I wouldn't be in this office if Jason, Tommy, and Kyler hadn't basically forced me to go. It smells like Purell and laundry detergent.
I look around as people shuffle around. A woman sits directly behind me, sniffling every five seconds. I lean forward, my forearms on my shaking legs. If this bitch doesn't stop sniffing she will stop breathing. I swear.
I never understood the point of therapy. Yes, I have issues. Obviously. I was almost murdered. My best friend died. And I had to take revenge. It's understandable. Now pass me some pills and let me just move ahead. I don't want to talk to counselors, doctors, scientists. They don't know me, they never will. Unless... unless this therapist finds out what I did. How am I going to cover that lie?
"Teresa Gomez?" A woman asks. I look up, a woman stands looking around at the sea of psychos like me. Her brown hair is tightly pulled back. Glasses on her face. I get up, waving. "Here." I say.
"Great! Please follow me." She says, holding a door open for me. The door makes me nervous. It's thick, white, and has a small little window in it. I walk up, quickly going through. "How are you today?" She asks.
"Um.... Still depressed?" I say, wondering if she means in general or my overall mental state. She smiles sadly. "I am sorry to hear that. Do you have any plans for the rest of the day?" She asks. I shrug. "None right now. How about you?" I ask.
She smiles, looking at her clipboard. "Just working." She says, before reaching for a door on her right and opening it. It's a large office with a couch. A man sits there with long curly brown hair in a bun.
"Dr. Williams? Your ten o clock is here." She says, he turns around and smiles. I glance down at his Penney loafers and brown slacks, resisting the urge to lift a brow. I look around at the many many planets in his office. Plants on tables, hanging plants, ivy in the walls. So many plants.
What happens if someone is allergic?
"Teresa! Welcome! Do you like being called Teresa or do you have a nickname?" Dr. William asks as he gets up. He extends a hand. "I go by Tess. Nice to meet you." I say, shaking his hand.
"Lovely! Well please do call me Nathaniel. Dr. Nathaniel also works. Please have a seat." He says, gesturing towards the beige sofa.
I walk over and sit down, sinking into the sofa mattress I have to adjust myself. I feel like I'm actually like... sinking into my own issues.
"So, we are here today to discuss some things going on in your life. Firstly, I would love to hear about you and get to know who you are first." He says.
I sign, looking around. "Um.... I am Tess. I am an only child. I attended Washington's National Boarding School. I went to Grizzly High in the school on campus. I was almost murdered by the notorious killer there. I.... I killed him when he tried to come back and kill me." I start. I take a deep breath. "I lost my best friend Caley recently. She was murdered by the Killer's supporters." I say.
Nathaniel straightens in his seat, putting one leg over the other. "I am terribly sorry for all you have been through." He says. He clears his throat. "For today's session, I would like to deep dive into your experience at the school. How long were you there for?" He asks.
"All my life. I was left at the front steps." I say.
"I am sorry to hear that. How does that make you feel?" He asks.
Typical question. Why can't they re-word that?
"Angry." I say, leaning forward.
"What about it makes you angry?" He asks.
I grumble slightly. "That my parents decided I am nothing. They left me at a school that ended up becoming one of the most violent schools in America." I say.
"Did you ever feel safe while you were there?" He asks.
I shrug. "My best friends Kyler and Tommy were my saving graces. They were like my brothers. We all raised one another. My crib was next to their's." I say.
He starts writing notes down. I begin to feel antsy. Like.... Like eyes are on me. So many eyes. I look around the room and my eyes land on Jefferson. Again. But... he's decayed. I glance away, gasping.
"Is everything okay, Tess?" Dr. Nathaniel asks.
"I-" I look up again and Jefferson is gone. "I just.... I've lost a lot of people. And I just... I-" I pause.
"Those people are always with you. They will always be there to watch over you." Dr. Nathaniel says. I shake my head, repeating 'no' over and over for what feels like hours.
"I don't want them watching me. I don't want them with me. I want to see them as they are now." I say, looking up at Dr. Nathaniel.
"Tess, do you see the deceased often?" He asks. I nod. "Recently yes. Not Caley. But.... Everyone else. My boss that just recently died. We didn't like each other overly. And I'll admit I was happy to know he died." I say, choosing my words carefully. "I see him. Those who killed Caley.... I see them. I was the initial target. And.... They failed and I just keep seeing them." I say.
Dr. Nathaniel frowns. "Tess.... You are experiencing severe grief. And grief takes many forms. Your friend, Caley, her death was in no way your fault. Things happen and these horrible people were to blame. You seemed like you really cared for her." He says.
I nod, tears in my eyes. I pull my phone out, turning on the screen to show a photo of Caley and I. "She was everything." I say. "Innocent. Kind. Caring. Loving. Smart. Funny. Fearless. And loyal." I say. Tears fill my eyes. "I want the demons to go away." I say.
"Tess, I will be frank with you. You are suffering from severe PTSD. I would like to start you on some medication. I want to continue to see you on a weekly basis. But.... I believe we found the first root of the cause. You had a sad upbringing and have been through things many adults never go through." He says.
"What else can I do besides just taking psycho pills?" I ask.
Nathaniel smiles. "Try and get out and do something you like. Do you have any hobbies?" He asks.
Does going out and being Bonnie and Clyde count as a hobby?
"I like art." I say.
"Painting or observing?" He asks.
I shrug. "Both I guess. I haven't painted since I was sixteen." I say.
Dr. Nathaniel then gets up. He grabs a clear box and hands it to me. I look inside and see pencils and paint brushes. Then he walks over with a medium size blank canvas.
"Here is what I would like you to do. I want you to take this home and I want you to paint anything you can think of. Whatever comes to mind. It could be something specific, it could be squiggles. Whatever you decide." He says.
I smile, holding onto the box and canvas. "Thank you Dr. Nathaniel." I say.
"Call me Nate." He adds, smiling. I smile too. For once I feel a sense of normalcy. Like I can finally be Tess again.
"Now, I must ask some more difficult questions." Nate says.
I nod. "I understand." I say.
"Have you ever had any dark thoughts of harming yourself or others?" He asks.
My mind flashes through images of those I've killed. Dirt flying in the air off the shovel I used to dig up the body. Blood splattering from the chandelier. The purple and blue shocks filling the water in Jefferson's bathtub.
"No not at all." I say, smiling. I can tell he doesn't believe me, but I can't exactly say "oh yeah! I have murdered a few people! No danger at all!" I am not dangerous, I don't need a doctor to tell me that.
"Well, that is a good sign." He says, jotting down what I said.
"Let's move ahead to the death of your friend. I know it may be painful but-"
"No, let's talk about her." I say. I pause, thinking of Caley's sweet face. "We were having dinner. Jason, her boyfriend at the time, and myself we were at dinner. Caley too of course. People with guns ran into the room. They started shooting. I was pushed out of the way but she was hit. They tried to assault her. They were.... animals." I say, tears flooding my vision again.
"I heard of that story. I heard the perpetrators were murdered. How did that make you feel?" He asks.
I look down at the glass table in between us. There is a crack in it. I reach down, putting my finger on the crack. It expands. "A part of me wishes they were put in jail. But what they did to Caley.... It's unforgivable. I hope they felt pain. I hope they are burning where they are now." I say.
Nathaniel straightens. "If you were given the chance, would you have taken their lives?" He asks. My eyes flash up. Quick. Think.
"No.... I couldn't do that. One time is enough with the Killer." I say.
"And now, you are with Jason Walsh. The ex boyfriend of the recently departed?" He asks.
I nod. "Yes. We are trying. He's my ex as well. But we were the closest to Caley. We just.... Bonded." I say.
"Please be careful." He says.
"Why?" I ask, lifting an eyebrow.
"Grief does things to people. Sometimes a temporary bliss is needed to get back on track. Don't be hurt." He says
I stay quiet
He looks at his watch and stands up. "That is all today Tess. But let's see you again next week." He says. I nod and shake his hand. I gather up my bag and silently thank him.
After checking out I start making my way back home, driving through the quiet streets here. Much better than the stupid pathetic excuse for traffic Seattle.
I pull in, and I immediately see Jason standing in the window. Nathaniel's words ring in my ears still. "Sometimes a temporary bliss is needed to get back on track."
I step out of the car, closing the door and walking up. When I get to the front door he opens it for me, stepping aside.
"So, how was therapy?" He asks.
I shrug. "Eye opening." I say, caressing his arm. I walk over to the kitchen counter. He comes up behind me, caressing my arms. "What's wrong?" He asks in my ear, nibbling the lobe.
I turn around and look at him. "I'm not just an easy fuck am I? Right?" I ask. "You aren't with me just to get over Caley's death?"
"Course not. Tess.... I have made many fucking mistakes. But dating you is not one of them. Hurting you is my biggest regret." he says.
"Yes or no." I say.
He puts his forefinger and thumb on my chin. "Tessa...." He murmurs, moving to kiss my cheek. I pull away from him.
"Yes or no." I say more sternly.
He chuckles. "How about you try and get it out of me. Betcha can't." He says.
I glance down at his bulge and look back up. "I'm not sucking your cock until you tell me, Jason." I say.
He leans forward to me, and the heat begins between my legs.
"Beg for it baby." He says.
I smirk. Oh?
"I'll get it out of you." I say, narrowing my eyes.
"How? How do you plan on getting my answer?" He asks.
I smirk, placing my hand in his jeans, right over his solid dick. I grab ahold of the zipper and pull it down.