...
.
.
.
.
.
I wasn't there when Newt woke up again. Only Minho was. It's been a couple of days now, and Newt didn't make any progress.
He's sleeping most of the time, and his leg is hurting a lot. Clint says that he should heal completely, but it will take some time.
Of course, they only talk about his leg. Every Glader believes that Newt just tripped somewhere in the Glade and broke his leg, nothing more.
But I know there's more to his story. And I know that Minho, Clint, and Jeff know what it is. I keep asking Minho about it, but he won't say a thing. I can't ask Newt either, Minho told me not to. He first said he would explain it. But Newt probably told him not to.
But the fact that I can't ask anything proves that there is more. And I wanna know, I don't know why, but I do.
I have had a bad feeling inside of me since that day. And it doesn't go away without answers.
Minho is running at the moment, and I know that Newt is alone right now. So I'm on my way to the med-jacks hut, I need to ask him.
"Hi, Newt, can I come in?"
"Uhm yeah, come in," Newt says with a sleepy voice. I hope I didn't wake him.
I go inside, and he's typing to sit up a bit. He's under a blanket, and his blond hair is messy. I probably did just wake him up. I hope he's not mad.
"Can I maybe talk to you for a moment?"
"About?" Newt asks slowly.
Oh God, I'm getting nervous. I need to say this right, or he won't say anything. But how?
"About you? I don't know how to explain."
"Okay," he says, questioning. "Just ask what you want to ask, Y/n."
I don't know if I should do this.
"I know there's more going on than you just falling in Galde and breaking your leg. But Minho won't tell me and told me not to ask. But I need to know the truth."
Newt looks away and bits his lip.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Did you forget what happened that morning? You were up very early and ran into the Maze. Minho had to come and get you."
"No, I do remember. I was up as early as always, and I was just in the Glade. I wasn't in the Maze."
"I know you're lying, I saw you."
"Can you leave me alone, please? You woke me up, and I need to rest."
I don't want to but I know I have to leave now. So that's what I do.
This wasn't a good idea. Why would I think he would give me answers? He never even trusted me.
~~Newt's pov~~
She knows, and I know she knows. But it's not the biggest problem now, that's my leg. It hurts so much. I wish there were real doctors here who could fix this.
And my head, it's also hurting more than ever. I sleep all day, so I won't feel it.
Minho comes to me every day when he's back from the Maze. So I'll just wait for him now. I'm glad he's the lie that found me. I don't know what might have happened otherwise.
Half an hour later, he walks in. "Hi, how's my favorite Glader doing today?"
"Hey man," I say. "A bit better than yesterday, I think."
"That's good to hear. Did anyone visit you?"
"Uhm yeah, Gally went by, checking in. And ... Y/n."
He looks surprised at me as i continue. "She doesn't believe the lie, Minho. But I don't wanna tell her."
"You don't want to tell her? Or you don't want her to know?"
I'm confused. "What? What the hell are you saying? Both."
"Yeah, listen, there's something I didn't tell you yet. You still don't remember what you told me when I found you?"
We already talked about that. Minho told me how I was awake when he found me in the Maze. He knew what I had done, so I asked him to lie about it. I just don't remember it myself.
"No? What didn't you tell me?"
He puts his hands in his pocket and takes out a necklace. I feel around me neck and just now realize I'm not wearing mine.
"How do you have that?" I ask Minho.
"You gave it to me. You ... you told me to give it to... Y/n. If you, you know, won't make it."
"What!? To Y/n? Why?"
"I wanted to ask, but then you passed out."
~~End of Newt's pov~~
More days go by, and Y/n keeps visiting Newt every day. She doesn't ask him about that day anymore. She's doesn't talk a lot with him at all. He's mostly sleeping and doesn't even know she's visiting him this much.
She can't explain why she's doing that. But something inside of her tells her to.
It's around three a.m. and Y/n is sleeping in the chair next to Newt's bed. She didn't want to sleep here, but she was so tired that she had just fallen asleep immediately.
Because he slept almost the whole day, Newt doesn't sleep soundly. So, he mostly wakes up in the middle of the night. Just like tonight.
~~Newt's pov~~
I open my eyes and see it's again just the middle of the night. I can see it's dark outside, and I hear how the Maze is changing.
Wait, what do I hear? I hear someone breathing. I turn on a nightlight beside my bed and see who it is.
Y/n. Y/n is sleeping in a chair, next to my bed. Why is she here? I'm not gonna wake her. It's cute, the way she's sleeping. But what is she doing here? Was she here the whole time while I was sleeping?
I lay down on my side to look at her. The way she's here, just to be there for me. That's actuallu so sweet. And I haven't even been treading her nicely. Maybe I was wrong about her.
I have been such an asshole to her. I was her friend: we would eat together, we talked, we laughed, we had fun with the other friends. And every few days, I'd change my mind and ignore her.
Maybe she didn't deserve that, the way I'm treating her.
•••
I was awake for the rest of the night. I was thinking about everything that happened in the last months. In the meanwhile, I kept looking at Y/n.
When she woke up in the morning, I pretended to be asleep. I don't want to make things awkward.
"Oh God," I heard her whispering. "My back, I can't fall asleep in a chair again. wait, is Newt still sleeping? Boy, I'm gonna think you're in a coma again."
She took a deep breath. And I felt her hands laying on one of mine. "Don't ever go in a coma again, okay?"
Y/n talked to me like I was awake. I wonder if she had always been doing that while I was actually sleeping.
It's afternoon now, and I know it's almost time for a break in the gardens. I kinda hope Y/n will stop by.
Someone comes in, but it's Alby. He has to handle everything on his own now. So sometimes he'll come in and ask me for a bit of advice about the Glade. Not that I see much of it nowadays.
He's about to leave again, but I have an idea.
"Hi, Alby, one last thing. Can you ask Y/n to come over here? I need to talk about something with her. About the gardens, you know."
He did what I asked him to because five minutes later, Y/n walks in.
"Hi, you wanted to ask me something?"
"Uhm, yeah. How does everything go in the gardens?"
"It's fine. It's hard work without you, but it's still okay."
"That's great." God, I suck at conversations sometimes.
"I should go. Working harder means less taking breaks."
"Wait, no. Can you please stay a bit longer?"
~~Y/n's pov~~
Stay longer? I found it already weird he wanted to me talk in the first place.
I'm starting to get nervous. Newt's looking very serious. He really wants me to stay. "Why?"
He opens his mouth, but there's nothing coming out. It's like he doesn't know what to say or how to say it.
"Newt, what's wrong?"
"I want to tell you some things."
I go to the chair next to his bed, where I slept last night. "Okay?"
"I know you slept in that chair last night. I never realized how you were actually visiting me a lot, apparently."
"Uhm, yes. I guess I care about you."
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry. The way I've been acting, I was so stupid. You didn't deserve that"
Didn't see that coming today. "And you now thought of that? It's been weeks that you're acting like I don't exist. And you do it with the others too."
"I know, I- ... I wasn't myself lately. I don't even know who I am anymore, but I know I don't want to be like I was the last weeks. Especially to you. I thought about it when I saw you sleep next to me."
His voice cracks now, and that's because he's probably about to cry. This is not easy for him to say. I see it in his eyes.
"I guess I can forgive you. I've been missing you as a friend. It's hard for most of us living here. So we must try to get along again, right? It would be a lot more fun."
Newt takes my hand and gives me a little smile. "Thank u so much, Y/n. You're the best, really."
"You need to tell me some things first. Why don't you trust me?"
"I'm not sure why. It's just that... that you're different. You're not like the others. You know, you're the only girl, you came early and talked in your sleep about the creators. It makes you kinda suspicious, I think. Like, you're a spy or something. But I know now that that idea is just stupid."
"You think you're gonna be able to fully trust me?" I ask him.
"I do, yes."
"Okay then, are you willing to tell the truth about how you broke your leg?" I come a bit closer and take his hand. I hope to comfort him a bit this way.
Newt rubs with his fingers over his underlip. Something he always does when he's thinking. He nods.
"Since the very first moment I was in the Galde, I had a bad feeling inside. An empty feeling, something was missing. Something that was gone with all my memories. But everyone else lost theirs too, so when I talked with Alby about it, he said it was normal. But it didn't go away. And the feeling of being trapped, no way to escape that we know of. We tried so much, but everything failed. And I had failed."
Little tears are falling down his cheeks as he's talking. My fingers are rubbing his hand to let him know I'm here, and that it's okay. I'm not saying anything and let him tell.
"I never found a way to handle the pain of that empty feeling. That's why I wasn't eating when you first came here. The feeling doesn't let me to. That's how I got the bandage you asked about. I tried to take the pain away. It was better for a moment, but the last weeks were the worst. That's why, that morning, I got up early, and I snuck out into the maze. And I went and I found the tallest wall I could. I climbed up there and... I jumped off it."
I knew that was it. I just knew. I can't respond to this right now. It's a deep trauma, and he didn't have any time to progress it yet. Still, he's brave enough to tell me. I get up and try to give him a hug while he can't go out his bed yet.
~~Newt's pov~~
I let all the tears fall in her arms. I feel some of hers falling in my neck, too. This was really hard to do, but I'm also glad I did.
I already knew that she knew it. But telling the truth to someone, to Y/n, takes some weight of my shoulders.
I keep hugging her because I really don't want her to pull away. I feel a bit happy again, knowing she'll forgive me. And we'll be friends again.
As I'm holding her, as she was holding my hand this morning and some minutes ago. I realize she makes me feel better.
The empty feeling, it's like she's taking it away a bit.
.
.
.
.
.
...