"Would now be a bad time to bake the muffins or should we wait until you give us a better explanation of how exactly we got to this point Oli?"
Oliver can't help but groan at how annoying Carmen's question is; his head firmly pressed into a pillow on his friends' very soft couch (that he may or may not have been screaming into since they got here).
"I'll take some muffins," he says, turning his head just slightly to see the unconventional group spread out across the apartment. Carmen's thrown on an apron and pulled out all of the ingredients for chocolate chip muffins on the kitchen island counter. Shayne looks very uncomfortable sitting on a barstool. Clide's looking just as uncomfortable, but has settled for giving Benji belly rubs on the floor. As for Ethan, he's tucked away in Carmen and Clide's locked coat closet with a gag in his mouth, listening to 'Baby Shark' on a loop from a speaker he had Clide hide where Ethan can't get to it (it's more mercy than he deserves honestly).
Oliver can't help but chuckle at the absurdity of the situation as he continues. "I think muffins would be a great idea. It might help distract us from... everything I don't want to talk about.."
Carmen nods, her apron slightly dusty with flour. "Exactly. Baking always helps me relax, and we could all use a little relaxation right now."
As Carmen continues mixing the ingredients and preheating the oven, Oliver turns his attention to Shayne. "Alright, mate, you want to recap or should I?"
Shayne shrugs his mind elsewhere. He's getting a, well they're your friends, vibe from him which is fair; but it's also equally as embarrassing to have to confess to his friends that he's been sneaking around and borderline lying to them about it after popping back up into their lives.
"Well," Oliver says, clearing his throat. "Gather around children and golden retriever, because our story starts with a very obnoxious kangaroo running headfirst into a koala in the middle of an outback."
Shayne rolls his eyes, seeming to settle into the chair more as he puts down the phone he's been death-gripping, likely finished updating his sister and roommate about how screwed they are.
"The kangaroo thought he was the shit, to be honest," Oliver says. "Like honest to God the best thing that had walked the earth. No one had seen anything like him."
"Can you get to the good part already where the kangaroo gets punched in the face by the koala for being a prick?" Clive asks.
Shayne smiles in Clive's direction. "OK, I like these people."
Oliver chuckles, but continues, the faint sound of 'Baby Shark' in the closet and Ethan seeming to yell for help adding in a little extra glee. "OK, no the kangaroo doesn't get punched, but he does get humbled, like seriously humbled. He starts questioning why the koala can get under his skin, and why he's even in the outback in the first place."
Carmen throws the muffin mixture into the oven and slams it. "Sounds like the kangaroo owed the koala an apology."
Oliver nods. "He did owe him an apology, a big apology actually. He met him in secret from all of the other kangaroos and koalas. He was determined to make it right, and then make it worse, and then make it right and then fuck it all up again. He asked the koala to not eat lives, which would've killed it. He should've understood it, but didn't until it was too late."
Shayne's looking back at him, an expression he saw on his face earlier today, at the park. There's a sadness and longing there that he feels; that he knows Shayne feels too.
"Will you two just fuck already?" Carmen asks, throwing a bit of flour in Oliver's direction.
Oliver and Shayne exchange a knowing glance, but go silent; fiddling with their fingers.
"Oh," Clyde says, looking back in Carmen's direction. "Looks like the kangaroo and koala already got their freak on."
"Bow Chicka Wow Wow," Carmen says, while fake humping the oven, not getting close enough to burn herself or interfere with the muffins.
"If you both don't stop, I think I'm going to take my chances with the angry fans," Shayne blurts out.
It gets a few stares, before everyone else but him starts laughing.
"Noted," Carmen says, before slowly backing away from the oven, leaning over the island, and planting a tiny kiss on the top of Shayne's head. "Regardless, we're glad we get to meet the koala. Oli hasn't really been in a bringing around people he's interested mood. He hasn't been in much of a seeing his friend's mood either."
Oliver sighs, "You're never going to let me get over this are you?"
Carmen shrugs, going back to her muffins. "Probably about as much as your fans are probably going to let you forget about the reason you're hiding in my apartment with a guy who just outed you to the world."
Oliver throws up an exaggerated middle finger, which gets a chuckle out of Clive and a confused bark out of Benji, who makes his way over to Oliver for pets. The golden retriever stares at him for a moment, seemingly dead serious, before lying down on his side; practically demanding pets. As much as Oliver's probably being painted as a monster now, he can never deny belly rubs.
"Who's a good boy?" He asks Benji (who's the best boy out of all of them in the room. Dogs don't get involved in potentially career-ending scandals with Americans. Dogs also don't legitimately act, other than the one in his movie which he's sure could've won an animal Oscar if there was a category for it.)
As Oliver continues to scratch Benji's belly, the room gets a little warmer, a little calmer too. They've decided to avoid TV, all of their phones (aside from Shayne's to text his sister and Max) are in a basket. Oliver's itching to know what's being said and who's saying it. It's a condition of the celebrity, the BCE, and he's sure Penelope has all but spontaneously combusted at this point.
Clive, still chuckling, decides to break the brief silence. "So, Oli, are you going to properly introduce us to your koala friend? We're all dying to know more about this intriguing character."
Oliver glances at Shayne, a fond smile playing on his lips. "Well, everyone, this is Shayne. The koala who basically told me to go shove it up my ass."
Shayne blushes slightly but offers a friendly wave to the group. "That is only slightly true, but it is nice to get to meet you all."
Carmen, wiping her hands on her apron, steps forward. "I couldn't agree more dimples."
That gets a dimple to pop up on Shayne's cheek.
"So," Shayne says, "I hate to ruin the bonding time, but there's also a big elephant in the room, well closet. Funny that it's not me this time."
Carmen and Clive look confused about the last part of Shayne's rambling but Oliver just shrugs (even though he knows perfectly damn well why it's funny).
"I think he deserves a few more rounds of the sharks," Oliver says. "And no muffin."
Carmen nods her head in agreement. "He gets a muffin over Benji's cold dead body."
"Man," Clive groans, finally standing up from the floor. "Why you gotta bring my dog into this?"
Carmen shrugs, offering a wink in apology as she peels open the oven to check the muffins again, and then closes it.
"He can honestly rot in there for all I care," Shayne's voice says.
Oliver's not sure why he's surprised. Maybe it's because Shayne is always the positive, the silver lining of it all. Maybe he feels partly responsible for Ethan even doing this, to begin with. God knows how long he had been doing it, or what else he might know, but he also knows enough. There's still a big question here, they're going to need an answer from him too soon before they can go anywhere else: does ANYONE else know?
"I vote on letting him out for an old fashion interrogation," Clide says. "We can go all good cop and bad cop based on how your boyfriend's acting Oli."
"He's not my boyfr-" Oliver and Shayne both start saying simultaneously, before freezing and staring at each other like they both just saw a ghost.
"Oh yeah sorry," Clide says. "I forget you're still dating four very pissed-off women. Can't keep up with all of the polygamy."
"Very anti-monogamy for a show that's supposed to be different," Carmen throws in, grabbing an oven mitt from a kitchen drawer.
Shayne throws in a few claps in response, obviously pleased someone else thinks the show is as much of a joke as he's made his feelings about very clear over the last several weeks. Part of him wonders if Shayne seduced him out of spite. Like a reality TV incubus ready to blow all of this up. The realistic part knows it's far from the truth, he was damned as soon as Shayne put him in his place. The rest, as they say, and will likely be on the internet forever, is history.
"Fine," Shayne finally says, in a slightly better mood. "We can interrogate him, but I get to be a bad cop."
Carmen starts jumping up and down, "Can I be a good cop?"
"Mate, you're baking, gotta save the muffins," Oliver says, heading towards the closet door.
Oliver unlocks the door and swings it open, Ethan inside, still with a gag in his mouth and the maddening sound of 'Baby Shark' echoing in the background. Ethan's eyes widen in horror at the sight of Oliver and Shayne standing there, clearly ready to be anywhere but this closet.
"Alright, mate," Oliver says, adopting a mock serious expression. "You've got some explaining to do. We want answers, and we want them now."
Shayne steps forward, his voice taking on a deeper, more intimidating tone. "And you better start talking, or we'll crank up the volume on that 'Baby Shark' song. Trust me, you don't want that."
Ethan tries to mumble something through the gag, but it's unintelligible.
"What was that?" Shayne says, stepping closer and leaning in, his eyes narrowing.
Clive can't contain his laughter any longer. "Guys, come on! This is ridiculous. Let the poor bloke speak."
Carmen, still holding the oven mitt, joins in. "Yeah, we can't keep him gagged forever. Well, maybe we can, but it's not very nice. We're muffin hoarders but not savages."
Oliver chuckles, realizing the interrogation has taken an amusing turn. "Alright, fine. Ethan, we'll remove the gag, but no funny business. You spill the beans, and maybe we'll go easy on you."
Oliver removes the gag, and has Clive turn the music off, freeing Ethan from the repetitive torture of the children's song.
"Thank you!" Ethan exclaims, rubbing his jaw. "That was pure evil. I swear, I'll never play 'Baby Shark' again."
"Alright, Ethan," Shayne says, crossing his arms. "We need to know who else knows about our situation. How many people are in on this secret?"
Ethan takes a deep breath, realizing he can't escape the interrogation. "Look, I went too far, but I'm not stupid. I didn't tell anyone else."
Oliver raises an eyebrow. "Why do I not believe you, like at all?"
Ethan hesitates, his voice becoming sheepish. "Um, I don't know...I may sound a little out of it from being locked in a damn closet."
Clive bursts into laughter. "He does have a point."
Carmen smirks. "Regardless of who you did or didn't tell, we're all in the shit now. Like knee deep."
Oliver shakes his head, trying to hide a smile, his appetite for a muffin (not surprisingly) fading just slightly.
Shayne steps forward, his tone softening. "Look, Ethan, I know you're bitter, but you have to understand there's no way in hell you're leaving this apartment, especially if you're not honest with me."
Ethan's face reflects genuine hurt. "Like you were honest with me?"
Shayne looks like he's been slapped, biting his lip, before turning around and walking away from the conversation.
"Look," Oliver says, taking over from there. "There's no way you could have known about anything going on with us, even if you were the most observant without an inside source. Shayne thought it might have been Chloe, any truth to that?"
Ethan's eyes dart around the room. "Maybe, maybe not. But you really should do a better job of hiding some of your stuff. Left out in the open for a poor girl to see while she just wants to spend time with you, she just might get the wrong impression."
The kangaroo keychain and note. He has to be talking about the kangaroo keychain the night he and Shayne almost hooked up. They both thought she never saw it, but she obviously did; and if Oliver thinks hard enough there's been other incidents she's acted a little off too.
"When did she know?" Oliver asks, not even caring to be subtle at this point, Shayne quickly picks up on the new line of questioning while Carmen and Clide still seem a little lost.
"The photoshoot date," Ethan says. "You two thought you were being subtle in the confessional room, she got suspicious and went from there. Did a little research on Shayne, we eventually met up when you started pulling back, and here we are."
Shayne raises his hand from his new position on the couch Oliver had been laying on, almost looking like a kid in school.
"Yes?" Ethan asks, obviously realizing the question is for him.
"I just need confirmation that that bitch sabotaged my parachute solo," Shayne says.
"I had nothing to do with that," Ethan says. "Genuinely right place right time on that one on my end."
"But she told you she did it right?" Shayne asks.
Ethan nods, no emotion there, just a simple nod that Oliver can tell upsets him.
Oliver watches as Shayne clenches his fists, anger, and frustration etched on his face. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions.
"I can't believe she would stoop so low," Shayne mutters through gritted teeth.
Carmen and Clide exchange concerned glances, realizing the gravity of the situation. Carmen moves closer to Shayne, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, mate," Carmen says softly. "But we're here for you now. Your new family from across the pond so to speak."
Oliver walks over and sits beside Shayne, offering his support. "We'll deal with Chloe later. Right now, we need to focus on the mess."
Shayne takes a deep breath, visibly trying to calm himself down. "You're right. We can deal with her later. Let's figure out our next move."
Ethan interjects a hint of guilt in his voice. "If it's any consolation, I didn't think it would get this far. I was just a guy that told jokes, I didn't think I was capable of anything like this."
Oliver looks at him, there's some pity there. "It's something for now at least. But we need to know if there's anything else you haven't told us. Any more surprises waiting to pop up?"
Ethan shakes his head. "No, I swear. I've been completely honest about everything. I just wanted Shayne to see me. I messed up, but I never wanted things to spiral."
Clide scratches his head, a puzzled look on his face. "So, what now? How do we handle the fallout?"
Oliver ponders for a moment, his mind racing with possible solutions. "First, we need damage control. Shayne, you've been quiet. What are your thoughts?"
Shayne takes a deep breath, his voice filled with determination. "I think we should confront this head-on. We can't hide forever. I hate to say it, but we might need Penelope. Help draft a statement, get ahead of it before we get too behind."
Carmen nods approvingly. "That's a good approach. Transparency and honesty will go a long way."
Clide raises an eyebrow. "But what about the angry fans? They're not exactly known for being forgiving."
Oliver leans back on the couch, contemplating the question. "We can't control how people will react, but we can show them that we're genuine and sincere. I am worried about the network though, and my future in Hollywood."
Shayne smiles faintly. "If it makes you feel any better, this future writer is just as concerned."
Oliver nods, it does kind of make him feel better; even if he's not entirely looking forward to what he has to do next. He tries to think up a distraction as he eyes his phone in the bucket they've all put them in. He can see it's vibrating, he'll have to face the voice on the other end soon enough, but he doesn't have to do it right at this moment.
Oliver looks at Shayne, and then back at his friends, and then back at Shayne, his voice softening. "I'm sorry for keeping you a secret, for not being there for you guys as a friend. I've let fear run my life, but being here with all of you... it means a lot."
Shayne's gaze is filled with understanding, his hand reaching out to brush against Oliver's. "We got you."
Carmen interrupts their moment with a shout. "Alright, the muffins are done!"
The group gathers around the oven, eagerly awaiting the sweet treats, Ethan lingering in the background like a kicked puppy (he's still not getting one). As Carmen carefully takes the muffins out and places them on a cooling rack, the chocolate chips glisten, promising a momentary escape from their troubles.
Oliver reaches for a warm muffin, taking a bite and savoring the familiar taste. It's a simple pleasure, but in this moment, it brings a sense of comfort and normalcy.
As the others grab their muffins and find places to sit, Oliver looks around at his friends—the unconventional, supportive family he's found again, the one he chooses. He goes over to the phone basket, grabs his phone (that's still vibrating), and answers it without a thought. There's a lot of yelling that follows, expletives from his agent he knows he deserves. It also sounds like she's been chain-smoking by the raspy cough that comes from her throat as she yells.
When there's enough of a pause for him to get a few words in he gets right to the point.
"We need your help."