Only you can love me this way
On the day he returned from his business trip, Karlyle came home in the back seat instead of the passenger seat. Drunk with Ash's pheromones, Karlyle couldn't calm down even after coming home. As a result, Ash locked him in the bedroom as soon as they arrived and indulged in him until the sun began to slip over the horizon. Finally, when both were tired, they stopped to simply spend time together, existing in each other's presence as slow and inexorable as an evening tide.
The next day, Karlyle doesn't go to work. Ash had written down his annual leave this week in advance, so Karlyle had also decided to take a few days off. When Karlyle asked Ash if it was okay for him to take an absence that long since he would absolutely start tearing through his vacation days due to their wedding schedule, Ash only thanked him for worrying about him.
After watching a movie until late last night, they wake up late in the morning. Birds have begun to live in the little birdhouses that Ash had hung on the trees in the garden last month. A flock of titmice with blue and yellow feathers are perched on branches, and there are often small, tiny scarlet finches sitting on some faraway trees. The loud chirping of birds come through the windows of the terrace, lifting Karlyle from sleep. Sunlight fills the room like a golden wave.
Ash is still sleeping. Karlyle watches his soundly sleeping face attentively, wanting to make up for the past few days. His long black eyelashes, his perfect nose bridge, his soft, kissable lips, and the slightly curved soft corners of his eyes make his heart flutter just by looking at them.
Feeling just a little greedier, Karlyle reaches out. In order not to wake Ash up, Karlyle doesn't touch him, he only uses his finger to trace the shape of his features in the air. His eyes, his nose and his lips, each feature is so delicate and beautiful. But unlike their delicacy, when they are put together, they become Ash's handsome face. It’s a contrast that Karlyle falls in love with a little more each day.
His gaze is still glued to Ash much longer than Karlyle would ever admit. Ash’s peaceful face beside him every day for the rest of his life feels like every miracle Karlyle has ever experienced compounded into this beautiful man. Karlyle breathes in, carving the image of Ash into his eyes. He can't believe he can feel so grateful that it hurts—yet another testament to his love for Ash, he supposes.
Being all emotional, he can't help but get more greedy. The moment he touches Ash's hair, Ash opens his eyes. He just stares blankly at Karlyle since he tends to take a moment for all his faculties to get up to speed in the morning. His eyelids flutter slowly. Only Karlyle knows this dazed and expression of his. Karlyle savors that fact. When he remembers Ash once said that he had never let anyone sleep in his house and vice versa, his mood brightens instantly. A faint smile blooms on his lips.
"Hi." Ash says the first greeting of the day.
"Good morning."
He answers softly. Ash smiles. Grinning, he pulls the blanket up, covering the two of them. The sunlight filtering through the white blanket feels like heaven. The smell of their familiar detergent and dried cotton blends with Ash's scent gently.
"Did you have a good sleep, Lyle? Any scary dreams?"
Ash digs his arms into Karlyle's sleeping gown. Their different body warmth melts together. Ash gently rubs his skin, his strong arms envelop his waist tightly. Their legs are entangled under the sheet. Ash is always so warm, his feet tickle Karlyle's cold ones, making him laugh silently.
"I told you, I wasn't scared." He answers.
Before going to sleep, they watched a movie set in the apocalypse. He chose the movie based on the title and the thumbnail only, he didn't read the description. Because of that, he ended up choosing a zombie movie. Ash hugged him from behind and made him watch from the beginning to the end, not allowing him to stop the movie midway.
*HAHA, Karlyle and his hate for zombies =)))
"Didn't you flinch every time a zombie appeared? I thought you would get scared while sleeping, so I held your hand all night."
Karlyle silently contemplates how he should answer. He isn't scared of zombies per say, he just thinks that they are disgusting. It's not that he is scared at all. Aristocrats go on hunting trips all the time. Zombies are a collection of unrealistic things. He just hates them because their appearances look so grotesque. At least chimeras have some kind of charm. Zombies on the other hand are just rotten corpses.
"I hate those kinds of movies. They make no sense at all. Wouldn't war or environmental disaster be a more reasonable cause if humanity were to face extinction?"
"Okay, okay, everything Lyle says is right."
*I have to say, I'm amazed by Karlyle's thinking process every damn time =)) And Ash of course, always let Lyle do and say what he wants =)))
Ash smiles, rubbing his cheek gently. Ash doesn't seem to believe him, but Karlyle decides to move on. Trying to defend himself any longer will only make him look immature. Instead, he changes the subject.
"Are you hungry?"
"Not yet. What do you want for breakfast?"
Ash loves to cook together on their day off. Karlyle prefers to have things prepared in advance, but he loves whatever Ash makes as well.
"I want to eat whatever Ash wants."
"Don't say that."
Ash brings his face closer, slightly pinching the tip of Karlyle's nose. Karlyle's smile deepens. Laughing softly, he gently touches Ash's cheek. After thinking for a while, he comes up with an answer.
"Your spinach frittata was delicious."
"Shall we have it with baked eggs and basil pesto?"
"Yes."
"You're pretty."
Their noses rub together. Ash's smiling lips kiss Karlyle's cheek. Then he proceeds to softly smooch every corner of his face, making Karlyle widen his eyes in surprise.
"Can I pick you up and take you out of bed?"
"No, thank you."
Karlyle firmly refuses, recalling time he had to kiss Ash on the cheek while being held in his arms. Ash stretches his body, then leaves a long kiss on Karlyle's lips before pulling the blanket down. Ash's back sitting against the spreading sunlight looks so angelic.
Everything is so unbelievably happy.
There are still times when he can't help but feel anxious. What if unhappiness and tragedy are lurking somewhere behind this excessive happiness? Ash becomes more and more precious to him as days go by. All he wants is to make Ash happy. Then, Richard Cavendish, who has been completely forgotten, comes to his mind. He has handled Richard's confession as tacitly as possible, hopefully Richard will know his place. Even if Richard doesn't back down, he doesn't want Ash to know. He doesn't know what is the best thing to do, but in his position now, this is the best he can do.
After getting up, they shower together. Ash's gentle hands washing his hair has now become so familiar to Karlyle. The way Ash looks at him, his face all wet and gentle, is familiar as well. Karlyle just can't live without it anymore. Ash kisses him along the water droplets flowing down the curves of his body. And just like that, they fall into each other’s rhythm. As they rub their cocks against each other, Ash works Karlyle's entrance with his fingers. And that's how their "not-so-steamy" morning shower happens. The spend that drips from their rubbed cocks pools on the floor and then mixes with water and flows down the drain.
After a late morning listening to Ash's favorite jazz, the two go out to the garden. The sun is unusually warm and there's no wind so it's a warm day like early summer. Under the noon sun, they have tea and a light breakfast.
"Since our house is big, I'm thinking that we should have a dog. As a wedding gift for us."
Ash suggests while sipping his tea. He turns his gaze to Karlyle, resting his chin on his hand. Karlyle pauses as Ash mentions the wedding. Even though the wedding is right around the corner, he sometimes wonders if this is all a dream. He silently agrees with Ash, his earlobes flushing.
"I think it's a good idea."
"Or do you prefer a cat?"
Karlyle quietly ponders. Dogs and cats both have fur, their fur will definitely fly around in the air. But Ash seems to like dogs, so the answer is obvious.
"A dog would be better. We can tame it."
A dog would be much more useful. It can protect the house, can’t it? Karlyle can also protect Ash faster this way. Come to think of it, since when has Ash thought of having a dog? Ash has never mentioned it before. An emotion that is hard to describe rises in him. Does Ash feel that the mansion is empty?
"Then should we pick one from the abandoned dog shelter?"
But Ash stops him from thinking deeper. Karlyle nods, shaking off the strange feeling of uneasiness. Adopting a dog from the abandoned dog shelter. It’s so fitting for Ash. People around Karlyle would no doubt ask why he chose a dog with an unknown pedigree, but Ash is not a part of the judgment in Karlyle’s world. So this is better.
"That's a good idea."
"Lyle has been agreeing with everything I said. This is a big deal. If you don't like it you have to tell me."
Ash reaches out and caresses the back of Karlyle's hand. There's no way he can refuse the suggestion of such a beautiful person. Karlyle laughs silently as he sips his tea. He doesn't smile in front of others, but now, showing his smile in front of Ash has become as natural as breathing. This change is unfamiliar to Karlyle himself as well.
"Rather, I'll name the dog."
"What will you name it? Alexander?"
Ash teases him since Karlyle named all of his horses Alexander. Karlyle shakes his head in embarrassment. Hesitantly, he musters up the courage to joke back.
"Ashley would be a nice name for it."
A soft and low-pitched laugh bursts out from Ash. Ash pulls his hand and kisses its back. Kissing him reverently like a knight, Ash rolls his eyes.
"I didn't know the dog was me, Lyle."
"I was just joking."
It was really a joke. Ash's name is not Ashley, but he can't name the dog the way Natalie calls Ash. But Ash seems to be serious.
"You have a dog right here, master."
Ash closes his teeth around his fingers gently, then kisses them and rubs his cheek against them. It's true that Ash is cute like a puppy. He doesn't understand why people love cats and dogs so much, but when he replaces them with Ash, he understands immediately.
He wants to kiss him.
"Ash, can I kiss you?"
At his carefully asked request, Ash quietly looks at him. Their surroundings are completely peaceful and tranquil, save for the birds twittering behind them, Karlyle's gaze focuses only on Ash, as if time has stopped. Ash's beautiful eyes hidden behind his eyelashes flutter.
Ash slowly moves closer to him. Putting his lips on their clasped hands, he then kisses his fingertips. His lips slowly trace down his fingers, then move down to his palm and his wrist, putting his mouth softly against his pulse. Gently, he pulls Karlyle closer by his arm. Although Ash only pulls him gently, Karlyle's upper body lurches forward so easily. Ash crouches down on the table and approaches him. Now, his face is right in front of Karlyle.
"Anything my Lyle wants."
His lips go in along with the whisper. He can feel the sweet scent of the black tea Ash drinks. When he remembers that this subtle caramel-scented black tea is called " Je t'aime", his cheeks blush. It's because Ash always whispers its name to him whenever he holds the tin of its tea leaves.
And their kiss is as sweet as the black tea. No, it's incomparably sweeter.
*My goodness, I always forgot Ash is half French.
****
The wind grows colder, and the two return to the mansion. Ash puts a shawl over Karlyle's shoulder, then brings an Ipad to see the list of puppies at an abandoned dog shelter in Battersea. Lying against Karlyle's thighs, Ash shows him the screen. As Ash often rubs his cheek against his thighs and acts cutely, Karlyle spendsmore time than he would like to admit secretly watching him. Ash really is like a puppy.
The Battersea abandoned animal shelter is a good and big facility in England, they provide a neatly organized list of abandoned dogs with photos. And, as if it's fate, they find a golden retriever named Bongbong. It's a female dog who will turn 3 years old this year.
Ash makes an appointment two weeks later. He wants Karlyle to have more time to think things through. When Ash asked him to let him know if he changed his mind, Karlyle just calmly agreed.
After that, they leave the house to see the exhibition Ash wants to see. The destination is South Bank's Hayward Gallery. Hands interlacing, they slowly watch the artworks together. Ash is a master in this field, and he fills the gaps in Karlyle's lack of knowledge of contemporary art. Originally, he had never been interested in this field, but when hearing Ash's stories, his curiosity is greatly aroused.
After a leisure session of watching the exhibition for more than one hour, they head to the Thames River. The vast and murky Thames resembles the grayish green color of London. But this is quite a place to take a stroll in spring and summer.
At the cafe in the museum, Ash buys hot chocolate. They walk along the river with the sound of people talking and the river flowing in the background. Sunlight breaks through the cracks between the leaves.
Watching the dogs and people around for a while, Ash turns his eyes to Karlyle. He wiggles their clasped hands without letting go.
"Do you like the exhibition?"
"Yes. Thanks to your explanation, I really loved it."
"I'm glad then. Today we have done what I like, shall we go horse riding tomorrow? The activity that Lyle likes?"
Saying that, Ash takes a small sip of hot chocolate. Since Ash isn't good at drinking hot stuff, he can't even take half a gulp without wincing. Ash is so cute everytime he does that. In fact, Karlyle secretly loves it when Ash eats something hot. In times like these, there are things Karlyle can do.
So he reaches out.
"Let me blow it for you."
Ash's eyes widen softly. Looking down at Karlyle like he's looking at something small and cute, he says.
"Will you?"
"Allow me."
"Okay, here. Hurry."
Ash holds the cup out. Carefully taking the drink, Karlyle opens the lid. The sweet smell wafts up. As usual, keeping his stoic face, Karlyle gently blows it. He’s so focused on the task that he almost doesn’t notice Ash taking his phone out.
"I can't anymore."
"....What are you talking about?"
Did I do something wrong? Karlyle looks up. Ash says seriously, his voice sounds somewhat startled.
"I need to take a picture. You are too damn cute."
"....I'm not cute."
Karlyle answers seriously. However, Ash is faster, he has already taken tons of pictures. Karlyle can do official shoots or broadcasts, but he is very awkward about taking private pictures. Even though he's no stranger to being photographed, this is the first time his lover has taken pictures of him, so of course he’s nervous in front of Ash’s camera.
"Ash, later…."
There's no use in talking. Ash has taken a bunch and is giggling mischievously. Pulling the back of Karlyle's hand and kissing him, Ash clings to his side.
"Look, look. You're so cute."
Karlyle stares at Ash's phone, speechless. The pictures in his phone are not cute at all. He looks colder and stiffer than usual. Look at how awkward he is holding the hot chocolate. Ash swipes to the next photo, this time showing a picture of Karlyle with his eyes closed.
"This is my favorite."
Karlyle unconsciously tightens his hand holding the cup. The drink might spill out, but he doesn't care. He firmly straightens himself up.
"... Please erase them."
His earlobes turn red in embarrassment. He doesn't look elegant at all. Even in photos of his distant childhood, Karlyle was a dignified and proper boy. Even though he has no memories of when he was a newborn child, there's no pictures like those. He always tries to show Ash his good side, there's no way he can leave embarrassing pictures of him in Ash's phone.
"Why, Lyle? You’re just so cute."
"No. Please erase them."
"The most beautiful in the world."
"Erase them, Ash."
Karlyle firmly requests. It's unusual for him to not agree with Ash. Although Ash has definitely seen him more… discomposed, pictures are recorded things. They'll be there forever. Holding the cup stronger, he says it one last time.
"Erase them."
Ash's face turns grumpy. He looks like the saddest person in the world. His eyebrows droop down like a puppy being sad because his owner doesn't play with him. His eyelashes flutter down pitifully.
"All right. If Lyle doesn't like it, I'll erase them."
….He looks so sad, really, really sad.
Karlyle is conflicted. What should he do? The determination, which has been as hard as rock, all collapses when he sees Ash's sad expression. His cold face cracks. Clenching his lips, he puts down his shame and proposes another condition.
"....You can keep them for three days."
"Really?"
Ash says, face all brightening like a dog seeing its owner. Karlyle's heart is unfortunately weak to it. Ash doesn't only look like a baby bird, he also resembles a puppy. Even if he collected all the cutest things in the world, they wouldn't be cuter than Ash. How can a man taller and stronger than him be so lovable? How can Karlyle not relent and give him everything he wants?
Three days.
Only three days.
"You have to delete them after three days."
"I will, Lyle."
Ash smiles and kisses him on the cheek. Karlyle has a vague feeling that Ash won't erase them ever, but he decides to trust his fiance. Partners have to trust each other, right?
"You promised."
"Of course, Lyle."
"If you break it…."
Karlyle hesitates. Whenever Ash makes him promise something, he always assigns a condition to it. But when Karlyle tries to do the same as him, somehow he feels that it's too childish for a grown adult.
Of course, it's okay since Ash is cute. Even though he has made him do all sorts of weird things….
"You'll have to stay home with me."
"Of course."
Even though he has that thought, some parts of him still want to be selfish. His desire to confine Ash is fixed in his heart like a stubborn flame. It doesn't fade away a bit despite the fact that time has passed.
"I'm serious. You cannot leave home without my permission."
"All right. I promise."
Ash sticks his pinky finger out. At his answer, Karlyle is satisfied. Deep down, he even thinks that it'd be okay if Ash doesn't delete the photos. Realizing his own ominous thoughts, he shakes his head in shock. However, after three days, he'll definitely check whether Ash has deleted them.
"I love you, my Lyle."
Ash smothers kisses all over his face. Ash is truly a human puppy. If they adopt Bongbong, Ash will definitely get along with her like a house on fire. Watching the two of them play will be a very happy scene.
A wind mingled with the fresh scent of spring brushes past them. Just like that, the perfect afternoon comes to an end.