(Ash POV)
"Director."
Somebody is calling him. Looking out the window, Ash hears the call, but at the same time does not hear it. The sky he is looking at is so blue and clear that it makes his eyes shiver. The rising sun draws oblique lines and splits the building and the walkway with light. An unpleasantly refreshing scenery.
"...Director?"
It is not until he is called again that Ash looks back. Ah. He blinks without a change of expression.
Mikaila is staring at him with a puzzled face. Mikaila is not the only one looking at him. All the staff in the conference room are looking at Ash.
"Sorry. I have something to think about for a moment."
Do I really? Even though he said it himself, Ash is not sure. He's not really thinking about anything. To be honest, for a while, he was distracted. There is nothing in his head.
"Our schedule has been hectic these days. Everyone has been working hard. It's the final stage now, so hang in there a little more. Next week is already the exhibition."
In the same meeting as him, Mackenzie, who is Ash's senior and the founder of the studio, says. Her soft brown blonde hair is trimmed to the length below her ears. With an apologetic smile, Mackenzie turns her gaze to Ash.
Ash smiles at the brown eyes. A smile as usual. Mackenzie raises an eyebrow and shakes her head at the sight. Then she claps her hands.
"Let's take a break everyone. Coffee, no, caffeine won't work anyway. Go drink some tea, that's good for your body."
Laughter erupts when she says that people in this industry would soon disappear because caffeine can't save them anymore.
In this industry, overtime and weekend work are not strange, everywhere is the same, but Mackenzie still tries to maintain the family kind of feel from the studio's first days as much as possible. One of which is to pay close attention to overtime pay and welfare.
When all the colleagues have left their seats in the warm atmosphere, Mackenzie folds her arms.
"What's wrong with you these days?"
"Me?"
This time, as if he can't understand the question, Ash raises his eyebrows. With a smiling mouth, Ash speaks again.
"I don't think I have made any mistakes at work."
"I know you are a disgusting bastard who doesn't make mistakes. What I mean is, why do you spend so much time sitting and spacing out?"
There is the sound of chair wheels being dragged. Ash laughs awkwardly. Well. Shrugging his shoulders as if in trouble, Ash looks out the window again. Something is bothering him for no reason. Like he has forgotten something important that has not been solved. He has been feeling this way over the last month.
"You act like you just lost something important."
Mackenzie has always been a sharp person. She hasn't changed a bit since the days they studied at Saint Martin. Ash has learned a lot from watching the woman debate without losing even to a professor, as long as there is a reason that she thinks is reasonable and certain. Not only in work, but also in how she expresses herself.
Still, acting like Mackenzie is difficult. Ash Jones is someone who doesn't like to show his sharp sides. It's a personality that has been established since childhood.
Instead of showing his displeasure, he chooses to draw a line at the perfect timing. Of course, that method doesn't work for everyone. Contrary to Ash's intention, people always infer too much from his smile.
However, it is still incomparably easier to live with a smile than living as a person who does not smile.
A child growing up in a family that always has to pay attention to their parents' emotions is quick to notice. Reading other people's feelings and quickly recognizing the inner thoughts of their gestures and words.
Ever since his mother died and his father remarried, Ash hasn't laughed a single day. His stepmother, bringing her children in, always made up reasons whenever Ash didn't smile. That person only wanted to find faults in every of his actions.
After making things up, his stepmother would make a big deal out of it and went to his father. Even if Ash wasn't thinking anything, she would say that Ash was angry or ignored her just because he didn't smile. Even if he explained himself, this stepmother still didn't care.
His father completely ignored him. Not strange. That man doesn't love him. That, too, has a reason.
Ever since he was a small 10 year old boy, he has realized that people don't really care much about other people's true feelings. He has never been saddened by that fact. Thanks to this, Ash has learned how to be loved. He has also quickly learned how to not get tired.
At some points, Ash has lived with the impression that he is a skilled and gentle person. And such images have been helpful in living in this world. As Ash grew older, he has learned how to draw lines and become an attractive but difficult person to approach. This seems to have aroused desires and challenges in other people.
But Ash's rule has always been simple. He does everything he can for the one he loves. To those who do not, he shows only a certain favor. Ash does a great job of keeping that boundary.
However...
"What's going on?"
There is only one person, that rule doesn't work at all.
"There's nothing."
No, there must be such a person.
Ash buries his back in the chair and rubs his chin. A smile is re-engraved in his well-curved eyes.
"As I said, we've been busy lately. Because we suddenly have a big client."
That sentence isn't meant to provoke guilt, but Mackenzie makes an apologetic face. Ruffling her own hair, Mackenzie says.
"Because of that, I had to transfer you into the existing project."
"Everyone is working hard, not only me."
The time they spend in the studio is similar. Only the intensity of work is different. Mackenzie in front of him is also stuck in the studio with hardly any time to go home. Even if she goes home by any chance, she'll end up working at home, too.
Same goes with Ash. It's been really busy lately. In other words, the reason is because his studio, which has a tendency to pursue innovative design, has taken on a project that is difficult to pick up.
Offers came at the same time from a certain department store and a channel that preferred only traditional designs. The moment he knew it, he remembered someone. He could guess who that was. There ứas only one person around him who could make connections like these.
When he was pondering whether to contact Karlyle Frost to turn them down, his beloved Mackenzie said that this would be a good challenge for the portfolio. Because of that, his hesitation was gone.
In the first place, he never intends to receive anything from the man. It is pure Ash's favor, and some sincerity towards Nick. He doesn't want to put any prices on that.
But somehow, he just couldn't refuse this. The reason was not clearly known. While he was still thinking about it, the work started. The decision to accept those commissions was made quickly, so when he came to his senses, Ash had already been swayed by a ridiculous schedule. Without exaggerating, ever since he put his hands on work, his cell phone kept ringing all day.
"No, I think the work is overloading, too. Well, we are paid an exorbitant price, so.... anyway I'm sorry. Just go home first today."
Blocking the thoughts that are starting to flow in another direction, Ash shakes his head.
"It'd be better to have another person to help and finish quickly."
"Not once or twice, I have seen this state of yours several times throughout the last two weeks. Just confirm work and go home."
And the conversation is over. That's the final warning. Mackenzie is stubborn in this regard. Instead of trying to persuade Mackenzie in vain, Ash decides to compromise to some extent.
Actually... he is a little tired.
It's an early off work day. London, which was in full swing in autumn, is about to turn into winter. The pleasant air is slowly cooling down. The days are becoming shorter.
Soon it will be October. Passing leisurely among the tourists taking pictures, Ash looks into the distance. Mackenzie is right. It feels like he has lost something important, he has been feeling this way for quite a long time. It's a weird feeling.
No matter how much he thinks about it, he can't figure out the cause. The work schedule falls in line with the plan, there's no way anything is forgotten. Instead of driving his car parked in the building, Ash walks past the parking lot.
Entering a quiet alleyway, passing an art supply store and a theater, Ash comes out to the main street. On the other side of the road where red buses and black taxis roam, there is a familiar place. It is the National Portrait Gallery.
After staring at the gallery for a moment, Ash crosses the road at the same time as the signal changes. It is an impulse that he can't understand himself. At a time like this, he should have gone home and rested. Even if his breath trembles while watching a movie, he doesn't feel like seeing an exhibition right now.
While thinking that way, Ash continues walking. As usual, he doesn't even pay attention to the passing gaze that glances at him or stares at him persistently. It is only after he sees someone's back that he stops walking ahead.
A neat and straight back, an angled suit, a slender waist and pale black hair that is sliced back.
The moment he sees it, the whole head becomes blank. Before reason can judge anything, Ash immediately follows the walking man. His shoes hit the ground urgently. As if his heart is contracted and pressed down to an unseeable point, even his stomach feels throb inside.
The distance narrows in an instant. His hasty steps catch up with the man. His hand stretches out unconsciously. All of these actions happen in just a few seconds...
"Karlyle."
There is nothing in his head. The body moves on its own. A sense of impatience urges him to do so. Without realizing it, his hand grabs the other's clothes strongly.
The man walking with a constant stride stops. A little staggered by the force holding from behind, the man turns around.
And even before he can see his face, Ash has realized that the man is not Karlyle.
"...Who are you?"
The scent is different.
It is very different from Karlyle's pheromones. Alpha's pheromones, which sting his nose, have no resemblance to Karlyle.
It is not the subtle scent you can smell when putting your nose to the skin and taking a deep breath. Like an unscented flower, it has a purple scent that can only be smelled when you get very close.
"I'm sorry."
Ash lets his hand go. A perfect smile hung on his face. Looking back with a look of displeasure and embarrassment, the man relaxes his expression at that graceful smile.
At a glance, the rejection to the same Alpha and the good impression of a person seems to collide on the man's face, but he shakes his head as if there is nothing.
"It's okay. Did you mistake me for someone else?"
The man looks younger than Karlyle. Upon closer inspection, his clothes are also not the handmade suits Karlyle wears. It is a suit that you can easily see when walking around Liverpool Street or Bank Station. His body and his face are all different.
Ash chuckles inside. So troublesome. Even though everything is different, he can't believe even the other's polite way of speaking makes him recall Karlyle's face. Ash shakes his head slightly.
"Excuse me."
Ignoring the other person's attempt to say some more words, Ash walks past the man. Slightly untying the collar of his already unbuttoned blue shirt, he lets out a low laugh.
Ah...
This is bad.
On the way home, Ash is immersed in thoughts again. Unlike in the conference room, this time, he thinks with a target in mind.
The first thing that comes to his mind is the quiet eyes. The man is the quietest person Ash has ever known. He doesn't remember hearing the man sharing his trivial daily routine like people often do. Not once did the man express dissatisfaction towards his job. Still, he always answered Ash's questions.
In a very sincere way.
With an elegant accent and a pleasant voice that had never been heard around Ash, the man answered the questions one by one seriously. At first, he only gave short answers, but at some point, things started to change. The number of words and contents returned to the questions gradually increased. Soon, they became beautiful sentences.
Though more words have been heard, now that he thinks about it, Ash still knows nothing. What the man does, how he feels today, and what he thinks behind that expressionless face. Nobody knows the answer.
The man is as quiet as snow piling up silently. He just looks at Ash with calm gray eyes.
Ash thought he has known a lot about what the other likes, but actually, he doesn't know anything. He has never heard about what the other person really likes. Then a thought comes up.
He should... have asked more.
The next thing that comes to his mind is his lips. The thin lips that turn red whenever they kiss. The man is so clumsy, who would have thought such a person could calmly talk about numbers and directions of sexual intercourse. And he is ridiculously sexy.
He can't believe the man can make a face like that. When such a cold face melts in heat, how lewd it can be... If he hadn't had the chance to sleep with the man, he wouldn't have dared to guess.
The way his lips tremble faintly as Ash mixes his tongue deeply. Looking at the tongue that follows him hesitantly, the man seems to be a good kisser, but when Ash digs deep into the roof of his mouth, the man flinches like a person who kisses for the first time.
A small moan erupts as the sweet flesh is sucked. It starts with a sound of unbearable pain, then followed by a long, hot breath and a sexy sound he has never heard before.
Even though Ash has met a lot of people, this is the first time he has ever heard such a burning sound.
Cute.
Ash laughed as he looked at the man rubbing his lips and stepping back, then turning around and disappearing (In season 1, when Ash and Karlyle went to the movie, Ash kissed Karlyle and made him run away). If they had met normally and dated without any obstacles, they would have definitely become lovers soon... Since the other is such a cute person.
However, as his heart kept growing little by little, there was something straining his ankle. That man had drawn a clear line before the start of this relationship.
"I don't want any unnecessary feelings to arise."
The man's rude remark is arrogant, but at the same time, it's not wrong. It's not easy to get involved with someone who doesn't want unwanted feelings. Only makes both parties tired. However, even if he tries to understand the man's words, to be honest, the saying itself still sounds very annoying.
Is it the aristocracy's culture to have that kind of superior attitude? The man's appearance on that day, when he stared at Ash, then turned his expressionless face to talk to Nick, overlaps. He couldn't understand why it was like the man was trying to expose Ash. The impression already creaked from the beginning. That itself is an exception to Ash.
He doesn't have many memories of getting angry. Even though he has had many lovers before, Ash is always the person who adjusts in advance before a quarrel. He is very patient. If they need to talk, he'll calmly talk about the conflict. He doesn't bother to get angry in the process.
There was only one time when he was really angry in his childhood. After that, Ash has never shown his raw emotions. Because it's over anyway.
But Karlyle continued to annoy him. That day was the first time he saw a snigger from Karlyle, not to mention rude words that man said to a person who had only met twice. It's hard to find ways to balance this relationship.
They were not dating, but they did have sex. Ash couldn't quite figure out how to deal with a man who has never dated Alpha before, nor has he ever received anyone in the ass.
So he acted like he always did. The problem is the category to which those behaviors of his belong.
Doing something that you can only do to a date with someone who you can't get involved in that way.... what can we call this kind of relationship?
Time passed while he was pondering over this inconclusive issue. The man sincerely accepted the meeting. After two or three meetings, he had gotten a sense of the other person to some extent, but the man's expression still didn't change.
So he kept reaching out. Then, the man's closed lips opened slightly. He exhaled a hot breath, and let out a raucous moan that made people go crazy. And then, finally, little by little, the man had said things that could only be heard on bed.
That must be when changes happened.
Karlyle, too clouded by the rut, had called Ash. The man who cut off Nick and Ash's relationship called first, he didn't know what the man was thinking.
In a very low voice, Karlyle asked Ash to come. Despite the complexity of his heart, with a respectful yet dangerous voice, Ash came to find Karlyle.
And the man had prepared the lubricant himself. Karlyle looked at him with eyes that urged him to do something, and just like that, he hugged Karlyle frantically. As if the person rutting was Ash, not Karlyle.
Karlyle, who wasn't sane at that time, may not have been able to realize that. But if anyone else had seen him in that state, they would have had the same reaction.
It is still unknown what kind of person Karlyle is, but Ash knows that the man is very attractive. Ears, neck, straight collarbone, slightly fan chest groove, the softest inside of the wrist, ankles, thighs, every element that makes up Karlyle Frost is beautiful and sexy.
If Karlyle were his lover, Ash would leave marks all over him. He has such a delicious body that his lips can't help touching.
However, Ash skillfully suppressed the soaring greed like instinct. They would not see each other in a month, and there's no reason for someone like Karlyle to meet Ash.
The man doesn't want any unnecessary emotions, now that he thinks about it, Karlyle is the only aristocrat he knows. Though personalities are different, Ash knows that aristocrats have their own world.
If Karlyle hadn't said that, Ash wouldn't have done anything to the end.
"Just a little bit... please stay... with me."
If only Karlyle hadn't said that before falling asleep (during Karlyle's rut).
"I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help."
If only Karlyle hadn't said that while looking at Ash quietly, and his face made Ash unable to leave him behind (when Ash had to help Natalie take care of babies and could not take Karlyle with him, Karlyle's expression made Ash come back).
"I mean, I've never dated anyone."
If only Karlyle hadn't said that.
"I've never kissed the same person more than twice."
Had it not been for Karlyle's suspicious words and actions, Ash would have been able to face these days casually.
But he couldn't. As time went on, Karlyle said and did things beyond his imagination.
When the feeling of being alive appears on the sculpturally cold and inorganic face, Ash finally understands a passage from Roman mythology. The cold white light gradually changes to a warm white one. As if it's alive.
Like a slow-growing flower, Carlyle's lips revealed little by little. And then came the day, when the tight lips parted to give way to a bright smile. The beautiful sight caught Ash's eyes.
Ash Jones loves beautiful things. In his life he has seen countless wonders. But the smile of the man Ash witnessed that day is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. There was no way to take his eyes off it.
And then the curiosity grows. In order not to get involved in unnecessarily complicated things and to avoid unnecessary conflicts that might arise, he thinks about all of the man's actions.
Why did you smile to me?
Why did you say you wanted to see me?
Why did you hate it when I mentioned other Alphas?
Karlyle, do you like me?
There are so many things here and there that confuse him. Contrary to what Ash expected, the quick responses, the appearance of knotting while receiving him, and the red eyes that burst into tears, all of these made Ash confused.
Because all of Karlyle's behaviors are perfectly opposite of the day he said he didn't want any self-interest.
It is the first time that getting to know someone is so difficult. As time passed, he was confused by the way the man quietly accepted his hand, but when he saw the face staring at him expressionlessly, it seemed like he was mistaking things again. Reading what's behind that expression is such a difficult task.
But his face when smiling is so different.
Seeing the man looking at him with eye corners curled up, Ash felt an unbearable urge. He wanted to know what the hell this person was thinking. He knew their relationship was not that close yet, but he still wanted to ask.
Even after sending Karlyle home, the man's smile was still vivid in his mind. Just like that, his quiet figure slowly stepped and engraved in his eyesight.
The day he received Karlyle's text message saying that he had something to say, Ash also wanted to ask questions that he was curious about. He wanted to ask what the other thought of him. Only by knowing this could the chaos inside him be cleared up.
But Karlyle didn't even give Ash time to ask questions. Instead, the man uttered unexpected things. This man always acted beyond Ash's imagination, so it wasn't surprising...
"I want to say that we don't have to continue meeting anymore..."
Hearing those words, besides feeling strangely offended, what else could he have done. Ash looked into Karlyle's face. As if looking for something.
But he couldn't find anything. The smile had been hidden somewhere behind the cold impression, there was no trace of it. A complex feeling came up.
Was it just like this?
Ash laughed. Actually, he was a little angry. Saying that he would come to pick him up to say something, and this was what he wanted to say?
But to be honest, Ash has no reason to be angry at Karlyle's words. Ash himself has a problem, too.
Because the relationship that started out of goodwill has become a relationship that continues voluntarily.