Lucy POV
I walked into the room following the doctor. She takes a seat then gestures towards the other for me to sit in. I look all around the room trying to take it all in, I look everywhere apart from her.
"Hey, so my name is Helen, I'll be your therapist for a while. I'm always here if you need me, for now your session is once a week but that can change as and when we feel it's best for you. Why don't you tell me about yourself?" she starts talking, I look down at my lap and play with my fingers. I remember what nat said I have to talk, to be honest, this is gonna be shit.
"Well I'm Lucy, I'm 22 and there's not much else to say really" I shrug not knowing what else to say or tell her.
"Sometimes getting started can be hard, would it be easier if I ask questions for you to answer?" she smiles at me while talking, I nod my head at her while looking at the floor.
Over the next hour and half she asks me loads of questions, where I came from, what I did in hydra, where I went when I ran, and of course always asks me how I feel about everything. I was so tired, at least it should be over soon.
"How many times have you thought about suicide or tried to kill yourself?" she asks while looking up at me from her notebook. I fidget in my seat not wanting to talk about this really.
"I guess I thought about it for years since I was about 12, just a way to leave hydra, tried a few times but they always stopped me or saved me. After I escaped it was never that bad again, till after the accident last year, I really thought about it but in the end just chose to move here. Friday night was the first time in years I tried to do anything but I already feel bad about it, I'm glad Wanda saved me" I mumble my answer out while playing with my fingers. I start picking at the skin around my nails, she reaches into a drawer behind her and brings out a toy which she puts into my hands.
"Play with that instead of picking your fingers, ok?" I nod my head while playing with the cube in my hands.
"What were you feeling on Friday night?" she asks after making some notes.
"Umm I guess empty, like once everything came out I felt broken, I'm not sure why but after 2 weeks with Nat it felt like I was whole again and losing that just hurt too much. I couldn't go home or anything, I would have had to start again but I didn't want to, fed up of starting over again and again" I answered her, still looking down. Praying this will end soon.
"When was the last time you hurt yourself?" she asks softly.
"On Friday, it's what I did first to stop the pain" my arms move closer to my body, feeling so insecure right now.
"So we are finished today, I'm not ready to sign you off yet for missions, until then I would like to see you twice a week so Tuesdays and Fridays at 3pm, once you no longer need it we can go back to once a week, ok?" she put her notebook on the table next to her, looking at me while she explains her plan. I pull a face when she says two session a week, fuck no, one is bad enough.
"I don't need two a week, one is fine, I'm fine" I try to argue with her, I look up at her meeting her eyes, I'm not gonna win.
"Well I do, and Fury will agree with me. I know that you think you're fine but I can tell you're still holding a few things back. Here's my number too, if you want to hurt yourself or anything else I want you to phone or text me, talk to me about it" she explains and I sigh in defeat.
"I guess I'll see you Friday then" I say unhappy, standing up and offering her the toy back. She shakes her head and tells me to keep it instead of hurting myself. She opens the door for me and I walk out of her room into the waiting room to Wanda.
"Hey, are you ready to go?" she asks, I just nod and hum in agreement, walking behind her as we go back to the car. The drive back was quiet, I think she spoke to me but I'm in my head too much, two sessions a week, I didn't even wanna have one. I bet no one else has two, I'm too messed up for this. The car stopping brought my attention back to Wanda.
"Hey, where did you go?" she asks while we are getting out of the car.
"Just thinking, she wants to see me twice a week and I don't want to really" I tell her the truth, both her and Nat have been amazing to me and I'm not about to lie to the only people I trust.
"Don't worry about it, Steve had therapy nearly everyday when he woke up, Bucky had to go through a 2 year programme because of what hydra did to him and I had to go 3 times a week after I lost my brother, don't worry about it no will judge you for it" she explains to me while heading into the kitchen.
"Thanks Wanda, sorry to hear about your brother" I didn't know she had one but she looked sad when talking about him.
"Thanks, I'm getting there but it's hard, I'll tell you about him someday" she smiled at me while opening the fridge. I go behind her and close the fridge.
"Think it's my turn to cook, what do you want?" I ask her and see a spark in her eyes.
"I would love paprikash and rice please, it's my favourite, reminds me of home" she replies with tears filling her eyes but not falling. I close my eyes and think about it, I'm not too sure what it is but I'm hoping this still works. I can smell something right in front of me so I open my eyes to see two big bowls of it on the table. Wanda grabs some spoons and drinks while we sit down to eat.
She takes a big mouth full and the tears in her eyes start to fall, I reach over and wipe them from her face, confused why she's crying so much.
"I make this all the time, trying to find out how my mother would make it but it was always a little different, but this is her dish, it's the same. I feel like I'm 5 again on a cold winter night and she gives us a big bowl of this to help warm us up after playing outside all day" she answers with more tears. I go over to her and hug her tightly, I've never known food meaning that much for someone but it makes sense.
"Thank you, I'm going to be requesting this more often now" she says while drying her tears, I move my food next to hers and start eating.
"Anytime Wanda, just ask" while eating the rest of our meal is quiet but nice. Wanda cleans up after we are finished before joining me for a movie in her room. Before long we are both falling asleep, maybe one day I will see the end of a movie.
I suddenly woke up at 3am to an alarm. Wanda is already up and dressed. I look at her confused.
"Throw something on and follow me" she replies, I quickly just put a sweatshirt over my t-shirt and shorts, following Wanda down to the meeting room where we meet Bucky and Fury.
"There's been a problem on the mission, it isn't hydra related so you both are going for backup, Lucy you are to remain here" Fury explains to us, I'm all over the place, Nat could be hurt and I need to help her and I don't wanna be here alone, being in my own head isn't good for me.
"No let me go I can help, I'll be fine" I try to tell Fury but he just looks at me, Wanda pulls me into a hug.
"Nat will be fine, and you will be fine here, ok? With all of us there it shouldn't take too long we will be back before you know it" she softly tells me, I nod in response. They all leave the room to get ready, I head towards the jet to say goodbye to them both. It was hard watching them both leave, this is going to be hard now I am actually alone.
There was no point going back to sleep, so I went to Nat's room to shower and get dressed, in her clothes of course they smell like her. I find myself in the girl's living area, everything is here now just needs sorting out. So that's what I do, I remove the closet and start building the counters which are going in there. My powers were really coming in handy for this, at least I'm practising too. After a few hours, the counters are in place, the coffee machine and fridge connected and working, and even filled the fridge with water, pop and juice. All the glasses and cups which they brought are put away, and the microwave is placed up in the corner.
I move into the main room and start working on that next. First I started to paint the walls from the boring grey colour Tony left them as. We chose to have the two walls painted red since the other two were floor to ceiling windows. While they were drying I started to move the furniture around, the two sofas placed to keep the room open but also so everyone can see the TV, bean bags just placed around in case anyone else joins us. The coffee table in the middle so everyone can use it, a rug placed under the coffee table to add more colour.
Once the walls were dry I added some LED light strips around, set up the music speakers too in case we just wanted to dance. Finally I built the storage cupboard which Wanda brought. I placed all the games which everyone had brought back from Page's plus quite a few bottles of Vodka, which must be from Nat's stash.
I finally look around the room, happy with it all, once they are both back at least it's finished. I finally was able to do something for them. I look at the time thinking I better get some lunch only to see that it was 11pm at night, well that went quick at least. I head back into Nat's room, quickly making a sandwich with my powers before falling asleep in her bed.
I woke up the next day at about 11am. Of course I had another nightmare last night and as usual didn't wake me up. Takes me a while to remember I'm in Nat's room and that there's no one else here. They left on Sunday, Wand and Bucky on Wednesday and today is Thursday, hopefully they will be back soon.
I make my way to the kitchen, not sure why it's not like I'm gonna cook. I "make" myself some breakfast, just eggs and bacon with some coffee while I think about everything. Like I do like it here but not on my own. It's weird being in this massive place by myself. I get lost in my train of thoughts for a while, not seeing the hours tick by. What if none of them come back? What if Nat or Wanda doesn't come home? I can't take this anymore.
"JARVIS, do you know where the team is?" I ask the AI hoping this works.
"Yes Miss Davis, but I am not allowed to tell you, also if you leave the compound I am to tell director Fury" they AI replies. Shit, bet that was Nat's doing. I stand up to clean my breakfast plate and cup and just start pacing around the kitchen, the voices in my head growing that they aren't coming home.
I find myself working back towards my room, I go into my bathroom cabinet and pull out the razor blade that I hid in there. I didn't mean to hide it but I couldn't get rid of it either. What if I needed it? I sit on the closed toilet seat and just hold it in my hands, I press it to the skin on my arm but I can't, I promised Nat I wouldn't. But she isn't here to help me like she said she would, but that isn't her fault she has to work. I sit there just holding the razor to my skin, what to do?
I walk back into my room and sit on my bed, a razor blade still in my hand. I find myself picking up my phone and pressing the call button on a number I never thought I would use. After a few rings she answers.