Disclaimer: I own nothing, not RWBY, not the characters, or any concepts and abilities written here. Please support the official release.
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The chapter opens in a bar with James, Qrow, Roman, and I all drinking our brains out.
"Okay, okay, okay! So... if you could choose a Semblance, what would it be?" Roman asks. "Mine would be shapeshifting cause I turn into people and rob them blind."
"That'z.... that'z just dumb. That'z a dumb Semblance, Torchwick." A drunk Jimmy said.
"Oh yea!? And what would yours be, tin man!?"
"M-Mine would be to stop time so that I can get out of those stupid council meetings." James slurs out. "Do you... do you have any idea fucking annoying those are? Every minute I'm stuck in that room with all those blue bloods I just imagine putting a gun to my head." James slams his head on the table. "Y'know, I wouldn't have taken this job if I knew I had to deal with this shit. I just wanted to shoot bigger guns..."
"There, there, Jimmy." Qrow pats the general on the back. "I'd have X-ray vision."
I snort. "Really? You're such a brat, Qrow."
Alright Oz, what would your Semblance be?" He asked.
"I wanna be fragrance man." I slurs out making everyone snort.
"W-What?" Roman snickers.
"W-What are your powers if you don't mind me asking?" James asked.
"I can summon any scent." I said and everyone laughs.
"W-What would be your favorite scent?" Roman asks.
"... wood." I said and they all laugh again.
"Well, we could go to the Emerald Forest right now. The trees smell pretty good." James suggests.
"Nah, nah, it's gotta be my wood. My wood is special." I said. "I call it Morning Wood."
Qrow snorts. "So basically you're gay for Jimmy." He then gets punched in the face.
"Shut up, Qrow." James growls.
Qrow rubs his left cheek. "Damn, hit me right in the kisser. Thank Oum for Aura."
"Hey, what do you think Vacuo smells like?" Roman asked.
"Probably lots of sweat, tears, blood and shame from all the bullshit they have to go through on a daily basis." Qrow said.
"Well, I'd be able to summon it if I was fragrance man." I said.
"Shame you can't be fragrance man." Roman said.
"Yeah... darn shame." I raise my glass. "To fragrance man!"
"To fragrance!" We all cheer and continue to laugh.
The Next Day - Patch
Roman, James, and Qrow are walking through the path on their way to Tai's house.
"Why do you think Ozpin wanted us to come here?" James asked.
"Don't know. Probably some kind of emergency." Qrow said.
"Why do we always end at this guy's house when we hang out?" Roman wonders.
"Hello, my children." Everyone stops as they see Ozpin standing in front of the door.
... in priest's clothing.
"Oz?" Qrow asks only for Ozpin to wiggle his finger.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, silly, Qrow. It's me, FragranceMan." FragranceMan said.
"... what?" James was dumbstruck.
"Come, come in. The service is about to start." FragranceMan goes inside.
The others looks to each other before reluctantly going inside Tai's cottage.
"You there, bird man. Play me some music."
Qrow browses through his playlist and plays one random song.
(If you have something better, I'm all ears)
"... you gotta be fucking kidding me." Roman groans.
"Hey, you have your music, I have mine!" Qrow defended.
"I... I guess that can work." He clears his throat. "Hello, it's me, Father Fragrance. Welcome. Welcome to our lady of... shit, I didn't have time to think of a name for a church. Anyways! I am Mr. Fragrance... okay, maybe I should have gone with Mr. Fragrance instead."
"Just get on with it, already."
"Okay, okay, hold your horses. Miracles don't just happen, you have to give it time. Now... if you would all follow me to the dinning area, then we can begin." Everyone follows FragranceMan to the dinner table. "Here it is, the first of my many cool scents!"
"... that's just a plank of wood." James points out.
"Exactly! It has been purified for maximum scentedness. Go on, take a sniff." FragranceMan encouraged.
Qrow grabs the plank and smells it before passing in around. "... smells like wood."
"Yeah, that's definitely wood." James adds.
"Alright, up next I have-wait, where's my wood!? GIVE ME IT!!!" FragranceMan grabs the wood from Roman's hands. "GIMME THE WOOD!!!"
"Alright, so the next one I got has a more stronger scent. It reminds me of home, actually." FragranceMan puts a brick on the table.
"Go ahead."
The trio sniff the brick. "Smells like brick."
"ROMAN, STOP TAKING MY SHIT!!!" FragranceMan takes the brick back. "If you keep taking my samples, I won't be able to remember what they smell like."
"Well, do you have anything that's actually worthwhile?" Roman asks.
"Actually, here's a fan favorite of mine!" He brings out a tray of sand.
"Sand! Straight from Vacuo!" He grabs a bit of smells it. "Mmm, you can still smell the salty tears."
Everyone smells the sand... except for Ironwood.
"James, could you come outside for a moment?" The two went outside. "Smell my fucking sand. That is order from the deacon, aka Father Fragrance."
Needless to say, James Ironwood now knows what the phrase "the fear of god" means.
James and FragranceMan go back inside with everyone. "Sorry about that. Up next we have very delicious scent-" But before he can finish something unexpected happens.
"Hey guys, Glynda told me you're all in Tai's house so I decided to visi-" I stop as I see someone with my face wearing a priest's outfit. "Who the fuck is this?"
"Shit! I've been discovered! Abort!" FragranceMan yeets out of the window.
"After him!" Everyone runs after FragranceMan.
"Leave me alone!" FragranceMan yells and starts climbing a random tree. "I have one last scent for you!" He takes out a grenade and lets it fall. "EXPLOSION!"
*BOOM!*
The explosion sets the forest on fire with no trace of FragranceMan at all.
"Well, that escalated fast." I comment. "So... who was that guy?"
Everyone facepalms.
"Holy crap! What did you do to my kitchen!?" Tai's scream can be heard across the forest.
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Author Notes
I've been watching a lot of Dream SMP content and got inspired by one of the members. That's it.
Up next is Broken Light, so stay tuned.
Peace~