05/02/18
Edited. Cries.
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~Elle~
I walked with my soul mate, hand in hand though the park. The feeling of his large hands wrapped around mine was like no other. For months, the pain of not being able to see him was unbearable. The physical pain that I felt was the only reminder that I had to keep pushing on...The all consuming pain... That thought viciously pulled me back to reality.
Suddenly I felt a sharp pain run up the sides on my legs. My eyes widened as my breath rushed out of me. The pain was so intense that my grip on Havoc's hand tightened. The pain ran up my legs to my back, paralysing me. Tears pooled behind my eyes as my legs caved under me. Why did this have to happen now?
Havoc felt the tug on his arm and quickly bent down to scoop me up in his arms before I hit the ground. Tears streamed down my face even as I smiled gratefully at him. I could feel his fingers tighten around me.
"Angel..." he whispered, his voice hoarse. His eyes burned with sadness and pain.
My fingers shook as I laced them around his neck, resting my head on his shoulder. My tears continued to fall, drenching his shirt. The pain was sharp and it continued to shook up my legs to my spine and back again. Clenching my teeth, I turned my face up to press my lips gently to the side of his neck. I didn't want him to see me like this. I wanted to get well fast. So that I could walk with him. So that I could run into him arms. So that we could be the same as before...
But I knew I was being naïve. After what we've been through...nothing would be the same. Never. Our lives had changed drastically. Both of us had changed. A sob tore through me at this realization and I hugged Havoc tighter.
"Forgive me," I whispered. "I never wanted to cause you any more pain."
His silence pierced through me, even as he rubbed my back soothingly. The warmth of his body seeped into mine as he continued to hold me as I cried into his shirt. We were torn apart so suddenly and brought back together just as suddenly that I couldn't help the emotions that coursed through my body. The relief and pain was too much.
"You are strong Angel," he said suddenly. "We are strong."
I looked up at him and saw the resolve burning behind his eyes. I saw the fierce love blazing through to me. "I'll help you through this just as you have helped me regain my soul."
"But I'll never be the same again," I croaked through the emotion blocking my throat. "I'll never be able to fight like I used to...My legs...they...Oh Havoc...They hurt so much!"
I cried shamelessly. The emotions that I blocked off, that I hid and buried deep within me spilled out. Havoc sat down on a bench shaded by a large willow tree and pulled me closer to him, holding me tight. Within the safety of my soul mate's arms, I allowed myself the luxury of crying. To allow the emotions that I reserved for him, and only him, to show.
"Shh...come on baby don't cry. You're strong Angel. I know you can go through this..."
"No, no I can't," I sobbed, gripping his shirt tightly. "Not without you. I can't Havoc...The pain is too much..."
And it was the truth. In that eternity as I fought the loneliness and pain, the only thing that kept me going was the desire to see my soul mate once more. To confirm for myself that he was safe and doing fine. And now that he was here, in my arms, nothing was holding the pain back. It went crashing down on me like a tidal wave, taking away my breath.
"Yes you can. And I will be with you every step of the way. I am never leaving you," he whispered savagely to me and pressed his lips roughly to mine.
I trembled. Yes, he had never broken the promise he made to me to be by my side. Even when our souls had been forcefully torn apart, the memories of him and the knowledge that he lived fueled my own desire to live. Never once did I feel like he had abandoned me, rather it was me who had left him.
I cried into the kiss. But I needed him. I needed him too much. I was alone all these years, with no one I could truly love, to open myself to. How foolish I was to think that I could live without him. I couldn't. The feeling of him being ripped away was not something that I could take again.
"I love you...I love you...I need you..." I whispered against his lips. "Please... stay with me..."
"Always, my love," he said, placing a soft kiss to my forehead.
My tears continued to fall but my heart mended a little. The trauma of my life settled on me but Havoc's presence drove away most of the pain and hurt. All that was left was the ache in my legs. Even that was slowly soothed as Havoc ran his hand up and down my legs gently. I could feel the love in his touch, the tenderness with which he held me. He held me, even after my tears dried up, humming a soft tune that calmed me down.
My eye lids slowly closed as his soft melodic voice soothed me to sleep.
Suddenly my eyes snapped open when I heard a loud gasp. Confused, I tilted my head up to look at Havoc who was looking straight ahead, a small smile on his lips. Frowning, I turned towards the direction of his gaze. My breath caught in my throat as I faced Dani, Tyler and Lucas who were all pale faced.
I turned the best I could in the position I was in and gave them a small tentative smile. My heart was pounding in my chest as I watched the play of emotions across my friends' faces. Tyler was frozen, pale and unmoving. Dani was crying, tears running down her face while Lucas, he was just as pale as Tyler yet his eyes held happiness as he looked at my fingers intertwined with Havoc's.
"Hey guys..." I whispered, my voice slightly dry from crying.
At the sound of my voice, Dani ran towards me, sobbing loudly. She enveloped me in a bear hug, clinging to my dress desperately as she sobbed on my shoulder. Havoc placed us beside him, giving me room to wrap my arms around Dani's shoulders to hug her back.
"I missed you so much Elle," she sniffed, her tears drenching my dress.
"I missed you too Dani," I croaked, my throat choked with emotion.
And just like that I was enveloped by hugs from everyone. Tyler and Dani were suffocating me in their death hugs and just as I was about to pass out from lack of air, Lucas rescued me by pulling me into his arms. I was hanging off the ground, for it seemed that Lucas had grown an inch or two during the time that I was absent. He hugged me just as fiercely but released me so that I could go back to the strong and safe haven of my soul mate's arms.
I retold my story to my friends. The relief I felt was overwhelming. Even as I retold the traumatic events to my friends, Havoc was there; giving me support. The hand that held mine so tightly was my anchor. Everyone listened with a mixture of horror, sadness, sympathy and happiness. It was times like this that I wished I had more time to prepare myself, to get better...But, I would never had traded this chance to be reunited with my soul mate for anything.
After the emotional episode, we spent the remaining of the day together. My friends all seemed to be determined to make me forget about my pain and for that I was grateful. We hung out, laughed and caught up with each other's lives. When night came, I invited them to stay over at Daddy's mansion which I had inherited.
All along, Havoc never once let go of my hand. And I clung to him for support. When the moon was high and the rest of our friends were in bed, Havoc had carried me down to the drawing room where we both lay on the couch, me wrapped in his arms, my back pressed tightly to his chest.
"Finally, I have you all to myself," he murmured burying his nose into my hair.
I giggled and snuggled closer, kissing the arm that pillowed my head. The room was dark with only the light from the moon as our illumination and I thought to myself again what a miracle it was to be in my soul mate's arms again.
"How did you know I was here?" I asked softly into the comfortable silence that had descended on us.
"I didn't know," he murmured sleepily. "I was dragged by the others into going with them on a trip around the world."
"A trip? That sounds wonderful," I sighed longingly, wishing that I could heal fast enough to be able to travel with my soul mate.
A kiss to the back of my hand, his voice a dark velvet in my ear.
"When you're better, I'll bring you anywhere you wish to go."
I smiled. "Anywhere? I wouldn't know where to start."
"Well then, how about I tell you my travel adventures, then you can make up your mind."
I listened, a small smile on my face as he whispered to me tales about golden sands shifting like the waves of water, about islands surrounded by clear blue seas and corals that glittered like jewels. He told me of how he once tracked the rain forests of Africa in search of medicinal plants for a week and how he learned to hunt from the hunters of the Indonesian rain forest.
"I got into trouble with my parents for disappearing for a week and coming back with bags of samples of the plants I found," he said chuckling. "Luckily I had a laboratory in my basement where I could store the samples."
"Laboratory?"
A sudden silence greeted me and I slowly turned in his arms to find his eyes filled with pain. Heart breaking at the implication of his reaction, I reached out to cup his face. His eyes closed for a moment as he turned his face to press a kiss to my palm.
"When I thought that.. you were gone, " he began, voice filled with pain. "I needed a lot of distraction. I did so many things, even without the knowledge of my parents. I just... needed to stay numb for as long as I could. Before I could join you."
"Oh, my love."
"I was lost, Angel. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even take my own life."
My heart stutter and broke at how much he suffered at my expense. The grief in his voice a stab through my heart. It seemed like I was not the only one scarred by the traumatic events that had turned our lives upside-down.
"Lucas, he reminded me of the consequences should I had taken my own life," he whispered, his eyes boring into mine, the pain deep within them. "He reminded me that it would not have been what you wished for, that it would hurt you if you knew."
My heart stopped beating for a moment as the reality of his words sank. He would have taken his own life in anguish. I could have lost him. Tears fell as caressed his jaw, leaning my forehead to his. His arms tightened around me as his eyes closed, a sigh escaping his lips.
"My beloved," I whispered, placing a soft kiss on his eyelids.
I was lost for words. The pain that he had gone through would not be easily erased even though I lay in his arms, the warmth of my body a physical reminder that I was alive. Our souls had been torn, ragged with anguish, brutalized by the prolonged separation. It was not something that could instantly be healed. But still, the knowledge hurt my already bruised heart.
I pulled back to trace his lips and brushed the hair that had fallen across his brow. His eyes opened, the sapphire blazing down at me with love that was unhidden and unrestrained.
"The both of us," I said softly, gripping his shirt to hold on to him. "Have gifts that go beyond the normal human and that is why our test is greater than others."
"You're saying that this is the price we have to pay for having these power? This pain?"
I shook my head. "No, my love. It is not a price but a test. To allow us to grow stronger as a person and together. To allow us to mature and understand the implications of having such a gift bestowed to us."
"Even though it has torn us apart, wounded us, scarred us?"
"Yes," I replied. "The pain is a reminder of who were are to each other and what we really are. That even with power we are helpless to stop the inevitable. That we cannot control fate. What we can only do is have faith in each other."
"To trust each other,"' he whispered and I nodded, a small smile on my face.
"That you did not succumb to the desire to take your own life was testament to the depth of trust you had in me. That you knew that suicide would only brutalize the hearts of the people who love you," I said, placing a soft kiss to his lips. "And I love you."
A tear fell as a small smile curved his lips. "I know."
"I'm proud of you," I whispered, knowing that the trauma had forced us to mature far beyond our biological ages . "I am proud of the man you were and the man you have become. No matter if our bodies are far, our spirits will always be close."
"Our souls are one," he replied softly as he gave me a gentle kiss, eyes shining with happiness, the pain pushed back. "But...Let's pray that we won't be separated any time soon."
Cupping his beloved face, I smiled in agreement.
"But will you still tell me everything that has happened to you while I was gone?"
His eyes they softened as he captured my hand in his.
"It will take some time."
"I don't mind. As long as you are here by my side."
We talked late into the night and never once did he let go of my hand. His voice was soft and melodic, a lull to my senses until I could feel sleep creep up on me. As the first rays of dawn filtered through the curtains, I stifled a yawn, trying valiantly to keep my eyes open.
"I think we should continue this later, my love," he chuckled pressing a kiss to my forehead.
I pouted up at him. "But I want to hear more of how you crushed Fiona's empire."
"I'll tell it to you later when you wake up," he replied, a small smile on his lips as he shifted our position to lie flat on his back, my head pillowed on his chest.
"Mmmm.... if you say so," I mumbled drowsily. Another chuckled as he ran his hand down my spine to pull me closer to him.
"Good night my love," he whispered, brushing a lock of hair from my face.
I gave him a small smile and a peck on the lips before closing my eyes. I snuggled closer to him, my hands clutching his shirt.
"Good night my prince."