She was an idiot. She knew she was an idiot. Bill had been telling her she was an idiot for most of her life. Her sister, Gina, often said the same thing. And they were right. She was a great big fat stupid idiot.
She was selfish, too. George had been most definitely right in his assessment of that. In fact, George had correctly pointed out her numerous flaws over the years, from her horrible singing voice to her terrible cooking to her pathetically female fear of spiders. He had pointed out numerous times that she was emotionally impulsive and far too quick to temper, yet he had never fallen out with her because of those very flaws. Then again, she had never spoken to him so horrifically in front of all of their friends before, so there was a first time for everything.
And like many other first things she had unfortunately endured in life (first period where she bled through her skirt in class and everyone saw, first time getting head lice and her mother had to cut her hair like a boy's, first pimple that she let Clara pop for her and it got infected and made her look like the elephant man, the first time she had watched a man bleed out in front of her... Some firsts were more awful than others), she wished that this one had never happened. Because knowing that she had hurt George in the way she had made her feel like the worst person on the planet.
George Luz, her sweet little labrador puppy of a loyal and best friend; her little portuguese pot of sunshine; her partner in crime. The war had taken so much from her as well as giving her the love of her life and bonds of friendship that she would be tethered to forever. George was the strongest of those bonds. He was a part of her very soul and she felt incomplete in the knowledge that she had potentially jeopardised that.
"He'll come around Ev."
Evelyn looked at her husband and she wanted to offer him a smile. She wanted him to think that she was alright, that she was unaffected by what had happened but there was no point. He would see right through it no matter how much of a facade she put on. Joe knew her better than she knew herself and it was as wonderful as it was unnerving.
"He's not you, Joe," she muttered, blinking back the tears of anger that were welling up once again.
"Come on, baby, I hate it when you do the angry cry," Joe tutted and pulled her against his chest, kissing the top of her head and rubbing her back soothingly.
Evelyn knew she should feel some semblance of relief and joy at the fact that at least Joe had returned to their room in the early hours of the morning, seemingly uninterested in carrying on their argument. She knew that she should have felt relief and joy at the fact that he had quietly undressed before sliding into bed and pulling her against his chest, wrapping her up in his arms as he always did.
"I know you weren't trying to tell me what to do," Evelyn murmured as he moved her hair aside and pressed his lips against the back of her neck. "And I don't know why I flew off the handle like I did."
"I know why," he snorted out a soft laugh, reaching for her hand which lay against her stomach and entwining his fingers with hers, rubbing his thumb over her wedding ring. "It's you. It's just what you do, and even though you drive me fucking insane with these outbursts, especially when they're in front of everyone else, I know it's just the way you are. I'd blame the Italian or maybe the Philly, but I actually I think it's because you've just got far too much fucking Guarnere in you."
"Maybe," she sighed shakily. "But that don't make it alright, does it?"
"Well no, but-"
"But nothing, Joe. How many times are you gonna let me get away with acting like an immature, spoiled brat before you get fed up with me? How many times are we gonna have this same conversation where I apologise and berate myself for being how I am?"
"Well, considering I've already put up with you for a few years now– 'cause I had to endure your temper and bratiness before we even had feelings for each other, let's face it– I think I can bear it for a few more. Well, a lot more. And as for you berating yourself, Ev, what can I say? Emotional growth isn't linear; that's what my old man told me once, back when I was always getting into fights with other kids in the neighbourhood."
"Your dad sounds very wise."
"You saying that kind of shit is another reason he's going to love having you as a daughter in law. But what I'm trying to say is that while my dad is correct and that I'm less hot headed than when I was younger, I'm still far from being the Joe I would like to be. The Joe who doesn't let people like your brother get under his skin. One day I might get there, just like one day you might be less like you. But truthfully, Evie, I don't think I'd change those things in you just like I don't actually think you'd change them in me."
"I might," she shrugged, shrieking when Joe suddenly bit down on her shoulder. "I'm joking, I'm joking. I think so anyway."
"You better be, Mrs Liebgott," his hand wandered lazily between her thighs, his fingers snaking beneath the waistband of her underwear. "Because otherwise you're going to be in serious trouble."
"I didn't see George during morning briefing, nor in the breakfast line, but I could tell by the way they were looking at me all shifty like that he was around somewhere, clearly just avoiding me," Evelyn sighed. "I don't blame him but I'd really like the opportunity to apologise to him."
"He was in a pretty bad way after you left, Ev," Joe had to be truthful.
"I bet he was saying all kinds of things about me, wasn't he?"
Evelyn knew she had no right to feel upset at the thought of that but she did anyway. For all she pretended that she didn't care what other people thought of her, it was a giant lie. She had always cared exactly what people thought of her and had always wanted to be liked by everyone she knew.
"The sooner you accept that some people won't like you no matter what you do, the sooner you'll stop giving a shit," was something Bill used to tell her often whenever she was having trouble with other children at school or with the neighbourhood kids who didn't want to play with her.
"He wasn't talking about you," Joe told her. "In fact, he said barely a word to anyone. He just sat there drinking and smoking and looking angrier than I ever knew Luz could possibly look. And then when he'd drunk enough to drink even your brother under the table, he stood up as though he was sober as a judge and disappeared to his quarters without so much as a word to anyone."
"I really fucked up, didn't I?" Ev swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Yep," Joe didn't bother to lie. "You really fucked up, Ev. But if I can forgive you then Luz sure as hell can. He just needs a little time."
"Yeah," she let out a shaky breath and pulled back to look up at her husband, taking him in and diving into the depths of his eyes as they caressed her face lovingly.
"I know I can't stop you from going and I know I can't stop you from getting hurt," Joe spoke again, bringing up the very subject that had caused all of these issues in the first place. Something they'd skirted over in the early hours of the morning as they brought each other to release time and time again, speaking their wordless fears and expelling pent up emotion. "But I also know that you and I have been through so much already that surely it can't be taken away this close to our happy ever after."
"You really believe that?" Evelyn whispered. "Even after everything we've seen in this war?"
"I have to believe that," Joe murmured.
"I don't want to leave you," Evelyn felt a tear roll down her cheek. "I need to be there to fix you if you get hurt and if the worst should happen then I need to be there to... to... I won't let you be alone."
"I love you," Joe kissed her forehead.
"I love you too," Evelyn stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his, her tongue meeting with his and sending sparks of never ending desire throughout her body. "I gotta go and help Spina and Gene gather up some more supplies before we move out. I'll meet you on the truck when it's time to go. Save me a seat, yeah?"
"Always," Joe winked. "And you'll get a chance to find Luz then at least and apologise someplace where he can't hide from you."
"I've just gotta pray he'll accept my apology."
... ... ...
"He wouldn't even look at me," Evelyn told Eugene and Babe for the third time in almost as many minutes.
The trucks were rolling once again through the mountains as they headed from Bavaria and into Austria, which somehow was even more beautiful. They had been travelling for a little over two hours and in that whole time, Evelyn had barely stopped talking about her failure at apologising to George, who was two trucks ahead and looking as glum as Bill looked wherever the Eagles lost a game.
"I'm sure he was just busy," Babe tried to appease her.
Babe knew that Evelyn had been out of line in what she said to George but he just didn't have it in him to make her feel bad about it. Bill would have told him he was being a pansy or fawning over her if he was here. But Bill wasn't here and Babe wasn't going to let a man who wasn't even here influence the way he treated Ev. There would be plenty of time for that when they got back to Philly.
"Yeah, busy ignoring me," Evelyn muttered. "It was so embarrassing, Babe. I was standing there with Bull and Johnny and Perconte all looking at me like I was a piece of shit on their boots, while I told George how sorry I was and that I wanted to talk to him alone to apologise properly. He literally stared at the floor of the truck as though the meaning of life was etched onto it and then he asked Johnny for a cigarette and turned his back to me. It was mortifying."
"And being called a chauvinist in front of all of his friends by his best friend wasn't?" Eugene didn't even bother to look up from the letter he was reading.
Evelyn opened her mouth to reply and promptly shut it, her face flushing red with shame.
"George knows Ev and he should know she didn't mean it," Babe jumped to her defence gallantly.
"I don't mean it when I tell you you're an idiot," Spina interjected. "But it still don't make you feel good, does it?"
"Yeah but that's different, Ralph because you say it every fucking day," Babe argued.
"What the hell kind of point is that?" Ralph frowned. "Look Ev, I'm not trying to be a dick but you were totally out of line and you can't blame Luz for not wanting to hear your apology right now. Give him some time and I'm sure you guys can sort things out, but I think you've gotta accept that you were majorly in the wrong."
"I fucking know that, Spina," Evelyn wanted to lash out at him for making her feel even worse than she already felt, but instead she just slumped her shoulders and leaned her head back against the truck railing behind her. "In my next life I'm coming back as something calm, like a swan."
"You'll be one of those angry ones that tries to bite your hand off when you feed them," Ralph snorted.
"George bit my finger once when I was feeding him a hershey bar," Evelyn murmured.
"He bit you?" Joe frowned.
"He was just messing about. It was really actually quite funny, and then he let me bite him back so we were even," Evelyn said, completely unaware of the confused looks of her friends and husband. "He was such a goofball."
"He's not dead, Evelyn," Skinny muttered from the seat opposite.
"Well he may as well be, Wayne, because I've lost him for good," Evelyn glared at him.
"Joe, I know we say it time and time again, but your wife is the most dramatic person I've ever met," Skinny rolled his eyes.
"My dad's sister is even more dramatic than Ev," Babe said. "Women from Philly are just very... expressive."
"Which is a polite way of saying dramatic," Ralph chortled.
"And men from Philly are very... special," Evelyn eyeballed him. "Which is a polite of saying they're all fucking idiots."
"Thank you," Ralph grinned. "It's a badge I wear with honour, Ev."
"Well, it's not a badge I wear with honour," Babe protested with a scowl. "In fact, I'm offended."
"No, you're not," Evelyn tutted.
"No, I'm not," Babe smirked. "But what I am is tired so I'm gonna try and sleep for a while."
"Oh, because that's friendship, Babe. I'm upset and you just go to sleep."
"Well you got a husband and a bunch of other friends here to listen to you so don't worry."
"Why couldn't it be you who stopped talking to me instead of George?" Evelyn crossed her arms and pouted, turning her head under the guise of being upset in order to try and catch a glimpse of George in his truck.
The sight of that unruly cow lick of his made her want to cry... again.
"I'm sorry, George," she whispered, wishing he could hear and wishing that he would accept it. "I'm really sorry."
... ... ...
Three days later
Austria was magnificent. It was so ethereally beautiful that it almost couldn't be real. Rolling hills of lush green grass set against a backdrop of majestic snow capped mountains and topped by clear blue crystal skies. The place was wondrous.
It was just a shame that most of Evelyn's time spent in Austria so far had been in the aid station, watching the beautiful scenery outside through the window as she lanced boils and changed dressings.
"You ever been skiing before Evelyn?" Malarkey asked as he caught Evelyn glancing longingly out of the window.
"I can barely stand up right on my feet, so I don't think I'd be much good at skiing," she grinned, motioning for him to sit down on the bed so that she could change the dressing on his hand. "What about you?"
"It's not my idea of fun," he smirked. "But More assures me I'm wrong."
"What does he know about fun?" Evelyn teased, taking some cotton swabs and iodine to clean the cut on the palm of Don's hand. "I think we might need to get you some antibiotics for this; it's looking a bit infected. See all that redness there? And it's hot to touch."
"If you think that's for the best," Malarkey agreed. "Who would have thought a small cut could have caused me such trouble."
"Caused me such trouble more like," Evelyn muttered playfully.
"Speaking of trouble," Janovec scratched the back of his neck awkwardly with his free hand. "I, uh, wondered if you could help me out a little, Ev. You see, there's this girl and, well I was gonna ask Doc or Spina but it's you instead, and so I'm really sorry to ask but I guess it's your job, and you're married so you know all about-"
"-You need some more prophylactic kits, don't you?" she grinned.
"Uh, yeah," Janovec nodded.
"Bottom drawer over there," she motioned with her head, her eyes meeting Malarkey's as they watched Janovec take a huge handful before scarpering. "He must have some energy, that guy."
Malarkey laughed. A loud belly laugh that reminded Ev of the carefree Malarkey from training. The Malarkey who hadn't lost his closest friends one by one.
"What?" he frowned when he saw the way she was looking at him.
"Nothing," she murmured hurriedly. "I just... it's good to see you happy, Malark. Like genuinely happy."
"It's good to feel it," he admitted. "I, uh, I finally got a reply from Faye today."
"Skip's Faye?"
"Yeah, the very one. She... I could feel her pain but I could also feel her love for Skip in the way that she wrote how between us we'd keep his memory alive. I guess it just made me accept that while it's alright to hurt but that Skip would want me to live; Penkala would want that too. So I'm gonna do just that. Faye thought maybe together we could do some of the things Skip wanted to achieve, you know. Honour him together and I think it might be just what we both need."
"That sounds perfect, Don," Evelyn touched his cheek affectionately.
Maybe there really was some hope that the future could be brighter for all of them once they made it back home.
... ... ...
Sleep was hesitant to come for Evelyn that night, just as it had been every night since she and George had fallen out. Staring up at a crack in the ceiling, Evelyn wished that Joe wasn't on guard duty so that she could wake him up and talk to him about how she was feeling. Joe never minded when she did that and he always managed to make her feel at least a little bit better about everything.
Once upon a time if Joe wasn't around, she would have snuck over to George's sleeping quarters and woken him up instead.
"You gotta stop sneaking into my bed like this now that you're a married woman," George teased, lifting up his blanket so that Evelyn could lie down on the floor beside him. "What's the matter, Evelina Peccorina?"
"Can't sleep," she wriggled until she was settled comfortably against him and waited for him to wrap his arm around her tightly.
"Well I guessed that much," she knew George was rolling his eyes. "Care to talk about what's bothering you or do you just wanna listen to my snoring to help you drift off?"
"I'm glad you've finally admitted that you do in fact snore," Evelyn huffed out a soft laugh. "I wanna talk... if that's ok?"
"Talk away," George nodded, lighting up a cigarette and taking a long inhale, making sure to blow the smoke away from them both.
"It's about... well, about the baby," she whispered. "I just keep thinking about when it happened and I didn't wanna be on my own while I was feeling this way."
"Well, I aint Joe but I love you just as much and I'll never let you feel alone, alright?" George pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "And it's only been a couple of weeks, Ev. You're bound to still be finding this hard, and you don't have the luxury of processing it in the way women back home would."
"I know," she swallowed, frowning out into the darkness of night as the soft crackle of George's cigarette echoed loudly in the momentary silence. "And sometimes Joe talks about when we have more babies in the future and it terrifies me that it might happen again. I just... I don't know if I can go through that again, George."
"It won't happen again," George murmured.
"You don't know that."
"I do. I know everything. When are you gonna realise that?"
"You think you know everything."
"You wound me, woman," George tutted. "But I do know for a fact that in a few years from now when you're holding little George or Georgina Liebgott in your arms, this'll hurt a little less."
"I'm not naming my child after you, George."
"That's clearly Liebgott speaking but alright I'll settle for a middle name."
"I'll think about it," Evelyn lied. "But I know that you'll definitely be godfather, that's for sure."
"I'll take that," George decided.
"I miss you, George Luz," Evelyn sighed. "So damn much."
... ... ...
6th June, 1945
"...General Taylor is aware that many veterans, including Normandy veterans, still do not have the 85 points required to be discharged..."
Eugene nudged Evelyn as discreetly as possible, trying silently to convey that she needed to stop the excited tap of her right foot and the failure at hiding her giddy grin as she kept glancing at Shifty.
"...On this, the anniversary of D-Day, he has authorised a lottery to send one man home in each company, effective immediately," Speirs continued.
"He's gonna know something's going on if you keep looking at him like that," Eugene said out of the side of his mouth.
"I can't help it, Gene," Evelyn's hiss was almost erratically giddy. "I'm just so excited for him. And anyway you're smiling like a Cheshire cat. Do you not think that looks even more suspicious considering that you barely ever smile?"
"I smile plenty," Eugene hissed back.
"Not really you don't," Talbert smirked, before walking over towards Speirs and Welsh so the latter could pick a name out of the hat he was holding.
"For Easy Company, the winner is serial number 13066266. Sergeant Darrell C. Powers."
Evelyn clapped and squealed at the look on Shifty's face as everyone else in the company cheered that delight at Shifty having been chosen to go home. Of course, most of them knew that his was the only name in the hat, and they couldn't think of anyone who deserved it more.
The kindest, most gentle man in all of Easy Company, the man who had saved all of their backs more than once, was going home and there wasn't a man– or woman– in Easy who would wish for it to be any other way. After all, as much as they might want to go home themselves, knowing that Shifty would be doing so felt just as good.
"Sergeant Grant will see to it that 2nd Platoon takes over at the crossroads checkpoint beginning tonight at 2200 hours," Spiers announced, much to the dismay of those in second platoon. "General Taylor has also announced that the 101st Airborne Division will definitely be redeployed to the Pacific. So beginning tomorrow at 0600 hours, we will begin training to go to war."
Just like that, the rapturous joy of Shifty being sent home was replaced by the quiet of dread as Easy Company was finally told the sour news they had been expecting for some time now.
"Sure you don't wanna use up those points and go home?" Eugene muttered.
"You know, if I could afford to lose another best friend right now, I'd smack you, Gene," Evelyn eyed him pointedly. "But luckily for you, not only do I need you but I also wanna go say goodbye to Shifty before everyone else clambours all over the poor guy."
They were all dismissed and Evelyn elbowed those closest to Shifty out of the way, ignoring Christenson's complaints that she had caught him in the mouth, and threw her arms around Shifty's neck, smiling when he patted her back gently.
"Enjoy freedom, Shifty," she kissed his cheek before allowing herself to be unceremoniously shoved out of the way by Lieutenant Welsh so he could offer his congratulations.
As deflated as they all were about the news of their redeployment, they refused to let Shifty go without the goodbye he deserved. However, none of them would have been as eager to see him go if they had known about the car crash that would have him spend the next few months in hospital before he even set foot back on US Soil.
... ... ...
George was fairly certain he was dreaming. After all, in what other universe would a woman be shouting his name in the middle of the night in Austria? Sure that blonde girl selling cigarettes around the camp had definitely smiled at him all prettily just this afternoon but even he wasn't stupid enough to know it was nothing more than a tactic for him to make a purchase. A tactic which worked, by the way.
"George Luz! I'm not leaving until you come out here and talk to me! I don't even care if someone calls the MPs."
George sat up with a groan. That wasn't just any woman yelling in the hallway, right outside the room he shared with Perconte and Malarkey. That was Evelyn.
"Christ almighty, Luz, you gotta go and see what she wants," Perconte's voice cracked as he tried to wake himself up.
"I know what she wants. She wants to apologise and be friends again, but I don't want that," George lied.
"Bullshit," Malarkey swung his legs out of bed and flicked on the lamp. "I see you looking at her when she can't see you. You miss her and I don't blame you, not when you two are best friends. I also don't blame you for having made her sweat it out for so long but enough is enough now."
"George! George Luz! I know you can hear me! I can see the light from underneath your door!"
"Oh for god's sakes," George growled, throwing back his blanket and hurrying out of bed to yank open the door.
Stepping out into the hallway he was greeted by not only the sight of Evelyn before him, but also a number of their slumber roused friends gathered around.
"Ev, it's three in the morning," George mumbled. "What are you doing?"
"Getting you to acknowledge me and hopefully forgive me," she answered. "Because we're going to war again, Georgie Porgie, and I don't wanna go to war without my best friend by my side."
"Well, you got Doc," he muttered with faux snarkiness.
"Gene's not my best friend," she shook her head, grimacing slightly when she felt rather than actually saw Eugene's offended glare. "Ok, so he's my best friend too, but you're my best friend in different ways. He's steady and reliable and always there in a crisis, but you're funny and you're sensitive in a way that most others don't see and I need you."
"You really hurt me, Ev," George said quietly, wishing they didn't have an audience for this.
"I know I did," she nodded. "And I know that I'm selfish and immature, and I don't think you're a chauvinist at all, and I really am so sorry George. I'm so sorry and I can prove how sorry I am with this."
"It's a tin of sardines," Perconte muttered out loud.
"I'm gonna eat these sardines," Ev didn't take her eyes from George, even as she plucked up the first sardine from the tin.
"But you hate fish," George frowned, watching in horror as Evelyn brought the tiny silver creature to her mouth and took a deep breath. "You haven't eaten fish since your pet goldfish, Goldie, died when you were nine."
"I know," her voice wobbled as the pungent fishy odour invaded her nostrils and made her want to vomit. "But eating this is my way of showing you how sorry I am."
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of," Martin commented.
"Alright," George shrugged.
"Alright? Alright," Evelyn repeated with another deep breath before cramming the fish into her mouth squeezing her eyes shut as she chewed quickly, forcing herself to swallow before reaching for another sardine.
"Stop!" George yanked the tin out of her hand and slapped her other hand away from her mouth, as Evelyn stared at him with wide eyes. "I can't let you eat anymore."
"You have to," she argued. "I need you to know how sorry I am."
"I don't need you to eat a whole tin of sardines for that. I didn't even need you to eat one sardine."
"Then why the hell didn't you stop me?"
"I don't know!" George explained, his eyes wide and his shrug exaggerated. "But we're even now, ok?"
"You call that even?" Martin scoffed, shaking his head as he looked at Evelyn. "You could get away with murder when it comes to this guy, you know that?"
"I know," she smiled, throwing herself at George and sending them both sprawling to the floor. "Love you, Georgie."
"I love you too," he pretended to groan under weight as she started to pepper his cheeks and forehead with kisses. "Get off of me, you man eater. What would your husband say if he could see you right now."
"He'd say thank fucking god you two are back to your normal selves again," Joe appeared behind them with a grin. "Now can we all get back to sleep before Speirs turns up and busts our balls?"
"Captain Speirs is so glad that he doesn't have to suffer Evelyn's pathetic puppy dog eyes every time she sees Luz anymore that he is going to pretend this night time disturbance is not only disruptive but also disgusting," Speirs muttered from the end of the hallway. "Night all."
"You know, Ev, I think Speirs has a thing for you," George commented as he helped them both to their feet.
"Probably," she shrugged. "I mean, I remind Joe daily that I'm a real catch."
And before anyone could reply, Evelyn promptly vomited up the sardine she had forced herself to eat all in the name of friendship.
"Yeah, Ev," George grimaced at Joe. "You're a real fucking catch."