Only you can love me this way
"What are you doing?"
Karlyle opens his eyes in surprise. He turns around. Ash is there. Standing in front of the house, Ash is looking straight at him and Richard. His usual smile is nowhere to be found. Ash is wearing only a light long cardigan. It doesn't look warm enough, what if his fever gets worse?
"Ash, it's cold. Why didn't you wait inside?"
Ash doesn't answer. Instead, he walks over to them. Then he stands right beside Karlyle. As always, he wraps his arm around his waist. His gaze is fixed on Karlyle's hand on Richard's shoulder. Ash releases his pheromones so sharply that he can feel it touch the back of his hand.
"My name is Ash Jones. I'm the man who will be Lyle's husband. It'd be better if you let go of his hand."
Ash's pheromones are rumbling uneasily, just like the day he came to pick him up at the airport. Karlyle tries to pull his hand back, but Richard doesn't back down. As the pheromones from Ash show obvious hostility, Richard's pheromones also gain terrifying momentum. Unlike normal Alphas, dominant Alpha's pheromones have the power to put pressure on the opponent. Karlyle quickly stops them.
"Richard. That's enough. Go back."
"But Lyle, isn't he the one who started this first? This guy is overreacting. Our hands only touched each other, it's not like we were hugging or anything. Why did he interfere like that? Do you like this kind of person, Lyle?"
Richard reacts sensitively, purposefully calling him Lyle instead of Karlyle even though he has been told not to. It might be because he's still young and immature, but right now, he's targeting Karlyle's lover. Karlyle can't let it go. His expression hardens coldly. However, Ash is the first to open his mouth.
"If the other person has feelings for my fiance, then yes, I have to interfere. So let his hand go."
Ash's face turns icy. Ash is always a bright spring-like person, Karlyle has never imagined that Ash can make a face like that. Even when they fought for the first time and Ash got angry, he didn't have that look. The pheromones of the two collide head on. Their bodies get instinctively tense and on high alert of the opponent.
"You don't like it, but what can you do? I'm Richard Cavendish. Unlike someone who is nobody like you, I can do everything. Speaking of which, Lyle, what is it that you like about this guy? His face? He has nothing that can help you." Richard is clearly looking down on Ash.
This time, Karlyle cannot stand it anymore. What Richard said is exactly what Karlyle fears that aristocrats might say about Ash if they attend a public party in the future. To those who only regard family, honor and wealth as important human factors, Ash is nothing in their eyes.
But to Karlyle, Ash is more important than anything else. To the extent that he'd gladly throw away everything he has to have Ash by his side. Ash is not someone to be judged by material things.
"If you talk like that one more time, I'll cut off contact with the Cavendish family." Karlyle warns him.
"Was any of what I said wrong? He's so shabby compared to you. He doesn't seem to have money, either. If you marry him, it'll be nothing but a loss."
That's enough. He can't tolerate it anymore. The moment his expression is about to crumble, Ash opens his mouth.
"Yes. You are right. I'm nothing compared to Lyle. No title, no money. I can't give him any material benefit."
Ash bows down slightly. He looks down at Richard and puts on a smile. Only his lip corners are raised, a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. He stretches his arm out and grabs Richard's hand.
"But except me, no one can make Lyle happy. Especially someone like you, who doesn't know how wrong it is to insult the lover of the person you love."
Ash mutters in a low voice. Regardless of Richard's fierce attitude, Ash doesn't back down. His lip corners go up even more.
"So let go of his hand and be gone."
At the same time as Ash's done speaking, Karlyle forces Richard's hand off. Richard slowly retreats his tightly clenched hand and staggers back. As a dominant Alpha, Richard could have stopped Ash or Karlyle if he wanted, but he seems to have come to his senses.
Ash pulls Karlyle back tight against him. Heavy silence fills up the air. Karlyle can't even hear any wind pass by. He can't let this situation go on any longer. He breaks the silence.
"Apologize, Richard. If you are a noble, no, if you are a human, you have to learn to take responsibility for your actions."
"Lyle, it's fine."
Ash gently dissuades him. He looks so tired. Karlyle's heart is breaking, but he can't forgive Richard. It's nothing if Karlyle is the one being insulted. He was a worthless man and no one cared for him until he met Ash. Ash is the purpose and direction of his life. To him, Ash is an absolute being, nothing can possibly be compared to him.
"I can't forgive him. Richard, let me be clear. Disrespect towards my fiance is disrespect towards me. If you don't apologize, I will not interact with you ever again."
"Why are you doing all this for him? Choosing him instead of me, who has known you for so long…."
Richard shuts his mouth. He bites his lips so hard that they turn white. Eventually, he shakes his head and steps back.
"That guy must be very precious to you. Since he's the one who said he'd marry you."
Richard runs his hand through his hair, his eyebrows furrow. He lets out a deep sigh, then bows his head down. He looks straight at Ash and says.
"I apologize for being rude. I won't ask for forgiveness. I did it out of jealousy."
Ash tightens his arm around Karlyle. Looking down at Richard stoically, he says after a few seconds of silence.
"Go back. This is not the place for you to be."
Richard nods and steps back. Before getting back into the car, he takes one final look at Karlyle. Karlyle only stares at him with cold eyes. Not even seeing the car start, Ash turns around first. Karlyle also follows him, silently, to the mansion.
****
Ash is quiet even after entering their house. Ash has never been silent by his side. Not knowing what to do, Karlyle nervously watches him. He can't breathe. Ash seems like a totally different person. Anxiety rises in him. Ash leaves the hallway and walks into the living room. Having been following him silently, Karlyle opens his mouth first.
"Ash, I'm sorry."
I'm very sorry. It's terrible that Ash had to hear such things about himself. In the end, Ash still had to face Richard, which Karlyle had wanted to prevent. And it's so painful that he has no way to know how much Ash has been hurt. Ash stops in front of the sofa, not looking at him. Then, finally, he speaks to Karlyle.
"Please sit down."
"....Okay."
Karlyle quietly sits down on the sofa first. He looks up at Ash, eyes full of anxiety. Their eyes finally meet. Ash sighs lightly and sits down next to Karlyle.
"I don't care what Mr. Cavendish said about me. Because it's true. I'm neither an aristocrat nor a wealthy man with a background that can support you, Lyle."
"Ash…!"
Karlyle immediately grabs Ash's hand, he shakes his head hastily. Eyebrows drooping down, Ash whispers to him. His voice sounds painful.
"Then why did you hide me?"
Karlyle's mouth gapes, speechless. His hand holding Ash loses its strength. The guilt in him is pointed out. He barely manages to answer.
"....Are you talking about Richard?"
"Yes. That person actually likes you. But you said it was not like that. You even said there was nothing to worry about."
Karlyle can't even blink. Is Ash being disappointed in me? Was the solution I chose wrong? What if Ash gets tired of me for not being able to handle things neatly and showing such an ugly side? What if Ash regrets getting married?
"I hid it because I didn't want to make you worried. Of course I turned him down, and it was a problem I had to deal with myself. If you feel bad about it…."
"Yes, I'm in a bad mood right now."
Words equivalent to a death sentence drop down. Karlyle's complexion turns white. Ash is always generous and friendly. Has he ever showed his displeasure so clearly? Never.
I've ruined it. He didn't want to create things that would trouble Ash so he decided to work it out himself. But in the end, he couldn't even do it properly. He has hoped that nothing bad would happen between them before they get married. If Ash is disappointed in him and wants to cancel their marriage…
His blood goes cold in an instant. Clenching his fists, he apologizes weakly.
"....I'm sorry, Ash."
"I didn't mean to make you apologize. Lyle, I…."
Ash doesn't hold Karlyle's hand. His face shows obvious confusion.
"I just hate that you hid this from me."
Karlyle barely resists the desire to hold Ash's hand. Unsure of what to do, he decides to try explaining why he made that decision. His head is spinning. Munching his lips, he mutters up the courage to look at Ash. Usually in situations like this, Ash would hug him right away. But today, Ash just looks at him with cold eyes. It makes him scared.
"But…." Karlyle struggles to explain himself.
"I'm listening."
His rational and sharp brain freezes for a moment. Karlyle doesn't know what to say. Ridiculously, the thing he manages to let out later sounds so desperate.
"Even if I told you that in advance, nothing would have changed. I didn't want to make you upset."
"So, did you succeed in solving that problem, Lyle?"
Ash quietly asks. Karlyle slowly shakes his head. Not only fear, sorrow also seeps into his heart. It's been a while since he's been this emotional. Karlyle tries to steady his breath, his expression hardens. He can't let himself be any more unsightly in front of Ash.
But he also feels sad. He's sad that their relationship will end like this, and that Ash, his future husband, doesn't fully understand him. He knows the feelings he has right now is childish, but he can't control himself. It hits him how terribly laid back he has become, taking how Ash always accepts him for granted.
"I thought you would understand me, Ash."
Karlyle mumbles feebly, his eyes droop down. He couldn't answer Ash's question so he let out that lame remark. There would have been a better answer, but Karlyle stupidly chose those words.
"I told you that you could trust me, Lyle. You can tell me anything."
Ash calmly soothes him. Karlyle bites his lips. But the problem with Richard didn't belong to that.
"But, didn't you hide the thing with Mr. Hazel from me too, Ash?"
Karlyle brings up the matter of the past, which is not what a gentleman would do. He thought he's forgotten all about it now, but the moment he heard Hazel's name from people's mouths still appeared in his dreams from time to time. At the name suddenly being mentioned, Ash reaches his hand out. Letting Ash hold his hand, Karlyle slightly leans back. He almost said something he shouldn't.
"Lyle." Ash calls him.
Ash and him are so different. The same goes for their experiences. Karlyle has only had one lover, but Ash has dated many. Even if Ash didn't date that much, he must have cherished them to some extent. And from that experience, he must have learned how to trust and treat the other person.
But to Karlyle, Ash is everything. Embarrassingly, he, Karlyle Frost, has blindly believed that Ash would embrace his clumsy self no matter what since he's his lover.
"I didn't know what the right thing to do was. I'm sorry, Ash."
Karlyle apologizes in a hoarse voice, avoiding Ash's eyes. Ash lets out a deep sigh. This time, Ash touches his face. Holding Karlyle's cheek gently, he lifts his face up slightly. Karlyle wants to resist, but he soon realizes that doing so will be too childish. So he gives up and raises his gaze. His heart aches.
"I…."
Ash whispers. His finger strokes his cheek softly. As soon as the gentle warmth he misses touches him, Karlyle's heart, which has been hardened like stone, softens in an instant. Just as he's wondering what he has done to Ash while he's sick, Ash speaks again.
"I have made you sad, Lyle."
"No, not at all."
"Even though I said that I was the only one who could make you happy."
A smile finally appears on Ash's face. But Ash is laughing at himself. It's a bitter laugh. He rubs Karlyle's cheek a few more times, then he stands up from the sofa.
"I'm sorry. I have intervened too much."
"Ash, the one at fault is me."
"No, it's not. Lyle, if you don't mind, I'll go back to rest. I must have reacted sensitively since I was still tired. Even though this is just an excuse."
Karlyle can't bring himself to stop Ash from leaving. He's too scared when seeing the tired look on Ash's face. If he bothered Ash more here, Ash might really regret his choice to marry him. The worst case scenario flashes through Karlyle's mind. Watching Ash climb the stairs without looking back, anxiety coils around his ankles like a snake, holding him back. The fear weighing down on his shoulders is as heavy as gravity.
It isn't until Ash has gone up to the bedroom that Karlyle lets out the breath he's been holding in. He just sits in his place without thinking of moving or changing his clothes. His mind replays the scene where Ash said he was the only one who could make him happy. It's the truth. He even felt joy the moment Ash declared that to Richard.
But on the other hand, is he the only one who can make Ash happy? Not only did he make Ash sad but he even let Ash be insulted by others. If they get married, Ash will have to encounter several nobles like Richard. He knows there are still rumors about them going around. Ash may have to go through the same situation in the future. Karlyle won't be able to bear the pain of being insulted for Ash.
This is what he fears the most. That the environment he lives in will make his lover suffer.
Ash is the only one for him, but he can't stop thinking that he might not be the only one for Ash. Feeling suffocated, Karlyle loosens his tie. Only after seeing the red sunset stream through the wide window and fill the living room that he gets up. It's already evening.
He lifts his head and stares at the ceiling for a moment before turning to the kitchen. After looking through the refrigerator stocked with well-prepared food, he comes to the conclusion that Ash will not want to eat the dinner he plans to make. The self-loathing that has been buried deep down for a while starts leaking from his heart. The thought that he deserves to be treated pathetically by his grandfather gradually takes over his mind again. Having been staring blankly at the electric pot, the sound of water boiling brings him back to reality. At least Ash has to take his medicine. If he brings tea, Ash might agree to drink it.
While the water is boiling, Karlyle takes out a honey bottle and lemon juice glass jar. After putting three spoons of honey and one spoon of lemon juice in a teacup, he puts the medicine next to it. Then he pours boiled water in. He can see his blurred reflection on the steaming yellow liquid. He raises his head and looks around the house.
It feels so quiet.
They are supposed to take the dog home soon. The wedding is coming next month, he thought all left he had to do was to make Ash completely his. But, is that really the best thing for Ash? What if Ash has to hear insults, which are no different from what Richard said, straight in his face or behind his back….
Enduring the numbness of his heart, Karlyle makes a decision. If, in the worst situations, Ash hesitates to get married, he will comply with his wish. He has to ask Ash whether he's really sure of this marriage.
He doesn't think incidents like this will happen again, but maybe he'll make a similar mistake and make Ash hurt in the future. If that happens again and Ash no longer loves him like between the Duke and the Duchess, Karlyle won't be able to live on. The future that seems unlikely to come to them suddenly feels like a reality. His eyes open wide at that thought. He climbs the stairs and stops in front of the closed bedroom door. Should I knock on the door?
After lingering in front of the door for over 10 minutes, he carefully knocks with the hand holding the medicine. There's no answer. His eyes become stinging, his face turns pale. The moment he's about to step back, the door opens. Ash is there, looking down at him with the same expression as before. It's been over 3 hours but Ash doesn't seem to have got any sleep.
"May I come in, Ash?"
Karlyle asks, lowering his eyes.
"Of course."
Ash holds his wrist and leads him in. His heart feels like it's going to break at the warm touch. Everytime he imagines a life without Ash, he feels a deep pain all over his body. Gritting his teeth, he silently follows Ash. Ash sits him down on the bed first then sits down next to him. He gently ran his hand through Karlyle's hair. Karlyle doesn't even notice that his hair is a little messy.
"Did you bring this for me? Thank you."
Their eyes meet. Ash is now smiling as usual. Karlyle looks down. Something in him is about to burst out. Holding the teacup in both hands, he says.
"It's hot, let me cool it down first."
"It's okay."
A soft laugh mingles with Ash's voice. It touches something inside Karlyle. Karlyle, who is about to blow the tea, lowers the cup. His lips clench. Power goes into his fingers.
"Are you okay, Lyle? I'm sorry about before. I…."
Ash is apologizing again. Karlyle quickly shakes his head. He says in a locked voice.
"I thought about something while you were resting."
"What is it?"
"If you marry me…."
Ash's hand touching his hair stops. Unaware of that, Karlyle continues.
"If you regret it, you can still stop the marriage. Don't worry about the cost or anything else. I will handle it."
"What do you mean?"
Ash snatches the teacup in his hand and puts it down on the bedside table. His hands grip Karlyle's shoulders. Ash looks at him with a terrifyingly hardened face.
"Why do you regret getting married? Is that what you want, Lyle?"
"No."
"Then why are you bringing this up?"
Ash's complexion turns pale. His unsteady pheromones attack Karlyle again. Karlyle is taken aback by Ash's shocked expression. He didn't expect this.
"You had to hear those rude things. I also made you angry….. If you marry me, you might regret it someday." Karlyle mutters.
"Me?"
Ash laughs bitterly, shaking his head. Then he pushes Karlyle onto the bed, making Karlyle lose his balance. Ash towers himself over him, then presses his body on him. His strong arms lock Karlyle under him. Veins pop up on his arms.
"I want to marry you and make you mine right now, but you came to tell me that you wanted to cancel the marriage?"
"....What?"
"Lyle has a talent for driving me crazy."
Ash's gray and blue eyes lock Karlyle's gaze deeply. Staring intently at his face, Ash mutters lowly.
"I won't let you go. You cannot go anywhere. Lyle agreed to marry me and this is the result of your choice. So you have to take care of me."
Such an unexpected answer. Karlyle had assumed the worst case scenario. Ash's obvious possessiveness makes him relieved. His eyes get a little watery. He had thought he would be abandoned. Ash is a brilliant person, someone inadequate like Karlyle could never be a suitable match for him. He even imagined that Ash would leave him and date someone else he wanted to be with.
"Ash, I….I thought you were….disappointed in me."
He can barely say it with his hoarse voice. Ash sighs and leans down. His nose tip rubs against Karlyle's. He hurriedly hugs Ash. He hugs him tightly, not wanting to let go of the person he loves so much.
"I'm disappointed in myself." Ash says.
"I'm the one at fault, Ash."
"No, you are not. As you said Lyle, it's true that I have to understand you more than anyone else. But when I thought about how he had feelings for you and how he might have touched you somewhere I didn't know….it made me furious."
Ash kisses his forehead. Karlyle quietly listens to Ash. This is also an unexpected reason.
"This is unlike me, Lyle. I have never been openly jealous, made the person I love uncomfortable or restrained them. Since each person has their own private life. Just because I'm your lover and your spouse doesn't mean I have the right to control you. But…."
Ash lets out his inner feelings, his voice sounds so vulnerable.
"But that rule of mine doesn't work with you, Lyle. I don't want you to be someone else's, I want to declare that you are mine. I don't want anyone to have their eyes on you. I've never been possessive like this. I feel unfamiliar with myself. That's why."
Ash buries his face in Karlyle's arms. Seeing him digging in his embrace like a small animal, affection rises in him. And at the same time, there's also guilt. Feeling overwhelmed by love, Karlyle hugs Ash tighter and kisses his soft hair. Gladly accepting Ash's pheromones showering on him, Karlyle whispers eagerly.
"You can be jealous. I like everything you do… I believe that you won't do anything that would harm me. Wasn't you the one who taught me how to rely on others, Ash?"
Ash is depending on him. Usually he's the one leaning on Ash, but now it's the opposite. His heart feels like bursting. Still burying his face in his arms, Ash mumbles.
"Can I really?"
Karlyle gently massages his back and puts one more kiss on his hair. Like its owner, Ash's hair feels so soft and lovely.
"I'm yours, Ash. I belong to you. As you said, I chose you and this is the result of my choice. No one can make me happy but you, Ash."
"You won't be able to take it back, you know? If something like this happens again, I'll declare in front of others that you are mine, is that okay?"
Ash whispers, his head raising slightly. He can feel anxiety in his voice. Karlyle wants to sincerely express his heart to Ash. He needs to let Ash know how much he loves him. He loves Ash so much that no words can describe it.
"You are just telling the truth, who could possibly deny it, Ash?"
"You promise?"
"I promise. And… you are also mine, Ash."
The pretty smile finally returns to Ash's face. Ash smiling beautifully like that makes him look even more handsome. Ash then kisses his chin. Karlyle's lips go up softly.
"You are already my master, Lyle."
"....If you say it like that, I'll take it as the truth then."
"Yes, master."
He bites his lower lip gently. Two strong arms dig behind his back and Karlyle is completely wrapped in Ash's arms. Ash's warmth, always warmer than his, spreads over his skin. Ignoring the crumbling of his suit, Karlyle pulls Ash in. Only the sound of their breathings resound in the quiet atmosphere. In the tranquil moment when time seems to have stopped, Ash is the only one in his eyes.
Their eyes focus on each other. Ash tastes his lips deliciously. He can see Ash's creamy sweet smile. While he is mesmerized by his future husband, Ash kisses him softly, making his lips wet with saliva. The tip of his tongue tickles Karlyle's lips then digs into the gap between his gaping lips. Hot exhales fall from his lips, he grabs Ash's clothes needily. He wants Ash.
He continues the kiss that Ash has tamed to his bones. Ash begins to tickle the roof of his mouth weakly. A fire breaks in him. Their tongues slowly intertwine. Karlyle lets out a soft moan. Ash dances his tongue skilfully. Sounds of their wet kisses fill the air. Karlyle unconsciously buckles his hip up. Noticing that, Ash runs his hand down Karlyle's back.
The more deeply they kiss, the hotter the heat inside his body gets. His stomach is tingling. He lifts his chin up to taste Ash more. Their noses rub slightly, their wet lips rub together. Warm breaths escape his lips. "Hah", he moans, eagerly asking for more.
Having been continuing the suffocating kiss, Ash backs away a little as if running away. Karlyle, who has been fully occupied with the kiss, immediately holds Ash back. He grips his collar tightly.
Unable to escape, Ash lets out a small laugh as Karlyle grabs him fiercely. His low laughter sounds as sweet as sugar.
"You are pretty."
Karlyle looks at Ash with eyes full of heat. Ash brushes Karlyle's hair, then kisses his lip corner and whispers.
"I will make you happy, Lyle."
"You are doing it already."
"Someday, when the moment comes that we will remain as memories in the world, for you to think that you have lived a happy life…."
Karlyle lets go of Ash's collar. Fluttering his long eyelashes, he looks up at Ash. He can imagine countless moments awaiting them. Karlyle pictures the end of their time together like Ash says.
He's certain,
That he will definitely be happy.
"I love you, Ash."
Ash will be by his side.
"I love you, Lyle."
Ash's large palms cup his cheeks. The kiss that has been pending continues. Ash digs his warm hands into his clothes. There are no more words. The sound of heavy breathing, clothes coming off and blanket rustling slowly fills up the air.