#% ILLIAD MOON <3 !!!
i stare down at my plate at dinner. not a single word has come from my body in over 10 minutes. why was he there?
na jaemin in the flesh.
right there.
what could he possibly be doing here.
"i'm going to go to the bathroom really quickly!" i say to the boys. they all say a quick 'okay!' before going back to their conversations.
i watch as hyunjin's head turns towards me, his eyes follow me until i'm through the gymnasium doors.
i walk along the hallways and trace them, remembering the pathways from when i went here.
i find the bathroom and run into it.
my feet take me to the sink and i look at the mirror hanging above it. my hands grip the ceramic so tight, i fear it is going to crumble beneath my shaking hands.
i think about the time ara gwan stood behind me while i washed my hands.
she said vile things about my appearance as i tried my best to tune every thing she said out. it didn't work though, i heard every single word she said to me.
i went home after school and cried the entire night.
i notice that my eyes are swelled up with large tears that are just begging to fall down my face. i don't know if it's from seeing jaemin or remembering all the awful things that happened to me in this school.
i grab a paper towel from the dispenser and tap at my eyes, trying my best to get rid of the tears.
my chest falls up and then down as i breathe heavily. a tear escapes my eye and falls down my face.
i shake my head, letting my chin fall and touch my chest.
the sudden noise of the door opening scares the living daylights out of me. i swear i jump fifteen feet in the air. my head turns as my body does.
ara gwan stands in the doorway, she's as shocked to see me as i am shocked to see her.
"oh" is the only word that leaves her mouth as the two of us stare at each other. i take in her appearance while i can.
she's still tall, still skinny, still beautiful. of course.
she has bangs now, much like i did in high school. her hair is cut short now, just like mine was in high school. she still wears a face full of make up, i started after moving to new york.
the two of us are at a standstill, the crumpled up paper towel still in my hands.
"illiad?" she says, cocking her head to the side, her black hair falling with the sudden motion of the thing it's attached to.
"you got," she looks me up and down, "skinny."
i raise my eyebrows at her. i don't know if she's saying it like it's a compliment, it sure as hell isn't.
years of her tormenting me for my weight all comes back when she mentions how my body looks. i feel queasy underneath her gaze again, like i could throw up all over her shoes.
i don't say anything, i stay silent as she walks around me, going to look in the mirror.
she takes a large makeup bag out of her even larger designer purse. she plops the case down onto the counter, unzipping it and pulling out various products to fix her makeup with.
"how's hyunjin" ara asks me as she powders her face, the cushion bouncing up and down on her perfect skin.
"i see you have him back" she turns around to face me. i still don't say a word.
she sucks her teeth and looks back in the mirror. "he always was stupid" she grabs an eyeshadow palette out from the bag, fixing up the glitter that sits underneath her eyes.
it takes everything in me to not bash her face into the mirror in front of her.
she doesn't say anything for another minute as she swipes a peach colored lip tint across her lips, smacking them together when she's finished.
ara stuffs her bag into her purse and walks towards the door again.
"he'll always choose you. i don't know why, but he always will" is the last thing she says before she disappears and the door closes.
i turn back to look in the mirror, shocked that that just happened.
i don't move a single inch, i just look around the bathroom and think. what did she mean? what could she possibly be talking about? what is going on?
the door opens again and i'm expecting ara to walk back through it and spew harmful words at me like she always did.
"ara, i don't want to hear it" i say as the door opens, im facing the mirror now, taking in my own appearance.
the face in the mirror isn't ara's though. in fact i would rather it be stupid ara gwan's.
his big dark eyes stare at me in the mirror, covered with a pair of big round glasses that sit on the bridge of his nose.
i stand in silence, looking at his reflection in the mirror.
he doesn't move closer and i don't move a single part of my body. both of us stand stiff like statues, like we're playing a game of freeze tag and both of us got got.
"hi" jaemin breathes out and its the first sound in over 2 minutes.
my eyes swell up with tears as his voice penetrates my ears, consuming every part of my being as i remember every time it spoke to me.
i don't say anything, i just stare as a tear begins to roll down my cheek.
"i'm sorry for coming in here," he says, "i just, i needed to see you."
"you didn't need to see me or talk to me for the last 8 months, jaemin" i say to him. his name tastes like poison in my mouth, i want to spit it out and slap him across the face in all one go.
"i'm awful" he says after a moment of silence and i scoff. "i'm glad you realize that" i say, it's quiet.
jaemin goes to say something again but he's cut off by the door swinging open. here comes ara, i think, here to spread her hatred to the world around her.
it's not ara though.
it's hyunjin.
for the first time since he started dating ara, i'm glad to see hyunjin.
he steps in and let's the door shut behind him with a soft thud. he looks between jaemin and i, confused or maybe he's angry, i can't tell.
maybe it's both.
"what are you doing here?" hyunjin looks at jaemin with hatred in his eyes. he's angry, he's definitely, 100% angry.
"what are you doing here?" jaemin asks hyunjin's question back to him.
i look down at hyunjin's hands, his fingernails are poking into the palm of his hands. i don't know what he's trying to suppress but if it's the urge to hit jaemin, i don't know if i'd stop him.
"i came to check up on moonie because we're going out to dinner" hyunjin says, blinking at jaemin.
"oh," jaemin looks between both hyunjin and i, "you're a thing now?" his eyes become sad and confused.
my eyebrows crinkle together in less than a second as i look between the two males. "how did you come to that conclusion?" i ask him as i look at hyunjin, his eyes pierce me, burn holes into every part of my body that he looks at.
"the way he-" hyunjin cuts jaemin off before he can even finish his sentence.
"with the boys, jeongin is here. we're having our yearly dinner. what are you doing here, you didn't answer my question."
"oh, you mean the dinner you missed last year because you were an asshole to moonie and the rest of the boys" jaemin takes a stab right at hyunjin.
hyunjin's eyes shut tight like he's holding back all of the anger right there.
"you don't get to call me that" i speak up for the first time since hyunjin entered the bathroom. both of their heads turn towards me, both of their eyes burn right through me.
"what?" jaemin says.
"you don't get to call me moonie, don't ever call me moonie," i say to him, "you lost that privilege when you fucked my feelings over and ruined my perception in the media."
his shoulders slump and i can tell i hit him where it hurts. "you lost that privilege, jaemin, when you decided to never text me back."
jaemin just stares at me, no words come from his mouth. he just stares.
i walk between the two of them, grabbing hyunjin's wrist as i reach the bathroom door. "hyunjin, let's go" i say as my hand pulls open the heavy entry way.
we leave the bathroom, leaving jaemin behind.
"moo-" i cut him off before he can even speak. "don't talk."
when i look up from the bowl of food in front of me, hyunjin is looking at me. the boy sits across from me, slowly picking at his large bowl as well.
"are you two okay?" i hear chan ask from the end of the table, my head turns and i look at him, nodding my head.
hyunjin does the same.
"i'm good" we say at the same time before looking at each other.
"weird" i hear jisung whisper to minho who sits beside him.
"you could whisper quieter" i say to jisung and he shrugs. "i don't know how to, i have two volumes moonie. loud and somehow louder" jisung says, earning a laugh from everyone at the table.
"i'm glad you're self aware" i smile at the boy and he nods, a big smile on his face.
my attention turns to jeongin who sits on the other side of hyunjin. the smile on his face is wider than i've ever seen it before.
"innie, how are you feeling?" i ask him and he giggles like he's been waiting for someone to ask him that.
"i'm so happy" he says looking at everyone around the table. "i'm so glad to have everyone here" jeongin says, looking beside him.
"everyone."
hyunjin smiles and pats the kid on the back. "anything for you, pal" he says before sliding some more noodles between his lips.
"and of course you moonie. i knew you were going to come but it's still amazing to have you here" the boy who had become my little brother says and a cheeky grin falls across my face.
"innie, i'd move the sun and the moon if you asked me to" i reach over and grab his hand across the table.
"if i asked her to move the sun and the moon," felix starts from beside me, "she'd tell me to fuck right off."
everyone at the table shares a big laugh at felix's joke.
"hey! it's not that" i say between giggles. "it's just that-" jeongin cuts me off before i can even finish what i am saying. "i'm an angel" he says, he draws a fake halo over his head with his finger before placing his two hands underneath his chin.
"exactly!" i point, remembering the time he said that last christmas.
"maybe a fallen one" hyunjin chimes in, continuing on with the joke from the holiday. jeongin shoves him slightly and we all laugh as we remember the holiday we spent together the year before.
"ugh," seungmin sighs loudly, "we were so naïve." his head shakes.
"that we were" hyunjin says, his eyes stay on me as he utters his words.
we enjoy the rest of our dinner, eating and chatting about everything under the sun. we talk about how much i love school, how i've started writing poems after taking a literature class last semester, how i should've taken up writing a long time ago with the words that would come from me.
i think when we talk about that, they reference the letters that i wrote. i knew all of them knew but i don't think they want to embarrass me or talk about it in front of both hyunjin and i.
we've never talked about the letters, not since the night of prom, when our friendship changed forever.
when we get the bill, chan and hyunjin tell us they're going to pay for the entirety of it. it was hefty but their famous money paid for every last dime and more.
jisung tells us he's glad they took the bill, he would not have been able to afford it.
it earns a laugh from all of us.
as we all go to leave, hyunjin puts his hat and sunglasses back on, hoping he won't be seen by the media the second he steps out of the building. i get it.
we all congregate outside of the restaurant, saying our goodbye as we had all taken separate cars.
"hey moonie" hyunjin runs after me as i walk to my car. i turn around and wait for him to reach me.
"yeah?" i ask, looking up at him. he smiles for a second before continuing on. "would you mind if i caught a ride back with you?" he asks and i shake my head.
"no, no, hop in" i say.
we walk to my car and i unlock it with a swift press of a button. the car turns on and we make our way back to our houses.
the car ride is silent and the only thing that plays is the songs that echo from the speakers around my car.
it's a playlist of songs hyunjin and i collaborated on. i listened to it, even when i hated hyunjin with every fiber of my being.
he bops his head along to the music as i drive. our hands are dangerously close on the center console and every few seconds he looks at them, like he's tempted to take my hand in his.
we pull into the gated neighborhood and i let him out in front of his house. his head peers down right before he goes to leave.
"have a good night, moonie" he says. "you too, hyunjin" my voice is barely above a whisper. he walks up his driveway and i drive just a few houses down to my house.
i park the car and go to walk up the stairs, just as my hand reaches the knob, i hear pounding footsteps behind me.
hyunjin runs up, his body a few inches away from mine.
"if i don't do this now, i won't do it ever" he steps closer to me. his hands grab onto both sides of my cheeks and i know what's about to happen.
i'm getting what i've been wishing for for 2 weeks now, a sober kiss.
his lips crash down onto mine and i swear my body heats up all over. his hands are still against my cheeks, my hands rest on his biceps. he kisses me hard, like he'll never kiss someone again.
i want to kiss him again. this kiss isn't even over and i want to kiss him again.
he pulls away after a few seconds, staring back at me. he blinks a few times before a smile falls onto his face, a smile falls onto mine as well.
"i'll see you soon, moonie" he says and he runs back in the direction of his house.
my fingers reach up and i touch my lips, they're still tingling, still feeling every part of his lips on mine.
i just kissed hwang hyunjin.
i just kissed hwang hyunjin.
i just kissed the boy i was in love with for 5 years.
i just kissed the boy i was in love with for 5 years.
i think i still love hyunjin.
i think i still love hyunjin.
oh fuck.
AUTHORSNOTE.zip
IVE BEEN WAITING TO POST
THIS CHAPTER SINCE I WROTE
IT. i've been waiting to see you
guys absolutely lose your shit when
you read it. ever since i edited this
and really took a step back, i was like
omg i can't wait for my readers to
read thisssss. im so happy. so so happy.
the babies are coming back but don't
worry, i never like to give them a good
time so more rough times witb be coming
#lol #i have to stop hurting my characters
anyways i hope you guys really
really loved this one and i can't wait
to see all of ur reactions. i love you all and
thank you so much for reading.
vote and comment for more never again!