❁ CHAPTER 7 ❁
UNCERTAIN
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tw: mild mention of abortion
"What are you going to do?" Namjoon murmured, his fingers ghosting down your spine a small reassurance as you rested your cheek on his shoulder.
You shrugged, letting his hand find yours and interlock your fingers. You were in his bedroom at his parents' house, and you had just broken the news.
Namjoon, though he was shocked, was strangely calm about the whole thing. Perhaps he sensed, quite rightly, that you really didn't have a choice in this situation. You were having the baby, and so there was no point causing a scene about it.
"I can't get an abortion," you whispered, gazing down at your fingers, confirming something you both knew to be true. South Korea's abortion laws were notoriously difficult. "So I guess... I'm having a baby."
Namjoon let out a deep exhale. "Okay," he said. It seemed to be all he could say. "Okay. It's going to be okay."
But now, even he sounded uncertain.
All of a sudden, Namjoon sat up sharply.
"Oh shit," he said, with understanding and sadness. "Page7."
You nodded, sighing. "Yeah."
This was the biggest blow of all. Your job at Page7 would forever remain a dream now. There was no way you could work there and have a child, not as a graduate. You had been forced to turn the job down.
"I was thinking... maybe I could train as a teacher, like Jimin," you ventured. "A literature teacher. The hours would be better for being a... mother."
Namjoon grinned. You could feel it where he had now rested his head on yours. "You'd be a great teacher."
"The only problem is the money," you sighed, though the compliment made your spirits rise a little. "It's not enough to live on - not as a trainee teacher, anyway - let alone support a baby."
"Why don't you come and stay here?" he offered. "My parents won't mind."
You shook your head. "No, Joonie, I couldn't..."
"Why not?" he said, and you knew he was serious now. "Eomma is always going on about how much she misses having babies around the house. She would definitely say yes."
When you opened your mouth to refuse again, no words came out. You thought about the situation you were in. What Namjoon was offering might just be your only hope, even if it did leave you with a sour taste in your mouth about sponging off his parents' space for the next few months.
"Just for the first bit," he squeezed your shoulder gently now, knowing you were thinking about it. "Until you've found your feet. And then we'll figure the rest out."
"Okay," you said, throat thick with emotion. "Okay. Thank you Joonie."
He wrapped his arm around you now as you sniffled, cursing your new hyperemotional pregnancy hormones, and thanking the heavens for having such a kind and supportive best friend.
But Namjoon was not the first person you had told about the pregnancy.
There were three people you had needed to tell before that.
The first was, of course, Taehyung. You'd messaged him the day after you found out, coaxed by Jimin who said it was probably better to get it over and done with. When he arrived at the cafe he beamed at you and you hated the way it still made your heart flip, his trademark boxy smile.
Of course, this smile was immediately dampened by the news you gave him. For several long seconds he sat in silence, gaping at you in shock.
"Well," he began eventually, "This is... unexpected."
You gave a short humourless laugh. "Tell me about it."
You'd explained to him your situation; that you weren't sure yet, but you were probably going to have to keep it. Taehyung listened with wide eyes, the amber in them alert and bewildered, barely seeming to take it all in.
"You don't have to be involved," you said, though internally you held your breath for him to say yes, petrified of the idea of doing this alone. "But if you do want to be... you know... then... I can let you know when the scans are?"
"Okay," Taehyung nodded, though he seemed dazed, as though he wasn't really with you. "Okay. I'll be there. I... just... yeah. Text me."
And with that, after some excruciating exchanging of pleasantries that neither of you enjoyed, it was over.
As he left the cafe, you tried not to dwell on it. Instead, you pulled out your phone to tell the second people; your parents.
Well, you didn't really need to tell them anything - they gave barely a semblance of a shit about you since you'd been able to feed yourself - but it felt like the right thing to do in such exceptional circumstances.
As expected, they seemed entirely nonplussed about the whole thing.
"Good for you, darling," came your father's voice, as unfamiliar to you as a stranger on the street, seeing as you talked to him so little. "Children give a great sense of purpose, I find. Maybe this will be the first big accomplishment in your life."
Your jaw clenched as you gripped the phone. "Appa, I just graduated from SNU-"
"Oh, darling, so sorry, the yacht is about to dock in Antibes. Must go," he cut you off.
And with that they were ringing off, leaving a numbing sensation in the pit of your stomach. Sat at the table in the cafe, phone in hand, you had never, ever felt so alone. You hand dragged yourself back to Jimin's apartment and fallen into his arms, sobbing with a strength you didn't know you had, before gathering yourself enough courage to call the third and final person.
He was arguably the most difficult, and the most important.
Once you'd done it, you had headed for Namjoon's parent's house, and now here you were, curled into his side, a ball of guilt and sorrow and uncertainty.
And now it was time to tell him about the third person you had told.
You pulled away from his shoulder and reached into your backpack, pulling out a stack of papers and handing them to Namjoon.
"Here," you mumbled, letting him take in what it was.
Namjoon gazed down at the Staff Welcome Pack for Page7 that had arrived in your mail a few days ago. He looked at it, then he looked at you. "What..."
"It's yours," you wrapped your hands into your sleeves, trying to hide how hard it was for you to do this. "I called CEO Jung and explained my... situation, and I told him that you should take my place on the scheme instead. You're in."
Namjoon stared at you in astonishment. "You... called CEO Jung?"
You nodded with a grin, remembering exactly how hard it had been to explain to his assistant why you were calling. "At first he told me that it doesn't work really like that. But I told him about all your work at SNU, how you were top of the class with me, and he was convinced. He's gonna call you tomorrow."
Now, Namjoon couldn't speak. Neither could you, because the weight of the decision you had made was finally starting to hit you.
This was going to happen, but not for you.
For him.
"Do it for both of us," you managed, voice wobbling as you reached out and cupped his cheek in one of your hands. "Please. You have to do it for me, Joonie. Youngest Senior Editor in history, remember?"
Only now did Namjoon move, having been frozen in place up to now. He nodded, closing his eyes, and moving forward to rest his forehead against yours.
"Thank you," he whispered, words ghosting over your face.
The gesture was so tactile, so heartfelt, that it made the emotion rise inside you, ugly and intense, and you couldn't take it any more, needing to get out of there.
You pulled away and stood, making for his open bedroom door.
"Bye Joonie," you whispered, afraid that if you spoke properly he might hear the sadness in your voice at leaving this dream behind, despite knowing your best friend deserved it just as much.
Pulling the door shut before he could follow, you flew down the stairs, but a hand was closing around your wrist at the bottom before you could escape the house entirely. Turning, you found a small figure, gazing up at you with round eyes.
It was Mrs. Kim.
She didn't speak, only pulled you into a hug, her tiny frame wrapping around yours and drawing you to her. You held her too, the tears escaping your eyes freely now.
"I heard what you said up there," she said, pulling back and holding you at arms length, regarding you with kind eyes. "That was a very brave thing to do, young lady."
You shook your head, wiping the tears from your cheeks. "It was nothing he didn't deserve."
Mrs. Kim smiled sadly, squeezing your arms between her hands.
"I always did say you were the best thing that ever happened to my son," she said resolutely.
And of course, that made the tears fall even harder.
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