9th January, 1945
As the bright stars shone up above in the clear night sky, the Bois Jacques were silent. Nobody was eager to leave the relative warmth and comfort of their foxholes. Not even the lure of Joe Domingus' cooking was enough to tempt them. After all, with their ever-dwindling supplies, the best they got at the moment was something watery with perhaps some barley or a lone vegetable floating on the top of it. Bastogne was slowly beating Easy company down one by one.
Those who weren't suffering with physical ailments were being worn down mentally. The latest casualty of that was Buck Compton. Only three days ago, he had been pulled off the line and sent to a field hospital with trench foot. Well, trench foot had been the official line, but that was only because there was no way to explain the truth. Everyone knew that Buck was a ticking time bomb and seeing Toye and Guarnere wounded had been the thing to finally detonate him.
At the mere thought of her brother's name, Evelyn's heart clenched as it did every other time she thought of him. She missed him so much already and she still couldn't shake the image of him lying bleeding on the ground. She wanted to be with him, to help him as he dealt with the physical and emotional challenges that came with him losing his leg. She wanted to be there when her parents and Frannie saw him for how he was now. She wanted to protect him from those that would look at him like he was any less than them now. She wanted to be there to tell them all that instead of being less of a man, he was in fact the bravest of them all. But he was who knew where at this moment in time, and she was here.
Pulling Bill's letter out of her pocket, she fingered the frayed edges and focused on his untidy scrawl. He had always been hopeless at writing. It had never interested him. He had always been too busy wanting to run about or play baseball with his friends. And Bill knew that he didn't have a way with words. He wasn't eloquent. He just said, and wrote, everything like it was and if the recipient didn't like it then to hell with them.
Evie, (it read)
You know that writing aint never been my strong suit, but I decided this way the best way to talk to you about something that I know I should have really told you face to face. But it turns out I'm more of a coward than I thought. Who knew? But don't tell anyone, alright? And if fucking Luz reads this and goes shooting off his mouth then I'm gonna kill him. Who am I kidding? Of course he's gonna read it. George Luz, keep your fucking trap shut, ok? And Evelyn, before you start turning red in the face with impatience, yes, I will just get to the point now.
So uh, I need to speak to you about the whole Liebgott thing. Don't start getting all irate, just hear-well, read- me out, will you? I'm just gonna come straight out with it because the more I beat around the bush, the worse it's gonna be.
Basically, after I caught you two together and we all had that big fight, that wasn't exactly the end of it all. I found out Liebgott was on guard duty, so I took it upon myself to go and find him. I did something that in hindsight I thought was helpful, but someone has recently made me realise that I actually did the opposite of what I was intending.
Oh God, this is so hard to write. But basically I told Liebgott that he had to end things with you. I told him that if he didn't, I would go to Colonel Sink and make sure you were both kicked out of Easy. In Liebgott's defence (I can't believe that's something I would ever say), he said he didn't care if you both got kicked out because he wanted to be with you regardless, but I made him change his mind.
I can only imagine just how much you must hate me right now, and how angry you must feel. Evie, you've got every right to be angry at me, but please, before you scrunch up this letter and throw it away, just let me explain myself? Please? Please?
I know that you think that whatever you and Liebgott had it was something special. And that's not me patronising you, before you start. But the thing is Ev, you're young. You aint never had the life experience that I've had. You see the good in everyone. And trust me, in this world not everyone is good. I know guys like Liebgott. Fucking hell, I am a guy like Liebgott. Remember once you told me that the reason I hate the guy so much is because we're actually so alike. Well, as much as I hate to admit it, you might be correct in your assumption. Which is why I know that Joseph Liebgott aint the guy for you. He would have used you and then kicked you to the curb like a piece of trash. Trust me, because that's the exact kind of thing I used to do. Plus, those things Liebgott said to you weren't anything to do with me. Which is another thing you should think about. What kind of a man can say things like that to a girl he supposedly cares for? Why couldn't he have just told you that he didn't wanna fool around anymore? Think about it, Ev. He didn't have to hurt you as badly as he did, yet he chose to anyway.
You can't see me now, but if you could you would see that I am down on my knees, begging for your forgiveness. If I could, I would do anything to earn your forgiveness. I aint gonna lie and say that I wouldn't do it again, because I would do anything at all to protect you. But perhaps I might have gone about it a different way. I didn't mean for you to get hurt the way you did. It broke my own heart to see and hear you breaking yours. But I hope that you can see it's for the best now? We're in the middle of a war, and you don't need any distractions. There'll be plenty of time for courting and everything else once this is all over. And I promise that I won't interfere (well, unless the guy is a schmuck and then I'm allowed to completely break that promise).
I guess there's nothing else left to say now and I'm running outta paper. The final thing I will say is that you are everything to me, Evie. You were my first best friend and you'll always be my last. I am so proud of you and I promise that if I could have taken away the hurt you felt, I would have. Any time I do something stupid that pisses you off, it's only because I really care about you. Please know that.
I love you Evelyn. Always.
Bill.
"You keep reading that, you're gonna wear a hole in the paper," Eugene cracked open an eye from where he had napped beside Evelyn for the last hour. Not even the medics had the energy they needed to do their jobs, and the once frequent checks were becoming further and further apart. The temptation to just lounge around and wait for the call for a medic was strong. Even Eugene seemed to be slowly giving up.
"I know," she answered, dropping it onto her lap. She pulled the rubber band out of her hair and let it tumble down her back. Using her fingers as a comb, she grimaced as they struggled to get through the knots. Her hair was caked with so much debris and dirt that it was honestly starting to look like rat's tails. Deciding there was nothing more to do than just re-tie it again, she pulled open the rubber band in her hand and it snapped. With an irritated growl, she began rooting around her satchel for another one.
"So what are you gonna do?"
"Well I don't seem to have another band, but if I braid my hair I can just tie this piece of string at the end," she answered.
"Not about your hair," Eugene rolled his eyes. "About the letter."
"I just don't know, Gene," she said honestly. And she really didn't. "What would you do?"
"It doesn't matter what I would do," Eugene answered. "This is your problem, not mine."
"Oh, some friend you are," she pouted at him. "And before you give me a lecture on how you're only trying to help me by letting me make my own decisions, save it. I don't need to hear it."
"That's only because you know I'm right," Eugene muttered to himself. Evelyn heard him though and shot him a look of irritation.
"You know what Gene?" Evelyn huffed. "You are right. There. Did you enjoy hearing those words come from my mouth?"
"I will admit I did a bit," Eugene smirked.
Smiling begrudgingly, Evelyn scooted closer to him to share his warmth. She folded the letter up carefully and placed it back in her pocket. She liked keeping it there because even though she didn't care for the contents of the letter, it still felt comforting to have a piece of Bill right next to her at all times.
"So are you gonna answer my question?" Eugene asked again.
He had asked her the same question multiple times over the past five days, from the minute she had shown him Bill's letter. Since then he had watched quietly as she dealt with a wide variety of emotions. At first she reacted in typical Evelyn fashion which was to get very angry. So angry that he had been convinced that if she got any angrier, there would have been enough steam coming out of her ears to heat them all up for months. She had cursed her brother, cursed Liebgott, cursed every man on the entire planet. He and George- the only other person to know what had gotten her so riled up- had sat back and let her rant and rave and get it out of her system. Then came the tears. Not angry tears, but instead they were tears of hurt. She felt betrayed. She felt betrayed by her brother and betrayed by Liebgott. She felt patronised because they had both concealed the truth from her. They had both managed to achieve the one thing they had been trying their hardest not to do.
Tired and exhausted from crying, she had eventually fallen into a fitful sleep that was plagued with the same nightmare she suffered with after Henry had died. But when she woke up the next morning, she had been surprisingly subdued. And since then, she had hardly spoken about it at all. Instead, she would pull out the letter and read it when she thought no one was watching.
"It's taken a few days, but I think I finally know how I feel about it all," she said, looking at Eugene.
"And?" Eugene prompted when she didn't elaborate further.
"It probably works in Bill's favour that he wasn't here when I first found out, otherwise I absolutely would have just fallen out with him like usual," she said. "But the thing is, I don't have it in me now to be mad anymore. I'm tired of it, Gene. I'm tired of fighting and crying. I'm tired of my emotions taking control of me. I'm a grown woman for crying out loud, yet I behave like I'm still a kid. I aint gonna lie and say that I'm ok with what Bill did because I'm not. I still wanna shake him silly and tell him that his behaviour was unacceptable, but I do understand what he was trying to do. And above all else, I know that he loves me and would never have intentionally hurt me. Plus, if I don't forgive him, then I'm just gonna allow my anger to eat me up inside. My sister Gina always says that a person should never harbour resentment 'cause it's bad for the inner soul. I mean she's kinda a hypocrite 'cause she bears a grudge for longer than anyone I know, but she is actually right. Which is why I refuse to let it consume me for the rest of time."
Eugene was pleasantly surprised. And ridiculously proud. He had to bite back the huge smile that was threatening to split his face in two. He imagined this is what a parent must feel like when their child grows up. Not that he ever thought of Evelyn as his child though. It was just that right before his very eyes she had matured, and it was magnificent to see.
"And what about Liebgott? Are you still gonna bear a grudge against him?"
"Well, he's a completely different kettle of fish," she folded her arms across her chest and sighed.
"How so?"
"What do you mean 'how so'?" she frowned at him. "Is it not glaringly obvious?"
"Not to me apparently, otherwise I wouldn't be asking, would I?"
"I don't see how you can't see it," she rolled her eyes impatiently. "What Bill did was awful, but what Liebgott did was worse."
"It was?" Eugene frowned.
"Yeah, it was," she exclaimed. "And you know what Gene, if you don't understand why then I'm not gonna sit here and explain it to you."
Ok, so maybe she's not completely matured, Eugene thought to himself with a small raise of his eyebrow as Evelyn jumped up and out of the foxhole.
"And before you make some comment about me storming off, that aint true. I aint storming off. I'm just walking with purpose."
"To where?" Eugene smirked. "I don't think there's any food ready yet and that's the only place you walk with purpose too."
Evelyn feigned a look of indignation before giving Eugene the middle finger. Then she smiled and blew him a kiss. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. It was freezing cold and as she breathed, she could see the cold air coming out of her mouth and nostrils. It made her think back to when she was a child and the cold winters they had in Philly. Her favourite thing to do when she was little was to put a pencil to her mouth and pretend that she was smoking, blowing out cold air that looked like cigarette smoke. Well, it was always fun until her mom would catch her and slap her around the head, before giving her a lecture on why she was to never ever smoke. But the thing is, when she was young, she watched her sister, Gina, as well as all of her brothers smoking and it looked like fun. Thank God, as an adult she thought it was a disgusting habit.
"Hey Ev, come over here," George's voice interrupted. "Come listen to this."
He stood in a small huddle with Muck, Penkala and Malarkey who all smiled when they saw her. Malarkey, who was standing closest to her, put his arm around her and pulled her into his side.
"What's that for?" she asked.
"Just felt like it," he shrugged, smiling down at her.
"Fair enough," she answered, wrapping her arms around his middle. Malarkey was a rather sensitive soul, and he would be the first to admit that he had no shame in just wanting to embrace someone every now and then. Secretly all of the men did, and Evelyn was always a more than willing recipient.
"You two love birds finished?" George raised an eyebrow at them impatiently.
"Aw Georgie," she grinned. "You know you're still my favourite."
"Of course I am," he winked at her. "Malark, you keep those hands where I can see them or I'll smack you in the face. Anyway, you fellas know I got no reason to bullshit you, right?"
They all murmured and nodded.
"It was so unbelievable you might not believe me," George continued.
"Wouldn't be the worst time," Penkala scoffed and even Evelyn chuckled.
"I'm gonna choose to ignore that little comment. Anyway, Evie will back me up 'cause she was right there." George eyeballed them all. "So, you know who comes running up to Lipton. He's got no helmet, no gear, no nothing. 'First sergeant Lipton, you organise things here, I'm gonna go for help. I need to go polish my Oakleaf clusters'."
"Complete asshole," Skip chortled.
"That's really good," Malarkey smirked.
And it was true. There was no one who was as good at impressions as George. His impressions had become legendary, not only amongst Easy, but across the entire regiment. Ever since he had imitated Major Horton back in Aldbourne and had managed to convince Sobel to cut through a barbed wire fence belonging to some farmer.
"Hey Luz," Lipton headed towards them.
"Good night, all," Malarkey announced, and the group dispersed. Malarkey nudged her, and she quickly realised that he was hinting at her to leave with him.
"Night Georgie," she quickly said. "Night Lip."
"Actually Ev, if you'll just hang on a minute, I need you to come to my foxhole," Lipton stopped her from going.
"Whoa Lip, I didn't know you had feelings like that for our Evelyn," George wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"I need you to take a look at my foot," Lipton rolled his eyes at George.
"So what can I do for you, Sarge?" George changed the subject.
"Two things. First, great Dike impression."
"You think so? I thought it was a little off."
"Nah, you got it pretty good," Lipton told him.
"Yeah?"
"Second, don't do it anymore. Especially the part about what he said to me. It doesn't do anybody any good, ok?"
Carwood Lipton was such a good guy. Even though everyone in the company knew what an incompetent leader Dike was, Lipton still tried to give him the respect he didn't really deserve.
"Yeah I got you," George nodded.
"All right," Lipton smiled. The last thing he wanted to do was offend George or have it seem like he was telling him off, but George had taken it well. "You ready Ev?"
"Sure," Ev smiled. "Catch you later, George."
They hadn't made it more than a few metres away before the sky lit up, and that ever familiar whistle soared through the sky towards them. Lipton grabbed Evelyn and dragged her into his foxhole. The shelling sounded fiercer than it ever had done before. The earth was trembling, and trees and debris were flying all over the place. It reminded Evelyn of the tornado scene in the Wizard of Oz, and for a second she felt like she could have been Dorothy flying through the air. She quickly crashed back down to reality though when George appeared in the foxhole beside them with his face as pale as a sheet.
"Muck and Penkala!" he yelled.
"What?" Lipton shouted over the noise of the explosions.
"Muck and Penkala got hit!"
Evelyn didn't have time to take in George's announcement because the call for a medic came, and instinct just took over. There was time for grief later.
... ... ...
10th January, 1945
And grieve they did.
The deaths of Skip Muck and Alex Penkala hit them all hard. The eighty eight that hit their foxhole left no trace of either of them. There was not even one thing to send home to their families; to give them any sort of comfort at this difficult time. Muck and Penkala had been best friends ever since their first day at Toccoa and remained that way until their dying day. They were two of the friendliest guys in the entire company, and always had time for everyone. Even replacements. The only other person though who was equally as close to them as they were to one another was Malarkey. Poor Don. In the space of days he had lost his three best friends. He had visited Buck two days ago, but he had returned so forlorn that they had all surmised that the visit hadn't gone as well as he was hoping. Skip and Penkala had been the ones to comfort him then. But now that they were gone, who was going to offer him solace? As Evelyn reached his foxhole, she saw that Lipton had the same idea.
"Hey Malark," he said.
Don didn't even move. He just continued to stare at nothing. His shoulders were slumped, and his arms were huddled around himself. Lipton gave Evelyn a concerned look and she just shook her head. She felt heartbroken at the loss of them both, so she couldn't even begin to imagine Malarkey's heartache.
"Don," she touched his shoulder gently.
He looked up at them. His blue eyes, usually so full of mischief and life were dull and lacklustre, and the utter despair inside them pierced her right to her very soul. She swallowed the lump in her throat, and beside her, Lipton looked like he was trying to hold himself together.
"Didn't I hear you say you wanted to bring a luger home for your kid brother?" Lipton spoke again.
"Yeah," Malarkey answered dully.
"Well why don't you give him that?"
Malarkey eyed the luger in Lipton's hands without very much interest at all. This was the same man who had run out in front of a field of German machine gunners on D-Day in the hunt for such a gun. This was the same man who had forced Evelyn to rifle through bodies of dead Germans after their jump in case any of them had a luger. It was all he had talked about for the duration of their time in Holland, and now he couldn't have cared less.
"It's Hoob's, right?" he asked.
"Yeah," Lipton nodded as he handed the weapon over, unsure of how Malarkey was going to react to that piece of information. "I was... I was gonna get rid of it, but I don't know. Listen, uh, Captain Winters was wondering if you want to go back to battalion and act as his runner for a few days?"
"Tell him thanks," Malarkey gave him a watery attempt at a smile. "I'm-I'm gonna stay here."
"Well why don't you at least come back for an hour or so? Say goodbye to Buck?" Lipton smiled. "I'm sure it'll mean a lot to him."
"All right," Malarkey decided. "I will in a little while. I'm just gonna sit with Ev for a bit first. You don't mind, right?"
"Course not," she smiled, settling herself down beside him.
Lipton nodded, and with one last look at the pair of them he carried on about his duties.
Evelyn looked at Don and waited for him to speak. He didn't say a word. He just stared down at the luger in his hands before putting it on the floor beside him. He sighed and yanked the beanie hat off his head. His hair was longer than she had ever seen it before. It was so dirty that it had gone from being that usual beautiful auburn shade to dark brown.
"Skip gave me this," he squeezed the hat between his hands. "Said it looked better on me than it did him. Said his hair was far too nice to be hidden under it."
"He was right," she smiled, even as tears filled her eyes.
"I remember the first time I met Skip and Penk. We'd been at Toccoa for only a few hours and the pair of them were in the cots either side of mine. I remember Skip offering me and Penkala a cigarette each and asking us where we came from. There was something about the guy that just made me warm to him straight away, and when we started talking it was like I'd known him for years. And as for Penk. Well, he was just as likeable as Skip but in a different way. Skip had a way of just putting you at ease, you know? But Alex was always quick with the wit and sarcasm right from the off," he told her. "And the way Skip used to talk about Faye... I know we would all make fun of him for being a soppy bastard, but the truth is that I envied him. Not in a bad way, I mean. I envied that he loved someone so much with his entire heart that he wasn't ashamed to shout it out to the world."
Faye Tanner. How on earth was Faye going to cope once she received the news that her beloved Warren was no longer alive. Skip's family would receive a generic US military telegram informing them that their son had died serving his country, and that his sacrifice had been for the greater good of their great nation. But the truth was that he had been blown to smithereens, simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If that shell had hit only a few metres further away, both him and Penkala would be here now.
"You know Skip made me promise that if anything ever happened to him, I was to write to Faye," Malarkey said. "He was adamant that I make sure to tell her how much he loved her. But most of all I was to make sure that she knew he wanted her to move on with her life. He used to say to me 'Mal, she's young and has her whole life ahead of her. I don't want her grieving for me for the rest of her days. I want her to meet a man who will treat her like she deserves, and who she will make a family with. I know that if anything happens to me, I was always her first true love and I know that a piece of that love will live on forever in her heart. She has so much love inside her that if she allows my death to consume her, it would only turn her into something she's not. Make sure she knows that the greatest honour she could give to memory would be to take the love she gave me and share it with another'."
By now Evelyn was crying openly. Everything that Malarkey had said just summed Skip Muck up completely. His loving nature, his selflessness. Even in the event of his death, all he cared about was making sure Faye was happy for the rest of her own life.
"He was a special guy, Don."
"They both were," Malarkey let out a shaky breath. "How can they be gone, Ev? We promised each other that if each one of us got hit, the others would visit their family and bring their things to them. But now if I get through this, how am I supposed to go to their families with nothing? I don't have it in me to do it, yet how can I not? I made a promise."
"You can do it, Don," she cupped his face in her small hands and peered into his eyes. "You'll do it because you're a good man and a true friend. You might have nothing to take to their families physically, but you will have a wealth of stories and anecdotes that money couldn't buy them. You'll be able to go there and tell them that their sons were two of the finest men to ever walk this earth, and that there wasn't a person in this entire company who wouldn't have given their left arm to be friends with them."
Lowering his head into his hands, Malarkey burst into quiet sobs that wracked his entire body.
"Ssh," Evelyn soothed, throwing her arms around him.
His shoulders were shaking, and he clutched the beanie hat in his hands as though it was the only thing keeping him alive. Manoeuvring him so that his head lay in her lap, she stroked his hair like a mother would to her child. All the while she was murmuring words of comfort to him. What Malarkey needed was a release, because tomorrow he would have to wake up and behave as though he hadn't just lost two of his best friends forever. Grief and fear were two of the most dangerous things a soldier could possess in war. She knew it. Malarkey knew it. But for tonight, grief was what he needed.
Almost an hour passed before Malarkey's sobs began to subside, and eventually his breathing fell into a steady rhythm. Still stroking his hair, Evelyn noted that even in sleep his forehead was still pinched in pain.
"How is he?" Eugene appeared in front of them a short while later.
"As well as he can be, I guess," Evelyn rubbed her eyes. Physically she was tired, but mentally she was exhausted. Carefully, wriggling out from underneath Malarkey, she lay his head down gently on the cold soil and pulled his blanket up over him. "Would you do me a favour Gene? Stay with Malark for a little while? There's somewhere I gotta go."
... ... ...
"Hey Ev."
"Hi Alley," she smiled, shaking her head at the steaming cup of coffee he held out to her. Her stomach was in knots, and not even the temptation of something warm could combat it.
"To what do we owe your angelic presence?" Skinny pushed his helmet up as he spoke to her. "And when I say angelic, I mean because of your hair. It's gone all fluffy at the top like a fuzzy halo on your head."
She grinned awkwardly and patted at her hair self consciously. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that Liebgott hadn't stopped cleaning the same little patch on his gun. Must be one heck of a piece of dirt.
"You seen Malark?" Alley asked.
"Yeah, I just came from his foxhole now," she nodded. "He's finally managed to fall asleep. Hopefully it'll do him some good."
"How is he?"
"How do you think?"
"And how are you?" Alley asked.
"Don't ask her that," Skinny exclaimed, clutching Alley's arm. "Not unless you want to be verbally assaulted."
"Fuck off Wayne," she tutted and threw a handful of soil at him.
"See what I mean?" Skinny frowned. "And I said verbally assaulted, not physically assaulted."
"Quit your whining," Alley rolled his eyes at him. "So you didn't actually tell us why you're here?"
"Uh, I, er, I wanted to talk to Liebgott," she said hesitantly.
Liebgott didn't react, other than to stop cleaning his rifle which made her think that he had at least heard her.
"I mean, I understand if you don't wanna talk," she started.
"No, it's ok," he finally looked up and met her eye.
She gave him a small nod and slid down into the foxhole. She didn't really know where to begin, or how to say it in front of the others.
"Hey, uh, Wayne, haven't we got that thing to do right about now?" Alley announced, glancing at his wrist watch.
"What thing?" Skinny frowned.
"You know," Alley wriggled his eyebrows and nudged him.
"Oh, that thing!" Skinny exclaimed in understanding. "Yeah, we've gotta go. We'll see you guys after."
As Skinny and Alley scrambled off, Evelyn and Liebgott were left to sit together in silence. Neither spoke. Neither moved.
"I know, Joe," she said finally.
He frowned.
"Bill told me everything," she spoke again. "Well, he wrote me everything. I know all about the ultimatum he gave you about breaking things off with me."
Liebgott didn't know what to say. He looked at Evelyn. Really looked at her. He tried to gauge what she was feeling but she wore an unreadable mask upon her face.
"So what does this mean for us?" he asked tentatively.
"There is no us, Joe," she said sadly.
"I didn't mean like that," he quickly corrected. "I meant as friends. Now that you know it wasn't my doing, can we not at least go back to being friends?"
"Joe, it aint that simple. I know that you only did what you felt you had to do because of everything Bill said to you. And trust me, I know he can be very persuasive," she acknowledged. "But why couldn't you just tell me? Why couldn't you just tell me the truth about what was going on instead of saying those awful things to me? Or is it because you actually meant what you said, and you were glad to finally have a reason to say it?"
"No," he shook his head and grabbed her hands. She wanted to pull away but the feel of his hands on her own was something she craved more of. The desperate look in his eyes was sucking her in. "God no. Never for a single minute did I mean those words."
"Then why?" she whispered, her bottom lip wobbling. There was such confusion inside her. Hurt at remembering that night, and hope that it had all been a lie.
"Because I was not gonna let you get kicked out of Easy," he told her. "You've gotta believe me, Ev. All I could think about was how hard you'd worked to get here and how much the rest of the men needed you. How could I be so selfish as to allow Sink to send you away when it wouldn't just destroy me, it would destroy everyone else too? Do you have any idea how much it hurt me saying those things to you? I bit so hard on my teeth that I even cracked one. Look." Liebgott lifted up the side of his upper lip and she could see that one of his top molars was crumbled to pieces. "I know the kind of person you are, and I know for a fact that you would have fought tooth and nail with your brother not to go to Sink if I had told you the truth. But I just couldn't take the risk that Bill would still go through with it."
"Did you not think that was for me to decide?"
"I was just trying to protect you," he squeezed her hand desperately and rubbed his thumb over her wrist, involuntarily sending a shiver down her spine. "And I thought that as long as I could just see you every day, even from a distance, that I would be able to handle it. But the truth of the matter is that I can't. I miss you. I miss you like the sky misses the sunshine on a cloudy day. You are my sunshine every day, and not being able to talk to you or hold you kills me."
"Stop," she mouthed.
"I can't," he grasped her by the shoulders. His fingers were digging into her skin but she didn't even notice.
"Please Joe," she begged, tears finally falling.
"No, you please," he shook his head and pressed his forehead against hers. "Please forgive me. Please let me back into your life. I will earn your trust, I'll earn your forgiveness. Please. Evelyn Guarnere, I need you with me like I need oxygen. Every day I feel like I'm drowning and you're my only salvation. Please."
The intensity in his eyes was burning her. She didn't feel the biting cold around them. How could she?
"Stop," she pushed him away and scrambled back from him, climbing out of the foxhole and standing up in front of him. "I'm not doing this with you. I can't Joe. I can't let you hurt me again."
"Did you not just hear anything I said?"
"I need more than words Joe," she sighed. "I need time."
"I'll give you all the time you need," Joe agreed. "But just promise that you'll come back to me Ev. I'm nothing without you."
"I don't know if I can promise you that," she answered truthfully.
"Well at least promise me that you'll consider it?"
"Alright," she nodded. "But that's all I can promise you. Good night, Joe."
... ... ...
13th January, 1945
"Will you quit doing that? You're making me nervous," George complained as he stood next to her.
"Well I'm nervous too," Evelyn told him.
And she really was. The day had finally arrived. Easy Company was going to launch its assault on Foy, and with Lieutenant Dike as their leader, nonetheless. She looked over towards a small clearing in the woods where Winters was now briefing Dike, who at least was attempting to look interested, but it was still a blazingly obvious ruse. A being from another planet could have landed in a spacecraft and given him a briefing and he still would have been bored stiff. The man was completely dead behind the eyes.
"Well at least you don't have to go out there on the assault and face the Germans head on."
"I don't? I'm just the one who gets to run out there with no weapon to defend myself with when one of you schmucks yells for a medic," she eyed him drolly.
The call came for them to get into formation for the assault, and before George could move Evelyn flung her arms around him.
"Be safe out there, Georgie," she kissed his cheek. "I love you."
"Love you too," he squeezed her hard. "You look after yourself and I'll see you at the finish line."
She only hoped it was true. She just had a horrible feeling about all of this, and she hoped she was wrong.
"You ready Ev?" Eugene and Spina walked towards her.
"Ready as I'll ever be," she sighed. "You would think this would get easier the more times we do it, wouldn't you?"
"Yeah you'd reckon," Spina snorted. But the truth was that it never did.
"Ok, so I'm gonna go out first, followed by Spina and then you," Eugene decided the plan of action. "There's gonna be a lot of gunfire and I'm sure I don't have to remind either of you that we do not go out there until we hear the call for a medic. You see a man go down, you do not run out there until you're called for."
Evelyn nodded reluctantly. She understood the rule, but it didn't mean she had to like it one bit. Her heart was in her mouth as she watched the men begin to head out. The moment they headed out of the clearing and onto the snow covered field that separated them from the town of Foy (and the enemy), the Germans immediately opened fire. Within seconds, one of the replacements who was behind Lipton dropped to the floor as a bullet caught him in the shoulder. Lipton didn't even react. He was focused entirely on the scene in front of him and nothing else.
It couldn't have been more than a minute later before Evelyn found herself running out into the clearing towards yet another wounded man. The man had his hands around his throat as he tried desperately to breathe through the bullet wound to his windpipe. As the German tanks began firing shells, she found herself aware of bullets whizzing right past her ear, so close that she swore she could feel the heat from them. After every single one that flew past, she quickly thanked God for not letting it hit her. The soldier she was working on was clamouring urgently for his life. His legs were flailing about and she was having a heck of a time trying to get him to keep still. Unravelling one of her few bandages, she yanked the man's hands away from his throat and crimson blood spurted out everywhere. The man was dead before she could even begin to try and stem it.
She didn't have time to even feel sad or angry at yet another waste of life when she heard someone calling for help again. In front of her, Lieutenant Dike had ordered his platoon to a halt right in the middle of the open field. She ran past them, shaking her head in disbelief. Was the guy crazy? The whole platoon was literally sitting in the open just asking to be shot. Falling down onto her knees, she didn't see or hear Lipton persuade Dike to get them behind some cover. All she saw was the soldier on the ground in front of her with his intestines hanging out from the shelling that had almost cut his body completely in half. He was already dead.
Growling in anger, she ran for cover behind a large chicken coop and almost knocked over George who was talking frantically on his radio.
"What are we doing, Lieutenant?" Foley was asking. She had no idea how or when he had got there but a quick peek around the chicken coop showed her that first platoon were pinned down by a sniper in a building up ahead.
"Why are we stopped?" Lipton asked.
Dike just sat with his back against the chicken coop and stared into the open space. All around him, people were asking questions and he was just in a world of his own.
"Captain Winters, Sir?" George was holding out the radio receiver towards him.
"Give us a plan!" Lipton and Shames were shouting at the same time as bullets pinged off the hut.
"Ok, ok, Foley," Dike finally muttered. "Foley! You take your men... You take your men on a flanking mission around the village and attack it from the rear."
"We cannot stay here!" Lipton yelled.
"You want first platoon to go around the village and attack by itself?" Foley asked in disbelief. Was this guy for real?
"We will provide suppressing fire," Dike answered, as though that solved the issue.
"We're gonna be kind of alone out there, Sir."
"We will provide suppressing fire!" Dike slapped the ground angrily. Who was Foley to question him?
"You need to talk to Captain Winters, Sir," George told him forcefully.
The whole thing was turning into a shit show. Evelyn was genuinely fearful for them all. Foley ran off to give his platoon their orders, and Lipton was still desperately trying to get Lieutenant Dike to move forward.
"We're sitting ducks here, Sir! We have to keep moving!"
And still Dike just sat there, not moving, not doing anything. Evelyn lost it. She couldn't help it. She'd had enough of the man, and before she could stop herself, an angry tirade came spurting out of her mouth.
"For crying out fucking loud, would you just give the order to move forward already! Are you for fucking real?" she shouted. "What the fuck is this? It's an absolute joke! There are men dropping like fucking flies out there and you're just sat here! Pull yourself to-fucking-gether."
"That's enough Corporal!"
Evelyn turned and met with a very angry looking Lieutenant Speirs.
"I'm taking over," Speirs grabbed Dike by the scruff of his neck to get his attention. "Corporal Guarnere, stay here with Lieutenant Dike until this is over and I'll deal with you later."
Evelyn knew she had stepped too far, and for the first time in any of her dealings with Speirs she was actually deadly afraid of the man. She was in for it later and she knew it. She growled and flung herself back against the hut. Why couldn't she have just kept her fucking mouth shut?
"I'm sorry," Lieutenant Dike suddenly spoke. She glanced over at him in surprise. He was deathly pale and his entire body was shaking like crazy. It was obvious that he was having some kind of panic attack, but she just didn't have it in her heart to feel sorry for the man.
"Tell that to the families of those men you just got killed with your incompetence," she muttered. As the assault continued around them, Evelyn sighed and tried to ignore the quivering wreck of a man beside her.
"You're right," Dike answered. "I wasn't cut out for this. I knew it. You all knew it. And if you will accept it, I would like to apologise for the way I've treated you. It isn't easy for me to admit that I felt intimidated by you."
"By me?" she frowned at him.
"Yes," Dike nodded. "I'm intimidated by the fact that a woman is so able to handle a situation that I can't."
Evelyn couldn't help it. She felt bad. This man was opening up to her, and even though she wanted to hate him, she found the hardened walls around her crumbling piece by piece.
"Trust me Sir, I don't always handle it easily," she told him. "Every day is a struggle, but this company is made up of men who would do anything to help one another. That includes you. If you'd have just reached out to them, they would have brought you into the fold." She wasn't sure that she actually believed what she was saying, but she found herself wanting to be a little nicer to him than she had been. For some inexplicable reason, she wanted to make him feel that he wasn't a failure.
"Well it's too late for that now, isn't it," Dike sighed, almost wistfully.
Evelyn didn't know what else to say so she peered out from behind the coop to see how the assault was going. What she saw sent chills down her spine. Lieutenant Speirs was running across the open field, past the Germans who were so shocked that they weren't even firing at him. He catapulted himself over the wall that had I company waiting behind it, if all had gone to plan. He was a good leader. He had fearlessly put himself in danger to ensure that his men would have the backup they needed. But what came next astounded her. After he had hooked up with I company, he came running back to Easy. Dodging bullet after bullet, he ran as though he was just having a light jog across the clearing. Evelyn couldn't help but smile. Easy Company was finally in great hands
... ... ...
The church that was housing them for the night was surely heaven. The Nuns had brought in their choir to sing and as the ethereal voices filled the quaint little chapel, the men of Easy company could do nothing but sit and listen. The horrors of Bastogne were finally over. They had arrived weeks ago with almost one hundred and fifty men. They had left with less than half of that.
"Corporal Guarnere, I think it's time you and I had a little chat."
From her seat at the end of a pew beside George, Evelyn felt herself tense. Her palms began to sweat and her heart began to beat erratically.
"Good luck," George mumbled. And boy was she going to need it.
"I think you know what it is I want to discuss with you," Speirs said once they were alone at the back of the church.
"Yes Sir," she nodded. "If I might just say-"
"-I think you've already said quite enough today, don't you?" Speirs cut her off abruptly.
She swallowed nervously, her eyes flicking to the ground, her feet, anywhere that wasn't Speirs face. She waited for him to start yelling at her. To tell her that he had gone to Sink and that she was going to be disciplined harshly. She knew she deserved everything she was about to hear, and probably more, but it was still nerve wracking waiting for it. When almost thirty seconds had passed and he still hadn't said anything, she looked up and wasn't expecting the grin she saw on Speirs' face. She didn't think she had ever seen a person look so happy about the fact he was going to punish someone. Even Sobel used to try and hide it behind a smirk and not openly show his delight.
"I wish I had a camera right now because the look on your face is priceless," Speirs chuckled.
Evelyn frowned but said nothing. Opening her mouth had already gotten her in trouble once today and she really didn't need to add any more flames to the fire.
"Listen Evelyn- I can call you that, right?"
She nodded. He could call her whatever he wanted and she would nod. She was not going to disagree with the man.
"Evelyn, I just finished speaking with Lipton, and he has spent more than five minutes telling me all of the reasons why I shouldn't have you disciplined for your behaviour today. He tried to tell me that you're actually usually very quiet and calm, and basically that you wouldn't say boo to a goose," Speirs continued. "You know what I think? I think that's a complete load of shit, because a lot of the stories I've ever heard about you tend to involve a lot of shouting, some storming around angrily and maybe a few tears. Heck, I've been on the receiving ends of one of those said episodes."
Evelyn grimaced and shifted about uncomfortably under his intense gaze.
"Now that I'm leading Easy permanently, there will be some changes. And as part of these changes, I've decided that unfortunately the ranking of Corporal is no longer appropriate for you anymore."
Evelyn sighed and looked down at the ground. She was getting demoted. Her and her stupid fucking big mouth. Now look where it had gotten her.
"Congratulations Sergeant."
"Excuse me?" she looked up and felt her eyes practically bug out of her head at the same time as her mouth dropped pretty much to the floor.
"No, now that's the face I wish I had a camera for," Speirs grinned. "Good night, Guarnere. Get some rest will you? We're moving out early in the morning."
As he walked away, Evelyn was in shock. She had gone from a T-5 to a T-4 in seconds and she was rather flabbergasted. What the heck did she do to deserve this? She hadn't done anything more than anyone else. Eugene! She needed to find Eugene.
He wasn't difficult to find. There was a small vestry at the back of the church, and they had set up a kind of triage in there. The men had come through the door in dribs and drabs to get various wounds cleaned and looked at before going back out to enjoy the choir. To enjoy just sitting peacefully with their comrades, knowing that they weren't about to be facing barrages at any moment.
When she walked inside the vestry, her breath caught at the sight of Liebgott in the faint candlelight.
"Evelyn," Eugene smiled warmly. "Liebgott here was just helping me to move some of these crates of food. The Nuns have been kind enough to find all kinds for us. The men have eaten but we thought it was probably for the best to hide all the rest in here and then take it with us wherever we go next."
"Good idea," she nodded, although she couldn't have really cared less about the food. Her eyes wouldn't leave Liebgott, just as his eyes hadn't left her since she walked through the door. What had she even come in here for? Oh yeah, her promotion. Yet the elation she felt at that was nothing compared to the way she felt just standing in front of Liebgott. "Gene. Would you leave us alone for a minute?"
Eugene looked between her and Liebgott several times, trying to assess the mood. He wasn't going to leave them at first in case they were about to start arguing. But the way they were staring at one another changed his mind. Barely holding back a smile, he squeezed Evelyn's hand and left, closing the door shut quietly behind himself.
After the almost catastrophe that was Foy, Evelyn could no longer deny how she felt about him. What was the point? Life was too short. If Bastogne had taught her nothing else, it was that. She wanted to tell him everything that was in her heart, but she couldn't. The lump in her throat wouldn't let her. She stepped closer to him until she was so close that she could feel the warmth radiating from him. Her eyes roamed his face, taking in every detail. His lips that were chapped from the cold; the small faint scar above his eyebrow that he said he had got falling off a table as a child; the large scar on his neck from Holland; his eyes. God, those eyes. They met her own and she knew that she was lost to him forever. It was as though Liebgott knew what she was thinking because before she could even make a move, he bent down to her and kissed her so tenderly that she felt like she could have cried. His tongue pushed between her lips, and she opened up to allow him access. Her hands snaked up around his neck, pulling him even closer.
With a growl, he picked her up and lifted her up onto the small table behind him. As he kissed her, his hands were in her hair, all over her, everywhere. When his hands cupped her breasts over her uniform she moaned into his mouth, as her nipples hardened beneath his palms. He squeezed them harder and she pushed herself against him, begging desperately for more.
"Ssh," he whispered, tearing his mouth away from hers. "Baby, you gotta be quiet or they'll hear you out there."
She nodded and grabbed a fistful of his shirt so that she could pull him back to her. Liebgott chuckled at her impatience. His hands swiftly unbuttoned the top of her uniform and slid her arms out, revealing her bare skin and she shivered when it met with the frigid air. She didn't wear a vest like the rest of them. It had been cut off of her in Bastogne when she was wounded, and they had never found a replacement for her. Liebgott stopped kissing her and his hand reached out to touch her shoulder, but he let it drop.
"You think it's ugly?" she felt embarrassed and tried to pull up her top, but he stopped her.
"Nothing about you is ugly," he whispered. He couldn't explain to her how much it hurt him seeing her still healing wound. She was perfect. The mark upon her didn't almost reduce him to tears because it maimed her in any way. It was because it showed how strong she was and how close he could have been to losing her. Leaning down, he gently kissed her there and when he felt her tense up, he kissed her again. And again. And when she finally relaxed, he looked at her and smiled. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. You could have the pox and I would still think that you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
"Yeah right," she snorted as he started nuzzling her neck. But the look in his eyes when he had said it made her believe he was telling the truth. "Lieb? Don't stop."
"I won't," he murmured, rubbing his stubbled face against her neck.
"No, I don't just mean that."
When he stopped and looked up at her, she found herself blushing. She didn't know how to ask without getting flustered. Liebgott smirked when he saw the colour of her face. Her innocence was one of the things he found most endearing about her. He cupped her face in his hands and peered into her eyes.
"Ev, I want to make love to you so much right now," he told her. "But we're in a vestry of a church in the middle of fucking Belgium with our entire company right outside this door. You deserve so much better than that. At one point I might have thought it was alright for us to just grab any moment we could, like back in Mourmelon. But the truth is that I want this to be right. I want it to be special for you. You're never gonna get another first time and I don't want you to regret any single thing about it."
"I won't," she promised.
Liebgott ran his hands through his hair and sighed to himself. Then he bit back a grin because he never thought the day would come when he, Joseph D. Liebgott, would ever turn down the chance to have sex. Especially not with the one person he wanted to have sex with more than anything in the world.
"Why are you laughing?" she frowned. "Is something funny to you?"
"No," he chortled. "I'm just... Look, are you sure about this?"
"Yes," she exclaimed. "But if we're gonna do it then can we kinda hurry up 'cause I'm freezing my tits off here. Literally."
"I think I could fix that," Liebgott's eyes smouldered as the mood grew tense once more.
He grabbed her coat which was hanging off the chair and spread it out on the stone floor. He then grabbed the chair and pushed it up against the handle of the door, wedging it underneath.
"Wouldn't want anyone walking in, would we?" he grinned, as he walked back over and took her hand so he could lead her over to the makeshift blanket on the floor. "Now, where were we?"
"Um, I think we were about here," she smirked, kissing him soundly on the lips. Liebgott murmured something against her lips but she didn't hear it because it came out all muffled, and without warning he pushed her back gently so that she lay on the floor.
He leant over her and tenderly pushed the hair back from her face before bending his face down to her. This kiss was more forceful than the other. It was bruising and dominant. He bit at her lip and she mewed as his mouth travelled down her neck until he reached her breasts. His hot mouth closed over her nipple and she moaned quietly. His tongue flicked over it and she grabbed a fistful of his hair, urging him not to stop. When he lathered the same attention to her other breast, she felt like she couldn't breathe. The pit inside her stomach opened up and all she knew was that she wanted- no, needed-more. Without his mouth leaving her breast, Liebgott's hand snaked down her waist until he reached her trousers. Slipping a hand underneath, he pulled her knickers down, allowing him better access to the place he wanted to be.
He felt her buck underneath him as he ran a finger over her, and he looked up momentarily to see Evelyn with her eyes closed and her mouth parted in ecstasy. He felt himself grow even harder, knowing that was the effect he had on her. It turned him on ridiculously. He wanted to be inside her so much, but he needed to pace himself. Taking a shaky breath, he slowly inserted a finger inside her. She was so wet already, like she was ready for him to take her. But no, he was taking his time. He wasn't going to rush this. Underneath him, Evelyn had flung her arm over her mouth, trying to stifle the moans that she couldn't hold inside. Inserting another finger inside her, he felt her stretch a little more and it nearly tipped him over the edge. Slowly, he began to move his fingers in and out of her, mimicking the love making they were soon to be doing. As he moved his fingers a little faster, Evelyn began to breathe fast and he knew what she wanted. Still moving his fingers inside of her, he rubbed his thumb over the nub between her legs and almost instantly he felt her release.
Without waiting for her tremors to die down, he hurriedly pulled his own uniform down before yanking hers down to her ankles. Sure, it would have been more romantic to remove their boots, but he didn't have the patience or time for that. As he put his throbbing member right against her core, he wanted nothing more than to push inside of her but before he could, he felt her hand reach down tentatively for him. Closing his eyes and biting his lip, he tried to think of anything other than the feel of her hand against his skin. It was too much for him to take, but he knew she was curious and he wasn't going to stop her from touching him the way he'd touched her. He put his hand around hers and showed her how to move it up and down, until she found a rhythm that made him hiss. Her eyes were open as he leant over her still, trying his hardest not to spill himself all over. He had no idea how she knew what she was doing, but it was like instinct had taken over her.
"Fuck stop," he growled and she stopped abruptly.
"Did I hurt you?" she frowned.
"God no," he shook his head, trying to calm himself. "It's just if you don't stop, I'm not gonna have anything else left to give you."
He could tell by the look on her face that she didn't understand what he meant, so he decided the best way would be to show her. He rubbed himself in between her legs, and slowly began to push into her. She was so tight and so wet that he thought he might come undone there and then. It felt like his first sexual encounter all over again. Beneath him, she tensed but he kissed her and rubbed his thumb over her nipple. Subconsciously she opened her legs wider, allowing him to push deeper inside. When he reached the barrier inside her, he pulled back slightly and thrust harder, breaking through it. Evelyn hissed but he quickly began licking at her nipple, hoping she wouldn't feel more than a slight sting.
"Are you alright?" he put his forehead against her once he was seated to the hilt. "Did it hurt?"
"Only a little," she gave him a small smile. She couldn't believe this was actually happening. And neither could he. "So, is that it?"
"No, funny girl," he chuckled. "This was just the beginning. Are you ready for more?"
She nodded and he kissed her once more and began moving slowly inside her. Evelyn shifted about. It didn't hurt having Liebgott inside of her, but it felt almost uncomfortable. He felt so big inside her that it was like she didn't have any room left. The sting from losing her virginity was still present but as he began to move around, she felt something else take its place. It was indescribable. All she knew was that she never wanted it to stop. Her eyes rolled back into her head as waves of pleasure built up inside her. Every so often, there would be a slight bit of pain, but it actually seemed to give her pleasure at the same time. The feeling of their bodies together was like nothing she could have imagined in her wildest dreams. Liebgott's slow and calculated thrusts soon became faster and harder, until she felt him tense and groan quietly. While he was still hard inside her, he used his fingers to manipulate her and soon she joined him in complete and utter bliss.
As the choir sang outside, in each other's arms the horror of Bastogne was forgotten. There was only them.