DAIWIK
She was there next to me, wearing that thin kurti, sitting with her phone on her lap, as she watched the television, folding her legs on the couch, her feet directed towards me.
"Are you mad?" She asked me, cautiously, I shook my head. She gave a slight jerk of her head. She then turned towards me, completely crossing her legs, "Tell me about your work. Things you have done. Things you are doing, more of your life?" She asked so curiously.
Just to ignore her display, I just stare at the television. Her curiosity has been high lately, and she wants to know everything about me. And I am open to doing it only if she is not so open right now.
My eyes fixated on the screen I replied, "There is not much! We are in talks about extending out boundaries of the new lands in Jodhgarh and the outer region of Rajasthan for extending the business!" I said, interested to tell her but my act seemed like I was getting irritated by her questions.
"Oh, Jodhgarh is where Sarisha lives right?" She asked me if she and her new friends are getting along too well. Should I be considering it problematic? I am not sure.
With the growing business with Rajputs, I don't think it should be a hindrance in their friendship if ever war breaks out.
I talked to myself, "Yes," I replied in a monosyllable.
"You said, you meet the Bakshi girl two weeks ago? Was it for"
"It was for business purposes She wants to buy Chandravani Haveli, and Sahiba has the name and the property in her possession," I told her before she builds ideas of me with that treacherous woman.
"I see," She sat straight again, probably tired of my minimal attention, her head sinking into her phone. "What about dinner? What do you want to have?" She asked scrolling through her phone.
I turned my head finally, the sheer material pointing to her nipples, I closed my eyes, facing ahead again.
I wanted to tell her, she doesn't need to cook but I wanted her out of the room. My blood was running deep in with her sight of a nipple bump is not helping my situation.
"Anything! Cook anything!" I told her, and she smiled. "By the way, we need groceries. I am waiting when Divya comes she can make the list?" She told me, and I shrugged.
"Okay, just give the list to Dev! He will bring it, I might have to leave to go to the outskirts of Rajasthan for two days." I said. Her head shot towards me.
"You are leaving?" Those curious dark brown eyes rested with a glimpse of surprise, and displeasure. I met her eyes, "Yes, next week! Not now." I informed her, she sighed, closing her mouth.
Like she was relieved, why did she get distressed?
She stood on her foot, leaving outside.
She is doing something. I don't understand what it is, but she is intentionally throwing herself at me. And I refuse to believe it is because I asked her to accept me.
It's not because I begged her to love me.
~
She was done with food, and she started setting the table for me and herself, I helped her with glass and water, and plates as she served me and then herself.
I sat back, eating the first meal of the day. When I said I ate with Abhiraj earlier when she was eating non-veg wasn't true.
She finished, followed by me as she started to dismiss in the kitchen once again, silence all around us.
When she was done cleaning the kitchen, I sat, booking rooms online for next week. She appeared back in the television room. But rather than sitting she stood in front of me.
"Can I come with you?" She asked, suddenly. I looked up, my mouth open but I shut it back in my laptop.
"I will see what I can do," I said, as she smiled, and walking towards the television she turned it off with the main switch. I looked up from my laptop.
She smiled while standing there, and I tried hard to focus on her face. "It's late now!" She said and she walked out of the door.
Was it an invitation?
I wondered to myself, but I chose to complete my work before I leave. I don't have a problem with taking her along with me, but Abhiraj might. Also, I would be at work the whole time, so what will she do alone in a hotel?
I stood on my feet, as I walked toward the bedroom, noticing the light turned off. It's weird how she has kept the lights off lately. She knows what I do when the lights are off and she still shuts off.
I must know what is going on in her head. Why does she feel the need to throw herself at me?
I walked to the other side of the bed, as I laid down on the bed. Her voice followed lately, sobbing,
She was crying? Why?
"Why did you not come back to save me once you were settled in your life here?" That question I don't have an answer for.
What can I tell her? When the words themselves have numbed me for years!
The guilt has left me stranded. That my anger at myself became my disease and that place became my trigger?
I don't have anything to say, she was turned on the other side of the bed.
"You left me, even when you were suffering? Why?" She asked me, mentioning the letters I wrote for her.
I turned towards her back, facing me, as I helped her hair to take the gajra off so she can sleep comfortably. I took it off and kept it on the bedside table.
The house was in utter silence, a darkness-filled room, with her occasional sob.
I pulled her closer in my chest as I hugged her tightly from the backside, cuddling her in my arms, "I am sorry, Zehra!" I said in her ears, her hair ruffled by my breath. "I am so sorry."
"Do you know, every night I was thrown with different men in the room in Chandravani haveli, for a mere three hundred or four hundred rupees? They were never considerate, they never cared how I was feeling. Most of the time they never even looked at my face. Their eyes just strolled on my body. As they ripped my clo-"
"Please, Zehra! Please don't! Please don't punish me like this!" I begged her, she sobbed further.
"They would turn me however they want, even if I beg them please don't do this to me! Even it cries and holds onto its feet! Telling them not to do it. They never cared and it was never found. It never became fine!" Her words cut through me like a knife I wanted to kill everyone who touched her like that! Who refused to hear her cries.
I tightly pulled her more in my arms, hoping I could take that pain off her body. "And even that money I earned, all my money was taken by that Rafan, who did the same thing to me every night! Every night he raped me when everyone was done! I lived that life because you never saved me!" She blamed me.
Her words were like a knife being stabbed into my body again and again. "Do you think I like putting myself on the platter for you? Daiwik! I am shattering on every try! Shattering me more than those people because you keep refusing me. And making me feel even more horrible about myself! Like I truly am a whore who is waiting at the doorstep to be picked up! Please don't do that to me, please!" She cried even further.
I wanted to kill myself. Kill me for causing so much pain to her. For being the reason for her misery
"Then don't do it! Why are you offering yourself to me like that Zehra? I don't want you for your body and you don't owe me anything! You are not supposed to pay me back! I am supposed to! I don't want you just for your body, Zehra, I want you! Marry me, Zehra! And don't feel as dreaded as you feel! Accept me, and let's be happy together?"
~
PAST ( 2 years ago) -:-
I waited by the river for him, set on a stone. I don't know how long has it been but he never showed up.
He came back from Chandravanipur after he had an interview with his friend and his political connection for a job. He said he will meet me here today to tell me how it went and what we are going to do next.
He should be here. I know he was back because Anju saw him in the market but he never appeared.
The evening was here, and I was not safe by the river alone-time time. I did not want to but I turned around starting to leave. Walking away when I saw bikes standing and some guys sitting with alcohol bottles in their hands.
I tried to disappear from here without being seen by them. With minimal presence, I walked from behind them to go home.
But one of the men jumped in my way.
"Are! Usse nahi! Wo Muslim ki ladki hai! Danga hojayega!" (Not her! She is Islamic, conflict will break out!) One sitting in the middle told the guy who blocked me. That guy looked disapproving but he got out of my way.
My eyes ran to the people on the bike, meeting my face with everyone, eyes with everyone when suddenly one very similar frame came before my sight. Sitting on the bike, with a beer bottle in his hand.
He saw me, but he took his eyes away from me just the way any of them did, completely ignoring my presence. But he was wearing a leather jacket. No tattoo is visible. But his jawline, his facial structure, his eyes, his stubble. Everything indicated that one person I looked at for hours rather than looks at the screen in movie theatres.
Did he lie to me? Why is he here? If he is who I believe he is, he would have come to meet me. He would have talked, not acted like he doesn't recognize me.
I wanted to believe he was not what I thought he was, "Dai, how was your trip." A question was asked, and I jumped back into their conversation halting my walk.
Trip?
"Fine," he replied, "I am shifting there next month!" he said and I turned towards them.
"Are! Tu gayi nahi! Chali ja yaha se!" (You didn't leave? You should go from here!) the same guy said again. I looked at that man who refused to meet my eyes again.
I breathe heavily, looking at that man who acted not to acknowledge me. But I am sure he is the one.
"Lagta hai tum jana hi nahi chahti ho?" (Maybe you don't want to go?) The guy who jumped in my way earlier stood again. He walked towards me, as he caught my wrist,
"Don't!" I pushed him, as he fell backwards. But regain his steps as he slapped me, and I fell to the ground.
The next thing I know Dai was on that man, as he repeatedly punched his face again and again, till that man bled everyone holding onto him, stopping him, pulling him back.
He was completely taken away but he still kept hitting him with his feet, struggling to be freed.
It was him.
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WAIT A MINUTE!
Did they just meet?
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