Even with me around Max still managed to podium in Texas, taking third just ahead of my brother Lance in a last minute fight to the finish that was dizzying.
Both Red Bulls were forced to start in the back after yesterday collision at qualifying but that wasn't enough to keep them out of the points. These boys won't be denied so they both made it
into the top seven when all was said and done.
Plus Daniel got driver of the day!
A third place trophy is enough to soothe my worries... for now.
People always whisper that Max and Charles have deep conflicts because the two of them have been rivals on the track for so long, but off the track they are more like brothers. Brothers with the same passion who could not have more polar opposite personalities theirs is a deep bond forged over years of mutual respect and trust. In any other life they would be enemies. Instead, they keep each other and humble when they need too.
Not everyone can understand what it takes to compete at their level.
Or what competing at their level takes from you.
Things those two understand better than most people.
They say pain forges strong men, and that's what these two are. Strong men and thank fuck for it because there's no other way they could deal with women like Amelia and I otherwise.
Looking at them now, the four of us snuggled together outside on our hotel balcony. Still wound up on the day's adrenaline and the evenings liquor, we have been sat out here talking for hours now. Regaling old stories, smoking and wasting the hours away under the Texas stars.
Out here on the balcony as the rest of the world sleeps, I look at Max, at the dance of the flames in his eye and I know one thing for sure - I'm falling.
"Oh fuck!" I wave my hand in front of my face as tears tickle my eyes "Now that I can't imagine"
"It's a lot of pressure for a little boy!" Max protests, looking to Charles for back up.
He finds none, tears now streaming down Charles' cheeks. "Oh shit, I think I'm going to piss myself."
"Little boy? Your were already jerking off at that age." I cough out a peal of laughter, my cheeks hurting from how much fun we've been having out her together.
"You're real mature. You know that?" He snags the fries from me and takes a bite of one.
"I'm sorry, I just can't imagine how embarrassing that was." I dab at my own wet eyes.
"This story is iconic." Amelia has been grinning the last several minutes while Max has been retelling how he wet himself on the track after racing for a little too long. And in a white suit that naturally showed the evidence of what had happened, when he hoped out of the cart what followed is a story rich enough to bring Charles into tears describing his reaction.
"Glad you're entertained by my suffering." He frowns in general, sipping some coffee.
The man can drink coffee any of the day, it doesn't matter. Nothing keeps him awake after he closes his eyes. It's like a super power because if I drink caffeine after four I'm up all evening.
"I appreciate your contributions." A smirk playing at my lips.
"Easy for you to say, you never pissed yourself." My lip trembles as I attempt to choke down my laughter, but it's no use, and I burst out once again.
After a few seconds, Amelia says "If you think about it we all peed ourselves in public at least once, but as it's only humiliating in the middle of your life. It's totally ok for old people and babies, why not us?"
Now there's a stoned Amelia for you.
That must be some good ass weed. "Damn, maybe I do need to hit that."
"Thought you'd never ask." Excitement in her voice as she passes me her joint.
"Oh, here we go," Max smiles as I take a toke, there's a smile in his voice, and I know I have free range to do as I like. I largely prefer cigarettes to weed which he well knows since that one time Amelia smoked with me after the club and I was still up when the sun rose chatting to him.
At night I'm a chatterbox.
Max loves that side of me.
This side.
"You know it's funny most of your fans think you guys are like these super hot, cool, angsty rivals who only think about racing." Amelia redirects the conversation.
Charles winks, "As long as they believe I'm cool that's all that matters."
"And they are angsty."
"I am not!" Max takes offense, knocking shoulders with me to punctuate his feelings.
"Please! You're so broody."
He doesn't see that?
Amelia doesn't leave me out to dry, nodding while she says "One hundred fucking percent."
With a deep sigh "Fuck. Well at least piano fingers has got to be worse than me."
Charles lurches with laughter at his choice of words, "We should do a youtube and show people how it really is."
"Nah. Most people will never really know us, so all that matters is the ones who do." Max with the deep thought.
"Damn..." I whisper as the moment settles over us like smoke. Lingering in the air long after the words are gone as we all contemplate what he just said.
That's something we could definitely have a deep discussion about.
"Isn't reputation what lasts after we are all in the ground?" Amelia asks.
"A little, so it's not like I don't understand reputation is important. I think it's one of the reasons I was so aggressive with my goals in my formula one contract, because I wanted the reputation of a winner."
"Agreed, I made that mistake early on and got stuck with no progress on the teams part."
"Can't win them all." I say.
"I do." Amelia says with a twinkle in her eye as she looks to Charles "I always win."
He knows what she is asking before he even says it "Do you guys want to play cards?"
"I'm in-" I scoot closer to edge of the bench Max and I are sharing. When Charles is done shuffling he passes each of us a mound of cards. The four of us are quite the competitive type so there's no way this game can lost long.
"I'm fucking amazing at war." Amelia grins so mischievously I laugh out loud.
"This isn't a skill game."
Charles shakes his head, "It's all about the shuffle."
"Are you claiming you just cheated?" Max accuses.
Well, well this isn't the best start.
Hours later, "Double War!" Max and Amelia shout in unison. At this point Charles has the over half the deck in his hand, and the other half is in mine. They have crushed us this entire game and now it's barely hanging on like a thread.
My suffering is almost over.
"Are you scared?" Amelia attempts mental warfare.
"Of you in your stripped pajamas? Never?" Max defends.
That only makes her double down, "Prepare to be embarrassed."
"Bold claims for someone who hasn't won yet," He quips "One... two..."
On three we flip, all four pairs of eyes drawn to two cards.
Oh shit - Max wins.
Amelia groans, while the three of us roar with laugher, clapping our ands in joy. Max looks so happy it's damn beautiful how it stretches all the way from his lips to the very corner of his blue eyes.
Everything about tonight makes me feel happy, all the way down to the tips of my toes.
The dancing.
The laughing.
The shooting the shit all night long.
The way Max traces my exposed skin with his fingers.
I may have lost his game, but I'm still winning.
"You're a shit shuffler." Amelia pokes Charles who scoops her up over his shoulder in reply.
"For that, you're coming with me. Ciao friends." Charles tosses us a grin.
Amelia waves from over his shoulder as they pass by us, a perfect fitting to the evening.
Tonight with him has been such a wonderful time. Makes me think what a normal life would be like for us. Sharing a place, living in the same country... If that's even possible.
We travel so much.
I'm beginning to think two hundred fifty nights on the road with him is worth it for the hundred we'd have home together.
"Do you ever think about getting a pet?" Letting the intrusive thoughts.
"We're on the road too much," Max sighs looking off into the star filled sky above. "But I would really love a cat."
I love cats.
"Why don't you get one? They travel. So do dogs." I say as the one with the least amount of years on the road.
"That would still be a lot of work." Max runs a lone finger across my exposed leg.
He's right. "You're right - I have my worst ideas after dark."
"If this is you at your worst, then what does it say about me that I like you the best like this?" He pauses, then puts his arm around me, pulling me closer to him.
"That maybe you have bad ideas yourself."
"Maybe." He sighs into my hair, inhaling deeply.
Putting words to a feeling I hadn't really understood until this very moment I say, "I've always wanted a pet. Wanted my own family."
"A pet isn't really family." Max replies, earning a poke to the chest from me.
"Be nice! We both come from fucked up homes."
"Yeah..." He trails off, looking lost in thought which is my fault for mentioning childhood. "The makings of long-lasting love." he turns it into as his hand drapes around my arm, and his thumb slowly caresses my skin. The light touch sends a wave of chills up my arms.
Even during the years I was with Chad, he never touched me like this.
Yet it comes so naturally to Max, and we're not even together together. Every touch feels loading with anticipation and intimacy.
"Maybe. Can you imagine if we had normal childhoods? We probably wouldn't even work. Like that would be weird."
"Maybe. But would would my racing career look like with ordinary parents?" He asks.
"It would be different," I answer. "But you would still be a champion. You were born for this."
"I like to think so."
Confidence in my voice, "I know so." I've seen how hard he works.
Max chuckles light in response, "Shame my fan club already has a president."
"Shame-" I huff out the word in between giggles.
"Yeah . . . a shame." He sighs. "I'm really fucking enjoying what we have Cat."
"It's perfect." Agreeing even though in the back of my head, I have this little voice saying ask him if he wants more.
I'm curious. I'm curious what it would be like to have his lips all to my own. Curious what it feels like to embrace in public—and not care that someone could snap a picture. Curious what this could become, what this is already blooming into.
"You ever think have a family?" I ask as a wave of nerves hits me from what he might say. Not that kids and marriage is even the goal, but don't most girls grow up imagining walking down the aisle in white? And coming home to baked cookies and kids laughing?
Could be just me.
Maybe it's just all the time around Amelia and Charles that's got me dreaming.
"No," he answers, and my heart falls all the way down to the first floor.
"No?"
"I don't really think I'm father material." Resting his head against my shoulder.
"Why would you say that?" I ask as I try to wrap my head around his words.
It sounds like his childhood talking to me.
But this doesn't feel like the time to get into that, being so far past our bed time. What we really need is some sleep.
As if he read my mind "Do you want to go to bed?"
"Sure."
He didn't answer my question but frankly the bed is calling my name so loudly that right now it doesn't seem that important.
Worries for another day.
For now, sleep.