And suddenly life wasn't about living, it was about surviving.
-Unknown
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warning: you may cry, be prepared. also a little bit of spice.
.....I hope Joy is getting better. Please let me know. By the time this letter reaches you, I will be visiting at the Cranes Estate. I wanted to visit Eloise in which I am hoping it goes well. Please write back as soon as possible.
A letter from Elizabeth to Ashton.
I woke sitting straight up from bed. Eloise's arm fell off me. I was breathing heavily. I put my hand on my chest to try and calm myself. Eloise woke up with blinking eyes, "Liz, whats wrong-"
She sat up when she saw the tears in my eyes, she grabbed my hand and tilted my face towards hers, "Its okay, its okay it was just a nightmare." I fell into her. Why did every chance of happiness I got, it was instantly ruined. She held me close. "Calm down Elizabeth it was just a night terror. It wasn't real." Through small breaths I said, "Do you really want me here?" She stopped.
"Elizabeth is that even a question? I have waited every day for you to arrive since I was married. In fact I wished you would have ordered a carriage out the next day. I wanted you here so bad. I re read those books ten times just because they reminded me of you. I overlooked your annotations every chance I got. It was all the things I would have underlined too because we have so much in common. Too much. As soon as I gave birth of Elizabeth, the first person who came to mind was you, and I wished you were there in that moment. I wish you were holding my hand as I screamed. I only needed you in that moment. I love you Elizabeth don't you understand?"
I kissed her so hard. I laid on top of her kissing her neck down to her chest and breasts. I heard her gasp and I covered my mouth with hers again. "I love you too Eloise. I thought about you every moment back at home. Even in my sleep, you appeared in my dreams. Everyday I saw the empty space on my bookshelf and thought of you. The day Francesca and I put my books on my new shelves at Martins estate, I left a spot open because I needed reminders of you. I never sent you a letter because I was scared you didn't love me anymore. If I knew it all then, I would have sent you a letter instantly."
She smiled at me with tears in her eyes, "You have a place in my heart no one else could ever have."
I kissed her again, soft and slowly. Everything was frozen in this moment. I never wanted it to unfreeze. I wanted to be in this moment forever.
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My two weeks came and went. Eloise and I spent much of our time together. Sir Phillip understood that we hadn't seen each other in quite sometimes. We walked with Baby Elizabeth in the woods together. We snuck in kisses when we could. I laid awake at night, finding myself, lost in her eyes.
A few days before I left, I received two of the most dreadful letters.
One being the death of Joy.
Another being that Samantha was ill. Something possibly deathly.
I opened Ashtons letter first and I sunk to the floor. Eloise rushed down to hold me, I opened the second letter and broke even more. I could heard glass shattering in the back of my mind.
"I have to go home." I told her. I looked into her eyes, "Please come with me Eloise. Please." She nodded but worry still sat on her face. She ordered a carriage to leave that night. She brought Elizabeth with us. I sat silent in the carriage. Not even the small baby's cooing could put a smile on my face. Not even Eloise holding my hand.
I thought about Joy. Her kindness to me in so many ways. She showed the world to Ashton. I remember how he use to stare at her when we would be out, before they were wed. When he wasn't looking, I noticed she always had her eyes on him. There was never another women that made his eyes sparkle. She had been like an older sister to me, supporting me always and being there when others couldn't. She had the kind of spirit to make anyone happy, even in their darkest of days. Even in mine.
Eloise got out of the carriage at the Bridgertons home. She told me she didn't want to interrupt a family matter.
I jumped out of the carriage once we arrived at my family home. Daniel stood at the front door , only leaning on it. He looked different, sadder and thinner. His hair was untamed on his head. I ran into his arms. I hadn't seen him in almost a year and all I need was my brothers in this moment. Thomas walked out of the front door. He put his arms tightly around me. "She can't die Lizzy." He whispered.
I put my hand on the back of his head, "She won't." I couldn't promise it though.
The house was dark inside and cold. No candles were lit. I saw a shadow at the end of the hallway. Ashton. I threw myself into his arms. Dan and Thomas were already walking up the stairs. Ashton was holding back so much. His eyes were red.
"Its okay." I told him. He buckled and broke down. His knees hit the floor. I sat beside him. "I loved her so much Elizabeth. She is gone, forever. I will never see her again." The thought of death is terrifying. Its untimely and unpredictable. It happens anytime and anywhere.
"And she loved you Ashton. More than anything." We sat in silence while he pushed down his sobs. He finally stood up. I started slowly up the steps, not ready to see my sister. Ashton stopped at the end of the steps, I turned around.
"I can't lose anyone else." I nodded sharply, but he didn't follow me, "No, you don't understand. I can't. I might lose myself." I could not watch my brother slowly kill himself.
"You must stay strong Ashton. We all must." I grabbed his arm and we walked up together.
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Samantha laid asleep soundly on the bed. Her chest was barely rising. Mother stood up as I entered the room. She ran to me. "Oh Elizabeth." She cried softly onto my shoulder. Thomas and Daniel sat on the window seat. Ashton looked at Samantha and check her temperature with the inside of his arm.
"If she claims to be cold, she needs to break the fever. She needs to take the covers off. Daniel, open the windows." Thomas and him both stood up and unlatched the windows.
She was still asleep but tried to pull the covers back on. I got down next to her, "Samantha?" She barely opened her eyes, "Lizzy?"
"Yes, yes its me." She smiled and then drifted back to sleep. I laid next to her. Mama laid on the couch in her room and Ashton slept on the floor. I listened to her gentle breath. "Please be okay."
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I woke in my bedroom with the smell of freshly cooked breakfast. My mind immediately went to Samantha. I ran to her room. It was all fixed up with no reminiscences of last night left behind. I bolted down the steps. Everyone was sitting around the table along with all the Bridgertons. I figured before I enter I should grab my robe.
I reentered the dining room. "How lovely of you to join us sister." Daniel said. Eloise sat next to Benedict with a spot open on the other side. I sat and noticed Samantha looking perfectly healthy. I kissed the top of her head and asked, "Good morning, how are you feeling?" She looked at me quizzically, "I am fine sister. Why ask?" Maybe she forgot last night, she was so sick I wouldn't be surprised.
"Oh nothing." I looked around the table and almost had a heart attack, when Joy was sitting next to Ashton perfectly healthy. What is going on? Maybe everything that happened was just a horrible dream.
Ashton stood up and dinged the side of his glass with a spoon. "Everyone, Joy and I have a lovely announcement. We are to be expecting a baby." Everyone clapped but something seemed odd.
"Are you okay?" Eloise asked me. I clapped louder, "Yes, why yes I am doing great."
I heard Daniel mutter to Benedict, "I guess we know what they were up too in France." Ashton must of heard because he shot him a glance.
I payed attention more to the table around me. Something was definitely wrong. My eyes couldn't focus on two things at once, but Colin sat with Sir Phillips deceased wife Marina Thompson. To his left Francesca was with Sir Phillip, flirting and whispering to each other. I looked to Benedict as he kissed Daniel. Wait. Daniel and Benedict?!
Anthony sat with Kates sister Edwina, and Daphne sat alone. She seemed sad and I realized she wore mourning clothes. Eloise leaned over to me, "The Dukes death really hurt her." The Duke is dead?
That is when I realized. I had to wake up.
I also realized I could control this dream. So I smashed my plate into my face. Ashton looked at me disappointed, "Why the hell did you do that?"
"I have to get out of here." I got up and went out side to grab our Pall Mall set. I took the mallet out and hit myself in the face. My nose had to have broke.
"Darling what are you doing?" Daphne came out and wiped the blood off my face. She then tried to kiss me. I stepped back. Daphne and I?
"Daphne punch me." She just stared at me. "No." I rolled my eyes. I had to get out of this dream. Wait. Gregory and Hyacinth would do it.
"Where is Gregory and Hyacinth?" I asked her. She again gave me a very confused look. "Who are they?" They don't exist. I rubbed my eyes and prayed to leave.
Maybe if I run fast enough, I will leave this reality and go back to my own. I began down the field before I fell into a hole in the ground. It was pitch black. I spun around until I saw my father. He walked up to me.
"Your sister is going to die tonight."
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