"To all the days we were together.
To all the time we played a part in each other's life.
Heart to Heart."
August 2nd, 2021.
OuterBanks, North Carolina.
𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼
Our arms wrapped around another like our life had depended on it. We sat in the silence of each other as the waves crashed against another. The sound of it became peaceful and cherishable in that sentimental moment we shared as best friends. My hands gripped onto his shoulders while he held me against my back. Waiting for John B to drive his boat towards the dock that was marked as the "Madison & Cameron Estate Dock". The sunset had shined down our tanned skin and warmed us in the summer breeze.
Feeling comfortable in his presence. I allowed us to rest in the atmosphere that made us feel vulnerable to another. "You know, it feels nice just to be around you again." He mentioned before he pulled away from the hug that made everything feel okay again. "How is the baby?" He asked and stared down at the small pouch that started to form in my lower abdomen. People wouldn't be able to tell that I was pregnant until I became a couple months into it. "It's fine so far, just growing and a little nauseous every time that I eat." I explained before he placed his hand on top of my stomach in gentleness. "It?" He questioned and narrowed his eyebrows. His eyes brightened with excitement like it was when I had told him when we discovered that I was pregnant. Rafe didn't know about it, and I didn't want to even tell him because it would devastate him. "We won't find out the gender until eighteen weeks which is in November sometime. I have an ultrasound scheduled for the end of September to just see how things are going." I explained to him before he took his hand away from the small belly that started to form. "How is Rafe feeling about being a dad?" He asked and reached for the beer that sat on his left side. I glanced back out into the view of the waves.
"He's happy about it. He's excited for the baby but he wants a boy, for sure." I smiled at him and turned my head back towards him. "Either way I'm sure he'd be happy." He responded as he placed the beer in between his lap. The breeze blew a much stronger wind through our hair. Goosebumps raised against my skin. "I'm sure he will be. Did you see the ultrasound photos that confirmed that I'm pregnant?" I asked him as I stared at him with doe eyes starting to form while I looked at him with a sense of gentleness. He shook his head now but formed a smile on his face. "I want to see it when the baby is shown." He responded. "It's just crazy to think that I've known you since we were so young and now you're going to have a baby." He mentioned and glanced towards the sunset that had sat above the horizon. I smiled at him. "Yeah, life moves quickly. I didn't expect to be having a kid at eighteen." I explained and rested my hand on my stomach with comfortability. He laid his hands behind him and held his body up instead of being hunched over on the wooden dock. His feet kicked lightly in the summer water that stays cold year around.
Silence surrounded us. Hearing boats in the distance that sounded like JB's boat, but instead it was multiple Kooks that were driving their party boat with music blasting from the deck. "All that matters to me is that I'm able to be a part of your life and the baby's life." He added and glanced in the direction of the yacht-like boat that was driving past a couple miles away. "And you will be. Rafe isn't mad at you, JJ." I explained to him while my hands held my body up, dangling my feet above the water once again. He narrowed his eyebrows. "I know he isn't. He would've beaten my ass already." He laughed gently to cheer himself up after our vulnerability towards another. Starting to laugh at his comment, I shook my head at him. "You know, I hope you find someone that makes you happy. You deserve it, J." I mentioned and tucked strands of my hair behind my ears once again due to the wind blowing. He narrowed his eyebrows at me. Almost like he was taken back by the comment I had made towards him. He lifted the beer to his mouth, taking another large swig in his mouth.
The bubbles coated his tongue and down the back of his throat. His first beer of the night, because he tried to not drink while he was still taking medication for his shoulder. "Thanks Iz." He said as took another swig of the alcoholic drink that was still cold despite being out of the fridge for thirty minutes. "My dad mentioned that your dad hit you the other day when we got in a fight?" I told him and glanced back towards the water that moved underneath us. The sound of water splashing onto each other, the currents moving in different directions. He nodded his head and sat his drink down on the left of him. His left hand grasped onto the hem of his nice shirt he had worn to my induction much earlier. Swallowing the nervousness in the back of my throat, my eyes had trailed down to where his hand laid against the hem of his shirt. He lifted the shirt up underneath his pecks. Purple bruising formed on his abs almost like his dad had beaten him and harmed him on purpose. He had a big cut against his left ab and started to form a large scab. "Oh my, JJ." I spoke to him in disbelief that he had been that badly beaten.
My hand reached down to his scab, running my fingers across his abs. "This is all my fault, JJ. I'm so sorry." I told him as tears started to form in my eyes, our happiness started to fade away from the atmosphere around us. He laid his right hand on the top of my hand that grasped onto his scab, him shaking his head at me. "No, Isla. Nothing is your fault. I went back there knowing he would do what he did." He explained as his warm hand kept itself on top of mine. "I tried to make everything that I do count. I tried my hardest. I know my dad hates me and is a dead beat, but I'm trying my hardest to make him love me." He explained once again before I looked up towards him to see tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes like he had done much earlier. I shook my head. "He doesn't deserve you." I told him and gulped with anxiety sitting in my chest. He lifted my hand away from his stomach. The shirt dropped down to cover himself once again. He lifted my hand up to his cheek, holding onto me. My hand cupped warmth against his face.
"You don't go back there. Your home is here, J." I expressed as my thumb rubbed his cheek with a form of gentleness to comfort him from crying. "Don't cry, JJ." I told him as I sucked my tears back in to avoid crying more than I needed to. "You're making me cry with these pregnancy hormones." I laughed to make him forget about the tears that had started to form in his eyes. He nodded his head as a tear trickled down his cheek, while a smile started to form on his face at the relief I had caused him. "You know how to make the mood a lot better than it was before." He smirked a soft smirk on his face. I nodded my head and took away my hand from his cheek. Hearing the sound of a loud boat come towards us, I noticed that it was our friends. Fixing the way that I had sat towards JJ, I had stared at the boat that held Sarah, Pope, Kiara, and John B. Sarah and Kiara sat at the edge of the boat and held onto the railing. Pope sat behind John B, who had driven the boat towards the direction of the dock that belonged to my family and Sarah's family. Kiara and Sarah waved their arms around at the sight of us with excitement in their faces.
John B slowed his boat down, curving the boat onto the waves that splashed up towards JJ and I. We blocked our bodies from the water despite us being splashed with the water. Laughter erupted from mine and JJ's voice from being hit with water. "Come on! Get in, hurry!" Pope exclaimed with excitement that JJ and I got rid of our dispute that we went through. We nodded our heads. I popped myself up from the wooden dock, Sarah held her hand out to grasp ahold of my arms to get me into the smaller boat. JJ jumped in front of the boat to sit beside Kiara, his beer in his hand. Sarah held onto my forearm while he helped me get into the boat without losing my balance. The flower crown stayed slanted on my head before I rested my bare feet on the bottom of the small boat. "Thanks sar." I told her because she had helped me out. She nodded her head at me and fixed the flower crown with both of her hands. "Welcome." She responded and sat herself down beside Kiara at the front of the boat. I sat down next to Pope, laying my arm across the railing of the boat.
8:15 pm.
We sat out on the boat in the middle of the ocean that rocked it side to side. John B jumped into the water, swimming underneath and around the boat. Pope and JJ stripped from their shirts. JJ sat his beer down beside Kiara and dived into the cold ocean. Pope followed after JJ, diving in while the moonlight shined down on all of us. The water had splashed up onto the boat. Small water droplets hit my open back, soaking some parts of my hair. "I'm happy that you're here, Isla." Kiara mentioned as I sat away from both of the girls that sat a couple of feet away from me. Looking around at the shine the moon laid on the horizon of the ocean. "I'm happy to be around you guys." I smiled back at her and tucked strands of hair behind my ears. She nodded her head at me. I stared at both of the girls that sat across from me with a large smile sitting across my face, almost like it didn't want to fade off.
Feeling a sense of peace overcame my body. JJ and John B splashed each other, Pope swimming around the boat in small laps for his exercise for the day. "So do you think you're having a boy or a girl?" Sarah smiled in excitement and hunched herself over towards me. She laid her hands on her knees. Kiara raised her eyebrows, laughter leaving her mouth by the question Sarah had asked. "She's gonna have twins for sure." Pope yelled from the water. Sarah and Kiara started laughing alongside me by the comment that was made by our friend that lapped around the boat that rocked side by side. "Oh my god, name one Sarah and one Kiara." Sarah said with excitement in her tone. I widened my eyes at her as Kiara shook her head. "Don't listen to Sarah about that one." John B spoke before he splashed water towards JJ. I laughed at the response that John B had given to the both of us. JJ swam to the side of the boat, seeing him grasp onto the ladder that hung out on the side for people to climb up onto. JJ shook his head from the excess water that sat in his hair. He pulled himself up onto the bottom step, running his hands through his blonde hair that turned brown in the water.
"What names do you have in mind?" JJ asked as he grabbed an old towel that was placed on the side of the boat. He wiped himself off while I had thought about the sweet names that Rafe and I had discussed the night that JJ was shot. Swallowing the nerves that formed in the back of my throat, I opened my mouth to speak. "For girls, we really liked Kodi. The other suggestions were Marella, Oceanía, Moana, Cove, Sailor, Luella." I explained to all of them with a sense of excitement but nervousness at the same time because I didn't know for sure what would work best. "Luella and Kodi are so cute." Kiara mentioned before Pope and John B were trying to get back onto the boat that rocked back and forth with a silent gentleness. "I like Moana and Cove." Sarah commented. I had tucked strands of hair behind my ears once again from the breeze starting to pick up. "What about Kodi Marella Cameron? Or Luella Cove Cameron." Sarah suggested with the same excitement in her tone as before when she asked about names I had thought about. JJ narrowed his eyebrows as he took a seat beside Kiara, laying his arm over her shoulder. He stared at me with concern in his eyes.
I smiled at Sarah and nodded my head. John B got up from the ladder, stepping into the boat and using another old towel he brought along. Pope started to climb up the ladder to get into the boat. He listened to all of us talking to each other. "He's going to have the Cameron last name?" JJ questioned before Sarah turned around to look at him with an annoyed look against her face. "Hello, someone who is related to him is right here?" Sarah said as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Kiara had laughed gently at the comment that Sarah made towards JJ. "What about boy names?" John B asked. "We have Hurley, Brixton, Kai, Jackson, Kano, Zale, Luka." I responded to John B, taking my mind away from the comment that JJ had made. Why would my child not have his fathers last name? That didn't make any sense to me. "What about Luka Hurley Cameron? Or Brixton Zale Cameron." Sarah suggested as she smacked her hands together in an attempt to make me feel better about the names that were picked.
"No Rafe Jr?" Kiara asked. I shook my head at her and laughed gently, smiling before Pope sat beside me after he dried off. "Could you imagine a little Rafe? I literally pray to God that the baby is like Isla and not my brother." Sarah laughed, making John B and the rest of the group laugh. It felt nice to finally feel together again as a group. Knowing that my friends were supportive and that they loved me. It made me realize that they were going to be there for me and encourage me to make sure that I was making the right decisions in life. Today had not only felt like a dream, but made my heart feel so much bigger than it had been before. "I vote for Isla to name the baby whatever she wants, and I'll love the baby no matter what." John B spoke with a beer in his hand. He held the beer up in a cheering position. "Cheers to Isla being a mama." JJ said with a loving tone once he saw JB hold up his beer in the air. "Cheers!" The rest of the group spoke with a sweet tone that made me smile wider than I had ever smiled before.
11:30 pm.
The moon shined down onto the long shards of grass. My hand wrapped around the waist of my friend, helping him into the house after he became drunk on the boat from the supply of alcohol Kiara had brought along. He held onto my shoulder and stumbled all the way towards the home. JJ laid his head on mine, murmuring something into the breeze that surrounded the both of us. The breeze blew against the bushes and the trees for us to hear. A comforting sound that it had become after hearing it over and over again push into the same direction every time. Sarah had gone into her house with Kiara, knowing that we would meet up with another in the morning for a surf session that JJ couldn't participate in due to his shoulder.
His laughter flooded the air from him being unable to walk properly. "You shouldn't drink so much." I told him and shook my head at him. He turned to me while placing his finger on his mouth in a shush gesture because my parents and sister were asleep in the back of the house. "Can you come cuddle with me?" JJ asked drunkenly. I shook my head at him, rolling my eyes in annoyance that he was drunk. "JJ, I'm taken." I told him as I opened the door that led into the kitchen. His eyes closed in a tiredness from the alcohol in his bloodstream. "You're what?" He slurred his words while he talked loudly in the kitchen. I shut the door behind us once I got him inside, holding onto him still. "I have a boyfriend." I responded to him. I turned the lock on the door to lock it, the brass handle squeaking with slightly more force. I bit the inside of my lip hoping that I didn't wake up my parents, nonetheless wake up Kaia while she was passed out asleep in her bedroom. "He doesn't have to know?" JJ laughed with gentleness in his tone while I started to walk him towards the guest bedroom that turned into his.
I shook my head towards him. "No, JJ." I told him as I kept walking him in the direction of his room. He stumbled alongside me with drunkenness in his bloodstream. He had drank more than I expected him to during our boating adventure that John B was in charge of. JJ didn't like being drunk, which meant that there was something wrong but I didn't want to ask him. "Isla, do you know that you're so beautiful?" JJ questioned with a drunk grin forming on his face. His eyes dilated when he looked at me more despite his alcohol consumption. His blue eyes had turned a darker blue, staring at me while I walked him to his bedroom. I pushed his bedroom door open and walked him to his bed. "Thank you." I told him and laughed at his weird comments he had started to make towards me. "You're just so beautiful." He explained while I tried to take his shoes off from when he put them on during the boat ride. I didn't want him to struggle to take off his shoes and potentially hit his head on the dresser across from his bed. "Does Rafe tell you that you're beautiful?" He asked as I helped him lay himself back on the bed, pulling his sheets down for him to get inside the bed before I would tuck him into the bed. I narrowed my eyebrows and tried not to laugh at his drunken behavior.
"Sometimes." I responded to him before he pulled at the hem of his shirt. His arms crossed while he started to lift his shirt above his head, his abs had flexed from the hunched position he was in. I turned away from him as he took his shirt off. He threw the shirt across the room, trying to manage to get it into the dirty hamper I bought for him. "Are you good to go to sleep?" I asked him and raised an eyebrow at him, hoping that I could leave the room from the uncomfortableness that formed between the both of us. He nodded his head with his eyebrows narrowing at the sight of me starting to walk towards the bedroom door to exit. "Isla." He called out. I turned around to face him and stared at him in confusion as to what he wanted now. "Can you watch a movie with me?" He asked while he had formed a smile that showed the dimples that reminded me back to our teenage days when he would smile his dimpled smile for hours upon end. Sighing, I stared at him while I leaned up against the doorframe in hopes that I could go to bed to get the rest that I needed. "JayJ, I want to go to bed." I told him and ran my hands across my face.
Feeling guilty that he wanted to hang out, I felt bad because I knew that I would be gone for a week with my boyfriend. I stared at JJ with bags starting to form underneath my eyes. "Please, you can go put on your pajamas but come back in here and we can watch a movie." He begged with a puppy dog look starting to form on his face. I rolled my eyes at him. "Okay." I told him once I had given into his drunken begging. I headed into the direction of my bedroom as I carried a heavy weight against my back from tiredness and guilt. I didn't understand why JJ wanted me around but I didn't want to upset him after we were finally getting along again. I went into the hallway that would lead into my comfortable room that awaited me to be in it. My hand reached to push open the door, seeing that Jack laid on my bed in his usual spot. Indie laid in her warm bed that comforted her for many years that we had her. Jack opened his eyes with a slight gentleness before he closed them again, realizing that I was home. I pushed the door back towards the wall and headed towards my dresser to find pajamas. Keeping my cute pajamas for when I would be in South Carolina, I opened the bottom of the dresser to pull out a pair of lululemon shorts that were soft as butter. I unzipped the back of my white dress that was ankle length. The dress fell off my shoulders and ran down my body until it hit my feet. Silk laid at my feet until I bent over to pick it up from the wooden floor.
My hair had been a tangled mess. Tiredness came over my eyes, causing my eyesight to be blurry. My hands released the dress into the laundry bin. The sounds of the microwave popping popcorn came from the kitchen area. I assumed that JJ had gone into the kitchen for his drunken snack he would eat whenever he had too much to drink. I tucked strands of hair behind my ears, placing a pair of teal blue shorts up onto my hips. The butter like fabric sat against my body with comfort, finally fitting me from the small stomach that started to form. I bent down back towards the dresser with my hand covering my chest. I found a small sports bra, placing it over my head and onto my breasts. My hands held onto an oversized shirt that I had stolen from Rafe after staying at his place. A black shirt that had North Carolina placed on the back. I pulled it over my head and pushed my arms through, feeling it fall down enough to cover the shorts I was wearing. My hair laid against my back. Shuffling my feet across the large rug that sat in my room, I had headed into the big bathroom I had called mine.
Hearing a small knock come from my bedroom door, I narrowed my eyebrows to see JJ standing at the door with a bag of popcorn in his hands. "Izzy." He called out drunkenly, looking for me. I held onto a hair brush that day on the counter, I started to brush my hair out from the knots that formed. "Yes?" I called out after hearing him barge into the room. I sat my brush down and stared at JJ while he walked into the room. He shuffled his feet with a tiredness despite him wanting to watch a movie with me. "J, you can't just barge in." I explained to him as he threw himself on my bed and laid down on the side that I had usually slept on. "Why not?" He asked and sat the popcorn bag on my nightstand beside the photo I put in a frame of the first ultrasound. "Because what if I was naked or I was trying to change?" I asked him in response to what he had asked me. He narrowed his eyebrows before forming a smile on his face. His dimples that were so charming showed with the thick grin. "I wouldn't complain." He laughed gently as he ran his hands throughout his bleach blonde surfer hair.
"Don't be a perv, you're drunk." I told him and had turned off the light that belonged to my bathroom. "Sorry that you're beautiful and I wanted to tell you that." He explained before he laid himself up on the headboard. He propped his head up, crossing his feet at the end of the bed. He reached for the remote that sat on the bedside table. "Thank you." I told him in response before I climbed over Jack that laid sprawled out at the end of my full sized bed just to get into the opposite spot that I wasn't used to. He grasped a hold of the black remote and turned on the television. The light from the midsize television flashed against our skin. We sat in the silence of another's presence. JJ pushed his hand against the remote in hopes to find a movie on the networks throughout the television. We kept our eyes on the television. I sat a couple of inches away from him, keeping my distance from him as he laid in my bed. JJ clicked on a channel that was playing an old romcom. 10 Things I Hate About You. He sighed with a gentleness before he leaned his head in the direction of me. His blue eyes were bloodshot from the alcohol. He bit the inside of his cheek as if he was trying to think of what to say.
I kept my eyes on the television across from the full sized bed. Placing my hand against the small bump that formed underneath the clothing. Jack crawled himself beside me, placing his head on my upper thigh. His brown eyes opened to look at me for a split second before he had closed them again. "Do you think you're going to marry him?" JJ asked with a slight sadness in his drunken voice. I raised my eyebrows and turned to look at him. "What?" I asked as I rested my hands against my stomach once again as a comfort. JJ ran his hand across his cheek. "Are you going to marry him now that you're going to have his baby?" JJ questioned. I narrowed my eyebrows at him then took my eyes away from his dilated blue eyes. I laid one hand on Jack's head, petting him gently. I didn't even think about marriage. I didn't know what was best for me at that moment. Knowing that I wanted to be married at some point when I was older, I didn't know what to tell him. I was unaware if Rafe wanted to marry me. We knew each other well but had only been together for less than a month. Despite the month feeling like an eternity with another. He was full of fun. He was like sunshine that brightened my life.
"JJ, I'm not even thinking about that." I told him and kept petting the top of Jack's head. I turned my body slightly to face JJ. He laid his head against the headboard still, tilting his head off to the side to stare at me. "I don't want you to marry him and it's not because I don't want you to be happy." He said. I shook my head at him. My finger tips ran itself across my face that started to form oil from the long day. "Okay." I responded to him after I didn't know what else to tell the drunken male that sat in my bed. For being drunk, he seemed more aware of what was happening around him. It impressed me due to the fact that I had to walk him from the dock and into his bedroom. His words were slurred but I knew what he meant by what he was talking about.
"You need to go to bed, J." I told him and laughed at his blue eyes that stared at me in a widened look. "You're just drunk. You aren't thinking straight." I explained to him and shook my head at him. JJ narrowed his eyebrows as if he was being offended by my comment towards him. He rolled his eyes while he thought about what he was going to tell me in response. "Drunk words are sober thoughts." He reminded me and shook his head.
JJ kept his eyes on me as if he was analyzing me. He couldn't take his eyes away from me. His eyes wandered down my face, towards the rest of my body. "You're the most perfect and beautiful woman I have ever met, Isla." He commented before he had sat himself up and moved closer towards me on my bed. Reminding me of the night of my birthday that we had spent with another. I felt my cheeks heat up. Blushing overcame my face because I had always fallen into JJ's traps due to his loving personality. He was a ladies man. As much as I could ignore any man, JJ was hard to even ignore at that. In the back of my mind sat my boyfriend's name. Thinking about what he was doing while I sat in my bed, with someone that had become a physical threat to him. "Kissing you was the best thing I had done that night of your birthday. I can never get it out of my head." He commented once again. Butterflies formed in the pit of my stomach as I tried to shake off his comment. I had backed myself up against the wall to avoid anything happening. I wanted to hide my blushing about him talking to me.
It was wrong.
This was cheating emotionally and physically.
It made me physically sick to think about but I didn't know what to do.
JJ had put his spell over me, making me unable to even function. I wanted to collapse and dream that it was a nightmare that he was even flirting with me in my own bedroom.
"It replays in my head over and over again, making me wish that I could just kiss you one more time." He said with his small dimples starting to form in his cheeks. He stared at me almost like he was in a deep love with me, like he couldn't escape his own feelings but neither could I. Feeling my face heat up more with blood rushing to my cheeks and heart. I felt my heart pound against my chest. "JJ, we shouldn't be doing this right now." I told him and stared at him with grief forming inside my eyes. He shook his head while he scooted closer towards me. "No one has to know." He expressed while he laid his hand against my knee. Jack had moved away from me and sat at the edge of my bed once again. The darkness of my room beside the channel that played on the television surrounded us. I felt as if I couldn't breathe when he placed his hand against my knee. His thumb ran circles around my knee cap, comforting me as if he knew that I was hypnotized by his presence. He kept his eyes in mine. I couldn't look away from him at that moment. Swallowing the nerves that formed in the back of my throat.
I stared at JJ's lips as he stared at me while he had kept his hand against my tanned knee. "Isla, I just want you." He whispered into the silence of the room. He moved himself closer to me as I felt like I could melt at the raspy voice that came out of his mouth. "Your sex with him was based on anger and frustration towards me. I know you like him but I know you love me. You wished that I pursued you the way that I should have but I want to now." He whispered his raspy voice again that made me want to fall into his arms. Making me weak in my knees, almost like I would be unable to walk. I had sat in silence and listened to his voice talk to me. He meant what he was saying despite him being drunk. "I want you for you. I want to call you mine. I want to give you the world and more, Isla. Please." He murmured almost like he had been whining and pleading for me to drop my boyfriend. He got closer to my mouth. Inches away from me to where I could feel the heat coming from him breathing in and out. I couldn't deny him. It was too hard to even imagine denying him in that exact moment I had with him.
We didn't even think at that moment in time.
I moved myself closer to his mouth until our lips had touched another. Our lips moved against one another with warmth. Sparks flooded between the both of us as he rested his hands against my back. He pulled me into his chest, away from the wall. We kept kissing each other. His drunken lips carried away more than I had expected him to. He kissed me as if his life depended on it. He pulled me on top of him while our breathing increased into heated breaths against each other's faces. JJ laid his hands along my back, running his fingers up and down my spine. We kissed with passion and like we couldn't stop kissing another.
JJ groaned in gentleness at the feeling of kissing me more in depthly than we had the night of my birthday. "I just want you." He whimpered and kept his fingers running against my spine.
That moment felt like it lasted forever.
We couldn't keep ourselves away from each other.
Feeling sick to myself about the cheating, I had started to realize how much Rafe and I didn't really match with each other.
We had our weird differences but we thought we made a perfect match.
He was an adult. I was just now becoming an adult. Pregnant with his child. We wouldn't talk about much except for the baby and about things that didn't even concern our relationship.
Rafe never complimented me.
He hardly touched me when we were alone.
Our kissing didn't happen most of the time, it never had the passion that was let out between JJ and mine's kiss.
My hands rested against JJ's cheeks while he kept me on top of him. We couldn't stop each other from that moment.
We became Heart to Heart.
________________________________
So, are you team Rafe or team JJ?
How do you think Isla is going to hide this from Rafe?