I know I am ahead of myself to think that when he said he lost someone he loves me. But I was glad that he did not get his episodes on indirectly mentioning Vandigana to him.
He had been rather smug from yesterday to today. I am not sure how? I know his expression, usually, it was always this blank, emotionless face, who hardly reacted in any way, and I also know his face when he is with his family.
But from the last two days, the way his eyes have been stuck on me is not truly the best kind. Maybe I am just imagining it because of what happened that night.
But, when I use to sit in the television room before, he hardly ever looked at me, and yesterday when I was serving the food, it almost felt like he was laser my skin and marking his territory or something. And when I bent to give him food in his place, for instance, I even felt him looking at my cleavage area.
I was not comfortable but strange I was not exactly uncomfortable.
I knew I will move past my rape fast because it was a common practice in my life for one year. But I did not expect him to move past it so quickly.
When he was behind me yesterday in the kitchen, the way his eyes felt on my back, I have known that eyeing look, only to not feel that uneasiness I turned around immediately to him and implied that I did not understand what is going on here.
And when he asked me to take him out, and I bitterly replied to him, he had that twisted look on his face, hardly any expression, but the eyes, his multicolor eyes speak so much that he understands.
I intently asked Divya to come along, and I am not sure if he heard me and brought the bike instead of the car, or if he just did it purposely beforehand.
I did sit on the bike, but I did not keep my hands anywhere on him, I would have done it if he hadn't been such a weird man these last two days.
But he was quick when he jumped the bike on intention, the fear of falling caught me and I handed up holding onto his shoulders,
He is like this cube frame, every time you turn the cube it's a new personality. The letters and the gajra in the past were the sweetest of all, but when I came here, the understanding and helping were the kindest of, but then came along that beast side of him, the dangerous and cruel one, and right now, here we are, at this stupid smug and flirt, and dirt side.
I talked with him. My last two questions were returned with answers, and it was his turn to talk to me. I waited, but nothing.
When he turned on this edge, this sudden kid ran in the narrow street and he had to stop the bike and I was thrown on his back completely, my hair all over his side face, while my face was next to him,
He instantly turned his face, with his one hand out, almost around me, his first instinct after the almost accident was to protect me.
His eyes carefully rested on my face, I am glad he knows I have a face, rather than my chest and my backside. I sat back down, looking the other way, as the kid ran away,
"Are you okay?" He asked me, yes I am.
"Hmm," I hummed him a reply. He nodded, and restarted the bike, after two more turns we entered the market. I got off as quickly as possible, so many people joining their hands together and greeting him, even the elders.
He hardly returned them any greetings, all he did was look and nod. Is he someone big here? I know he works with Babasaheb of Chandravanipur, but he?
When we entered the busiest market, a woman and a kid ran over to him and hugged him, as he sat down on his knees and hugged her back.
See...sweet again!
When an old woman walked behind the kid, joining her hands and greeting him. "Saheb! My granddaughter can go to school because of you!" She said as she fell on his feet,
Now Kind...
He squatted and pushed her up, telling her not to worry and never do this again. She kept thanking him. Until he sent the kid with her.
When people kept appearing for different things before him, I was sure for a moment that he is the Babasaheb of the town. How come he has done everything for them? Schooling for kids, medicines for sicks, helping old people at their daughter's wedding, resetting a person's shop which burnt in the fire, and setting the water pump in the family who did not have them.
When they came one after another they all looked at me, for the first two or three times he ignored but then his eyes grew curious and everyone started to muffle alone.
When this old woman walked towards him to thank him for the medical bill he paid, she without a second thought just asked him who was I?
And he smiled, as he replied, "Maahri Lugai se," (My wife) His gleaming eyes, when he told her, confused me. He told the place he lives at, that I all his wife, what if I leave someday?
Is he planning to never let me go?
Do I want that?
I was baffled, but she smiled and walked to me, as she kept her hand on my head, giving me her blessings, some people followed behind.
While I and him had turned completely awkward when finally the people were completely thanking him, he turned to see me, the first time since he announced I am his lugai.
"You are going to live with me, let them believe whatever!" he said in one go, and then turned walking more inside the market. I followed behind,
He is right though, if not this what is he supposed to call me? His eyes carefully searched around the market.
"Why were they thanking you? Shouldn't they be thanking Babasaheb because you do the work for them right?" I asked him when he shook his head.
"No, these are people who I have helped personally." He replied so casually, looking at the kids playing in the market, my eyes staring at his sharp jaw,
"Why he does not help them?" I asked a genuine question, he is the one who is ruling here, shouldn't he be helping all the people?
He turned looking at me, "Their world is big, high, and above. They live on the top of all, and never bow, how do you think they will ever see what is going beneath them!" he used the most effective words to prove his point.
Right, they live above and never bow, how will the rich ever know what is going beneath them?
He helped so many people, he must earn a lot. That is why maybe he doesn't have the big money needed to help his house back. And he is not at work either.
I found the medicine shop with a female employee, I immediately jumped to go there but remembered I have no money. I waited, how can I ask him for money what should I tell him?
I mean, when we were kids it was a different thing. Now?
I waited, but I asked anyways, "Daiwik can you give me some money? Forty rupees is fine!" I called out, and he frowned,
Will he refuse?
His hands went in his back as he brought out his purse, and pushed it towards me. "Take whatever you want. It's all yours!" He said, my eyes went to show my wallet, and it was filled with so much cash, that it was very fat in size, some money was even visible from the top of his old wallet. Because they must not fit in.
"I just need little money," I can't take the cash without asking, the last time I did it. The consequences were dire.
~
PAST (3 years ago~) -:-
"Ammi, it's not there! What should I do?" I implored Ammi, who just shook her head. "What can I do? Use old clothes!" She said.
"You know I get...the infections and rashes! I can't use cloth!" I called her roaming around in the bedroom behind her while she cleaned it.
"You know if I ask Murshad for money again after I asked him for your books, he will ask me why I need them, what will I say? And he will get mad if I ask for more money," She said and halted to look at me. "You are a woman! You should learn to adjust! You will not always get what you want!" she said and when Abba started to cough, she ran to him.
I just studied in coaching how dangerous it can be! I walked out, Murshad was bathing in the bathroom, I walked by the wall cutout and saw his wallet.
I did not want to but no one will listen to me, I checked again if he was still bathing, and as I picked up the wallet, and opened it, there was cash in so many changes in the wallet. I only need 24 rupees, I searched thoroughly as I picked two ten rupee notes and I had four coins on my own with the leftover book money.
I just shut the wallet and kept it back the same way. I went back to do my work.
Served the food to Murshad, and as he ate, started to get ready for work, wearing his accessories as he picked up the wallet and started to dig inside. Flipping the money back and front, again and again, as he halted briefly,
I went back to stare at my book, so he won't get doubt but then he shut the wallet, as he walked towards me.
"Where is the money?" he asked me, I blinked,
"What money?" I asked as innocently as possible his eyes darkening as he walked towards the wall, picked the rod Ammi uses to hang the clothes, and stepped towards me, pushing it in the air, as he hit me with it on my back, I fell on the floor.
"Murshad!" Ammi screamed, "Tu ne chori shuru kar di?" (You started stealing?) he yelled as he started hitting me with rod, and Ammi caught him.
"Ye saari aazadi ke wajah se isne apna seer kho diya hai!" he yelled and picked me up as he dragged me inside the room and threw me inside, shutting the door. "Don't give her food until I come back!" he ordered Ammi and left like that.
I sat on the window crying, bleeding with my menstruation, now I don't even have access to cloth, and my clothes getting dirty I went to the door, "Ammi! Ammi!" I called her out when she didn't reply. I looked at the time. She was not at home right now. She must have gone to the sewing lady she is helping right now to earn a few changes and Murshad doesn't know about it.
I felt someone on my window as the evening hit, and I walked up there, Anju and Arti, "You did not come to the class what is wrong?" She asked me, but then her eyes saw me. "Murshad locked me. And Ammi is not at home. I don't have the sanitary napkins," I told them when Anju gasped and ran away,
I turned to see if someone was at the door, but then she came back with a paper in her hands, "We have some. Use it!" She told me and handed me it. They left giving me some privacy.
Ammi was at the door at night before Murshad came home when she slid the same under the door, "I asked my boss to give me some advance," She asked and gave me another one. I took it. I heard Murshad came and it was time for sleeping. Late at night.
When I heard the knock on my window, I walked up opening the window, and I saw a little wooden basket attached to the window hanging on the support of shoe laces, with so many snacks, sweet things, and sanitary napkin packets inside it.
~
PRESENT -:-
I entered the bedroom after dismissing the work like my routine, he was nowhere inside the bedroom. But then my eyes halted at the wooden basket on the bed, I stepped further finding the same things inside.