And thankfully, with Dimitri at her side as well as her by his, she now has that. They both do. Now she has finally found the man who can and will give her everything that she has ever wanted, longed for, needed, and dreamed of. Everything that she deserves. Including children and a family of her own, which I know is something that she has always wanted. And I may actually be the only person in the entire world, other than Dimitri of course, who knows that she has always longed so desperately for a family of her own. Of course, I wouldn't know that if it weren't for the fact that our bond is two ways now. I remember how I found out that she wants a family of her own for myself.
*FLASHBACK*
Rose and I have been sitting here, in Moscow in our hotel suite after a long day of skating and shopping, eating room service and watching the movie 'Cheaper by the dozen.' When I caught a stray thought from my big sestry mind. (sisters)
She was thinking about just how badly she wanted to find her own soul mate and have half a dozen or so children of her own. Seven or eight is what she actually wants. I quietly gasped, not wanting her to know what I had just found out.
I intentionally waited SEVERAL more minutes before I said anything about what she was thinking about. "Rose?"
"Yeah Liss?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
"Have you ever thought about getting married and being able to have a family of your own? I mean a husband and half a dozen or so children." I didn't say the exact number that she had been thinking about because if I did, then she would know that I had caught that thought a little bit ago.
She sighed, "when we were younger, back before I found out who I really am. I thought about it briefly, but then I would remember that I am a dhampir which meant that I would never be able to have that. I thought that meant that I would train to be a guardian until I graduated from the academy. And after graduation I would become a guardian, hopefully yours. After which I thought that I would live for, at least hopefully a few years, before I died protecting my charge. Whoever that did turn out to be, again I hoped that it would be you. So, I always thought that I would never be blessed enough to have the time, the blessings, or the grace to find someone who COULD love me. I thought that since Janine had thrown me away, while I was still just a small baby. That there HAS to be something wrong with me, there has to be a REASON why she didn't love me. Let alone would I be able to find a man who ever would or could love me enough to marry and have a family with me. Someone who could possibly overlook whatever Janine's reason was. Since I found out who I really am however..."
She stopped for a few minutes to gather her thoughts before she proceeded with what she was saying to me. So, while she did that, I had to say something.
"Rose, you have GOT to know that there is absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with you. NOTHING. She abandoned you because she has some kind of mental and emotional problem herself. It has nothing whatsoever to do with you, it never has. You HAVE got to know that sestra." (sister)
She just shrugged and continued with what she had been saying. After hearing her say that she more or less didn't think that she was worthy or capable of being loved. I hated that Janine Hathaway suka just a little bit more. And I have already hated her guts for years and years and years now. But every single time that I hear my sestra say things like that about herself I hate that Janine Hathaway suka even more. (bitch, sister, bitch)
"Since I found out who I really am, I have begun to again hope that SOMEDAY I will be able to find a man who will REALLY love ME. And that he will love me the way that I want to be loved, and that he will be someone whom I can have a family with. But lately I have begun to wonder, I mean I have never met a guy who appealed to me in that way before, not in the slightest. So, does that mean that I will have to have an arranged marriage for political reasons? Or that I will be alone for my whole life." She sighed unhappily.
I could tell that just the thought of a politically arranged marriage or being alone concerned and worried her deeply.
"I have had more guys than I care to remember, trying to get into my pants. And there have even been some royals, our age, and a HELL of a lot older than us. Some who were even older than YOUR parents. That have told me that after graduation they would be willing to set me up in a nice condo anywhere in the world that I wanted them to. IF I would be their mistress. In other words, they wanted to use me as their little side piece of ass while they went ahead and married an APPROPRITE royal moroi woman and had a family with her. A couple of them even told me that they would be more than willing to create future guardians with me. Just as long as I and the children never expected for him to claim them or to ever let anyone know who their father even is. And then he even went one step further and said that the children that he fucked into me. Could grow up and be the guardians to his REAL children. Giving their lives to protect his REAL PROPER ROYAL MOROI CHILDREN. 'His rightful children, not dhampir bastards' he said."
I was in shock. Who in the blyad' would say der'mo like that to someone they were trying to convince to be with them? Ad, who would be disgusting enough to even suggest something like that to anyone at all?! Let alone someone they are trying to get in their bed. I mean I know that farrr too chert many of the royals still see the dhampir solely as meat shields, cannon fodder, bed fillers, and blood whores. But that is just disgusting and disgraceful as ad. I am so yeblya ashamed of their being moroi that thought and acted like that much less royal moroi who though and felt like that. People like that just yeblya disgust me. Ad I was so upset that I was even swearing in my head in Russian for Pete's sake. (fuck, shit, hell, damn, hell, fucking, fucking, hell)
"Who... who would say der'mo like that to you Rosie?" I asked quietly. (shit)
"More than one."
"How many more than one?"
"Three."
"Will you tell me who they are?"
She looked down at her hands that lay in her lap as she twisted her fingers together.
"Mark Voda."
"Who else?"
"Vinovich Lazar, was the other student." She whispered the last part of her sentence. I could feel shame, embarrassment, and humiliation through the bond that I shared with my big sestra. (sister)
"Wait, when you say, 'other student' do you mean to tell me that two non-student royals, as in supposed to be adults, said der'mo like that to you?" (shit)
She just shook her head. "Three actually. When I said three earlier, I wasn't even including the students. So, I guess technically it would actually be five royals that have said der'mo like that to me." (shit)
"Who?" I was still so ashamed of these royals that I couldn't even use my full voice. So, I just whispered because I was just that yeblya furious and ashamed. (fucking)
She looked up at me, through her lashes, for a blink of an eye before looking back down at her hands. I could tell that she was deeply deeply DEEPLY embarrassed, humiliated, and even ashamed. But she had no cause to be any of that because she had done absolutely nothing wrong after all. This is just SOME of the der'mo that has been done TO her. (shit)
"Do you remember that last CHRISTmas party that we went to at court with your family?"
"Yes, of course I do."
"Do you remember when Reece Taurus asked me to dance?"
"Yes, mom and dad neither one wanted you to, but they couldn't very well tell him to keep his filthy disgusting hands to his-nauseating-self without actual cause. But they sure as ad both wanted to that is for chert sure." (hell, damn)
She nodded. "No, they couldn't do that, it would have made a huge scene and God only knows what would have happened if they had."
"Are you saying that he is one of the three royal 'adults' who said that kind of der'mo to you Rose?" (shit)
Again, she just nodded at me quietly.
"Who..."
I cleared my throat. "Who else was it sestra?" (sister)
"Do you remember your parents fifteenth wedding anniversary party?"
"Yes."
I was so worried... ad I was yeblya terrified about what she was going to say next. Because at that CHRISTmas party that she asked me about, she was just fourteen years old at the time. And at my parent's anniversary party she... well we, had only been twelve years old. And Rose for not even four yeblya months yet. (hell, fucking, fucking)
"That night, one of the royals told me that if I didn't dance with him and listen to what he had to say. Then none of your family would live until your parents next anniversary."
I gasped and my hand flew up to cover my mouth. "Who... who was it, Rose?"
"I didn't know him by sight, before that night, but he told me that his name is Neil Szelsky. He is the one that told me it would be in my own best self-interest to agree to his terms. That if I did not, that he could have Janine Hathaway's reputation destroyed and have her barred from working as a guardian ever again. That he would make sure that the only job that she would ever be able to get would be on her back in a whore house. Right where all female dhampir belonged, at least according to him. Only he didn't realize that he had chosen the wrong yeblya person and way to threaten and leverage me with. He didn't realize that I didn't give a single der'mo, much less two, about Janine Hathaway or her reputation." (fucking, shit)
"Who was the other one?"
"I don't know, he never told me his name, he had brown eyes and light brown hair and he smelled BAD. A mixture of far too much liquor, sweat, bad breath, body odor, stinky cologne, and something else that I couldn't identify. It smelled like... death and decay, like dirt to be honest. But he told me more or less the same things as the other two."
"When did this happen Rose?"
"At that same CHRIST mas party. I assume what drew their attraction was that my body had long since began to DEVELOP fully. I know you remember how I was built, even back then."
I nodded. Ever since Rose turned ten years old, long before any of the rest of us, her body started to develop and change. My mom, Rose, and I had to go shopping to buy her new bras every few months. She has just recently stopped developing, at the age of seventeen, and she is in a DD bra now.
"What did you do about that? Did you tell my mom and dad? Or did you tell Alberta or your father? Did you tell any-yeblya-one Rose?!" I was getting hysterical, and I knew it. How yeblya dare someone... any-yeblya-one treat my sestra like that?!! (fucking, fucking, fucking, sister)
She nodded. "I told my baba the ones I knew by name, and I described the other old man to him." (father)
"So that is why those two ublyudki disappeared from the face of the yeblya planet and are assumed killed or turned by the strigoi? I wonder what Uncle Abe did if he ever found out who the other guy was?" (bastards, fucking)
"Yes, that is why they just suddenly disappeared. As for how he reacted, he was yeblya FURIOUS, so much so that I worried about him having a heart attack, or a stroke, or a coronary for a while after I told him. He told me that he would do everything that he possibly could to find out who the other man was and deal with him appropriately. On one of our skype calls he had me describe the other man to an artist as they made a sketch of him. And I have to admit, it was a pretty chert good likeness of the ublyudok." She just shrugged. (fucking, damn, bastard)
"Well, I hope that he did find out who the ublyudok was, and I hope that he dealt VERY yeblya harshly with him. It is nothing less than what a ublyudok like that deserves. And I am so sorry that you have had to deal with and be around people like them Rose. Why didn't you tell some of us what was happening?" I had moved over on the sofa and pulled her head down to rest on my shoulder and I lay my head on hers. (bastard, fucking, bastard)
"I couldn't take the chance that any of them would hurt any of you."
I sighed, "Rose, you have always protected everyone far too much. You need to let us all grow up and deal with some of this der'mo on our own. We will never learn to be adults and deal with difficult things if you don't. We will all always be far too dependent on you to fix everything FOR us." (shit)
"I like being able to protect and help all of you whenever I can. It helps me feel that maybe it wasn't ALL my fault that Janine dumped me at the academy after all."
"Well, it wasn't. That is all on HER own head, not yours. Never ever ever EVER yours. Do you hear and understand me?" I insisted as I teasingly pinched her on her knee.
She smiled, "I understand. And thank you Liss, I am glad that I finally told you all of that. It really helps lighten the mood along with my mind and heart a little."
"That is what family is for Rosie. To be there to help you whenever we possibly can."
She smiled and gave a small laugh. Then she laid her head back on my shoulder and this time I laid my head on top of her head again too.
"Thanks again Lissa."
"You are very welcome Rose."
*END OF FLASHBACK*