ZEHRA
With the slow rise from my consciousness state, I stepped into the reality of being alive. A heavy weight on my waist instantly caught me off guard.
Alert state activated, I tried to pick my head up and look at the inception of the weight, finding Daiwik's hand on my waist, the image from last night replayed in my head, I turned off the lights yesterday.
The question in me rose, the last time he slept next to me was when he had done a sin,
The immoral sin of touching me without my consent, a lasting question in my chest heaved, did he do something again last night?
I felt his breath, on my shoulders, even early morning, his breath felt fresh, my back completely pressed to his front body, and I can feel his hard muscles touching my entire body.
'I will sleep with my thing inside you
Those weird words I am unsure I completely grasped the concept of, holding my ears, but when suddenly a loose hand on my waist, turned into a tight grip, I was completely turned around on the bed.
Lying on my back now, he thrust on me to lie straight, his hand still on my open waist, touching my thin skin.
I felt his eyelid fluttering next to me, his eyes were open, and he is awake.
He awoke his body, lifting himself, as slowly, as he was climbing over me, his leg at either side of my waist,
The moment was too fast, but for me, it felt like a slow-motion moment, his face far apart from me, and a tingle in my chest demanded it to be close.
Should I be feeling something like this?
A longing so fragile after I have been through? Am I immoral and wicked, shameless and sinful for wanting this?
Maybe this is a morning head, but right now I was ready for whatever he wanted to do to me.
Maybe, I will do it for my pleasure.
His bare back, unsure when did he remove his shirt last night? Why was he completely naked? What did he do last night for him to be stripped, unclothed like this?
Those tanned brown muscles, having patterns of lines on his stomach, created six squares, tempting without any juncture, his eyes stripped me naked. And I as a lewd woman, was completely fine with his filthy gaze.
His hands slid on the back of my neck, cupping it from the back, as he pushed my entire upper body up, solely on the choke of the back of my throat, bringing my face closer to him,
His dirty, polluted eyes crept on my face, and his lips found my eyes, shutting them, as it was greeted with a peck on either of them,
Creating distance now, I opened them again, his strange gaze creeping upon me, a mixture of colors, enchanting, as his free hand, reached for the dupatta on my chest, that was supposed to cover me, taking it completely off from my bare body.
His face slid on my neck, keeping a wet kiss on my throat, as his tongue trailed down the region closer to my chest, leaving a wet trail from my throat to my chest, another kiss landed on my body,
The burning sensation in my chest, demanding for more, throbbing for more, I never believed I would feel lustful, not with the encounters I have owned, but the way, he possesses me with such mere touches, leaves me mindless.
He didn't shy away when he reached for my half-popped breasts because of the low-cut blouse and the fact that I was sleeping earlier,
I felt something, something very hard even through the layers of my ghagra, on the center of my waist, was it just a morning action or was that erection my doing?
I questioned myself, when he reached for my half-popped chest, and kept a kiss on of them, resting my head back again, he bent himself completely as he reached for my belly, my naked belly, and leaving me to moan on the tickle he afflicted on me when his wet tongue trailed my belly and reached my belly button, I was surprised at his kiss on it,
His erection skidded from my bottom to move down, when his huge hand caught either side of my hip, and he kissed right above the waistband which was the last possible showing skin on my body his tongue didn't travel,
He kept a kiss on it, before I came over the top of me again, his face closer to me, "Oh! Zehra, it's torture for me! Greatest torment the world has to offer me, having you right before me, and I can't have you. Why owning you is different than having you? Why can't I taste your pussy just the way I tasted your body?" he asked me, words I never presumed I will hear from him.
He parted my lips with his finger as he pushed his thumb inside, "I want to claim all the openings in your body, with your mind and soul. I want to own your heart just the way I own you as a person! I want to own your yesterday, your today, and whatever there is in the future. How do I do that?" he asked me, as he kept his head on the top of mine,
"Love me! Zehra! Please love me! Please ask me to have you, please ask me to inflict that pain and pleasure on you, ask me to make you mindless, to make you blind-sighted! Please ask me, Zehra," he requested,
He is doing this, and then asking for consent?
He awoke the most ridiculous thoughts in my head, once again playing me like a game, such a mastermind, his head still on me,
"You want to have me Daiwik?" I asked him, perhaps the first time calling him by his name when in my head I must have said it hundred times.
"No," He responded quickly, "I want you to want me to have you," He said, baffling me, "Apni ye rooh mere hawale kar do, Zehra, isse pehle meri rooh kho jaye, apna banake bandh lo isse!" (Give me your soul, Zehra and make mine yours before I lose it) he asked me, rubbing his head on me, cupping both my cheeks.
Tears welding in my eyes, he wants something from me. More than just what our bodies want, how can I give him something I don't have anymore?
"Mai wo kaise de du, jo mere paas hai hi nahi, Daiwik?" (How can I give you something I don't have anymore?) I asked him, crying, tears sliding from my face.
He shook his head, "You do!" He spoke with certainty, more confidence than I have in myself. "You have your soul Zehra, you have that warm heart, the same one I fell in love with hidden somewhere, I want it back, I want you to love me the same way you loved me, why did you change? Why do those eyes no longer glow when I stare into them, why does that smile doesn't stuns the world like it used to? Why you gave yourself away to every single person who tore you but chose not to give it to someone who has broken himself for you?" He asked me, his questions leaving me perplexed.
What can I say?
I had nothing,
"Give me my Zehra back!" He asked me, I muffled under my breath, couldn't control my cries,
"I want to claim your entire body. And don't want you to do it as a duty. Give me my Zehra back to me in more than physically. When you never reacted to my candor I was sure I lost you, but when you showed your anger to me last night! A certainty that a part of you lives somewhere inside that heart! Don't kill it, give it to me!" He forced me,
"Please!" he begged as he suddenly pulled away from me, and went away from me. His every word shattered me. I was left with tears in my eyes, rips that knew I can't give him what he wants. That sheen died when my husband raped me on our wedding night, and when he died, I was given off to his old uncle who broke me the same way, before giving me to that brothel where every night I died hundred times.
How can I give him what he wants!?
~
The rest of the day was a haze he left for work, and he asked Divya to tell me to be ready in the evening for the party.
I was not sure what I suppose to wear, but he brought me this beautiful anarkali dress, I stared at it for almost ten minutes, would it be too much? Or too less? It is going to be a huge party, will I look good enough? I am not just any woman, I am Zehra, Daiwik's wife.
It was a very simple but very elegant dress, its hints of flowers and embroidery decorated and complemented its simplicity but its color and its layers spoke classic,
"Bhabhi! That is gorgeous! You should wear it!" She said, as she went through the basket of jewelry and picked a golden necklace, "And match it with this! Let me do your hair?" she said, so excited.
She forced me into getting ready all based on her ideas, and I did not despise it! She was good at this, she tied my hair, at the bottom in an elegant bun, with its front being very plain and no-frills, but went well with my face,
I heard the door knock, and immediately ran to my feet, to present myself in front of him, to see his reaction, but when Divya opened the door, there stood Dev, his eyes caught me, and his eyebrows raised.
"I thought suhaagraat happens the day after marriage?" he played but then laughed, "Kher, jab jago tabhi savera!" he said and went to his mother, I shook my head at his usual act.
"They are going to the party of Bhaiya's boss! His wife came to invite him personally!" Divya said, and he raised his brow,
"Kalipari came here?" he said like she was his friend, "How can I miss such a good sight!" He said, but then looked at me, "Looking good though!" he complimented.
But from the open door, Daiwik appeared his eyes caught me, and he stood on the threshold, not stepping inside,
He just stood at the door staring at me, "That's a door brother, you move past it to come inside. You don't stand there and wait for it to move away from your way, " Dev said, mine and his eyes meeting, after today morning, for the first time.
He walked inside finally, "We have to leave." he said, and I nodded and stepped outside the house, him beside me, I sat inside the passenger seat in his car today, directly after that day when he dragged me from it. And he sat in the driver's seat. He was already in a suit. I saw him in a suit.
He started to drive, his eyes occasionally turning to look at me again and again, trying to steal glances, I pretended not to know, but stared outside the window.
"Zehra?" he called me, I turned at light speed,
"Yes?" I asked,
He implored, "Do you want to go to this party?" I was unsure what to reply to that, I am not sure myself. I am just going because I was told to, but to think maybe I do want to be out in public and interact a little.
"Yes," I replied, and he nodded silently. He bites down his lower lips, sucking them before releasing, once again I turned to the window, trees fading away with the lack of light on the road,
His eyes surveyed me again and again. When I stepped outside the car, he followed along, "Babasaheb had created a backstory for us, there are brothel people some will recognize you, so you have to pretend that we met at the brothel and fell in love with each other. So nobody gets harmed," he reminded me.
Abhiraj Agnivanshi's wife doesn't know he gave me away like a toy that day to Daiwik, and if she finds out she will be extremely hurt so even here we have to play a part.
I entered the party, next to Daiwik, the party was unnecessarily extravagant! It was bigger than my wedding! It was just an announcement of the pregnancy.
Taara Sahiba spotted me, standing next to her husband, her face screaming bore with that smile. Dressed in a beautiful black silk saree, once again her grace, made me feel so inferior.
I looked down at my clothes, but when I heard someone speak in my ear, I was left with heavy breath, "Aaj duniya ke saare sitare bhi tumse jal rahe hai Zehra, tumhari keher kisi samundar ke leher se bhi zyada katilana hai, inn ghatak bhari nasro ko dusro ki ruhaniyat dekh ke yuh jalne na do!"
(Even stars are jealous of you today Zehra! You are more lethal then the waves of ocean, so don't let your dangerous eyes see and feel inferior to others spirits)
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me to god right now- Uncle ji, mujhe ek daiwik dedo please uncle ji mujhe ek daiwik de do!