"There goes all your progress, Nads," I mumble to myself. I clutch the divorce papers in my hand, staring at his signature on the dotted line until it distorts.
My eyes sting with unshed tears, brimming over the edge of my bottom lashes and I do nothing to prevent them from falling.
One tear runs down my cheek, landing on Alec's signature and I try to wipe it away, smearing the ink.
"Shit," I cuss as another tear drops onto the paper, staining it. "Okay, fuck, Telana. Pull yourself together you lunatic."
"You can't keep doing this. It doesn't even make sense!" I scold myself for crying over something I wanted. Mourning over the loss of my marriage. A marriage I thought would last lifetimes.
"You need to pull yourself together," I breathe in deeply and release the breath through my mouth and I repeat it multiple times sounding like a woman in labor.
All abroad the crazy train! Once you're on there's no way in hell you're getting off. I promise there'll be plenty of fun going around.
I laugh out loud, feeling a lightness begin to seep into my chest, lifting the weight crushing my heart and lungs.
I feel like a genuine crazy person destined to be institutionalized.
I can see it now. In the coming weeks, I'm going to walk myself into the nearest psychiatric hospital and beg them to keep me locked up for the rest of my life. They won't need to drag me inside kicking and screaming but I would like the option just so I can choose to go kicking and screaming. All for the experience of course.
You're not funny.
Right, I'm not.
Rapid knocking brings my laughing to an immediate halt, and I freeze with the divorce papers still clutched tightly in my grasp.
I hold my breath, thinking, no, believing I've progressed to my next level of psychosis, imagining sounds which aren't really there to begin with.
Three rapid knocks, louder than before reverberate through the silence of the empty house and I finally breathe again. Followed by a long sigh of relief.
I'm not completely crazy.
I drop the papers on my bed, wiping away the tears drying on my cheeks, and I run my fingers through my messy hair. I take a quick look in my dressing table's mirror, hoping I look presentable instead of like the girl in The Ring. I don't want to scare the shit out of the person on the opposite side of the door although it would be hilarious.
The only thing I can see wrong with my appearance is my eyes, red and puffy from the crying. Nothing I can do about it now.
"I'm coming!" I call out, my voice croaky and hoarse almost sounding like that of a person possessed by something dark. Something demonic. That might be a bit too dramatic.
I guess everything about me today is a bit too dramatic.
Like my conversations.
And my emotions.
Sigh – and my reactions.
But I'll tell you what though, it's a load of shit.
A huge pile of steaming, stinking shit fresh from the – three more knocks sound out, more impatient than the last, snapping me from my most rational thoughts of the day.
"I'm comin!"
I pull open the door, ready to rip the person on the other side a new one for being so impatient but my mood instantly shifts when I recognize the familiar kind, honey brown eyes and salt and pepper hair.
His lips curl into a sweet, fatherly smile, his eyes crinkling in the corners before concern morphs his aging features.
"Alfred," I wrap my arms around his broad shoulders clad in an immaculate black suit, something I've never done before. I'm definitely off to the looney bin. Sayonara bitches! It was great knowing ya!
He awkwardly taps my back like release me you scoundrel. Okay, not really but I take a step back anyway, ending the awkward moment of contact.
"What are you doing here? I mean it's good to see ya, but shouldn't you be in New York close to your daughter and grandchildren?"
"Mr. Williams sent – are you okay, Miss Ellis?"
"Alfred, I told you plenty of times to call me Telana or Lana," I deflect. "Do I need to pack a bag or something?" I sprinkle over some more deflection, hoping he doesn't ask again. I don't like lying, I'm not fond of it but I will if I have to and right now is one of those moments where a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
"No, Telana, Lana," he moves his head to the side, mouthing my name. "I like Lana. It reminds me of my daughter, Lena."
"Where is she?" I ask, crossing my arms and leaning against the doorframe.
"Ireland," he smiles. "Are you ready to go?"
"Where are we going?"
"I'm under strict orders not to tell you."
"Not even a hint?"
"Not even a hint."
"Alright. Give me ten minutes, please. I want to freshen up and change my clothes."
"I'll be in the car."
"Alfred, you are more than welcome to come inside."
"Thank you," he smiles, and I step aside, welcoming him into my family home.
"Would you like anything to eat, drink?" I offer, shutting the door.
"No, thank you but if you could please point me in the direction of the bathroom, I would highly appreciate it."
"Follow me," I lead the way, ignoring the picture frames decorating the wall, hoping Alfred doesn't see Alec in nearly all of them.
I point to the bathroom anxiously, waiting for the questions about the man looking at me with so much affection but nothing comes and it's 'cause I'm freaking out for nothing. He didn't see the pictures.
It's best to just act as normal as humanly possible and not stand outside the bathroom while he does his business.
I walk to my bedroom, packing a few things even though he answered no. I can't go unprepared. Hell, I don't even know where I'm going.
I hate being unprepared and forcing me into a situation like this one seriously gives me the ick. Justin knows how much I despise it, but he's been wanting me to live life more in the moment instead of always knowing the how's, where's, and why's.
"Sometimes the unplanned and unprepared for moments are the best ones, love." Justin's words to me on our second date five years ago fills my mind and I catch myself grimacing and smiling at the same time.
I wish I could be more spontaneous and live life in the moment, unprepared. I'm getting there thanks to Justin. He's eased me out of my uptight shell and dislodged the stick shoved up my ass. With every surprise he springs on me like this, the more the stick shifts.
Yeah, okay. That's bullshit, I still hate being unprepared. No amount of coaxing will change that. It's who I am.
I shut my bedroom door, removing my navy-blue leggings and purple sweatshirt, replacing it with a high waisted black denim and a deep red crop top with off the shoulder long sleeves. I look in the mirror, inspecting my outfit before I wiggle my brows suggestively at my own reflection.
I tilt my head to the side, eyeing my cleavage on display. Justin will love this. I poke the swell of my breast peeking out from the top of the fabric flirtatiously, feeling the squishy flesh. He will definitely love this.
I run a brush through my hair before bending over and shaking it out, hoping to volumize my brown locks.
It kind of works but it's bushier than I would've liked. I run my hands over my wild hair, somewhat taming it.
I opt to dust light make up across my face, concealing the puffiness from my crying session. I look... normal again. It's scary how makeup can just hide something that's a part of us and make it disappear like it was never there to begin with.
I apply some lip gloss and smack my lips together. "I'm ready," I say to myself, running my fingers through my hair once more.
I place everything I just used in my bag, and I begin walking to the living room when I notice I have no shoes on. "Crap," I sigh, going back to my bedroom.
I never brought a pair of shoes to match this tee. I never thought I'd be here long enough to wear it.
I have a pair of sandals and white converse, but I know I had a pair of red heels somewhere in my closet for a valentine's dance Alec and I went to together for our last year in high school.
I never took it with me to New York. I didn't want to carry the weight of our most haunting, remarkable memories. My shoulders weren't strong enough to withstand the crushing weight nor was my sanity.
I rummage through my shoes until I find the only red pair of heels in my closet.
"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," Alec says awestruck as I descend the porch steps in a red dress and a pair of matching heels.
My cheeks warm at his words, "you're just saying that."
"No, I mean it," he smiles, his entire face lighting up. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out, and I'm one lucky man 'cause I get to call you mine," he says, cupping my cheek, inching closer and closer.
I force the memory away, my heart beating like crazy against my ribcage as I slip the heels on.
I feel the memory tugging at my present, trying to force my thoughts back to it. Trying to make me relive my past but I fight back, pushing harder not to remember.
Not everything needs to be a reminder.
"I'm ready to go-oh, hi mama, I didn't hear you come in," I say as she hands Alfred two lunch boxes.
"And I didn't expect to find this gentleman in my living room. Nearly gave me a heart attack."
"I'm sorry," I laugh, covering my mouth with my hand when mama gives me a stern look. "I didn't know Alfred was coming. I didn't know where you and daddy were or when y'all would be coming back."
"We were down by your daddy's bait store before we head out for a few nights."
"Romantic getaway?" I ask, wiggling my brows.
"Something like that. Where are you heading?" Mom eyes my bag.
"I don't know."
"When will you be back?" Mom asks, crossing her arms across her pink cardigan.
"I don't know, mama."
"What do you know, Telly?"
"Utterly nothing."
"C'mon now, Telana," my dad's deep voice startles me. "Your mama and I made sure you have something in that head of yours," a teasing tone entwines with his words, bringing my lips up in the corners in a small smile.
"It would seem all your efforts were in vain, daddy," I smack my glossed lips together. "All jokes aside, when I have more information, I'll phone or text but for now, I really don't know."
"I can tell you," Alfred interjects, getting to his feet and placing his hands behind his back.
My dad crosses his arms over his black and green flannel shirt, looking at Alfred with no emotion brightening his face. Dad gives him a once over before a smile breaks out on his face. "Please do."
"As soon as she's out of earshot," Alfred motions to me with his head, mirth blossoming in his honey brown irises.
"Fine, I'll go outside now," I walk to my mom and embrace her tightly. "I'll call you as soon as I know when I'm coming back. I love you, mama."
"I love you, too Telly."
"Take good care of her, she's an absolute Godsend," I jokingly warn dad before hugging him. I kiss his round cheek, his three-day old beard pricking my lips.
"Telana!" He scolds, wiping the sticky substance from his cheek.
"Love you daddy," I giggle, picking up my bag and I head to the door just as he says love you too. I shut the door behind me with a sigh.
I walk towards the black town's car, leaning against the locked door for roughly five minutes before the front door opens. Dad walks out with Alfred, a euphonious laugh bellowing from his lips and a sweet smile dancing across Alfred's round face.
"Are you ready for this four-hour drive?" Alfred asks, unlocking the car.
"Four hours?" I ask, opening the door. "I can do four hours, it's fine," I smack the air, unconvincingly. "It's a road trip, I've got this. We've got this," I gesticulate between us, nodding my head with what feels like a creepy smile accentuating my buccula.
"Let's do this, Alfie," I get in, suppressing my laughter when I see a white pillow and a turquoise fleece blanket. On top is a box of Reece's peanut butter cups and I melt into a puddle. "You did all this?"
"Mr. Williams wanted you to be comfortable on our journey."
Not much is said after that. I watch my scenery change from an ocean view to open fields to traffic on either side of me. I give half of my peanut buttercups to Alfred before I get comfortable on the pillow in the backseat.
Our tongues collide, tangling and weaving together in a fiery passion. My mouth explodes with a tingling warmth sending excited shivers down my spine.
My toes curl in my red heels, goosebumps explode over my entire body. The kind of goosebumps which even reach your cheeks.
My pulse races, my breathing picks up as his fingers tangle in my curled hair and I clench my thighs begging me to wrap them around Alec's waist.
My core aches, pulsates and throbs in desperation for Alec's touch and ample amounts of lustful attention.
My head is spinning with desire, my body burning from the inside out. A guttural moan vibrates through my chest, and he swallows the sound before breathlessly ending the kiss. Adding to my torture.
His gaze locks with mine, his pupils dilated, "we need to stop," he rasps in a whisper against my lips.
"I don't want to," I whisper, breathing out a shaky breath.
"We need to before we give your father a reason to introduce me to his shotgun."
"You shouldn't be worried about daddy," I smirk. "It's mama you should be worried about."
"That's true," he laughs huskily, leaning his forehead against mine. His fingers trail down my spine, resting against the small of my back. "You still wanna go to the dance?"
"I didn't get all dressed up for nothing," I smack his arm playfully. "We can finish what we started after the dance," I wink, capturing his lips. I close my eyes, getting lost once more in the feel of his lips on mine and his hands on my body.
I pull back and I'm straddling his lap. We're surrounded by darkness with the moon's bluish silver light caressing our skin at the back of Alec's blue pickup truck parked close to the weeping willow tree in his mama's yard.
An icy wind bites my skin but the warmth radiating my body from Alec's touch is enough to chase away the chill.
"You had this all planned?" I loosen his red tie, sliding it out from beneath his shirt's collar.
"I know you've always wanted to do it at the back of my truck under the moonlight," he smirks, his eyes twinkling and lighting up my night.
"You remembered."
"Of course, I did," he flips us over, my back hitting the warm blanket. "I'm going to make all your wildest dreams and fantasies come true. I promise," he leans down, claiming my lips.
His fingers brush over my breasts aching to feel his scorching touch. He releases my lips with a loud suck, trailing open, wet kisses down my jaw and neck.
"Alec," I whimper, wrapping my legs around his waist, and weaving my fingers through his hair with a gentle tug.
He breathes out a soft moan against my collarbone before closing his mouth on my skin, biting, licking, and sucking.
He grabs my exposed thigh, digging his fingers into my skin, slowly inching it higher. "Unhook your legs, angel," he commands with restrained desire seeping into his every word and I obey.
"So juicy, so fucking ready," he rubs his fingers over my thong before pushing it aside. "I'm dying for a taste," he slides his fingers over my sensitive clit, going lower to my pulsating entrance. He plunges his fingers inside of me, dousing them in my arousal.
"Alec," an animalistic growl of disapproval vibrates past my lips as he removes his fingers, seductively raising them to his lips.
He sucks his fingers into his mouth, his gaze locked on mine. "Mmmm," he hums in approval. "You taste so good," he moans, his restraint slowly seeping out of his black eyes. "I'm going to devour you."
I don't get time to register when he hikes up my dress, pulling my soaked thong down my legs eagerly. His fingers wrap around my exposed hips, and he lowers, licking his lips with determination.
"Fuck, you're everything I've ever wanted and more," he breaths against my pussy lips before spreading them apart with his fingers.
"Alec," I inhale an audible breath as he sucks my sensitive nub into his hot mouth. I sensually move my hips against his mouth, clenching the blanket in my fists.
"Perfection," he rasps, burying his face in my pussy and passionately making out with it. An Australian Kiss.
He doesn't stop licking, kissing, sucking, tasting, driving me wild. "Ahh, Alec, oh God, don't – ahhh, marry me," I moan, my mind delirious, my eyes rolling to the back of my head.
Alec chuckles against me, the sound sending vibrational waves through my body and amplifying the pleasure eradicating me. "Yes baby," he rasps, and my legs begin to quiver, shake, and stiffen around him.
Euphoria encapsulates me, my pussy pulsating on the verge of release.
A blinding, blissful white light flits behind my closed lids and I groan, sweat beading on my forehead. I sit upright, squinting my eyes and looking around me. The car is stopped at a gas station and I'm all alone, clenching my thighs.
"Fuck," I wipe my hands down my face, glaring at the sun which shone directly on my face.
"Could've at least let me finish my dream."
A/N: This is more of a filler chapter but I hope you enjoy it.
Thoughts?
Don't forget to hit that precious⭐
Thanks for commenting, reading, and voting❤️
I appreciate it tons!
Til the next chapter.
Lots of love❤️