⤷ 🧁 ----- CH. EIGHT
REFLECTIONS
Warning: This content may not be fit for all audiences.
AMSTERDAM WAS BEAUTIFUL, but tonight it felt hollow—something Jamie strangely found comfort in. Sure, he was operating on overdrive, smiling through it all, but it felt like he had both all the energy in the world and none at all.
They were chasing windmills on bikes, and for the first time in weeks, his head was empty and his heart felt light. His legs burned. His chest felt heavy and his arms were tight, but at least he wasn't thinking about her anymore.
He wasn't thinking about how much he felt her absence. A cold world he returned to without her.
He wasn't remembering the late night walks they used to take together. The sound of her laughter echoing in his ears.
And he certainly wasn't envisioning the way she looked at him when he left. Disappointment and hurt; things he vowed never to make her feel again. A promise he'd broken to himself.
He couldn't get his mind off of her. Even when he slept, there she was.
Rule number four, asshole, is follow through because what's a relationship if you can't fucking commit?
He regretted leaving the moment it happened. He should have stayed. They should have talked. That's why he came over in the first place, but instead, he blew his lid, and everything went to shit. And now, Kate wanted nothing to do with him.
Not to mention he was completely off his game. It was like he was stuck in a daze and couldn't shake himself awake.
"Oi, pay attention!"
Roy's warning came too late.
Gravel and grass softened his landing, and Jamie let out a groan. It seemed, in his stupor, he hadn't seen the large rock in his pathway (much to Roy's chagrin). He flexed his fingers and watch the small scratches pool with blood. Besides his hands and an aching side, he felt fine, but he stayed down.
Roy skidded to an unceremonious halt, abandoning his bike to look down at Jamie. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I fell."
"Clearly," he said with a scoff. "Listen, I appreciate you teaching me how to ride a bike."
Jamie nodded. "For granddad."
"Right, for granddad, but you're all off. Your head's not in the fucking game right now."
Jamie sat up slowly, looking around. "Sorry, mate, I don't see a football around now, do you? I said I fell."
Roy grabbed Jamie by the front of his shirt, pulling him to his feet with a grunt before pushing at his chest with a finger. "I said, your head's—" jab "—not in the—" jab "—fucking—" jab "—game!"
"I'm . . ." He flinched as Roy's hand faltered.
Maybe it was all the talk about his father today, but this was a familiar scene.
Jamie fell back at his father's shove. His father's finger dug into his chest with a pointed jab.
"Do you think she's with you for your heart, boy? Don't be stupid," his father said. He wore alcohol like cologne, and right now he reeked of it.
"Don't talk about her like that," Jamie said quietly.
James let out a loud haughty laugh before he took ahold of Jamie by his tie. He tugged harshly, and Jamie's hand came up quickly to stop it from closing in any further. He gasped for what little air he could make, and his heart drummed against his chest as he stared into a reflection of himself in his father's eyes.
"One year anniversary?" James scoffed. "She'll rob you blind."
He choked out, "She's not like—"
"Of course she is!" He roared, and his grip tightened on the tie until Jamie was a spluttering mess. Leaning in, James spoke quietly into his ear. "Don't you trust your father, son?"
Air flooded back into Jamie's lungs, and Roy's hand immediately fell to his side.
"Are you . . . okay?"
He blinked. "I'm fine." Jamie looked down at the scratches on his palm. They'd scab over, and Ted would probably throw a fit about him not properly taking care of himself.
"You're not fine," Roy said.
Had he been in a better mood he'd probably respond with something sarcastic, but exhaustion had finally caught up to him. All he could see was the disgusted look on his father's face from that night. "Is it that obvious?"
Roy made a sound of agreement, and Jamie sighed. "It's about Kate."
Roy rolled his eyes. That much he (and the rest of the team) had already figured out. Jamie had gone from talking about her nearly every minute to looking like a kicked puppy and not saying anything about her at all. Even today, with how he was bouncing off the walls, something was off.
Jamie cleared his throat. He couldn't bring himself to look at Roy while he talked, so he focused his eyes on the darkening sky. The stars were beginning to shine as the sun finally faded.
"I thought I was going to marry her one day. She wasn't my first girlfriend by any means, and I never really thought about settling down before. I was young, and she was finishing up school, but when I met her, I knew she was it for me," he said quietly. "Actually, she's the one that made sure I stayed with football when I wanted to quit. It was before I was anything, and everything felt like shit. She kept me afloat, but . . ."
Roy looked uncomfortable but pressed on. "What happened?"
He sighed. "My dad tried to tell me that she wasn't good enough for me, but all I realized was that I would never be good enough for her. I'm as much me mum's son as I am me dad's, so I left. I didn't show up, and I cut myself out of her life."
Roy remembered James. He was an ass. "You're not your father."
Jamie laughed off the remark, awkwardly. It wasn't an unbelievable thing to say. He just wasn't sure how to feel anymore, so he teased. "Gone soft on me, have you old man?"
An aggravated grunt followed a pause, and Roy turned away. "Shut up and get back on your bike."
Jamie just smiled.
🧁
Roy felt that familiar sort of rage (or maybe it was heartburn) building in his chest at the sight of Jamie's piss poor play.
Amsterdam was only some few days ago, and they had a match against Arsenal at the end of the week. It was practice as usual. Ted's suggestion of 'Total Football' had caught everyone off-guard, but this scrimmage was just too terrible to bear.
"Get to it already!" He barked to the lot of them.
Ted and Beard, arms crossed over their chest, were speaking amongst themselves as per usual, and Roy winced as another ball went flying only to hit the goal post.
"That's alright, Jamie. Just, uh, aim a little lower next time," Ted said, unconvincingly.
"Sorry, Coach. I, I've got the next one," Jamie answered.
Dani was quick to offer a word of encouragement, but even Jamie looked peeved. For all his solo training with Roy, he was in top physical form, but things just weren't connecting.
"For fuck's sake." Roy couldn't take it any longer and broke up Ted's conversation with Beard. "I'm taking the rest of the day off."
Ted glanced at Roy and then at Jamie on the pitch who'd begun dribbling past Colin before nodding. "Okay, but you're still leading tomorrow's practice, Coach."
"I'm going."
Quickly, Ted stopped him before he could leave, smiling. "And tell Kate I said hi."
"How the fuck—" Roy shook his head. "Nevermind. I don't want to know."
With that, Roy stalked back into the locker room, grabbed his jacket and keys from the office, and went to his car.
Baked With Love was all bright colors and floral accents. There were flavors of pastries on display that Roy had never even heard of, and he contemplated bringing something home for Phoebe. Though his sister would probably tell him off for letting her at too many sweets.
Still, he took a tray and a pair of tongs. He'd been looking at the yuzu milk bread doughnuts when he noticed Kate come out from the back and up to the counter. She donned a frilly pink apron with the store's name and held a stack of collapsed take-out boxes in her arms. She set them down to the side with a huff.
"Welcome in. Feel free to let me know if . . ." The rest of her sentence trailed off in surprise. "Roy, I wasn't expecting you."
He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling quite conscious of himself. He motioned to the doughnuts now sitting on his tray. "For my niece."
Kate nodded slowly. She wiped her hands on the front of her apron out of nervous habit. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"Uh, she likes lemonade," he said.
Kate disappeared into the back again, and Roy put his tray down on the front counter. He sighed, wondering once more what the fuck it was that he was doing here. He wasn't a meddler, but here he was meddling away.
"I have one regular lemonade for your niece, and I hope you don't mind I've made a green tea lemonade for you," Kate said, bringing out the two drinks. "I know you football lot enjoy healthier drinks."
She hid her frazzled mind behind a smile, but Roy could still see the dark circles under her eyes and how the color had been sucked from her skin. Clearly, she was doing just as well as Jamie.
He watched as she packed up his order, not bothering to ring it up. She shrugged away his money. "It's on the house. I hope your niece enjoys it."
Roy stared at the nicely wrapped box of doughnuts, plus a few jam tarts she added in extra, and the drink carrier of lemonades. Phoebe would enjoy this, but he looked back up at her and frowned.
"I feel like you should hate me, but instead, you've gone and given me pastries and lemonade for free."
Kate's eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "Why would I hate you?"
"Because you want nothing to do with Jamie, and I'm his coach."
She didn't look at him. "Did he say that to you?"
"He said a lot of things," Roy answered. "He's a fucking mess right now, and if I'm being honest I think so are you."
Kate's cheeks bloomed pink with embarrassment. "You don't know me. I'm fine."
Roy scoffed. "Jamie can run a mile in under six minutes. He can lift about twice his body weight, and he practically sweeps the arena in terms of physical fitness. But since he stopped talking to you, he hasn't been able to make a proper fucking goal. And judging by the way you're dragging your feet around your own store, I can assume you're doing the same."
"Listen, if you're here to convince me that Jamie's not a bad guy, I don't want to hear it. What's done is done," she said, fidgeting with the ends of her apron. "There's no point in opening up healing wounds."
"Healing wounds? Kate, I don't know everything that's happened between you and Jamie, but before I walked in here I was convinced he was right, that you wanted nothing to do with him anymore and that he just needed to get over himself. But you've got that same exact kicked puppy look he's got going on."
She opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. She was a mess of feelings, but he was the one who left. God, she was so frustrated. She didn't know what to think anymore.
"For two people who care so much about each other, you two are being so foolish." With that, Roy saw himself out, but his words hung in the air.
Kate closed her eyes. She was so tired, and everything hurt. She knew she was being stubborn for stubborn's sake, but navigating all these old and new emotions was like trying to find her way out of a maze. But Roy had made a trip all the way out here. He told her exactly what she'd been hoping to hear these past few weeks, so why couldn't she bring herself to act on it?
She took a deep breath and blinked back that achy feeling growing in her chest, the type that eats away at you and feels like holes have grown all over inside. She exhaled and willed away the exhaustion settling into her.
Roy was right. She was not okay, and Jamie was the answer to her problem.
🧁 ━━━━ END OF CHAPTER NOTE
I know it's a bit heavier than the storylines going on in the episodes, but I needed a little more oomph for their fight. Hopefully, this doesn't feel too out of character for Roy! Originally, I was going to have Ted talk to Kate, but I thought Roy would be a better fit for the job. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'll see you on the flip side!
XOXO,
LONDON