"I'm half a heart without you.
Though, I try to get you out of my head.
The truth is that I got lost without
you."
August 3rd, 2021.
OuterBanks, North Carolina.
𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼
Sunshine sat on the horizon as the summer breeze passed throughout the tall trees surrounding the large estate home. The curtains in my room blew with the breeze after I had opened the window earlier in the morning to seek refuge in the colder weather during the night. Feeling sick, I pushed myself up from my bed and rushed to the bathroom after I participated in infidelity towards my partner in the earlier evening with my best friend. The night had been a blur despite us being with each other all night, making out in the warmth of my bedroom as a movie played on the television screen. It made JJ become much more sober throughout the night as he couldn't keep himself away from me. It was more than mutual, it felt right during the moment we shared with another after the long day of emotions. On the other hand, I didn't know what I wanted but I felt disgusted with my behavior in giving in to the temptation that JJ had given towards me. JJ made me feel on top of the world during that moment which made me feel like I was the issue now.
I knew how much pain it would cause my partner if he were to find out about the infidelity, but I knew that if I told him, he would either harm me or JJ due to his lack of controlling his behavior when he was mad. Sitting on the cold wooden floor in the large bathroom, I hunched myself over the toilet and had started to throw up uncontrollably. My body shakes with anxiety as I feel as if I can't control myself any more. Knowing the harm I would cause, knowing that my love for Rafe could be a lie but I didn't know. I didn't know how I felt deep within. I did love him and enjoyed being around him. He was such a great person. He had grown personality wise and had the biggest heart when it came to things that he loved. He wanted to take care of me alongside his baby that was starting to form into a small human inside of me. Throwing up burnt the back of my throat, leaving my mouth and dumping itself into the toilet in front of me. The feeling of pain inside had erupted into my chest. Betrayal, disgust with myself that I would ever put someone through that.
Despite the emotions I had felt while being with JJ that entire night. I hated myself. I wanted to break down in tears and hide away from the shame that took over my body. The smell of puke flooded the bathroom from it sitting in the bottom of the toilet. Shaking with anxiety, I couldn't move away from the bathroom floor. My chest pounded with pain. I didn't think I could face Rafe. Fearful that he would be suspicious of me if I didn't go around him, meaning I would either have to tell him or I would need to be nonchalant and act normal around him. Knowing that I needed to get up and head down to the beach to meet with my friends for a surfing session, I couldn't push myself up to get up from the floor of the bathroom. I didn't know if I needed to call my parents into the room, or yell for JJ to come help me. I felt stiff with sickness. Frozen to the touch and I couldn't stop shaking knowing that I cheated on someone that I had fallen in love with.
Feeling manipulated by my own best friend by his words. He knew how to control me mentally despite the fact that he did love me unconditionally. He had known me well enough to know that I couldn't ever deny him, especially because I had a weak heart when it came to him. The emotions that were placed into my head couldn't connect with my heart. He manipulated me into thinking that Rafe wasn't the one for me. Making me think that him not complimenting me or even being touchy with me was because he didn't want me — which was untrue. Rafe would hurt anyone that touched me. He was a protector. He loves me more than anything he has surrounding him. He wanted to be the best father he could ever be once he found out we were having a baby. JJ didn't know that because he was out to have me as his own. Rafe had blamed himself why JJ hated me being with him. It wasn't even his fault. Tears ran down my cheeks before I heard someone enter my room.
It felt as if my heart was going to collapse. My heart beated faster than it had ever beaten before. "Isla? Are you getting ready?" JJ's voice came through the bedroom door as he had sobered up from his drunken night. My lips trembled at the sound of his voice echoing throughout the room before I turned my head in the direction of his voice. He came into the bedroom, looking around in confusion as if he didn't know where I was. He narrowed his eyebrows while making eye contact with me in the bathroom. He stared at me in concern. He had a small hickey against his chests from the night that came between us. "Are you okay?" He asked and rushed to my side. He shuffled himself into the bathroom and watched me shake my head with pure fear forming in my eyes. "Speak, Isla." He told me. He squatted down beside me, grabbing a hold of my hair that laid against my back. He stared at me as tears fell down my face. His eyes looked into the toilet, noticing the vomit that sat inside the bowl. I shook my head at him before I felt my body lean back. He stared at me in fear forming inside his blue eyes.
"I don't think I can go surfing today." I explained to him and stared at him with distraught in my eyes. He looked at me with the same concern in his eyes. He wiped tears that ran down my cheeks with the tip of his thumb. "What's wrong, baby?" JJ asked as he kept looking at me in my eyes and watched tears keep running down my eyes. "Don't call me that. You know what we did was wrong." I told him in anger that started to fuel into my bloodstream. He narrowed his eyebrows at me once again. "Isla, there was nothing wrong about what we did." He manipulated the situation into thinking that nothing was wrong between us. I wanted to escape. I had to escape from being around him, meaning that I was going to pack my bags and leave for Rafe's house in order for us to leave early to South Carolina. "You manipulated me, JJ." I told him and looked at him with sickness in my eyes. He shook his head at me with his eyes glossing over almost like he was about to cry because he knew what he had done to me. He knew what he did was wrong. He knew he harmed himself but also me. He knew that if Rafe found out, Rafe would harm him first.
JJ reached his hand out towards me. He grasped onto my cheek and kept his eyes on me. Too weak to push him away from me. "You know I love you." He told me in reminder of the discussion he gave me last night. I shook my head. "Please leave." I spoke to him in a stern tone. He released his hand away from my face. He pushed himself up from the floor and turned his back towards me. Running his hand through his hair, he started to walk out of the bathroom to avoid even arguing with me. He turned himself back around to glance at me struggling to control myself. "I'm sorry that we did what we did, but it would be the biggest mistake I've ever made if I didn't do it." He explained. I tucked strands of my hair behind my hair and looked away from him with anger forming in my bloodstream. "I love you and always will, Isla." He commented before he had turned himself back to face the exit of the door. He left me in the presence of myself. Letting myself suffer with my own emotions on the floor of my warm bathroom. Sunshine from outside shined into the window that sat above the shower.
I managed to pull myself up from the floor and flush the toilet that was full of stomach bile and throw up. I stared at myself in the mirror, feeling disgusted with myself and who I was as a person in that moment. I would never forgive myself. I wished that all of this was a nightmare. Dating. Cheating on him with my own best friend. Ward and Barry going after my friends. Being held at gunpoint. My mind was all out of sorts, but that wasn't an excuse to keep making mistakes that I shouldn't have made in the first place. I headed out of the bathroom to shut the door that JJ had walked out of. My feet had shuffled against the floor, the bed I slept in had been a disaster from the rough motions that came from the infidelity. Rubbing my eyes in tiredness from being unable to sleep — eye bags started to form underneath my eyes. Jack and Indie had left my room once JJ walked out of the bedroom door.
My hands pushed against the bedroom door. I had turned myself around and walked to the closet to find an outfit that was comfortable enough to wear to South Carolina, going to beg Rafe to leave much earlier than we had planned. I grasped a hold of a white and blue striped sweater that hung off of one shoulder when placed on my body. I threw the sweater over my shoulder, then grabbed a pair of denim shorts that would fit comfortably on my hips despite the uncomfortable stomach that started to form. The denim shorts were a light wash that had small strands of loose denim straining at the bottom of the hems. Rushing back into the bathroom at the feeling of sickness, I sat my clothing on the counter. I shut the bathroom door and opened the glass door to the shower. Leaving the shower door open, I striped myself from the clothing that I had worn to bed for the night. The clothes fell down to my ankles. Tossing them off to the side with the bottom of my right foot, pushing them towards the toilet area of the bathroom. I stared at the small bump that started to create itself. My hands reached down to the bump and caressed it with gentleness in my touch. The baby was the only thing that had started to bring me happiness during the issues I had faced, despite not being able to meet the baby quite yet — it still brought me happiness.
I turned my naked body into the direction of the warm shower that would relax the nausea nerves that rushed throughout my body. Stepping into the shower that hit against my body, I closed the door behind me and took a seat on the floor. The warm water rushed over my shoulders and down towards the small stomach that sat underneath my skin. My back laid against the tiled wall, allowing the water to rush down onto my body. Sitting in my own thoughts gave me time to recover with my emotions and how to deal with the issue — knowing that if Rafe were to find out, he would attack JJ to the point that JJ would be majorly injured. When it came to me, Rafe protected me with everything that he had in him. Even though we hadn't managed to have issues recently with anyone, he defended me towards his own friends that made comments about him dating a "Pook" which was considered a pogue and kook mixture, meaning that Kiara, Sarah, and I were considered the only Pooks on the island. This caused people to take offense to having pooks despite it even mattering to them — because it didn't, people liked to complain.
I sat in silence beside the sound of water trickling down my thighs and shoulders. The occasional sound of water splashing from my hair hit the floor, but not very often. I needed the time alone to process everything because I wasn't even thinking when half of the issues came up. I would always act out based on my emotions, which made me hate myself that I didn't think logically. I would get so worked up that it would upset me and would just respond harshly to the event. It was my worst habit that I tried to work on. I didn't want to lash out on anyone — especially the ones that I had loved. My friends were my pride and joy. Despite my issues of manipulation that JJ played on me, I still loved him no matter what. Sarah and Kiara were like my sisters. Sarah had been around all of us for a month but Kiara, Sarah, and I were inseparable . John B, Pope, and JJ were my best friends for many years which made it hard to be mad at them at any time. JJ was much easier to be mad at out of the three of them due to his attitude, but we always came back around to love each other no matter what happened.
Our group never split. Never ripped apart. It was all in a whole that made our hearts smile from the inside and out. It was hard to explain.
I knew I could never live without them. My life would become useless and unfun without them. I didn't want to imagine life without them in the long run. Planning to have Kiara and Sarah as bridesmaids in my wedding. JJ, Pope, and John B as the uncles of my kids. I wanted to grant them all the rights to be godparents of any of the children that I would have later in life. This time around, Sarah and John B would grant the permission to be the godparents of my kids. They became the biggest happiness in my life.
I always looked forward to being surrounded by my best friends until the day that I would pass on to another life.
2:00 pm.
Music played throughout my bedroom that felt very different after the night that was spent with infidelity. Crossing my legs as I folded all the clothing and placed them into the black suitcase that laid out flat in the middle of the room. Curly strands of my hair had sat against my face while I was concentrating on finishing the packing in order to leave the house for South Carolina.
I stared at the clothing that sat in the bottom of my suitcase. Thinking about all the things that I wanted to take to the Cameron's house in South Carolina, Rafe commented that we would go to a horse race and encouraged me to bring cowboy boots. Along with bikinis and cute outfits to hang around in. Our itinerary was going to be hanging around his family, his younger cousins, his uncle and aunt that lived alongside a large waterfront area. They lived on a ranch beside a beautiful river, rushing in from two different streams. Rafe would become a farmer on the ranch while we would stay beside his family in the old house that his father purchased. Wearing his cowboy boots, later in the evening we'd try to hang out downtown in Charleston to line dance and eat dinner with each other before we wouldn't have any time to once the baby would come around and with me working. Rafe wanted to try to get a job at the country club in the managing positions besides my parents. Knowing that my father would pay him well.
Planning on moving in with him despite me feeling sickly about the infidelity that I committed on him. My heart was broken; crying all morning out of anger and distress from my own best friend manipulating me into cheating on someone that I had fallen in love with, nonetheless pregnant with his own baby. I was over the moon happy with being pregnant with Rafe's baby and was happy to be his girlfriend — and hopefully later in life become his wife whenever we were ready to settle down. I knew that being pregnant wasn't the best thing for the both of us to go through because it was hard on us to focus on our relationship, but it was nice to have him around. He was loving. He was protective, gentle to me, generous, sometimes a smart ass in the right moments. He was easy to be with and with him being a changed man, it made everything so much easier between us. He wanted to be with me at every moment of every day but he wanted to allow us both to have alone time. His alone time came with golfing in the early morning, along with working out. My alone time was hanging out with my best friends and surfing, while doing the occasional working out.
Rafe started to plan how he wanted to fix up the nursery in the cute townhome he lived in on a daily basis. Many families lived around him, which made him more eager to become a father. He would send me things that he thought would be special and cute to add to the room, wanting to order the baby whatever was needed or even wanted. He was going to be the best father he could ever be, better than what his father had given him. My father had started to heal the traumas that his father poured into him, but deep down, Rafe wished that he had more time with his father. His father was his moon and stars. His father meant everything to him to where it broke his heart and body to witness the tragic events that were placed in front of his own eyes. His sparkling blue eyes matched his fathers eyes. He hoped that our little one would have the same eyes as him, matching the both of us in a good mixture. He would grasp my face inside of his hands and hold me with gentleness while he stared at me. He was so infatuated with me.
He was indefinitely in love with me more than he had ever imagined he would be with me.
My eyes sat with redness against my curled lashes. Unable to dry themselves after the multiple times that I had cried to the music that surrounded me in the large room. Jack and Indie ran in and out of my room in confusion as to why there was a large suitcase sitting in the middle of my room. Indie laid in her bed until Kaia came into the room, calling for Indie to go outside to play. I tucked strands of my hair behind my ears as I finished packing the remaining items that belonged in there. I sat a pair of brown cowboy boots, sage green platform converse, and a pair of platform sandals inside the bag. I had worn white converse on my feet already in order to head over to the townhouse that my boyfriend had bought off his father. I stood up from the floor and headed into the bathroom to pack the facial and hygiene products that I would need for the entire week and a half. Placing my makeup, face products, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, curl products, and hairbrush in the same quilted bag that my grandmother made for me a long time ago. I zipped the bag up and grabbed a hold of my curling iron, straightening iron, and blow dryer into a pile. Walking back towards my suitcase, I sat my makeup bag inside the empty spot that I had left for the bag itself.
Turning around in the room, I went back to grab the irons and placed them beside the makeup bag in my suitcase. I started to rethink all the things that I had packed to make sure that I had everything that I would need for the entire week and a half. My phone rang from the bed that I made after taking a shower much earlier this morning. I turned away from my suitcase and headed towards my phone that rang gently on the comforter. I reached out onto the comforter, picking up my phone to see that my boyfriend was calling me. Answering the phone, I placed it up to my ear and opened my mouth to speak. "Hi baby!" He expressed with excitement in his tone. He was so excited to get out of town to focus on the both of us. It broke my heart, knowing what I had done to him. I hated JJ for the way he had acted towards me and causing me to fall for his trap. "Hey, my love." I responded to him in the same tone he had to make him feel comfortable and to avoid having him hear the sadness in my voice.
I sat myself on the bed and crossed my legs over another. Relaxing my posture as I talked to my boyfriend that wanted the best for the both of us. "Did you start packing?" He asked me before I had a knock form on the outside of my door. I bit the bottom of my lip in confusion, ignoring the knock as I tried to respond to Rafe. "I actually finished. I was going to ask if you wanted to head out earlier and get to the house tonight sometime? Early vacay." I responded to him before my door opened to show JJ coming into the room. He had worn a black button up with his red hat backwards, the same outfit he wore the night of my birthday. "Sure, let me go back to my house really quick to grab my bags and I'll come pick you up." He started in the same manner he had before. "I love you, my love." He said over the phone in his raspy tone that made me weak in the knees just to hear. A smile formed on my face at the feeling of hearing his voice soak my body in comfort. "I love you more. I'll see you in a little." I responded to him and tucked strands of hair behind my ears. JJ narrowed his eyebrows at me as he held a bouquet of flowers and a card in his hand. As if he was trying to smooth over the issues that were now caused because of his stupidity.
"See you in a little, bye baby." Rafe commented as I smiled to myself once again. "Bye." I responded and hung up the phone. I sat the phone on the bedside table. My eyes looked up towards JJ as anger started to flood throughout my bloodstream that he thought he could fix the issue with flowers. "Why did you do that?" I asked him and shook my head at him as tiredness covered his under eyes. "Before you go, I wanted to give you this in case." He responded. I narrowed my eyebrows at him in confusion. "In case what?" I asked him as I choked on the nervousness in the back of my throat. He shook his head towards me. "Nothing at all. I just thought that this would make things better between the both of us." He responded to me once again as he handed me the beautiful bouquet of flowers despite the flowers he purchased for me yesterday. Almost the same bouquet. The same beautiful flowers that made me love summertime. In this case, I started to hate summer because of all the struggles that came along with this exact one. He sat the card down on the bedside table, pulling out a small box from the pocket of his brown dickies that didn't really match his outfit to its fullest potential. I wanted to break down in instant tears at the thought of what we did, but I loved JJ so much.
Despite the infidelity, he was my best friend for nine years. We were inseparable. We relied on another to always be there for each other while he was there for me. "JJ, I want to be mad at you so much but I don't know how to even feel. I'm so confused." I explained to him as I looked up at him with tears filling the bottom of my lash line. He stared at me with sadness forming in his eyes. He reached to the bedroom door, shutting it behind him in the empty house since Kaia had left to hang out with Wheezie. JJ walked himself towards me and kneeled in front of me. Laying his hands on my bare knees. I placed my hands that were covered in rings on my lap and stared down at him with a form of sadness in my eyes. "Why are you feeling confused?" He asked me. I shook my head and tucked a couple of strands of hair behind my left ear. Thinking about what I wanted to say, I couldn't find the right words to tell him in that exact moment. "I love you JJ. I do, but I'm in love with Rafe. It's just confusing when you manipulate me into thinking that I'm in love with you. Making me wonder why Rafe loves me, if I even love him. It hurts that you want to make me hurt in that type of way." I explained to him and trembled the words out of my mouth before feeling tears start to trickle out the corners of my eyes. He shook his head at me.
"You shouldn't be questioning if you love me while being in love with Rafe." He told me as his finger trailed gently across my thigh. Tracing circles onto the tan leg, he kept looking at me with innocence in his eyes. "You can't keep doing this to me, J. It hurts me." I explained to him once again. He looked at me once again as tears flooded down my cheeks. My face heated up with anger and sadness that we're mixed with confusion that he had brought to me. "I never wanted you to be in pain. If you're in pain when it comes to being in love with him, it's not right." He expressed while he kept tracing circles across my thighs. Goosebumps formed on the inside of my thighs at the feeling of him touching me during that moment. "JJ, please don't keep doing this to me." I begged him as he made eye contact with me. He stopped tracing his fingers across my thighs. He moved himself closer to my face almost like he was thinking about kissing me. He kept his eyes on me almost like he was trying to examine my face. He shook his head at me once again. His breathing reflected itself on my face.
He ran the palm of his hand up my outer thigh. My breathing increased as he was manipulating me once again. I felt weak, almost as if I couldn't even push him away. "I don't want you to be hurt and I'm sorry that I made you confused. I love you, Isla. I'm madly in love with you. If anything happens to me in the next couple of weeks, I want you to remember the love that I gave for you. Like I told you this morning, I don't regret what we did because I crave you every single day. I don't even look at other girls. I just look at you." He told me with his deep raspy voice as if he was begging for me. Whimpering underneath his own voice. I had swallowed the lump that formed in the back of my throat once again. I stared at him, nodding as I was taken back from his comment. "You're the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on and I'm not just saying that. I'm physically ill just looking at how beautiful you are. It makes me sick to see you with someone else but as long as you're happy, that's all that matters to me. You make me feel so many different ways that I can't even explain. I'm so overwhelmed by your presence that it drives me up the wall. I can't stop thinking about you every second of every day." He told me with the same tone like he had done before. He was almost crying for me to figure out what I wanted, he was in love.
His voice whimpered. He trembled his words as he looked up at me. I nodded my head at him, feeling sickness overwhelm my body once again. Knowing that I couldn't escape my own best friend. I rested my hand against his cheek. The rings on my fingers ran across his tanned face, feeling his facial features. "I love you, J. I really do but this needs to wait. I appreciate you more than you will ever know and I adore you, I do." I explained to him. He nodded his head at me. "I need time to think about all of this mentally and figure out what is best for me at the end of the day. I do love you too though." I responded before he nodded his head once again. "Can I kiss you before you go?" He asked in a gentle tone that made me feel bad if I didn't tell him yes. Knowing that he would guilt trip me if I didn't give in to him. His dazzling blue eyes stared at me with gentleness. I nodded my head at him as he stood himself up from kneeling in front of me. My hand detached itself from holding his cheek. He pulled me up towards him by his waist. Being much shorter than him, I stared at him with delicate facial expressions coming over my face.
Gulping at the thought of me giving into him, he had wrapped his arms against my waist. His hand squeezed against my back as if he couldn't get enough of me. He was so in love. I had never seen JJ this way which was what concerned me. He had moved himself closer to me and leaned his head down towards my mouth. Our mouths connect with another during that moment. Our breathing had felt like the same breathing last night, rapidly and raspy. His soft lips messed with my own as he had practically started to make out with me like we did last night. His hands grazed across my back and down towards my lower back. Our mouths moved in gentleness and passion before I pulled away from him to look at him with disgust in my eyes. "I think you should go now." I explained to him. He had removed his hand from me. "I love you, beautiful girl." He responded to me before he had turned to face the door. He opened the door with his left hand that held his gold ring on his pointer finger. As he headed out of the door, I opened the drawer pushing the card and small box into it to hide the fact that he had given me something before my boyfriend would show up to the house unknowing about the situation between JJ and I.
Thirty minutes had passed after the situation. I had closed my suitcase, grasping for my phone and charging port. I held it in my hand and picked up my suitcase with my other hand. My hand held onto the handle while walking towards the door that led out of my room. JJ sat on the couch in the living room with his eyes focusing on the television while my mother and father got home from work. Jack and Indie laid on the floor in the living room. My mother stood in the kitchen as she cooked dinner for the evening. She poured herself a small glass of wine to relax meanwhile my father sat himself down at the kitchen table to look over legal documents that revolved around the country club. I dragged my suitcase behind me and into the kitchen, nearest to the door. "Rafe is just the sweetest for taking you out on a vacation." My mother commented as she sipped on her white wine in the small wine glass. I nodded my head at her and smiled at her with a gentle grin against my face. "If you ever need anything, please call me or your mother." My father commented towards me as I unlocked the door for Rafe to come in. "I will, dad. I promise." I told him as I hugged him with gentleness after I made my way towards him while he made his worried comments. He nodded his head at me and hugged me back. He left a large kiss against my forehead that made me feel comforted by my own father.
I walked towards my mother with open arms. She opened her own arms, wrapping them around me with generosity. "I love you sweetheart. Have so much fun with that cute kid." She spoke to me with a comforting tone that made me feel safe during that exact moment. JJ looked over from the living room with his eyes widening after he heard my mother speak to me. The sound of the back door opened, making a loud creaking sound due to the home being aged. Rafe showed himself from behind the door with a large smile on his face. He wore a light blue tee shirt that grasped onto his muscles. He had a pair of black dickies on, rolled on the bottom with black vans. He wore a flat brim black surfer hat. I stared at him as I admired his presence. He was the most handsome guy I had ever laid my eyes on. That moment reminded me of the time that I laid my eyes on him for the first time in his own house. "Hey guys!" Rafe spoke with the same large smile across his face. My father and mother looked at him with an excited expression.
My father popped himself up from the chair that he sat in. "Hey kid, how are you doing?" My father asked with a slight gentleness in his voice. "I'm doing great, how are you sir?" Rafe asked as my father walked towards him and shook his hand. My father nodded at him. "Great. Now you're going to take care of my daughter right?" He joked with him as Rafe stared at me to see the distraught look in my eyes from the confusion that JJ caused me. He bit the inside of his cheek and turned to my father again. He nodded his head. "Absolutely sir, she's in good hands." He responded to him and smiled. I nodded my head at him in hopes to leave right away. JJ stared at us from the living room almost as if jealousy rushed over his bloodstream. He had kept his eyes on me as I moved closer towards my boyfriend, trying to distract myself. Rafe laid his hand on the handle of my suitcase. "Ready Isla?" He asked me with a soft smile on my face. I nodded my head at him once again and grasped onto the small purse I wore on the counter. My hand held onto my phone and charger. "Let's get on the road." I smiled at him. He held onto my suitcase and headed towards the door. My father and mother watched us head out of the door. "Bye Jack, Bye Indie." I called out to my dogs as they ran towards the back door that we were leaving out of.
Jack nudged his head against my thigh. I squatted down on the floor to say goodbye to my sweet dogs that I loved more than anything. I laid my phone in my lap and held onto Jack's face. "Be a good boy. I love you chunky." I told him with a smile before he licked the side of my cheek. I petted his large head before Indie pushed her brother out of the way to say goodbye to me. I did the same to her, telling her that I loved her. Once I finished saying goodbye to my dogs, I waved goodbye to my parents and headed out the door that Rafe was waiting for me at. Rafe stared at me with gentleness in his blue eyes that made me feel comforted in that exact moment. My mother shut the door behind me and watched from the window as Rafe and I walked beside each other. He looked down at me with a smile on his face. "Ready for a seven hour drive?" He asked me before we made it to the driveway where his car was parked behind my Ford Bronco.
I nodded my head at him. He popped the trunk to his luxurious car. "It's three right now, we should get there around nine o'clock." I mentioned it to him and sat my purse beside my bag. He laid his hand on my back while I moved out of the way from the trunk that started to go down once I finished putting everything in the back. He walked to the passenger side door, opening the door for me to get inside of the car. I sat myself in the comfortable seat that was laid out with leather all over. He shut the door for me and headed to the drivers side, dangling his car keys in between his fingers. He opened the driver's side door for himself and got inside of the car. He shut the door while he pushed the keys into the ignition. His phone laid in a cup holder and had started to play music that he was listening to on the way to pick me up. He turned to me with a smile on his face once again. His smile was so contagious that it forced me to show him the dimples that were deep in my cheeks, a large smile overcoming my face. "You're so beautiful." He told me before he leaned over the console of the leathered car. His lips attached themselves to mine, moving in sync with another.
I laid my hand on his cheeks and looked up at him with doe eyes forming. "I love you." I told him in response to his comment towards me. "I love you too." He smiled again before he pulled himself away from me. He laid his right hand on my bare thigh as he started to back up. He backed the car away from the driveway and headed towards the front of the gated community, knowing where he needed to go to get to Charleston.
I laid my hand on his hand that laid across my thigh. I intertwined my fingers inside of his while my eyes stared out at the nature that surrounded the beautiful gated community.
I felt awful holding his hand in that moment. Kissing him after I cheated on him with my own best friend. I hated myself. I couldn't live with myself like that, it wasn't me. I would never do that but I ended up doing many things that I wished I never had done in the long run.
I started to wish that I could redo my entire life.
It was impossible.
My heart felt half a heart without JJ.
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Thoughts?