Lucy POV
I slowly wake up in the morning, well I guess it is from all of the lights which I can see. I try to stretch but something is holding me, I look over to see Nat still asleep next to me. I relaxed back into her body, I missed her. Before long I can feel her stirring next to me.
"Good morning малыш" she whispers into my head. I turn around to look at her and kiss her on the lips.
"Morning, did you sleep ok?" I ask her, hoping I didn't wake her up during the night. She hums while pulling me closer to her. We just relax into each other enjoying our time together before having to get up. Bruce walks into the room and heads over to us.
"Morning, how are you feeling? Do you mind if I check your stitches?" He asks me while standing at the edge of my bed.
"Morning, I'm ok not really in that much pain, sure go ahead" I reply, I pull away from Natasha, pull the blanket down a little while pushing the crappy hospital gown up. He starts removing the gauze from my wound. The look of confusion spreads over his face.
"Umm...do you heal yourself?" he asks, while poking my stomach.
" I don't know maybe, I think I've noticed some stuff heals fast but not always, why?" I ask him while trying to look down at my stomach but Nat's head is in the way.
"I'm guessing since your other cut's didn't heal that this only works when you're seriously injured" Nat offers, Bruce just hums in agreement.
"Looks that way, so you no longer need to be on bed rest then, but still keep it easy and no training for a week" he tells me while sitting in the chair next to my bed. I nod in agreement, finally getting the chance to look at my healed stomach.
"There's something else I need to talk to you about, alone please if you don't mind Natasha" he says next, I feel Nat pull away from me, I quickly grab her wrist and pull her back to me.
"I'd rather have her stay, with how your face looks it's possibly bad news" she shuffles closer to me to pull me back into a hug.
"When I was operating on you, you kept bleeding out, at one point I thought I was going to lose you since I couldn't stop the bleeding. To stop the bleeding and to make you stable I made the decision to perform an emergency hysterectomy. I tried my hardest to not do that, but the bullet pretty much destroyed it all and I just didn't have enough time to fix it while you bleed out. I'm sorry Lucy, if you need anything let me know" Bruce explains everything to me and I just feel numb. I didn't even know if I wanted kids, yeah I'm gay but still. I'm lost in my head again, I don't see Bruce leave the room.
I can hear Nat talking but I can't make out the words. She holds me tighter and draws on my back, I can feel her heartbeat loud and clear. The room starts coming back into focus, I can hear Nat now telling me it's all going to be ok. I buried my head into her neck, I couldn't be closer to her if I tried.
I'm not sure how long we sat there for, I didn't even know I was crying till I felt the wetness on Nat's shirt. Maybe one day I would have wanted kids with the right person, but now that has been taken away from me. I just let it all out, cried and cried till I fell asleep in her arms, at least I feel safe being in her arms.
When I woke back up I was still in her arms. She was just holding me and I don't know how long I've been asleep for.
"Sorry for falling asleep on you" I say while pulling away from her so she could move too.
"It's ok малыш, are you feeling ok?" She asks me while sitting up more in her bed.
"I'm ok" I reply but it doesn't look like she believes me. I watch her get out of bed and move over to my side. She puts one hand under my legs and the other behind my back before lifting me off the bed. My arms quickly go around her neck to hold myself to her more.
"Nat, what are you doing? I can walk, Bruce said I'm fine" I squeal while she starts walking out of the room with me in her arms still.
"Shhh...think we need a bath, let me just carry you" she replies with a smirk on her face.
"If you didn't realise my ass is hanging out of this gown for anyone to see" I whisper yell at her. I feel her hand moving over to my ass and squeezing it.
"There, no one will see it now" her smirk grows while replying to me. Before long we are back at her room, she finally puts me down on the sink counter while she runs the bath. I watch her put all different scents and bubble bath into it before turning off the water once it's ready.
She walks over to me, pulling me off the counter before untying my gown on my back. I pull it off, happy to be out of that awful thing. She helps me into the bath, feeling the warm water just wash all over my body. I turn my head to look at her, watching her undress herself before slipping in behind me. We both relaxed in the bath,not saying much, just enjoying each other's company and relaxing after the last few days.
Over the next few days, most of us just relax around the compound, they are all given a few days off to recover before training starts again. I still have to wait to start training again, both Nat and Wanda have gone through a massive training plan with me. Sounds good but it's like they think I'm gonna develop faster than I think I will, but they're more used to it than I am.
Soon enough Tuesday comes and Nat is driving us both towards Helen's office. I don't feel too bad about going this time, after going to that warehouse with her on Friday did make me see that she can be helpful and I do need help. I'm currently sitting in the waiting room with my book while Nat is having her session. Does feel weird that we all share the same therapist but does make sense, we are her only patients so she's always available for us plus limits the number of people who know all of our secrets.
I'm pulled from my book by Nat sitting back down next to me. I've changed my mind. I don't wanna do this.
"She's waiting for you, it will be fine" Nat says while taking the book out of my hands. I pout at her but it's never going to work.
"I'm never gonna finish Harry Potter if you keep taking the book off me" I say while standing up and walking towards her office. I take a big breath, I go to open the door but it opens before I can, Helen is standing behind the door looking at me.
"Thought you weren't coming" she says as she shuts the door behind me. I shug and sit down in the same place as last week. She sits down opposite me and picks up a notebook, she looks at me before starting.
"How have you been since Friday?" she asks, I'm guessing others might have told her about everything that happened, I hope not.
"I'm fine, everything's been ok" I say to her, trying to keep eye contact but it's hard when it looks like she's looking into my soul.
"I know that's a lie, you're going to have some rules when you're in here from now on, the word fine is banned, ok?" she states more than asks.
"Ok, any others?" I ask her, this is stupid.
"Not right now but there might be, so let's try again, how have you been since Friday?" she asks again, I look away from her thinking.
"I don't know, I am ok just a bit messed up I guess" I mumble to her, she looks at her notebook before looking back at me.
"What happened on Friday when you teleported?" She presses on.
"I found myself in the cell where Nat was, I didn't know at first, I can't control that yet. I helped her escape before we had to fight our way out of the base" I answered back without emotion.
"How did you feel during all of that?" she carries on while making some notes.
"Empty at first, I was worried about Nat. Once I saw her and she was ok I was happy, felt better straight away. I was slightly scared getting out of the base since I haven't done anything like that for a while, and came back to me too quickly. Getting shot really fucking hurt but I was just glad it wasn't Nat" I answer while playing with my fingers. Again she passes me over a toy that spins to play with instead.
"Do you think your life is worth less than Natasha's?" I was surprised at the next question but she just looked at me waiting for an answer.
"I guess it's not worth less than hers. I just couldn't live without her right now, I would choose my life over her anytime, probably same with Wanda and some of the others" I mumble to her. She hums back while she carries on writing.
"Are you all recovered from your injury?" wow I guess she didn't mind that answer as much as I thought she would.
"Nearly there, it turns out I heal faster than normal but only when it's serious. Bruce was surprised that it was basically healed by the morning, so he ran some tests. Luckily I got a paper cut yesterday too on my book and that hasn't healed so sort of proved his point" I hold up my finger to show her the cut.
"Anything else happened since then?" she stops writing and looks at me, I try to look anywhere else but at her. I just shug trying to ignore what she's hinting at.
"I don't wanna talk about it" I mumble to her, I bring my legs up on the chair and wrap my arms around them.
"Why don't you want to talk about it?" she asks calmly, I can still feel her eyes on me, I can't look at her.
"Just don't, just leave it" I shug really wanting to move the conversation on.
"You still have an hour left on your time, the sooner you talk about it the sooner you can leave. Or we can sit here for the next hour in silence if you prefer" I roll my eyes at her response. I'd rather not sit here for the next hour but still don't want to talk about it. I get lost with the thoughts in my head.
"If you can give me a good reason why I should leave it for now then I will" she says after five minutes of silence.
"I don't know how I feel about it, really confused with it all still and I just wanna forget about it. I think it's hurting Nat, bringing up bad memories from her past and feelings" I sigh while talking to her hoping that she will drop it now.
"Do you mind if I try something different?" she asks while standing up from her chair. I look at her confused, I shrug my shoulders but shake my head. She leaves the room, after a few minutes she comes back in along with Natasha. She sits down in the chair next to me.
"Thank you for trying something different and thank you Natasha for agreeing to this" she says, I'm confused why she's in here, this has just gotten harder.
"So as you were just saying Lucy, you are confused about how you're feeling but mainly you're pushing your feelings to the side because you're scared of hurting Natasha, bringing back bad memories and feeling of what she went through" she says, Nat turns to look at me more. I pull myself into a tighter ball.
"малыш you don't have to do that for me, what happened to me was years ago, yes I'm still dealing with it but I'm getting there. Plus even though we both had the same operation, our circumstances were very different. You are not going to hurt me by dealing with your feelings and processing what happened. You are only hurting yourself by not and then that hurts me" Nat says calmly, I think about what she said.
"I'm annoyed, I'm so angry at everything. I didn't want children, honestly I would probably fuck them up so better off without, but now it's all I can think about. I did want children with the right person and that person would have been you Nat, I know we have only been together for like a month but you make me feel whole. Why can I never catch a break?" I let it go, I started crying resting my head on my knees. Nat comes over to me and pulls me into a hug.
"Thank you Lucy for sharing that, it is completely normal to feel that way. You will catch a break, I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes but you will" Helen says softly to me while Nat hugs me.
Helen leaves the room and lets Nat help to calm me down. Again it just doesn't stop. I cry till I have no tears left to cry. Once I stop and am able to breathe again, Nat helps me up and we leave. Going straight to the compound and straight to bed. Nat turns on the TV while we cuddle into each other in bed. I "make" a quick pizza for dinner before we both fall asleep half way through a movie.