Sirius was banging on the door of the Potter house. "PRONGGGGGGS! HULLO!! ANSWER YOUR DOOR FOR YOUR DARLING FAVORITE HAREM MASTER!" Sirius laughed manically as he beat on the wood with his fist. "COME ON WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! GET OFF LILITH JEZEBEL AND GET DOWN HERE AND OPEN THIS DOOR!"
"Why didn't we just go by floo?" Remus asked. "I swear, you're acting very odd. Sirius, what is going on? And don't say nothing - that just makes things more suspicious."
Sirius turned to answer Remus when the door was wrenched open.
"SIRIUS YOU ABSOLUTE TOERAG, STOP BANGING ON MY DOOR OR I WILL BATBOGEY HEX YOU LIKE IT'S SECOND YEAR!" Lily stood in the doorway looking positively peeved, her eyes narrowed at him, "And stop SHOUTING that stuff, for Godric's sake, it's the middle of the afternoon! We aren't nymphomaniacs!"
Sirius grinned. "Hullo my darling Lilith. Where's Prongs?" he stepped 'round her into the house and Remus limped in after him, staring at Sirius's back with narrowed eyes of suspicion.
"He's out back messing about with all that quidditch equipment," Lily said.
"Excellent." Sirius trooped through the house, right past Dora who he didn't even seem to see, and out the backdoor through the kitchen.
Remus stared after him.
Lily looked at Remus, "What's the matter with him?"
"I have no idea," Remus answered. "Apparently we're going camping."
"Camping?" Lily sounded surprised. "James didn't mention --"
"No? Well, Sirius had it all planned, apparently, I don't know. He's acting extremely odd... Excuse me, I've got to get to the bottom of all this..." Remus hurried as much as his pre-moon knees would carry him through the kitchen.
Lily turned to Dora, who was sitting at the dining room table, holding her teacup, right where Lily had left her to go and answer the door. On the table in front of her sat a couple of books - Bewitching Pregnancies: What to Expect when You're Expecting Someone Magical and Love Before Life: Prenatum Magique Amour.
"I don't like how worked up Sirius felt just now," Lily murmured. "I knew he was stressed, I've felt it all day, but I thought it was something work related, you know, but now --" she glanced at the window over the sink, though which she could see Sirius already across the lawn, talking to James by the quidditch hoops, Remus limping toward them but still a good distance off. She wished so much she could feel James at that moment, just to know how he was taking what Sirius was saying...
Suddenly there was more frantic knocking on the door and Dora said, "Busy place today."
"Yeah," Lily agreed, and she went back to the door and opened it to find Peter.
"Where's James?!" Peter gasped, breathlessly.
"James is out back," Lily answered, then before Peter could go running off, she stopped him. "Wait, hang on - what's going on?"
"I dunno! I need to talk to James right away - very urgent - gotta find Sirius and Remus."
"They're here, they're out back with James."
"Thank heavens." Peter started for the kitchen.
Lily glanced at Dora, then rushed after Peter. "What do you mean 'thank Heavens'?" she demanded, trotting along behind him. "What's going on?"
"I told you, I don't know yet!"
"Then why are you all upset?"
Peter handed Lily Chase Volsung's business card.
Lily's lips moved as she read the card and she looked up, "What --? Who --?"
"I was at home alone - Sirius and Remus had left already, their note said they were going out and then there's a knock at the door and it's this bloke who's showed up at the flat, looking for Remus."
"For - for Remus? Why? Wh-- oh. Oh my stars! The interspecies liaison office is looking for Remus?"
"Apparently!" Peter stammered.
"Oh no, no, no, that's not good!" Lily gasped.
"I know!" Peter answered, "That's why I need James!"
Dora was watching all this with worried expression from her spot at the table.
"C'mon he's right out here," Lily reached for the door. "We'll be right back mum."
"Okay!" Dora answered.
Lily and Peter ducked through the back door and rushed across the wide span of the field out back of the Potter house. Even with all the time their conversation had taken, Remus was only about halfway across the field, going slow with the effects of the moon weighing him down. Peter transformed three steps out the door and Lily saw the rat disappear into the taller grasses, speeding off toward James and Sirius, who were arguing.
"Oh no," Lily murmured. She ran to Remus, who was paused midway across, and she quickly offered him support. "C'mon, we'll go together."
"Thanks Lily," Remus answered as she pulled his arm about her shoulders.
"You did WHAT?" James's voice rang out, luckily not loud enough to carry across the field to where Remus was limping ever closer. "You absolute idiot!"
"I know! I know - I don't - I don't know what I was bloody thinking, I don't reckon I was fully. I mean - they were just saying such awful bullshit! I couldn't just let them SAY that stuff! I mean, fucking hell, James, they were talking about killing off ALL THE WEREWOLVES like they're nothing, like they're pests to be exterminated!"
"Okay but you couldn't have just bit your damn tongue or else talked vaguely enough that she wouldn't get on that you were talking from experience? Bleeding gods, Sirius!"
Sirius flushed. "It gets worse."
"Worse?"
"Worse."
"HOW does it get worse?"
"I - " Sirius flinched, his whole face screwed up with nerves and self-loathing, "She was - she was the academic advisor from Remus's uni." His voice came out in one long stream. He stared at James, face pale.
James stared at Sirius. "The one who's just threatened him yesterday?"
Sirius's teeth showed as he made a sharp inhale and nodded, closing his eyes, waiting for James to flip out.
"Oh fuck! Sirius! What did you do!"
"I dunno!"
"Sirius he's going to actually kill you!" James looked across the lawn where Remus was still limping toward them, supported now by Lily. "I mean, very slowly by the looks of it, but he's still going to kill you when he actually gets over here."
"You gotta help me, you gotta help me figure out what to do. Bilius Weasley's helping to take care of it on the Ministry end of things --"
"Bilius Weasley?" James looked at Sirius and worry came over him. "Oh no. Sirius - you didn't tell Bilius --?"
"He was there! He heard at least part of the whole thing. I had to tell him! I looked like a lunatic otherwise!"
"Better you looking like a lunatic than exposing your husband! Shit! Sirius!"
Sirius ran his hands up into his hair, tugging frantically at it, "GODDDDDD WHY AM I AN ABSOLUTE IDIOT?" he wailed.
"I don't know!"
"James what do we do?"
"How is Bilius solving the Ministry's end?"
"He's going to tell Gideon and Fabian what happened and --"
"Wait, wait, wait; so your big plan is to tell MORE people?"
Sirius froze. He hadn't really thought of it like that. He turned and looked at James. "I..."
James closed his eyes. "Oh bleeding hell."
"I was just trying to do the right thing! Just trying to defend him!" Sirius cried out.
"Well you did a bloody poor job of it, mate!" James replied, shaking his head.
"I can't be trusted," Sirius gasped. "I - I can't be trusted."
"I mean, you're not the best at keeping secrets, no," James agreed flatly.
"Ahhhh fuckkkkkk," Sirius moaned. Then he said, "I also lost my job with Gomer's."
"Grand. The hits just keep coming. Is there anything else?"
"Not that I know of," Sirius answered.
That's the exact moment when the rat arrived at their feet and Peter Pettigrew turned into himself, wheezing from having run so hard across the field, and shoved the business card into James's hand.
James took the card. "What's this? Chase Volsung? Expert Entrapment of Endangering Evils? Ministry for --? Oh." He looked up at Sirius.
"Came - came to the - the flat - they -- asked -- I said - I - Iceland!"
Sirius was pale. He looked up at James. "Help."
James took a deep breath. "Alright. Alright here. Look. Keep it quiet. Stop panicking, both of you. You said you told him we're camping?" James looked at Sirius. Sirius nodded. "Alright. Keep that up. I'm going to 'pop off for some supplies' - Lily and I will. You take Remus out to the Howling House, the pair of you. By the looks of it, that'll take the rest of the bloody afternoon at his pace... and me and Lily will - we'll... we'll do something. Dunno what yet, but we'll figure it out. For now, you lot get Remus to the house."
Sirius nodded, "Okay."
"And neither of you say anything about this." James said plucking the card out of Sirius's hand. "Not yet. We'll talk to him together - later - once we have some kind of solution worked out." He paused. "Sirius, do you have any idea where Newt Scamander might be?"
"Probably Fallengunder," Sirius answered.
James nodded. "Alright. Yeah. Makes sense. Alright." The start of a vague plan was coming into his mind and he just had to get out there to get started putting it into play. "C'mon, we'll head them off so he doesn't walk all the way out here. CALM DOWN, PETER, it's going to be alright. And you --" James looked at Sirius. He stared at him for a long few moments, "Bloody hell, you're an absolute arsehole you know that?"
"I know," Sirius nodded.
"Bloody hell," James murmured.
"I know."
James sighed and the three of them turned and started back across the field toward where Remus and Lily were nearly to them now. James could feel sweat in his palms and he glanced at Sirius who was doing pretty well at masking his nerves, an almost cool expression on his face. Peter, however, was shaking and pale and looked like he was rather about to throw up.
"What's happening?" Remus asked, the moment he was close enough to speak to them.
"We're going camping!" James exclaimed, forcing a happiness into his voice that sounded surprisingly merry. "Lily, have we any roast and marshmallows back at the house?"
"Roast and marshmallows?"
"For camping!"
"Oh. No. I - James, what in the name of Godric is going on?"
"I've just said, we're going camping," he said. "Blimey, no roast or mashmallows, we'll have to make a run for them, yeah?" He looked at Sirius.
"Oh yeah - bloody can't go camping without roast and marshmallows!" He slipped 'round James and slid his arm over Remus's shoulder, relieving Lily of the task quickly. "Best bloody camping trips always have roast and marshmallows, right, Pete?"
"Y-yes, yes of c-course!" Peter stammered.
"Camping is not all that's on! I'm not an idiot!" Remus said, frustrated.
"C'mon Moonshine!" Sirius turned Remus back 'round, "We can go and get the tent set up! Come on, Wormtail! We'll need your help - bleeding hell knows I don't know how to put a tent together all by myself, they're right dreadful, those tents, all the wonky instructions... A poles in B holes and the like... Come along."
"But what is - going - on!?" Remus demanded. He was still clutching his briefcase.
"We'll talk about it tonight," James promised firmly.
Remus looked over his shoulder at James. James was the first voice that sounded reasonable and still steady, as though he knew what was going on and had already begun to resolve whatever the problem was. It was reassuring, and Remus nodded, trusting James. "Alright," he said, glad someone had acknowledged that something was actually going on. "Alright..." So Remus followed after Sirius and Peter across the grounds and James stopped, motioning for Lily to stay with him as they watched the other three walk away.
When they were out of ear shot, James turned to Lily. "What's happening, James?" Lily asked.
James took a deep breath, "Well - Sirius is an absolutely idiot for starts. C'mon... We've got to get to Fallengunder. I'll explain it all to you and to Newt Scamander at the same time. Hopefully he's there."
"Newt Scamander?" Lily asked. "James, I saw the card."
James nodded, "Yeah? Well. Wait 'til you hear what the dumbass dog has done. C'mon."