Author: RowanCarver
Reviewer: adretaRyder
Genre: Action/Sci-Fi
Firstly, sorry for the delay in completing this review, it should've been done months back but I got busy elsewhere. That aside, you mentioned just how many times you've had to rewrite this story and it shows while reading it. Everything appears to have undergone multiple refinements, which almost gives a sense of perfection. I honestly can't find anything wrong with this story for the few chapters I read.
King is everything that she is supposed to be: a skilled warrior with a relentless personality, but even better is the balance you create to show her emotional and softer side as a mother. She switches smoothly between the two sides with no inconsistencies in character. Although the second chapter creates a few issues. Fix has negotiated an agreement that, although it has a lot of unacceptable points, would ultimately give Eli the safety he needs. I don't know whether it's meant to be pride from King, but I would have liked to see some train of thought where she considers it for the sake of her son. He's in a bad state, and living a life on the run with her doesn't seem like a safe situation to raise a ten-year-old.
I like that the fight scenes stay realistic. King shows signs of being hurt, exhausted, and not having eaten well in a while, and those things stay consistent throughout the first chapters as she attempts to escape the pursuing soldiers. She gets captured, although I find it odd that the order given from Jeno was for her to be released, treated, and even transported if she wished it. I understand the desire to avoid conflict with Cyrus if harm came to King, but surely taking her son would have a similar effect. All in all, the first few chapters are nearly perfect. We are introduced to a character who, in my memory, has overpowered in past instances of this story, but there's none of that here at least. Everything seems gritty and the descriptions if the city, the dead, rotting items at each turn, etc paint a vivid image of the corruption and its effect on humanity in this world.
I'd give your story 5 out of 5 stars. I think that if there are any issues with it; they raise more out of subjective likes and dislikes rather than factual flaws with the writing. I recommend this story to anyone who loves a science fiction story with a good deal of non-stop action.