"It's probably better off this way
and I confess baby, in my dreams you're touching my face and asking me if I'd want to try again with you... and I almost do"
August 2nd, 2021.
OuterBanks, North Carolina.
𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼 𓇼
The rest of the morning went on in a blurriness that didn't seem real to me. Rafe strolled around the town beside me, walking in and out of local stores that we enjoyed. His large hand intertwined with mine as he caught the attention of some of the Kook mothers who hung around in the downtown area of the town. They stared at us with intent and had smiled at us, before they would go back to doing their daily dose of gossiping with another. We looked at baby items that we would need in a couple of months when it was time to create the nursery in his townhouse condo. Coming up with ideas of what we wanted the nursery to look like, even though he didn't care about that aspect. He wanted the baby to just be happy and taken care of. He had passed the ability to take care of what I wanted in the nursery and whatever was needed for the child, which made me appreciate that he wanted me to plan out the nursery and clothing. He held onto me as he was occupied with looking at all the baby things that I would need to purchase in a couple of months. Confused with all the items, he asked slight questions as we figured it all out with one another or the help from the google searches.
Once we were finished, we headed over to the college where I would be inducted into becoming a coach. Nervousness took over my body until I went into the gym where they were holding the induction. Crowds of people sat around on both sides. Parents of the players and students sat on both sides with excitement rumbling throughout their own expressions. Rafe sat himself beside his step mother and sister. Rose sat behind my parents as they had Kaia in between the both of them. I headed to the president of the college, the athletics director and department, alongside multiple teachers that were there to welcome me. I stood up in the middle of the gym that had welcoming banners behind me with balloons as decorations. Peeking behind me where my parents had been seated with my boyfriend, I saw John B, Kiara, and Pope sneak their way in before the principal would announce me as the coach for the new season. Kiara held a bouquet of flowers in her hands, following behind the young boys. My eyes stared at my friends before they caught onto me looking at them, waving at me in excitement as many people were conversing with each other.
I waved back at them with gentleness before I glanced over towards the door in hopes that JJ had appeared from thin air. It crushed my heart that he wasn't there but I couldn't force him, I knew he was hurt. I stood side by side with the athletic director and the athletic department. My fathers friend stood up beside the athletic department with his suit and tie on, looking as spiffy as he could in the early hours of August. Kiara, Pope, and John B sat next to my father and mother that had been staring at me with pure excitement on their faces. The older male principal stepped up to the podium, turning on the microphone that sat there in hopes to be used. I directed myself towards the front in order to pay attention as others were quitting down for them to hear the announcements. Hearing the shutting of a door, I turned my head to see JJ walking into the gymnasium with embarrassment across his face that he even showed up. I squinted my eyes to get a good look at him. He had worn black slacks and a nice button up shirt, making me think that he came from working on the golf course. He held a large bouquet of tropical flowers in his left hand, dangling them above the ground. He walked over to the area where our friends had been sitting.
I turned towards the front again. My heart sank into my chest that he had actually come. I didn't believe it, which became a blur to me during that moment as I tried to focus on the principle and what he had to say. "Happy Monday to all of you that have shown up to this momentous occasion for our college as well as our volleyball program." The older male spoke into the speaker with his deepened voice that echoed throughout the gym. My father's friend smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up to make me feel more comfortable. "For starters, the school is thoroughly proud of the pick we have chosen for the new volleyball coach. With the help of our athletics director and athletic department that helps organize our sports, we want to welcome Isla Madison as our new head coach of the OBX Mustangs." The principal spoke before he turned with a large smile forming on his face. He clapped his hands alongside others in the crowd that were cheering from the stands. He stepped aside from the podium, allowing me to step up to it.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and made sure to stand up in a straight position. I cleared my throat and waited for those to settle down in the crowd. Nervousness and panic started to rush into my bloodstream thinking about speaking in front of hundreds of people that sat in the stands, but I knew that I had to prove to myself that I was doing the best I could. "Thank you so much to all of you who came out in this humid weather to see me be inducted into this incredible coaching position." I spoke into the microphone with a large smile on my face. People started to clap again from me speaking which had taken away from the anxiety, as if it was being subsided. "I'm very excited for this upcoming season to train hard with the team but also show them what a mustang represents. I know how hard volleyball can be at times but I believe that this team has what it takes to meet nationals this year." I explained into the microphone as my legs shook with nervousness. "I was blessed with this job from our athletic directors and our incredible staff that works at this prestigious school. I cannot wait for this upcoming season, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the support and love that is pouring out." I spoke once again and let the crowd clap before I stepped away from the podium, allowing the athletic director to step up to the podium with confidence in his ability to speak.
The athletic director stepped into the spot of where I was standing and waited for people to finish clapping for me. I glanced towards my friends and family who were cheering excessively because they had known me. "Congratulations to you, Coach Madison." The athletic director stated as the crowd started to clap once again. I mouthed 'Thank You' to the young male athletic director that was as well dressed as my father's friend. "This season will start tryouts on the fifteenth. Please be here by six in the morning to start the training with Coach Madison. There will be multiple days of training and on the fourth day, the teams will be made exclusively by Coach Madison, the athletic department, and me." He explained with his hands resting on the podium. People started to clap again. "Coach Madison has played extreme volleyball since she was in elementary school including club volleyball. She will be having assistants to help her during her first season, but our school is so excited to have her here!" He smiled and turned to me as he clapped his large hands against another. Feeling at peace with the situation, I clapped from his speech and nodded my head towards him.
The athletic director stepped away from the podium and allowed the principal to come back up. The older man waited for everyone to settle down. "If any of you have questions regarding this new season, please contact coach Madison on our school website. Thank you everyone for coming to celebrate Coach Madison!" He spoke as he had been dismissing people with his last speech. The athletic director, Jamie Ashlyn turned to look at me with a large grin forming on his face. "Congrats! See you on the fifteenth!" He smiled as he shook my hand. I smiled back at him while my hand sat inside his. "Thank you sir!" I responded to him before I turned away from all of the powerful men that ran the college. Tucking strands of hair behind both of my ears, I started to walk towards my family that stood up from the bleachers to run over to me.
Rafe hurried towards me with excitement over his entire face. Smiling, he reached me and picked me up with his large hands holding my waist. I wrapped my arms around him and smiled as wide as I could. Nothing could be better than this moment. Being with him. Being in his grasp. Knowing that he loves me as much as I had been loving him. He spun me around in his arms slightly before he sat me back down onto the ground, my feet hitting the ground in gentleness.
"I'm so proud of you." He told me with a large smile still stuck on his face. He bent down towards my face, pressing his lips against mine as everyone had watched the moment. Kissing him back, I held onto his shoulders before looking up into his dazzling blue eyes that shined whenever he looked at me with innocence. Kiara, John B, Pope, and Sarah hovered near us and took attention away from Rafe. He stepped back with a large smile on his face and stood beside my father, crossing his arms over his chest. Kiara and Sarah rushed me into a hug. Their grasp held onto me with a form of tightness but affection full of love. John B held the beautiful bouquet of flowers that Kiara brought as a small congratulations gift. "I'm so happy for you, Iz." Kiara smiled as she pulled away from the hug beside Sarah. Smiling widely, I felt extremely loved at that moment. Feeling wanted. Appreciated. "Isla, I'm so proud of you." Sarah spoke and stood with her hands on her hips as she was admiring me with her brown doe eyes. Kiara handed me the bouquet. "Thank you guys so much. I love you." I told both of them, taking the bouquet into my long arms.
John B and Pope stood beside each other. John B cleared his throat to catch the attention from me away from his girlfriend and Kiara. "JB! Pope!" I said with enthusiasm forming in my throat. I opened my arms as I held the flowers in my left hand, my right arm wrapping around John B's neck as Pope stood beside him in hopes that he would get his own hug. As I stood on my toes to hug John B, I made eye contact with JJ. His dazzling blue eyes made me feel a peace that I hadn't felt since we were normal. He stared at me with pure sadness deep inside his pupils. I could feel his emotion just by looking at him, wanting to save him from any harm I had ever caused him despite our disputes with each other. I loved him. I loved him as my best friend. I loved him as my everything, just wasn't in love with him. Only time could heal all, which if in the end meant that I wasn't supposed to be with JJ or Rafe, I would have other plans in life as a person. I knew that I didn't need to depend on any man, but right now, I was so in love with Rafe that I couldn't see myself being with anything or anyone.
John B held me in his tight grasp as I stared into JJ's blue eyes before he turned away from me with embarrassment rushing to his cheeks. I knew that he was scared to talk to me after our argument, but I knew that it would be for the best that I break the uncomfortable feeling between us. Remembering what my father had mentioned to me — talk to him in private and discuss our issues before I leave on the South Carolina trip. The only thing was that I would need to explain to Rafe that I needed to make amends with JJ, alone. "Congratulations Kook Princess." John B smiled as he pulled away from the long hug we had shared after not seeing another for a couple of weeks. I smiled back at him and took my eyes away from JJ, staring back into John B's brown eyes while he hovered above me with excitement across his face. "Thank you JB! I'm so happy you guys made it." I told him before I had opened my arms to hug Pope. The young male had held me in his arms like John B had done, his hands against my hips. "I'm still mad that you didn't tell me you were pregnant but I'm so happy for you. You're going to be an amazing mother, Isla." Pope spoke as he hugged me and moved side to side in a comforting motion. I couldn't help but to smile.
Pulling out of his hug, I tilted my head off to the side. "I'll show you the ultrasound when we go back to Sarah's house." I smiled at him once again and stared at the hardworking boy that hasn't been able to hang out due to him working in hopes of getting a scholarship to a college. He nodded at his head before Rose stepped her way into the conversation. She had worn a beautiful dress covered in small roses, along with her red heels she wore when my family and I moved in next to her home. She held another beautiful bouquet in her arms, handing me it before she took me into a large embrace. I held the flowers in my left arm and hugged her back. "I'm so proud of you, and I know that if Ward was here, he would be so proud of you too!" She told me while her chin sat against my shoulder. I smiled despite the fact that I didn't like Ward's character towards his son and family the way that others had. "Thank you, Rose!" I responded to her. The hand of my father touched my shoulder before he pulled me into a hug that involved my mother as well. Kaia stood there until she ran towards JJ in excitement that he had shown up.
JJ hugged her with gentleness before he picked her up with one hand. JB turned and started to talk with Kaia, making her giggle lightly. Hugging both of my parents with pure happiness overcame me as people started to move out of the gymnasium. My father and mother kissed both sides of my cheeks, the warmth flushing my face with a smile. "I'm so proud of you, baby girl." My mother spoke as she held the back of my head with the palm of her hand. Staring into her bright blue eyes with love inside my heart. Being around my family was one of the biggest reasons that made me happy. The extreme love all of us had for one another made it possible to keep the family together as one, despite my parents being so in love with another. Their love was everything I wanted. My parents set the standards so high, teaching me what to expect from a man in which Rafe started to give towards me. He fulfilled the expectations and made me feel head over heels for him. "Thank you guys." I told both of my parents before my mother kissed my cheek once again. My father stood with his hands on his hips, staring at me and my mother with pure happiness coming over his usual mannerisms.
My mother nodded at me before turning back to Rafe. His blue eyes watched us intently while he stood beside his step mother. He glanced towards JJ who held his head down in embarrassment, while he kept holding Kaia because she couldn't stand to be away from him for more than a day. Rafe threw his head with gentleness into JJ's direction, encouraging me to speak to him. I nodded my head at him and smiled that he was being mature about the situation. Rafe came closer to me once my parents backed away from me. "Go say something to him." He mentioned. I nodded my head once again at him and headed towards JJ as my parents started to leave the gymnasium with Rose by their side. Approaching JJ, I looked at Kaia as she wrapped her small arms around him. John B smiled, taking Sarah in his hands and pulled towards the door to allow JJ and I to speak with another. Pope and Kiara followed behind my parents, then were followed by Rafe, Sarah, and John B. I stood in front of JJ as he looked up at me.
His eyelashes fluttered at the sight of me. "Hey J." I smiled towards him as he lifted his left arm up to hand me another bouquet of flowers. My smile had widened at the sight of my favorite flowers being placed in front of my face. I didn't know that he knew what my favorite flowers were. A mixture of the sweet scented birds of paradise, pink, orange, and yellow hibiscus flowers that were surrounded with monstera leaves. "How did you know?" I asked him as Kaia dropped herself out of his hands after seeing my parents walk out of the gymnasium, she chased after them in fear of missing out. He had shrugged his shoulders. "Just remembered." He said as I opened my right arm to him. He accepted the hug awkwardly, holding me into his chest with his hands on my waist. "I'm glad you came." I told him as we pulled away from the awkward hug. We started to walk towards the exit of the gymnasium. He followed beside me, walking in sync with me. "I am too. Proud of you, kid." JJ spoke as he ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. "Thanks J. Thank you for the flowers too." I told him once again. He nodded his head towards me, pushing his hands inside the pockets of his black slacks.
"Welcome. I better get going." He stated as we had made our way into the humid midsummer sun. "Are you going back to the house?" I asked him. He had narrowed his eyebrows and shrugged. "I'm not sure." He responded as Rafe had held Kaia in his large arms once she caught up to my parents and him. "Come by, please." I told him and flashed him a soft smile that formed against my skin. He nodded his head towards me and bit the inside of his cheek. He turned away from me and rushed in the direction of the parking lot. My parents stared at me as I held three bouquets of flowers inside my hands, walking towards the group. They started to talk to another before they mentioned that we would see each other at Sarah's house later in the evening. "Wanna take a ride on the HSM Pogue later?" John B asked and wrapped his arm over my shoulder, draping it. I turned to him and smiled as we started to walk out of the campus. "Absolutely, JB." I told him in response while my fingers held on to the bouquets that were gifted to me. My father walked beside Rafe, watching Rafe carry Kaia in his arms. Hearing my parents comment to Rafe how good of a father he'll be to the child I was carrying inside me.
I smiled to myself that JJ had come. Even if it was awkward seeing each other after our dispute. It meant a lot to see him show up to the induction, but even though he was heartbroken, he still brought my favorite flowers that I didn't know he knew were my favorite. It was simple and sweet. It will be easier to talk to him, hopefully in the evening.
I hated arguing with him despite the many times we had argued with another.
I hoped that it would go back to normal.
5:00 pm.
Sarah and Kiara showered me in love from the moment we got back to her home. Sarah had made flower crowns for the girls, including Kaia and Wheezie as we celebrated. Rose and my mother were in the kitchen cooking with each other. The large house blasted music throughout the home as Sarah danced around barefoot with her boyfriend. Kiara drank a beer from the fridge that Rafe had bought at the store. Rafe sat on the couch outside where my father had been, talking about things that men usually talked about. Pope asked Rafe for permission to dance with me, which he approved after Pope was being a gentleman. Pope ran back over to me and grasped me into his arms by my waist. The warm breeze blew through our hair as we danced around in the long shards of grass.
Once I had gone home after being inducted into the coaching position, I changed into a much more comfortable long dress that was white. Flowy and cuffed against my arms in a sleeve. I laid my arms on Pope's shoulders as we danced around the yard. He had forgiven me for not telling him about Rafe and I becoming pregnant, but was even more excited when I showed him the ultrasound photos that just proved the pregnancy. "So Isla?" Pope spoke while he twirled me around in the soft grass. I smiled as I looked at the young man that I had always considered different. He was different but in a good way. He was an amazing person. He had a heart of gold. He was always sarcastic and funny. "Yes?" I responded to him and stared into his brown eyes that kept looking into mine. "Are you happy that you found your happily ever after?" He asked. He held my hips with his hands, rocking side to side while he kept his attention on me. I smiled at him once again. "I am, yeah." I responded once again and kept moving to rhythm with him. The flower crown made from greenery and small flowers of different colors laid against my forehead.
"We didn't think you would end up with him, but he seems good to you." Pope commented while he had a vibrant look coming over his face. I smiled at him once again as I dangled my hands on top of his shoulders. "Oh yeah?" I asked as I stared into his brown eyes once again with a luminosity inside my facial expressions. He nodded his head at me and glanced behind me. Hearing Sarah and John B laugh with each other, Pope started to spin me around with his hand holding onto mine. "We didn't think he would ever change. I was surprised that he came and apologized to me about kicking my ass all the time." Pope laughed as he spun me around into his chest. I shook my head at him and laughed in response. Cherishing the moment with my friends that made my heart warm in pure happiness. "He did it for me." I told him before he had spun me back around to face him. He held my waist with his hands once again. "He's a good man to you, which is all that matters." Pope spoke as I had laid my head onto his shoulders while Rafe and my father looked over with bright smiles on their faces. They were happy seeing me finally feel pure happiness after constantly arguing with JJ.
I held my hands onto his shoulders. Gazing over to see JJ walking towards Sarah and John B with his hands inside his pockets. His eyes spotted Pope and I dancing with another, nervousness starting to overtake my body when I saw him. It was like my body started to paralyze when I saw JJ come near me. "You're going to be such a good mom, Iz." Pope spoke into the party atmosphere while we danced around still with another. "How come you think that?" I asked him as I kept my eyes focused on JJ running his fingers through his blonde hair. He took his eyes away from Pope and I, talking to Sarah and John B about something that involved them. "Do you remember how many times we've all been hurt from doing stupid shit and you always had patched us back up." Pope laughed before we both erupted into laughter that surrounded us in the warm summer breeze. "God that brings back so many memories." I giggled towards him as I looked back into his eyes. "Maybe my kids shouldn't hang out with you or JJ with all the dumb things you guys used to do." I joked with him and grasped my hands onto his broad shoulders that were muscled.
"Do you want a boy or girl?" He asked while he had narrowed his eyebrows waiting for an answer. My shoulders shrugged gently. "Rafe wants a boy but I don't really mind." I smiled at him once again. He nodded his head towards me. "What if you have twins?" He asked before he started laughing once again. I shook my head and widened my eyes in pure fear that would ever happen. I couldn't imagine myself with twins, nonetheless I didn't really know what I wanted exactly. I never had time to think about it. "Oh absolutely not." I laughed back in response to his question. We kept spinning around with each other and enjoyed the moment that we had shared. Pope and I usually never had time to talk much one on one with each other. It was always him being quiet or a little different that left Kiara making fun of him every time we hung with each other. "Kids! Dinner is ready." My mother yelled from the porch that wrapped around the large Cameron's estate. Pope and I turned to look back at each other before Sarah, John B, and JJ started to walk towards the house. JJ didn't want to see or be around Rafe out of anger and disgust that he didn't have me the way that Rafe had done.
Pope and I walked side by side before I felt someone pick me up from behind. John B held me in his grasp as he threw me over his shoulder, him running towards the porch in order to eat dinner. Leaving JJ, Sarah, and Pope to walk together as they laughed at me kicking my feet in hopes of being dropped onto the ground. My hair covered my eyes, hanging upside down while blood started to rush to the top of my head. I hit JB's back with my hands and laughed from him throwing me over his shoulder, his hands holding onto my shins. "Come get your girl." John B laughed and said to Rafe before he transferred me into Rafe's arms. John B stared at me once I landed on my feet and pushed my hair back out of my face, laughter erupted from my mouth and my face turned a bright pink color. "You ass." I laughed at my friend that I've had since third grade. I smacked his chest as Rafe held onto me with his hands, smiling at me, messing with someone who became a brother to me. "Language young lady." My dad laughed before he walked inside the house to make himself a plate.
Kiara sat in the kitchen as she talked to my mother. "You're trouble." John B laughed before Sarah and Pope approached us. JJ followed behind them with sweaty palms out of pure nervousness. "She definitely is." Rafe responded to John B before both of them shook hands with a large smile on their face. Knowing that they could make fun of me and I would take it. "We're going on a boat ride later if you want to come, Rafe." John B mentioned to him as we started to make our way inside of the large estate. Rafe shook his head while holding my waist with his large hand. "I would but I want Isla to spend some time with you guys. We're going on a trip soon and I know she'll miss you guys." Rafe responded to the young boy that had been a couple years younger than him. John B nodded his head at the both of us. "Oh really? Where to?" He asked. Sarah stood beside me with a large smile on her face. "South Carolina so she can live out the Kook life." Sarah responded and laughed before she laid her head against my shoulder. I rested my head on her and cherished the moments I had with her.
"Going full Kook huh, Isla?" Sarah mentioned as she kept her head resting on me while the breeze blew against our sun kissed skin. "Going to get extra sun kissed, be pampered, everything." I had laughed and stared ahead of me while my parents had been speaking to Rose, Kaia, Kiara, and Wheezie in the kitchen. My mother placed a plate in front of Kaia. Kaia sat beside Kiara who started to eat after my mother placed a plate in front of her as well. Wheezie sat at the other barstool chair and waited for her mother to hand her the plate she had made for her. "Keep her in check, you know? She can be a little bossy." John B mentioned to Rafe which made him smile widely. Rafe nodded his head towards my friend before he watched John B walk into the house. Sarah followed behind him after she took her head away from my shoulder. I stood in front of Rafe, resting my head on his chest before he forced me to walk inside the house due to him starving. He grasped onto my hand and made me follow behind him into the kitchen that was seated beside a beautiful dining table which was set for all of us to eat at.
My mother handed my father a plate then started to make one for Rafe and I. Rose had taken care of Sarah and John B, handing them the plates that were holding warm pasta covered in homemade marinara sauce that Rose had prepared. My mother handed Rafe a plate and started to make mine. "Don't get your dress dirty sweetheart." My mother mentioned it before she handed me a plate. The pasta was sprinkled with a little bit of parmesan cheese in shreds, melting on top. I had walked towards where Rafe was seated, which was on the bench of the wooden table. I sat beside him and waited for my friends to be seated around us. JJ had disappeared towards Kiara, standing himself beside her to avoid being around Rafe and I at the table. Sarah sat across from me, her big doe eyes staring at me almost like she was thinking about what she wanted to say. Instead, we sat in a silent atmosphere with the music playing behind us until Sarah mentioned that the crown was starting to fall off my head. She pushed up the crowd for me and stared into my eyes, nodding her head at me.
7:15 pm.
As the evening passed by, cherishable moments surrounded us with pure bliss. We sat around the small campfire that my father started for the group of young adults. Sarah and John B sat in another's arms and enjoyed the sun while it lasted. Their skin glistened in the sunshine alongside everyone else's that sat around them. JJ had walked down to the dock that we stood on the night that Ward passed away in front of our eyes. He sat with his feet in the oceanic water, disassociating himself away from our friend group because of me. Rafe had left after dinner to allow me to spend time with my friends. He had gone home to the condo, preparing for our South Carolina trip. I sat with the warm fire hitting my bare feet. I rested my legs against my chest and stared at the fire crackle when it hit the fire wood. Kiara and Pope sat on both sides of me and glanced over towards JJ every couple of minutes to see what he was doing — knowing about the dispute we had faced yesterday since he hid with JB and Pope. I had sought Sarah and Kiara for the comfort that I had needed after the intense fighting.
"Going to catch some waves in South Carolina?" Kiara asked me while she tucked strands of her curly hair behind her ears. I nodded my head at her with a smile forming against my face. The eyes of all the teenagers stared at me as they waited for a response. "Why don't we go surf tomorrow morning and shred the waves?" John B questioned as Sarah didn't know how to surf, but she enjoyed watching the surf session. "I'm down." I said before Pope stood up from his seat. He started to walk in the house to grab a couple of drinks. "Anyone else want anything while I'm up?" Pope smiled as he held his arms open. Turning to him and watching him walk backwards towards the porch area. "Get me a couple beers." John B responded to him. Pope nodded his head and turned around to face the large estate. Turning away from the sight of my friends, I stared at JJ as he sat by himself on the dock. His hands held him up while he kicked his feet in the water with a slight gentleness that had sounded like waves crashing beautifully against the ocean.
I couldn't help but to keep staring at him. I started to wonder what was going through his head. What made him want to be alone? Away from everyone besides me as a reason? I kept staring at his tan skin shine underneath the sunshine that started to form into a golden sunshine. The sun sat against the horizon, staring to go down. "Looking at JJ, huh?" Kiara asked me as she scooted herself closer to me. I nodded my head while the breeze had blown my hair behind my head, making it more messy than it was with the flower crown on top of my head. "He's been distant enough to make us all wonder what's going on." Kiara responded before she glanced over to him as he sat by himself still, his eyes focusing on the water underneath him. "I'm going to go pick up my boat and ride it over here if anyone wants to come along." John B spoke as Pope started to come out of the house with a couple of beers in his hands. Sarah and John B stood up with each other, then Kiara followed. "You guys are leaving me so I'll talk to JJ, huh?" I asked the teenagers that stood up in front of me.
Pope came over to us and handed John B a beer, then handed Kiara and Sarah one. Sarah nodded her head while placing her hands inside the pockets of her flowy pants she had been wearing. "I should've known." I laughed which caused them to erupt in a small amount of laughter. Kiara tapped her hand onto my shoulder. "Have fun." She spoke as she handed me her beer because she had drunk enough for the evening. "Take this to him." She mentioned once again before John B and Sarah started to head towards the driveway that the Twinkie had sat in. Pope followed behind the young couple that started to date a while back. I nodded my head at Kiara and smiled, before she smiled back and headed towards our friend group that was leaving to go drive the boat over to the shared dock my father purchased with Ward. My hands held onto the cold beer, turning away from my friends and headed in the direction of the dock. JJ had laid his back against the dock with his eyes staring up at the sky that started to turn different colors. The breeze flowed through my white dress that was covering a bikini that I had put on my body that started to change due to the pregnancy, not much of a change but a start to a change. I held onto the beer bottle and kept walking barefoot on the soft green grass that hadn't been cut in a while.
Approaching the dock, JJ kept lying there against the dock. A panic started to form in my chest as I had wanted to walk away before even getting close to him. He laid lifeless on the edge of the dock with his feet still in the water. I knew that I needed to talk to him but I didn't know what to say first. I didn't know how to approach him. I didn't know what he was going through, and I didn't want to make it worse but the words of my father kept replaying in my mind over and over again. Forcing myself to walk on the dock, I started to walk towards JJ with the beer I was forced to bring for him. "Mind if I join you?" I asked him while the silence surrounded us before a wave smacked against the shoreline. "That beer isn't for you, is it?" He asked with a large smile overcoming his face as he sat up off the dock to look at me. His blue eyes stared at me while the sun peered on me. I stood above him and shook my head. I couldn't help but to smile being around him despite the awkwardness that formed around us. "It's for you actually." I responded to him while I handed him the cold beer that still had the cap on.
JJ took the beer from my hand. Our fingers touched each other gently before he turned his eyes away from me in embarrassment. Almost like he didn't want to look me in the eyes. He tapped his hand on the wooden dock, indicating that he wanted me to sit beside him. I nodded my head at him and sat myself down beside him. My feet dangled above the water because I sat too far away from the cold salt water that moved no matter what. "Thanks." He responded in a soft tone before he had breathed a small sigh. He placed the beer up to his mouth, his canine teeth locked underneath the cap before he pushed up and the beer cap flung into the water. He lifted the beer bottle up to his mouth once again but this time the beer coated his thirsty mouth. "Iz, I want to apologize for the way that I acted yesterday to you." He commented before he turned to look at me. His blue eyes gleamed into mine while a sincere look formed into his eyes. I nodded my head at him once again. "I came over here to say an apology to you, actually." I mentioned and scooted myself to the edge of the dock to dangle my feet into the oceanic water that coated my skin.
He narrowed his eyebrows. Sitting the beer down on the opposite side of him. He kept staring at me. "I'm sorry that I slapped you. That was wrong of me when I know you faced abuse for many years, it was just painful to hear the words that came out of your mouth. I was just angry." I told him and tucked strands of hair behind my ears, feeling the flower crown stay on my head still after a couple of hours. "You shouldn't be sorry for that, Isla. You had every right to do what you did." He spoke aloud after he listened to me speak with intentions of fixing our issues with each other. "I was being an asshole. I'm sorry for the shit I've been putting you through lately instead of just being happy for you." He said and ran his hand through his blonde hair that blew in the warm summer breeze. I stared at the water that started to crash against my feet. I didn't know what else to say. As much as we were both in the wrong, I couldn't imagine the pain he felt knowing that I wasn't in love with him the way he was in love with me. I faced the emotions when I told him that I was in love with him, just to be turned down by him.
Thinking about what to say, my mind couldn't come up with words quick enough. His voice paralyzed me that he wanted to go out of his way to apologize to me. He was stubborn at heart unless he actually wanted to apologize for something that he knew was wrong. "I understand why you've been acting the way you have though. It's understandable." I told him in response and shook my head towards him with a gentleness in my eyes. I laid my hands in my lap. "I rejected you and made you feel like you were the last person I wanted on this earth, and that wasn't even the case. I am just happy with Rafe." I explained to him and glanced into his eyes that started to water. "We were in love with each other at two different times. Rafe brought me the love that you didn't give me because you were in love with Kiara." I explained once again before I felt something in the back of my throat. He shook his head towards me. His blonde hair shook with his head. "Maybe we were meant for each other in a different life." I told him before he could even speak about how he felt about the situation we faced.
He nodded his head. I felt myself choke up at the thought of not having him around, but at the end of the day, I was happy with Rafe and who he was as a person. I didn't expect to ever end up with him but I couldn't see my life without him in the end. He was the father of my child, I couldn't avoid him even if I wanted to. "You don't mean that Isla." JJ spoke again before I noticed his eyes becoming more teary eyed while he listened to me speak to him. Swallowing the pain that formed in the back of my throat, I couldn't keep looking at him. I took my eyes away from him and stared at the water underneath us. Not knowing what to tell him during that moment. "We deserve each other but I told you I would wait for you." He explained. I nodded my head at him before I impulsively wrapped my arms around him. Relief flooded me after not being able to hug him for an entire month. Relief came into my back from allowing the stress to float away from my shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him tightly in my grasp. It took him off guard that I had wanted to be held in his arms one last time before everything would dissolve into the warm atmosphere. He placed his left hand across my back while his right hand placed itself on the back of my head.
His hand rustled in my hair. The flower crown had rested against this head as I laid my chin on his shoulder. Tears started to pour out of my eyes. I knew that things wouldn't be the same after this but at least our friendship would be put together once again. "Don't cry, Isla." He commented and ran his hand throughout the back of my hair. He started to untangle strands of hair from another. "I love you, I know you're in love with Rafe and I'm happy for you. I just want you to know that I'm here." He said with a gentleness in his tone.
"I love you, JJ." I told him while small tears fell onto his shirt.
"I love you too." He responded.
The silence formed around us, nothing made a sound except for the trees rustling in the wind. The ocean hitting against the shoreline.
There was nothing better than feeling the presence of my best friend, even through the issues we faced.
I almost wished that we were in love with each other in a different lifetime.