[ C H A P T E R 19 ]
LATISHA VALENTINE
Even if he won't tell, he is scared. Napapansin ko 'yon nitong mga nakaraang araw. He is always busy, distracting himself from thinking about something that he sure knows he can never escape. He always tried to hide that from me, but I'm not insensitive. Parati kong napapansin ang pagkakabahala niya kahit nakangiti siya sa akin.
As much as I wanted to talk to him about it, we don't have time. Parang ngayon ay parati kaming nauubusan ng oras. Mabilis lumilipas ang araw at lumalaki lamang ang pagkabahala namin sa sitwasyon.
Malapit ng matapos ang taglamig. Kung inaasikaso ng Duke ang mga problema na kinakaharap ng Duchy, inaayos ko naman ang kaarawan ni Annika. My pregnancy wasn't advertised, as per the Duke's order. Tanging ang mga Four Clover Knights, ang Commander at Vice-Commander, pati na rin si Erwan ang nakakaalam.
I haven't seen Blessime since my wake, but I was told that she's just around the Duchy. Hindi siya pwedeng magpakita dahil maraming pwedeng mangyari kung malalaman nila na kasabwat ko ang dalawa. Nagparamdam si Magnus ng isang beses gamit ang paghuni katulad ng mga ibon, at dahil din don ay may alam ako sa nangyayari.
Since the election of the new Lord of the State is just around the corner, politics has been involved in the rebellion. We managed to deplete the number of alliances for the past months, but it's not enough to think we're winning. I had told Roshan about the possible routes to corner the rebels, and it has been occupying his time since.
"Tish!" Napako ang aking tingin sa kararating lang na bruha. "Special delivery para sa mga maganda o gwapo kong pamangkin. Wala akong pakialam sa pinsan ko."
Umikot lang ang mata ko sa sinabi niya at inamoy ang dala niyang bagel. Napangiti ako saglit at agad kumuha ng isa para kainin. Blessime just gape her mouth for a second and she sat on a chair across mine while shaking her head.
"Ang bakulaw lumalamon na parang katapusan na ng mundo. Hindi ka naman deprived sa pagkain dito pero kung makalamon ka, parang ilang araw kang hindi pinakain," saad niya muli bago kumuha ng isang piraso at kinagat. "Bawal sa buntis ang tinapay dahil lalabas na mataba ang bata."
"Wala talagang kwenta naririnig mo sa tabema," saad ko habang ngumunguya. "Bakit ka ba namamalagi ron? Akala ko ba good terms na kayo ng Commander? Hindi mo na kailangan ng ibang magpapainit sa 'yo dahil tingin niya pa lang, lumiliyab ka na."
"Ang sarap mong i-baon sa lupa, Tish." She flared her invisible darks at me using her eyes. "Pumunta lang ako dito dahil namimiss kita, pero parang nagsisi agad ako."
Ngumisi lang ako. "Ang arte mo. Kung ayaw mong sitahin kita, huwag kang pumunta na may kiss mark, Gaga!"
Tinuro ko ang leeg niya na agad nitong kina-alarma. She immediately put all strands of her hair forward and acted like it didn't happen. She even bit her forefinger and looked around the garden as if she's concealing something I know she did. Blessime darted her eyes at me and her cheeks gleamed pink.
"Arte nito, bakuran mo na lang baka iba pa ang gagawa, magsisisi ka," nakangisi kong saad sa kanya.
"Wow, nahiya naman ako sa 'yo. Binakuran ka nga, ang labo naman ng feelings niya sa 'yo," banat niya.
"Ang sarap mong iuntog, lumapit ka nga," pag-aaya ko at suminyas din ang aking kamay na palapitin siya pero hindi niya ginawa. "Hindi mo alam ang nangyari kaya huwag kang assumera na malabo ang feelings niya."
"So, crystal clear na ba?" saad nito. "Wala na bang doubt? Naka-move on na ba talaga? Paano kung hindi tapos ginamit ka lang pala?"
"Itanong mo sa sarili mo 'yan kung ganyan ba si Cyan sa 'yo," agad na saad ko. I swallowed the entire bagel in my mouth to prevent myself from pissing her off.
"Wala nga kasing namamagitan sa amin, tantanan mo ako sa mga haka-haka mo," depensa niya.
I didn't speak until I finished munching. "Wala pero may kiss mark, ano 'yan sa kama lang may namamagitan?"
"Latisha!" inis na saad niya.
"Duchess Latisha, Blessime," pagkokorek ko. She's gleaming red and I like seeing her that way. Subalit, agad akong napatakip ng bibig. "What the fuck, pinaglilihian ba kita?"
"Okay lang, para kamukha ko naman kung babae."
I let out a displeased groan. Uminom na lamang ako ng juice bago nagsalita, "ayoko, ang panget mo kaya."
"Tangina, kung hindi ka lang buntis kanina pa kita pinatumba. Marami talagang disadvantages kahit gusto ko naman magkaroon ng pamangkin!"
"Anak ayaw mo?" pang-iinis ko muli.
"Lintik, tumigil ka!" anas niya.
"Ang sensitive mo, buntis ka rin ba?"
Blessime glared at me, and I just laughed it off. Napahawak na ako sa aking tiyan dahil sa lakas at tindi ng tawa ko. Buwisit, mukhang sa kanya ako unang maglilihi ngayon. Her cheeks were pink like peaches, while her plum lips pouted like molded clay.
Maganda naman ang pinsan ko. She's not fair, but her skin is flawless. Her light brown hair matches her eyebrows and eyes, and her face looks so innocent. Napapansin ko rin na tumataba siya ngayon, pero malabong buntis ang babaeng 'to.
Biglang natahimik ang mesa namin. Nasa garden kasi ako ngayon kahit malamig ang klima at may mga niyebe pa rin sa paligid. Pinagmamasdan ko lang kanina si Annika at Sonya na gumagawa ng snowman bago dumating ang babaeng 'to.
"Have you found it yet?" I asked her with a calm tone. Agad pinakita ni Blessime ang sagot gamit ang kanyang mga tingin kaya't agad bumagsak ang balikat ko. "Maybe we're not looking hard enough."
"I am tired, Tish. Pagod na akong umasa, pagod na akong masaktan tuwing umaasa ako na may lunas. Siguro, kailangan ko na lang talaga tanggapin na hindi na ako magiging ina."
"It's not yet over, Bless. You can still, we just need to look for the cure," mahinang sabi ko.
She let out a reluctant laugh and tried to hide her ache by smiling at me. "There is no cure for such a thing, Tish. Alam mo 'yon, once raptured it can't be mend back."
"Is that why you don't want to be with him?" I asked. Blessime let out another forceful smile. Umiwas siya ng tingin at ilang beses na kumurap para hindi tumuloy ang kanyang mga luha sa pag-agos. "He must have told you about his future plans, but you know you can never justify your role."
This is what Wince told me about: their red strings. Blessime pulled out because of an illness that will hinder her from true happiness, and he drowned in her absence. Blessime always thinks about her freedom, but at the same time she's finding a cure. I hope that someday, she could feel what it felt like giving a flesh.
"Itigil na natin 'to," she said as she let out a forceful laugh. "A rumor has been circulating in the States that the Duchess has fallen ill. Who the heck spread such lousy news?"
"I did," I said as I sip the mug containing juice. Binaba ko ito bago tumingin sa kanya. "The Duchy is closed because the Duchess is in a terrible state. It will give us some time to think on how to explain to his Majesty about my acquittal, and also help me give a peaceful birth."
"How confident are you that the Duke will protect the Duchy until your birth?" she asked, confused.
"Mamaya ko na sasabihin," sagot ko at agad ngumiti para salubong ang paparating na bata. Annika arrived and hugged me tightly. "Hey, darling. What is it?'
"I miss Polar bear, Mummy. Ang boring po ni Ate Sonya, ayaw niya akong paglaruin katulad ng ginagawa ni Polar bear!"
I looked at Sonya and she apologized silently. Ngumiti na lamang ako bago ko marahan na hinawakan ang namumula niyang pisngi. "Polar bear will come back soon. In the meantime, why don't you play with your Auntie Bless?"
Annika looked at her. Agad naman tumayo si Blessime at inaya ang bata gamit ang kamay niya. "Come on, Annika. Let's bury Sonya in the snow because she's useless."
~~~***•••***~~~
I heard the door open and my eyes immediately turned to look who just went in. It was the Duke who entered my chamber at saglit lang nagtama ang tingin namin bago niya tinanggal ang suot na kapa at tinapon lamang ito sa lapag bago nilandas ang pagitan niya sa akin.
The book I was holding almost fell when he pulled the blanket off and let his weight fall on me. Roshan buried his face between my two mounds as his hands trailed itself on my back. Binaba ko na lamang ang hawak ko para suklayin ang kanyang buhok.
"What happened?" I softly asked.
"Drained, need recharge," he replied while still burying himself on my chemise. Hindi naman naipit ang tiyan ko sa ginagawa niya, and his heavy built almost makes me feel safe.
A smile creeped my lips. I felt his breathing quickly relaxed after a while as I stroked my fingers on his hair. Hinayaan ko siyang mag-lublob sa dibdib ko at hindi iniisip kung humihinga ba siya o hindi.
After a while, he lifted his head and those amber orbs finally looked at me. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay nang walang lumabas sa nakabukas niyang bibig. Parang may sasabihin sana siya pero hindi niya masabi.
I put my hands on both of his cheeks. It was only then his worries showed that pierced my heart into a million pieces. "Did something happen?"
A low sigh escaped his lips. He gently plotted the side of his face on my chest. "Napoleon will be staying in the Mansion for a while."
Napataas ang isa kong kilay. "Well, why?"
"Someone is trying to kill him," he replied instantly. "The last time an assassin almost killed him while he's sleeping in one of the private inns. The election is due in a month that makes his life at risk for possible attack from the opposition. This election is different from the last time, this is more physical."
"I don't see any demerit to why we shouldn't help him," mahinahon na sabi ko. "Let him stay here, it will be safe for him. Also, we need to ensure that he'll be winning this election, that is the only course that will make the future change."
Kumalas ito sa pagkakabaon niya sa akin at tiningnan ako sa mukha. Those domineering eyes flashed again. "I don't trust his intentions towards you. I hate how he looked at you, wife. I don't like it."
Napangisi ako sa inaasal niya. Napaka-seloso pa rin kahit kailan. "If you can't trust him, then trust me instead. I will accommodate the Lord with the best of what I can do, so rest assured and focus on gathering voters for him to win. That is the plan, your grace. Huwag kang lumihis sa plano. If we win this election, the rebels will never have the chance to proceed with their rebellion."
"But what if they still insist?" he asked.
"Then we are still winning. The rebellion commenced before because Jakare lost the election and the Duke was away. This time, you are here, and we only need to secure his position."
"His name is Napoleon, wife."
I frown, trying to tease him. "I like Jakare better."
"Don't provoke me," he seriously said. Bahagyang dumilim ang tingin niya sa akin na siyang dahilan kung bakit ako napatawa. Agad itong nawala nang makita niyang nagbibiro lamang ako. "Wife, do anything else but don't replace me, okay?"
"Depende," nakangisi kong sabi.
A groan let out from his chest as he looked away. Masaya akong nakikitang nahihirapan siyang kontrolin 'yong ugali niya, dahil hindi niya na pinapakita sa akin 'yon. He may be angry at some point but it only went in for a few minutes and he'll be patient right after. Maybe because he was guilty, and what happened made him re-assess. I find that soothing, but I'm not confident about it. Alam kong nahihirapan siya ngayon, that's why I'm not complaining about giving him what he wants.
"Roshan," I called him. "You know I have a twin, right?" Bumalik ang tingin niya sa akin dahil sa sinabi ko. Isang pilit na ngiti ang kumawala sa aking labi. I held my tummy as I looked at him. "They are twins, I can feel it."
Roshan's hands followed the trail of where mine lies. He gently caressed it along with touching my tummy. "The night you were burning from the poison, I was told that the fetus has an irregular heartbeat. They say they can feel more than one."
"Then, you must also know that what happened that night has compromised one of our children," may diin ang bawat bigkas ko sa bawat salita. "That Hashire, where is he now?"
"I didn't agree to his deal," he whispered. "But he told me it must be done because it has to. He's in the State, he will come from time to time monitoring you. You might hear a song from time to time, and if that happens, he's here."
"The zither," I said. "I heard it before I woke up."
"He was here that time," mahinang sabi niya.
I saw pain in his eyes as he looked at me. "You can't allow him to take what is mine. Hindi ko pa nahahawakan ang anak ko pero inaangkin niya na. Who the hell is he to say that to me?!"
"Latisha," he said as his voice became calm, trying to control my outburst. "I promise that I won't let anyone take you nor our children away from me. But Raphael's condition is not voidable. We both know what he wants, and that is the magic that lies within you that will be inherited to one of our children."
"Still, he will take what is mine without my permission from the start. He can't do that, and I won't allow him to. I appreciate his help, but that condition is his obsession and not mine to take. Wala siyang kukunin, wala akong ibibigay sa kanya."
I won't. I won't let anyone take what is mine.
*~*~*~*
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