off the baking to my older brother who already knew he was to take over from us. I dreaded stepping foot outside, the snow thick on the streets, flakes still falling from the sky and adding to whatever cold blanket the earth was forced to embrace. I indulged in the warmth the house kept within, secretly hoping my skin would trap it all in long enough for the trip ahead, knowing full well that'd be too good to become a reality.
So instead, I decided to take my time packing my things, folding shirts and pants with a precision that has no point as I shove it in the bag, joining the other attire that was in there. As I put some warm clothes to the side and the rest of my belongings away, I sigh, changing into my new warmer set of clothes with a frown on my face.
It had barely been a day since we had arrived, and it wasn't nearly enough time for Levi to relax and take a break from military duties like he deserved. Typically I would be grateful for any break at all, but less than twenty four hours wouldn't even be considered a breather for someone like the raven. And yet here we are, travelling eight hours to and from Trost in less than a day, returning to the very place we had sought to escape, even if it was only for a time.
A knock sounded from the partially open door, it swinging open a little but not without a few squeaks sounding from the hinges that connected the door to the frame. My head turned at the sound, Levi's head reluctantly peeking around the corner as he set his eyes on me.
"You ready? We don't have much time." He spoke. I run a hand down my face, gesturing a small, sad nod before slinging the bag over my shoulder and placing the beanie I had set aside on my head.
I walked toward him, passing by him wordlessly and heading for the staircase. As I reached the front door, I hear someone clear their throat behind me, demanding attention. I look at my brother, who soon gestured his head in the opposite direction of the front door. Levi had just set foot on the last step of the staircase, gaze flickering between Felix and I before he worded a simple 'go.'
"I won't be long." I assure the raven, turning to go meet with my brother who stood in the entrance of the living room. Levi strode through the front door, assuming he was going to tend to his horse. Waltzing hesitantly into the room my brother had disappeared into, he was sitting on the couch looking somewhat troubled. I eyed him cautiously, approaching slowly as his eyes met mine.
"I know you're in a rush, but I need to have this talk with you." He voiced with a calmness even I wasn't sure about.
"Fe?" I say, my voice small.
"I was wrong to take you away from the Scouts for all those years." He began.
"Fe, you already apologised for all that-" I interrupt before he held a hand up to hush me.
"The Scouts, for some reason made you happy. I could see it on your face every time you watched them set off on their expeditions, a sense of longing, and it hurt me knowing I was the one who took all that away from you. Your years of hard work, your friends, a family of sorts. You're the most selfless person I know, Sis. You've always put others before yourself, no matter the situation. I couldn't bear losing you to the titans, that had always been one of my biggest fears since you joined the military. When it came to you, many things became things I feared, because you're my baby sister." I struggled to see where he was going with this, but I let him ramble because it really seemed like he needed it.
"But for some reason, he became something I feared, because I might lose you to him too." He said, and a thin stream of light gleamed on his cheek. A tear had trailed down his cheek, a small droplet resting just below his chin as he looked at me. His green eyes nearly glowed with the assistance of his tear filled eyes and the light from outside.
"All I want is for you to be happy, that's coming from the selfish me." He worded. "And if I were to lose you to him, not in a sense of permanence but in the sense that you'll find your happiness in him, please don't regret your choice. That's all I want for you, and all I ask is this in return. Because you're one of the most important women to both me and Dad, if you find he isn't the happiness you're looking for, come back to us." He only looked at me, the sincerity weighing heavy in the air around him. And I knew exactly who he was talking about, and the thing that scared him scared me also, because what if Levi wasn't the happiness I wanted? What if that was what I wanted him to be, but I truly never really thought about whether he was capable of giving me that?
That being said, I don't think he felt the same way about me the way I felt about him.
"Listen, Fe. I don't think I could ever leave you or our parents. Whether I find what you hope I find, I'm forever bound to you guys by blood." I say making us both chuckle. "And to be fair, I don't think he feels the same way anyway." I spoke with a small smile. "But that's okay, because having him as a friend is a blessing as is."
"He definitely feels the same." Fe deadpanned. I raise an eyebrow at him, one of uncertainty. "I've seen how he looks at you. How he looks when you're not looking, the small gestures." I roll my eyes making him scoff.
"I doubt it, but we really should get going." I say stepping towards him and dragging him up from his seat. He immediately engulfed me in a big hug, resting his head on top of mine. "You're the best big brother I could ask for, even if you are an absolute idiot most of the time."
"Yeah, yeah. Seriously though, you need to make me an uncle soon. I'm getting too old for this waiting game you forced me into." I grimace at the words that escaped his lips, instinctively pushing him away with a frown.
"No, never." I voice making him roll his eyes making me shoot him a smile. "Okay, maybe. Eventually, but not soon."
"Hurry up and go, Levi's going to rush in here in a minute and drag you out if you don't leave now." He said dismissively.
"Thanks, Fe. And I love you Bro." I say turning on my heel and heading for the hallway that connected the front door to the living room and kitchen area.
"Love you too, Sis. Safe travels, both of you." I only wave back in return, walking through the front door and seeing Levi drag both horses out of the small shack that sat in the corner of the yard.
Both horses resisted, or tried to at least, as the raven continued to drag them away from the building and into the cold. I didn't blame them, the cold seemed to weasel its way into our thick layers of clothing and settle deep in our skin. I pace to him in silence, forgetting the conversation that was just held between my brother and I, even if it were only temporary. Wordlessly, the raven hands me Sin's reins, his back already equipped with the saddle I had journeyed on on the way here. In silence, we both eventually hop onto our mounts and turn away from my childhood home, a faint but noticeable disappointed tension lingering in the air between us.
"I apologise, Lee. I hoped we would've been able to stay longer than we did, that was barely a break away from what you wanted to escape." I say quietly, though it was just loud enough for him to hear me over the wisps of icy air that flowed through the streets of Karanes. He only motioned a little shrug, making his dismay easier to decipher in both his expression and his movements.
"There's always a next time, isn't there?" He asked, his tone matching mine, along with the emotion I had lacing my own words. But he wasn't wrong, because the next time was always there, even with the threat of titans robbing us of our lives. The possibility always remained, and I was forever thankful for that. So, at that, I smiled. A smile he didn't see as his back turned to me, and he began trotting forward, away from an always guaranteed getaway from such a blood filled occupation.
"Yeah, next time is always there." I reply back, unsure if he heard me or not.
We rode through the deathly cold streets, the snow that managed to hit my face only stinging because of the vast contrast between hot, red cheeks and icy cold flakes. Again, the streets were void of any life, the air smelt of smoke and sap from freshly cut wood, and somehow it felt damp and dry all at the same time.
Leaving the dead district, traveling deeper into the fields of Rose, snow was slowly becoming scarce after about an hour of a consistent speed. Greenery was becoming known, patches of snow glistening heavily from the little light that had managed to peep through the thick clouds above. Blades of grass dripping with either melted snow or morning dew, a scent of damp soil and rain filling my nose. It was still on the colder side of temperature, but it definitely wasn't as cold as it was in Karanes.
The ride was nearly silent all the way from my home town to Trost, the gate barely visible over the horizon of dark greens and browns of the lands, the face that adorned it making it easier to tell the difference between it and the actual wall itself. Hours had passed since we left, yet it felt much too slow for my liking. I felt as though I had just watched grass grow, completely unentertaining and a waste of time. Levi's silence wasn't helping at all either, he had barely said ten words since his conversation with Felix back at home and I can't help but allow the curiosity eat away at me.
"Mon Coeur." He acknowledged softly. The name, regardless of how many times he had to referred to me as that, was always something that would make me nervous involuntarily. "I'm going to go to Trost to speak with Erwin about coming events, can you please check on the brats in that cabin the soldier was talking about?" I nod in agreement, his back still facing me.
"Do you know if it's any specific cabin? I'm sure there are a few north of Trost." I ask, hoping he had something in mind that'll make my journey that little bit easier.
"There should be two cabins, a minor military police base and a chapel. They're not hidden away so the cabins should be fairly easy to track down. Otherwise, that is all I can remember about any buildings in that general area." He answered with precision and certainty. "Though, I feel as though something is going to happen regarding the MP's and Eren, so please avoid that base at all costs."
"Of course, not like I'd willingly interact with them anyway." I say making myself chuckle a little. A fork split the road, a path heading straight for Trost and the other that would weave its way through villages and eventually meet with the gate of Krolva on the western side of Rose. This was where we'd split for the meantime, a small departure until Levi eventually regrouped with the rest of the squad.
"If I'm not back tonight, I will be there in the morning. It is getting late, so please be careful on your way to the cabin. Strangers are often unpredictable." Levi says, his eyes roaming over the dark grey skies. The shades of grey only got darker, dusk falling upon us faster than we could comprehend.
"What time did we leave Karanes?" I ask in confusion, nearly convinced we had left during mid morning. Though, with the clouds selfishly keeping the sun to themselves, time was difficult to pinpoint until it was far too late.
"Just after noon, I'd assume. You actually slept for quite while last night, I was beginning to believe you had died." The raven joked. I rolled my eyes, a smile gracing my features as we came to a full stop at the split in the road.
"Hard to believe you can actually crack jokes, Captain." I remark cheekily, making him scoff quietly under his breath.
"Tch, i joke plenty." He retorts back simply, turning his mount down the path that lead straight for Trost.
"Safe travels, Lee." I call as I turn Sin down the opposite path, a wall of trees further up ahead. I look ahead, just catching his reply to my farewell.
"You too, Mon Coeur." As those words left his mouth, I whip the reins, hoping to shorten the travel time by galloping there instead of a steady trot.
I rode off towards an unknown destination, not any certain idea on where I was going or what to expect when the full squad was finally united. Not a single clue on when our next expedition, the next mission or even the next training was to be. But then I felt it, a familiar ache deep in the pit of my stomach. One that I had come to be very well acquainted with, the feeling of something coming.
An event of sorts, but a gory one at that. One with secrets that are yet to be revealed, but are sure to change one life, or multiple lives.
For good.
***
RUSHED END LMAOAOAOOAAOOOAOAO i needed to get this out asaperoni.
ive already started the next chapter, dont you worry! if i manage my schedule carefully and precisely, i should have it out on sunday this weekend (saturday US time format)
N E WAYS! THANKYOUALLFORYOURPATIENCE! how youve all dealt with me for this long truly is a miracle! and for now! adios 🫡
aishiteru!
jazz<333