January 2nd, 1945
Evelyn hissed as her entrenching tool hit a rock beneath the frozen ground, causing a tremor to reverberate up into her still sore shoulder.
"Fuck," she groaned to herself.
Digging foxholes was no fun. Especially not with a bad shoulder. She didn't really know why she was bothering to dig one given that she spent most of her time flitting from one foxhole to another. A bit like a nomad with no permanent abode. But everyone else was digging holes, and her brother had explicitly forbidden her from doing the same. Therefore, the first thing she did when his back was turned was disobey him and start digging just to prove a point that she could. Looked like Bill had gotten the last laugh though because she was in absolute agony. Not that she would ever let him know that. Her surname wasn't Guarnere for nothing.
"Care for a little help?"
"Please," she smiled at Grant who had stopped in front of her, with his shovel slung casually over his shoulder. "Just don't tell Bill yeah?"
"Secret's safe with me," Grant pretended to zip his mouth closed. "Tab, you busy?"
A few foxholes away from theirs, Talbert looked up and frowned.
"Well, let me see Chuck," he stroked his chin pensively, walking towards them. "First of all, I was thinking I might take a nice stroll through the woods and take in the beautiful scenery. If you overlook all the blood, it's actually rather picturesque. Then perhaps I might head to that sweet little restaurant called Domingus' and grab myself a bite of the finest cuisine in the land. And if I'm very lucky then I might find a beautiful young lady to dine with."
"Good, then you can come and help me do this," Grant ignored his friend's theatrics and motioned to Evelyn with his head. "Caught this one trying and failing to dig a hole by herself."
"Why's she even digging one anyway? We all know she comes and steals the warmth from the rest of us anyway."
"I wasn't failing, I was just struggling," Evelyn pouted, planting her entrenching tool firmly in the ground once more before fixing Tab with a pointed look. "And have you thought that she might like somewhere to have a little respite from you guys?"
"Put that down," Grant ordered, chuckling at the pair of them. "Evelyn, you go and sit yourself down there. Me and Tab can do this on our own."
"Yeah, you just sit down and look pretty," Tab winked. "Shouldn't be too difficult for you."
Evelyn snorted. She was filthy rotten, just like the rest of them. Her uniform was covered in dirt and blood. Her hands had a permanent red tinge to them, and they smelt like copper. Almost the kind of copper that she remembered her hands smelling like when she was young and used to help her Mom count the coins in the Christmas savings jar. Her hair was greasy and smelled like sweat and cigarettes. She was rather grateful for the cigarette odour that lingered around her from everyone else because at least it covered up any unsavoury scents she was emitting. Not that she supposed anyone else would have noticed or even cared if she was. It wasn't like they were any cleaner then her. None of them had so much as washed since leaving Mourmelon. The closest Evelyn had even gotten to it was having her shoulder wound cleaned out in Bastogne. Nobody wanted to wash in the Bois Jacques. There were too many barrages to worry about. And it was far too cold. Which also brought about another problem. There was barely enough water for drinking and cooking with, let alone to use for anything else. The temperatures were so cold that most water sources were frozen, and they weren't even able to light a fire to melt the unlimited supplies of ice because then they may as well have just waved a huge sign directing German artillery fire right to them.
"I look like shit, but thanks all the same Tab," she smiled, stretching out her legs and getting comfortable. "Now quit flirting with me and get digging."
"Slave driver."
"I heard that."
... ... ...
Half an hour later, the three of them sat in the foxhole sharing a half cup of coffee as they sighed contentedly. Around them, everyone else was either digging or having a few moments of rest just as they were. In the quiet still of the afternoon, a single gunshot suddenly rang out. Grant, Tab and Evelyn ducked down and glanced at one another. Hands on their weapons, Tab and Grant poised themselves for an incoming attack, while Evelyn swallowed nervously. The Germans didn't usually give prior warning to a shelling. They usually just launched an offensive as a surprise.
"What was that?" Tab asked quietly, daring to peer out from over the top of the foxhole.
"Not sure," Grant shrugged, looking equally as confused. "Sniper maybe?"
"Medic!"
Evelyn was out of the foxhole without so much as a farewell. When she reached the location of the cries, she was shocked to see Donald Hoobler lying on the ground, writhing in agony. He was as white as a sheet. Even his lips were pale. Eugene was already kneeling beside him, ripping open his trouser leg and dealing with the wound.
"Gene, where do you want me?" she asked, pushing through to the front of the small crowd that had gathered.
"Blankets," Eugene said, his scissors in his mouth. "Get him warm. You think it was a German leg, Hoob?"
Hoobler was in so much pain that even if he had heard Eugene's attempt at a joke, he didn't show any reaction to it. He was squirming and groaning. As Buck and Lipton carefully wrapped him up in a spare blanket and a couple of coats, his body began to shake and his teeth chatter. Eugene looked up and met Evelyn's eye, and a silent understanding passed between them. Immediately she began rubbing his arms vigorously, trying to stimulate the blood flow and warmth around him.
It was no use. There was so much blood. Evelyn could see that Eugene was struggling to find the artery. She didn't think she could have done any better. The blood was just pouring out, like the quiet yet rapid bubbling of a stream. Meanwhile, Hoobler was thrashing about frantically. Perco had run off to flag down a jeep. Lipton and Buck were talking to him, trying to reassure him that he was going to be alright. Evelyn continued rubbing his arms, all the while her gaze was fixed on Eugene.
Beneath her arms, she felt Hoobler jerk and then stop moving. She didn't need to look up to know that Hoobler was gone. She didn't want to look up. She didn't want to see another good man dead. But Hoobler deserved that respect. His youthful face, usually so joyful and full of smiles, was pinched and pained. His resting expression a reflection of the unfair and premature death he had suffered. What a cruel waste of young life with so much left to experience. And what an awful way to die. Every death was awful, but there was perhaps almost a comfort for those mothers and fathers back home who knew that their sons' lives were lost fighting for their country. Their deaths had been part of something bigger than themselves. It wasn't much of a consolation, if any at all, but it gave them something to feel proud of. To know that their child hadn't died in vain. But Hoobler had died in vain. He hadn't died in a blaze of glory, but instead by his own carelessness. For as long as anyone could remember, Hoobler had gone on about wanting to get himself a luger. He had finally gotten his wish and it had been the thing to kill him.
"Doc," Compton said. Eugene must have noticed the sudden stillness of his patient, but he continued to work on him. "Doc!"
With a sigh, Eugene threw down the clamps in his hand and sat back on his heels. As Buck covered Hoobler's face, they all looked at one another. They had been through this countless times, yet it never became any easier to deal with. But here on the front line, there was no time to mourn for a dead comrade. One day, the ones who made it out of this war alive would be able to spend the rest of their lives grieving for those friends they had lost, but for now life had to go on.
... ... ...
"He had a luger in his pants," Buck stood over Bill and Babe's foxhole later that evening. He was the one person who seemed to be the most shaken up by Hoobler's untimely death. Everyone knew how Hoobler had died, yet Buck couldn't stop overplaying it in his head and verbalising it for all to hear. He couldn't stop reminding everyone about it. Evelyn, who had sought shelter with her brother for the last hour, had watched him go from foxhole to foxhole until it was finally their turn.
"Jesus," Bill grimaced.
"Dear God. And don't you three do something stupid like that, alright?"
"We'll try not to Buck," Babe promised for them all.
"I mean it," Buck insisted. "And you. Wild Bill. I've invested too much goddamn time shaping you into something useful. You do something crazy and get yourself knocked out of this thing-"
"-I know, I know, you'll kill me," Bill humoured him.
"Even if you're dead, I'll still kill you," Buck chuckled more to himself than anyone else, as he stood up. "I'll see you guys later, all right? I'm gonna check on the other guys."
"Crazy Joe McCloskey," Babe muttered, watching Buck walk to the next foxhole up from them.
"What?" Bill frowned.
"This guy who used to hang out in front of Delancey's and just, you know, stare at people," Babe explained.
"Yeah, I know who crazy Joe is," Bill snapped. "There aint anyone in South Philly who don't know who he is. Our little Evie here was terrified of him for years. Probably still would be if she saw him now."
"Not true," Evelyn scowled at the pair of them.
That was a little bit of a lie. Even at her age the thought of him still gave her the creeps. When she was five, she had gotten lost from her Mom down the road from Delancey's and when she went searching for her, she had gotten her first glimpse of the man they called Crazy Joe. He seemed harmless enough, and from what she knew he had never even attempted to speak to anyone let alone do anything else. But there was a look in his eyes that was haunting. It was like you could see into the man's soul and all that was there was darkness. It was hard to explain. Not the darkness that someone has when they're a bad human being, but the kind that someone has when they have seen too much darkness themselves. The kind someone has when they are broken yet unhinged at the same time. When she was older, one of her brother's had told her that he was mustard gassed during the Great war and had never been the same since. She supposed it was kind of sad really. But no matter how sorry she felt for the man, she couldn't help the shiver that crept down her spine when she had caught his piercing green eyes watching her.
"Anyway, what's crazy Joe got to do with anything?" Bill asked.
"Buck kinda reminds me of him now," Babe shrugged.
"What?"
"You know, ever since he got shot in Holland," Babe explained.
"Wait, wait, wait," Bill narrowed his eyes. "What are you saying, he's nuts? Because Crazy Joe McCloskey was fucking nuts, Babe. That's why they called him crazy Joe!"
"No, I'm not saying he's nuts," Babe tried to answer diplomatically, clearly flustered under Bill's intense frown. "I'm just saying-"
"What? What are you saying?"
"Forget it," Babe shook his head.
"What?" Bill pushed.
"Forget it! Oh come on Bill, you've seen him," Babe blurted out, quickly lowering his voice in case Buck heard them talking about him. "He's- he's all wound up like a spring."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's fine," Bill answered. "You don't agree with this schmuck do you, Evie?"
"He kinda has a point," Evelyn admitted. "Buck aint his usual self."
Since getting wounded in Holland, there had always been something a little off with Buck but not so much that anyone would worry about it overly. It was hard to describe, but every now and then he just seemed to go inside himself and become sort of spaced out. Eugene had mentioned it to Evelyn a few times, but she hadn't really thought it was much to be concerned about. He was still a very competent and able leader, and the men weren't in danger with him around, therefore she had always shrugged and told Eugene not to worry so much. But now, as she sat in the foxhole with her brother and Babe, she thought that maybe Eugene did have a point.
"It wasn't getting shot that got him, it was that hospital. I've been there, okay? It ain't pretty. You're a medic, Ev. You should know what I'm talking about. It's like hell on earth. I saw things in there that I never wanna see again as long as I live. Men with body parts missing, faces burnt to a crisp. The smell of blood lingers in the air and the wails of men go on long into the night. Young men, old men. Some crying out for their wives, most for their mothers. It's indescribable. You can't spend time there without it imprinting itself on your brain."
Evelyn listened to Bill's impassioned speech and felt a great degree of sympathy for him. He never really spoke about his time in the hospital, but apparently it had affected him greatly. That was the problem with Bill though. He very much believed that men should be strong in every sense of the word. A physical ailment was bad enough but to admit any emotional one was something a man never did.
"Besides, you saw, once he was up and around, he was his old self again," Bill said, completely in denial. "I'm telling you, Buck Compton's fine. I'm serious. You two got that?"
"Sure thing Bill," Babe replied. Evelyn nodded. She knew one thing for certain, Buck Compton definitely was not fine.
"Now that we've got that settled, I'm off to take a leak," Bill decided. "And when I come back, any and all talk of Buck being crazy will be finished."
"Hey," Babe smiled widely, the second Bill was out of sight.
Evelyn looked behind her and then realised that he was actually talking to her. "Uh, hi," she frowned.
"You look nice," Babe shuffled closer to her.
"I do?" Evelyn looked down at herself as though her uniform had magically turned into a pretty dress. No, still the same khaki OD's as Babe himself had on.
"Uh huh," Babe nodded, cupping her cheek. "I think you look nice all the time."
"Thanks," she said, glancing down at the floor uncomfortably.
Peering around quickly to make sure there was nobody around, Babe leaned forward and pressed his lips to Evelyn's.
"What are you doing?" she quickly pulled back in shock.
"Kissing you," Babe grinned. "I've been wanting to do that for the past two days."
"Well somebody coulda seen," she hissed. "Bill coulda seen. Are you absolutely crazy?"
That wasn't the real reason she was so perturbed though. The truth was that she had no idea what to do about this whole situation with Babe. After their first kiss on New Year's Eve, she had been mercifully released without the need for discussion when the Luftwaffe had begun an assault. Evelyn had immediately run off towards camp followed hot on her heels by Babe. Since then, they hadn't had a moment alone to discuss what happened between them. The thing was, what were they supposed to say? Judging by Babe's behaviour right now, he thought... Well, she wasn't actually sure what he thought. But she didn't want to ask him because then he might ask her how she felt, which would open up a whole other can of worms that she just wasn't ready to deal with yet. She had no inclination to lead Babe on and make him think that she wanted something out of this. She couldn't do that to Babe. Not when her heart still craved someone else. Babe was her friend and he deserved a lot more. But a selfish part of her didn't want to deny Babe for the simple fact that one day when she finally (she hoped) got over Liebgott, she didn't want to have wasted what could have been a good opportunity with someone else. But even as she thought that, she didn't ever think that she could feel for Babe the way she felt for Liebgott. Sure, Babe would treat her well and her brother liked him, but that wasn't enough. She thought him to be very handsome, but he didn't make her heart pound and that pit in her stomach open up. It wouldn't be fair to make Babe think there was a chance when she was really just keeping him as a backup. But how could she tell him that without hurting his feelings or ruining their friendship? Then again, had she already ruined their friendship by allowing him to kiss her that night?
"You're right," Babe looked remorseful. "Sorry Ev."
"Don't be," she sighed, realising she had spoken to him a little harshly. The hurt look on his face was something she couldn't stand to see. "I'm just tired and being cranky as usual."
"Why don't you come rest your head here and get some shut eye?" Babe patted his shoulder.
"As tempting as that sounds, I'd better go and check on everyone," she decided. This way she could avoid Babe while she decided what she was going to do, and she didn't have to make up a lame excuse. He couldn't exactly say anything about her going to do her job. "Spina did it last time, and with me being gone for a week, he and Eugene have had to work extra hard. So it's nice time I let them have some rest."
"You're always thinking of everyone else, aint you?" Babe smiled at her. "You're probably the nicest person I know. You always care so much about everybody else."
She gave him a wobbly small back, feeling like a fraud right at that moment. She couldn't have possibly felt any more of the opposite to what Babe was saying if she tried. There he was staring at her like she was the very definition of selfless and perfect, when in reality she was selfish and thinking only of herself.
"I think that's one of the things I like so much about you," he said sincerely.
"You like more than one thing about Ev?" Bill interrupted, sliding back in the foxhole with a grin. "I struggle to find even one thing."
"Very funny," Evelyn stuck her tongue out on him. "And on that lovely warming note, I'll see you guys later."
... ... ...
3rd January, 1945
The night seemed to fly by. By the time the sun was coming up, Evelyn realised she had been walking around checking on everyone for hours. Funny how fast time could go when a person was lost in their own thoughts, wasn't it? One would hope that after so much time to think, a person would have come up with a resolution to their problem. But that wasn't the case. However, one conclusion Evelyn had come to was that there was one man in Easy who had a relationship back home that most people would hope to have one day. Therefore, he was just the person she needed to speak with.
"Evelina, to what do we owe this pleasure?" George asked as she slithered into the foxhole between him, Malarkey, Penkala and Skip.
"Getting fed up of Bill and Babe's ugly mugs and decided you wanna be surrounded by some good looking men?" Alex Penkala grinned.
"Show me where they are and I'll gladly seek them out," Evelyn smirked. "I've been walking around all night and I've yet to find any."
"Ooh that stings a bit," Penkala hissed. "George, how are you best friends with this woman? She's got a tongue like a viper."
"That's what I love about her most," George put his arm around her and pulled her into his side with a grin. But he pulled Evelyn so hard that she ended up with her nose right in his armpit
"Get off me, you stink," Evelyn grimaced, pretending to gag.
"Listen sweet cheeks, you don't smell too peachy yourself," George answered and puffed out his chest. "Anyway, you're just not used to smelling the odour of a real man."
"Is that what you call it?" she muttered.
"So, have you come here just to offend us or did you actually want something?" Malarkey asked.
"Well, I actually came to speak to Skip," she answered. "I need some advice."
"Uh hang on just one minute young lady," George almost choked on the cigarette he was lighting. "You need advice and you decide to completely bypass your best friend in place of this sappy snickerdoodle?"
"Yeah," Evelyn felt herself getting irritated with George but having know idea why.
"Can't pretend that I'm not a little offended," George pretended to sob.
"Oh for crying out loud George," Evelyn suddenly yelled in complete exasperation. "Do you have to make everything a joke? Some things are not jokes and need serious answers, which is precisely why I didn't come searching you out."
"I didn't realise-" George opened his mouth to defend himself when Evelyn jumped up and continued with her rant, her fists clenched at her sides.
"-No of course you didn't! 'Cause you never let anyone finish speaking before you open that mouth of yours and try to be funny. Sometimes people don't need to be around funny! Sometimes people just need serious conversations about serious things!"
As Evelyn ran off with something between a growl and sob, the four men looked at one another and each let out a breath.
"What the hell was that all about?" Malarkey asked.
"Beats me," Penkala shook his head and lit a cigarette. "I think we can safely ascertain that George has pissed her off. Not that it takes much."
"Shut up Penk," George snapped. He really for the life of him had no idea what he had done or said to make Evelyn fly off the handle at him the way she had. "I best go and try and fix whatever mess I've managed to get myself into this time."
"No, you just stay there," Skip put a hand on his arm to stop him. "I'll go. She's mad right now, and probably needs to calm down. She came here to speak to me, so it's me that'll go and find her."
"Alright," George sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Will you make sure she knows that I didn't mean to upset her?"
"It'll be fine, George," Skip patted him on the shoulder. "I have a sneaking suspicion that whatever that was all about, wasn't actually all about you. Unfortunately, my friend, I think you were just the one who tipped her over the edge. Leave it with me and I'll sort it out."
"Thanks Skip."
... ... ...
Evelyn wasn't difficult to find. The small footsteps in the snow led a trail right to her on the far edge of the clearing, away from anyone else.
"Does George hate me now?" she asked, without evening looking up.
"I doubt that you could ever do anything to make Luz hate you," Skip smiled warmly. "He'd sooner cut off his arm than not have you in his life."
"Yeah but I just yelled at him in front of you all for no reason," she said, feeling like the worst human alive. How could she have been so horrible to George? He hadn't even done anything. She didn't blame him if he never wanted to speak to her ever again. "You must all think I'm such a bitch."
"Evelyn, we've spent over two years with you," Skip looked at her. "We've known that for a long time."
"Shut up," Evelyn let out a small laugh at Skip's obvious teasing. She nudged him with her elbow and he nudged her back.
"So do you wanna tell me what's wrong with you? And don't say 'nothing', because nothing makes someone behave like that. And nothing makes someone seek out a fountain of wisdom like myself."
"God you're as bad as George," Evelyn rolled her eyes playfully.
"Don't try and distract me either," Skip was firm. "I think you need to tell me whatever it is that's bothering you and then we can try and fix it."
"Skip, how do you feel when you look at Faye?"
"What?" Skip frowned, confused. "That's what you came over there to ask me?"
"No," Evelyn shook her head quickly. "Kind of. Look, it sounds weird, but can you just answer the question?"
"I guess," Skip shrugged. Women really were strange creatures. They made no sense whatsoever.
"Please Skip."
"Well, I don't really know what to say," Skip answered feeling suddenly a little shy. Usually, he had no problem in talking openly about his feelings towards Faye but for some reason in that moment he felt self conscious. "When I look at her, I see the most beautiful human being that God has ever created and put on earth. She's funny and sweet and gentle, but she also has a foul temper if you get on the wrong side of her. But even when she's angry with me, her nose kind of scrunches up and it's adorable. Then she gets more annoyed with me because I'm too busy telling her how adorable she is instead of listening to why she's angry with me in the first place. When I look at her, I see everything I ever want in life. I see three or four kids; a house with a white picket fence. Maybe a dog or a cat. Perhaps both. I see a home filled with laughter and love. I see us growing old together and having all of our children and grandchildren around for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I see us dancing around the living room when we're grey and our joints pop and creak. I see me and her forever."
"She's a lucky woman, Skip Muck," Evelyn smiled. The wistful look Skip got on his face whenever he spoke of his beloved Faye was the sweetest thing. It was how every girl dreamed of being looked at by a man. "Can I ask you one more thing? Have you ever, or would you ever, say something horrible to Faye that you didn't really mean at the time?"
"Kinda like you just did to George?"
"Kind of but no," Evelyn was having a hard time explaining. "Like, you really love Faye. Not like friends but as a lot more. Knowing that she loves you too and wants to share all of the things in life that you do, would you ever behave a certain way that was so horrible... like would you say... I, uh..."
"Take a breather eh?" Skip patted her hand, seeing that she was struggling to get her words out. "Let me ask you one thing now. Are we talking about Liebgott here? You can talk to me and you know I won't say anything to anyone. Not even to George if he asks. But look at the state of you. It seems like you need to talk to someone."
"I do," she said, biting on her lip so she wouldn't cry. "I'm not really sure where to begin."
"The beginning is usually a good place," Skip encouraged gently.
"You spend too much time with George," she tittered. Taking a deep breath, she began. "So Liebgott and I, back in Holland, we had a bit of a thing going on. It started after him and Babe had that fight when we were in the barn with the Red Devils."
"The one about Babe getting you drunk?"
"Yeah," she nodded. "So, uh, we kissed. Well, we actually kissed in London too on my birthday but we just kinda chose to ignore that. Then when we were back in Mourmelon, we were kinda sneaking around trying to catch a moment alone together. I feel so embarrassed telling you this but the way he made me feel was like I was walking on clouds. I'm not the kind of girl to sleep around or anything. The first kiss Lieb and I shared was my first one ever, so that should give you some clue of the kind of girl I am."
"Ev, get to the point," Skip smirked.
"Sorry," she gave him a lopsided smile. "Anyway, the way I feel, felt, about Lieb just made me realise that I wanted things with us to be, uh... we wanted to...well you know what I mean, right?"
Skip nodded, looking slightly uncomfortable at the turn in the conversation. But now Evelyn was feeling just as uncomfortable and she had gotten this far so there was no point in turning back now.
"So, uh, we'd worked out that every afternoon, the barracks were empty for about half an hour and we could be alone. Oh god, that sounds terrible doesn't it? I don't mean we worked it out because we were sex starved humans who were desperate to get it together. It was more that we just wanted to spend time alone where we could talk about anything and everything, and we could hold hands and kiss like normal couples do. We could talk about how we felt for each other and not have to whisper it when no one was looking. We made a point of only spending that time together once a week so that it didn't arouse suspicion with any of you," she explained. "Anyway, after everything we'd been through already and the amount of friends we'd watched die, I didn't wanna go back onto the front lines never having experienced that. You know what I mean right? That?"
"Yeah, I know what that is," Skip chuckled, despite his unease at the turn of conversation.
"Anyway, well just before that happened, Bill burst in. It was awful. He and Liebgott had the most terrible fight. Babe and Toye had to drag Bill away. I thought he was gonna kill Lieb. And then Bill said the worst things to me. He called me a whore and all kinds."
Skip was shocked. Everyone knew Bill had a foul temper, and as someone who had a younger sister himself, Skip probably would have reacted in a similar fashion. The thought of anyone compromising one's sister was enough to send a man stir crazy. But on the same hand, everyone knew that Evelyn wasn't someone who was made of loose morals, and it was unthinkable that her brother would call her such awful things.
"I fell out with Bill- not like there's anything unusual about that- and later that night, Liebgott came to find me on the ward. I told him that I didn't care about Bill and that I still wanted to be with him. What an idiot I was, huh?" she let out a small condescending laugh. Her bottom lip began to wobble and Skip patted her shoulder reassuringly. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "He told me that he didn't have any feelings for me whatsoever and that he had been using me to try and get one thing only. One thing that I very nearly gave him."
Skip was dumbfounded. He didn't think himself naïve or stupid in any sense of the word. In fact, he thought that he was a rather good judge of character. He was a people watcher- always had been- and he had seen the little glances Liebgott and Evelyn had passed over the last two years. It had been pretty much obvious from day one that there was interest there. Joseph Liebgott liked to put on a very indifferent front, but the way he was around Evelyn was out of character for him. Or was it just that when he was with her, he was showing his true character? But then the things that Evelyn was telling him sounded harsh even for Liebgott.
"So that's the real reason you two barely talk now? Not because he had a disagreement with Bill and you took your brother's side for once?"
"Uh-huh," she nodded. "And do you know what the worst thing is? I miss him. Not just in a romantic sense but as a friend. But how can I forgive him? I feel like he took my heart and stomped all over it. I want to hate him, but all I can think about is the way he smiles and the way my stomach still does this little leap whenever I see him. I'm pathetic."
"You're not pathetic," Skip really felt for her. She looked so lost and little. Not like the strong girl he was used to seeing. "You put your trust in someone, who by all accounts you had every right to trust, and just because he's hurt you doesn't mean that you aren't still gonna have feelings for him. When you have those kinds of feelings for a person, they don't just disappear overnight. It's a grieving process. It takes time."
"How much time?" Evelyn asked, desperate for answers.
"If I knew that then I would be a rich man indeed," Skip answered. "But I do know that the deeper you feel for someone, the longer it takes. You could always do what Penk swears by and find someone else? Apparently a rebound sometimes helps."
Evelyn looked away, her face reddening.
"You got something else you perhaps want to tell me?" Skip narrowed his eyes at her.
"I kissed Babe," she grimaced. "Oh God, please don't think bad of me. I kissed him on New Year's Eve. Well, he kissed me, and I kind of just went along with it. I don't know why. I only let him kiss me because for that moment it took my mind off of Liebgott. But now, all I can think about is how much Babe isn't Liebgott. I've really messed things up now because Babe seems to think that we're a thing. Or at least I get the impression he does but I daren't let myself be alone with him to find out because I don't want him getting the wrong idea. But then the thing is, I need to tell him that I don't want anything to be going on between us. But how do I do that without offending him? Like there's nothing wrong with guy. He's handsome enough and he's sweet but he aint Liebgott. He doesn't make me feel the way Liebgott does. I'm just so confused, Skip. Everything is just getting too complicated."
"You really in quite the pickle, huh?" Skip lit a cigarette and offered it to her.
"You're telling me," Evelyn muttered, shaking her head. "What am I gonna do Skip?"
"Well, the first thing you need to do is tell Babe how you feel," Skip decided sensibly.
"But how? I don't want to upset him," she answered.
"That's just a risk you're gonna have to take. If anything, you have more of a chance of upsetting him by letting him think that something more could happen. If you really care about him as a friend then you'll do the right thing by him. And from what little I know of Heffron, I would take a stab in the dark that he would rather have you as a friend than nothing at all. And besides, if he was to fall out with you, he would have a damned hard time explaining it to Bill."
Evelyn grinned. That was the truth.
"Why don't we go and get some breakfast? You might feel a little better after you've had something to eat and then you can think some more about what we've been talking about?"
"Ok," Evelyn agreed. "One condition though? Can we try and avoid that stupid cameraman who was floating about before? I cannot be doing with some chump asking me for the hundredth time how it feels to be the only the female in the Airborne? Or making some stupid sexist remark that'll make me wanna smack him in the face."
"Deal," Skip smirked, holding out his arm.
... ... ...
"What the heck are you doing back here with your arm looking like that?" Evelyn raised an eyebrow at Toye when they arrived at the breakfast queue.
Joe Toye had been caught by a piece of mortar shell in the arm not long after midnight on New Year's and had been sent straight to the aid station. There was no way he should be back already really.
"Nice to see you too," he smirked, ruffling her hair affectionately with his good arm.
"Hey Joe Toye," Skip smiled. "Back for more."
"All right Joe?" Penkala smiled.
"Yeah, doing pretty good," Toye nodded. "Escaped from the aid station."
"By all rights, I should march you right back there," Evelyn told him curtly.
"Evelyn Guarnere, the day you actually follow your own advice is the day I'll follow it too," Toye chortled.
"Fair point," she conceded.
"Where'd you get hit?" the replacement behind Johnny Martin asked.
"Who's that?" Toye frowned.
"It's Webb," Martin replied. "Replacement."
"Thought it was some guy I've known for years and forgot," Toye snorted.
"Joe got hit in the arm," Penkala said. "New Year's Eve gift from the Luftwaffe."
"Lot of you guys been injured?" Webb asked. Replacements were always the same. Eager to know how many people had been hit; how many people everyone had killed; had they seen much action.
"It's called wounded, peanut," Martin smirked. "Injured is when you fall out of a tree or something."
"There's enough crap flying around here, you're bound to get dinged sometime," Skip grinned, taking his bowl of food. "Almost every single one of these guys, and girl, have been hit at least once. Except Alley. He's a two timer. He landed on broken glass in Normandy and got peppered by a potato masher in Holland. Now Bull, he got a piece of exploding tank shell in Holland. A shell exploded in front of Evelyn, sending her flying into a tree and smashing her shoulder only a week or so ago." Webb's eyes almost bugged out of his head when he realised that there was a woman standing around in a uniform. He wasn't very observant, given that he hadn't noticed her before. Or perhaps she was turning more masculine the more time she spent with men? Bill glared at Webb, who quickly averted his gaze. Evelyn caught Martin's eyes and they exchanged an amused smile. "And George Luz here has never been hit. You're one lucky bastard."
"Takes one to know one," George grinned, being careful to avoid so much as looking in Evelyn's direction from where he sat.
"Consider us blessed," Skip shrugged. "Now Liebgott. That skinny little guy got pinked in the neck in Holland. And right next to him, that other skinny little guy, that's Popeye. He got shot in his scrawny little butt in Normandy. And Buck got shot in his rather large butt in Holland."
They all laughed as Buck lifted up the back of his tunic so he could point at the once wounded area. Webb swallowed nervously, upon hearing just how many of them had been wounded in combat.
"Kind of an Easy company tradition, getting shot in the ass," Penkala interjected.
"Even First Sergeant Lipton. He got a couple pieces of tank shell burst in Carentan. One chunk in his face. Another chunk almost took out his nuts."
"How are those nuts, Sarge?" Bill asked, shovelling food into his mouth.
"Doing fine, Bill," Lipton answered almost uncomfortably. "Nice of you to ask."
"This seat taken?" Evelyn headed over towards the log that George was sitting on.
"Depends," George shrugged. "Am I at risk of getting my head bitten off if you sit next to me?"
"Sorry," she smiled sheepishly, squishing herself in between him and Penkala.
"What's she done now?" Bill asked. Evelyn rolled her eyes. His ears always seemed to be attuned to every conversation she ever had with anyone.
"Just being her usual delightful self," George answered with a smirk.
"Put her over your knee and give her a good smack," Bill joked, and the men whooped and hollered in delight.
"I hate you all," Evelyn sulked, her cheeks turning red. It didn't matter how long she had been around them all. She still got embarrassed easily. "I came over here to apologise, George, but if you don't wanna accept it then fine."
"Calm down drama queen," George chuckled, pulling her into his side, and kissing the top of her head. "Of course I accept your apology. I love you, you dolt."
"Love you too," she mumbled, smiling contentedly.
"Are they a thing?" she heard Webb whispering loudly to Johnny.
"He wishes," Martin snorted. "He'd have more chance of getting Marlene Dietrich to be his girlfriend than Evelyn."
"I heard that," George threw a small handful of snow at Martin, hitting him right in the face with it.
Everyone stopped what they were doing. Johnny Martin did not look impressed. Then again, he didn't often look impressed. He just had one of those faces that tended to look annoyed. With a scowl he wiped the remnants of snow from his face and bent down to pick up a handful himself. Packing it into a tight ball, George began chuckling and holding up his arms in surrender.
"Oh come on, Johnny," he said. "It was just a little bit of fun. Not my problem if you can't take a joke."
"I can take a joke alright," Martin grinned menacingly. "But you know what they say about revenge being sweet."
"That it's sweeter if you don't do it?" George answered.
By now, everyone had begun to shift away from George; Evelyn included. But George quickly grabbed her and dived behind her, using her for cover.
"Save me," he whispered theatrically.
"Not a chance," Evelyn shook her head, trying her best to untangle George's arms from around her waist while at the same time not trying to spill any of her breakfast. This was just about the only meal they got all day and she wasn't going to waste it. No way in hell. "George, get off I'm eating."
"When aren't you?" George joked. "Alright, alright I'm just kidding. It's wonderful that you have such a healthy appetite. Now would you use that fat ass of yours to guard me from Martin, please?"
"Good going, George," Penkala shook his head and smirked. "Offending people is often the best way to get them to help you."
Reluctantly, she put her bowl down on the floor. Had she not cared so much about every precious mouthful in that bowl, she would have slammed it to the floor angrily. As she bent down, George made the clever decision to lie down low so that the log protected most of him from Martin's view. Martin, who was still standing with a snowball in his hand. It was a wonder that he could stand so still with a great big ball of ice in his hand without flinching. Then again, he was one of the few that was wearing gloves, so that afforded him a few more minutes. With George's view obscured, Evelyn took the opportunity to scoop up a handful of snow herself once she had set her bowl down. With a grin at Martin, she quickly leaned behind the log and shoved the snow right down the back of George's uniform where he jumped up with a yelp.
"Fuck!" he exclaimed, dancing about to try and get the snow out of his uniform. He picked up a big handful of snow and launched it at Evelyn, but she side stepped it just in time. Bull wasn't so lucky. George swallowed nervously. He'd really done it now.
"This is war," Bull smirked.
Before they knew it, chaos erupted and balls of snow and ice were flying around in any and every direction. Everyone was throwing them at whoever they were nearest to. Bull and Martin, however, were still using George for target practice and unsurprisingly their aim was true. A snowball hit Evelyn right in the back of the head and she yelped as the freezing cold matter burned through her thick hair and onto her scalp. Grabbing some snow, she turned around and launched a snowball in the direction of the one that attacked her. Only, to her dismay- and everyone else's amusement and delight- she hadn't noticed Lieutenant Dike standing only metres behind her. When the snowball hit him squarely in the side of the head, he looked far from amused.
"Shit! I mean shoot. I'm so sorry, Sir. I didn't see you there," Evelyn apologised, running forwards and wiping some of the snow from Dike's shoulders.
"Get off," Dike growled, impatiently batting her hands away. "What on earth do you think you're doing out here? This isn't a playground."
"I know that Sir, it was just an accident," she grimaced.
"A snowball just accidently appeared in your hand and flew through the air towards my head?" Dike raised a disbelieving eyebrow.
"I-" Evelyn opened her mouth to speak but nothing more than a creak came out. Dike's face was red with anger and she knew that without a doubt she was in a great deal of trouble.
"This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from my men," Dike eyeballed them all. "And this is precisely why I don't want you in my company. You're a bad influence."
"With all due respect, Sir," Johnny Martin interjected. "Corporal Guarnere didn't instigate the snow fight. It was myself."
"And me, Sir," George added.
Evelyn smiled at them both gratefully.
"But it was neither of you two who assaulted me, was it?" Dike would not be dissuaded. Evelyn had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. Assault? That was just a tad dramatic, wasn't it? "I'm sorry, Miss Guarnere, but I cannot accept this behaviour in my company. You will accompany me immediately to Captain Winters. Let's see what he has to say about this."
"Sir, I don't really think-" Compton spoke up. Dike quickly silenced him with a raised hand.
"Your chivalry towards your comrade is applaudable, but I am in charge and my decision is final."
"Yes Sir," Compton nodded, although his jaw was clenched in annoyance.
As Evelyn reluctantly followed Dike out of camp, her eyes met with her brother's. His hands were clenched at his sides and Evelyn smiled at him reassuringly. Joe Toye had a hand on his arm and was whispering soothingly to him. Despite Toye's calming presence, Bill still looked ready to murder someone. Hopefully Joe Toye could keep him under control until she returned. If she returned.
... ... ...
Standing to attention in front of Captains Winters and Nixon, Evelyn felt like she was back in school as she listened to Dike vent his frustrations about her to their superiors. He harped on for well over ten minutes, listing every reason as to why she should no longer be a part of Easy. Some of the reasons were absolutely ludicrous. Apparently if the Germans were using dogs to sniff out the enemy, she would give them all away because her scent was different to everyone else's. Then there was the suggestion that the higher pitched tone of voice she had could make her easier to hear amongst the Germans, which put them all in danger. If she wasn't already in enough trouble, she would have snorted at the ridiculousness of it all.
Meanwhile, Captain Winters sat on a wooden crate, looking as though he was frozen to the spot. He was shivering and his teeth were chattering. Aside from that, it was hard to tell what he was thinking about the situation. He looked to be almost bored by Dike's rant but she couldn't be entirely sure. Winters tended to keep his face impassive at any situation. It was fortunate that he had never been one to indulge in a game of poker with the rest of the men because he would have undoubtedly won every single one just because of how straight faced he managed to remain in all situations.
"Thank you, Lieutenant," Winters spoke once Dike had finally finished talking. "You can continue with your duties and leave me to speak with Corporal Guarnere."
"Of course, Sir," Dike nodded curtly, giving Evelyn a triumphant look on his way out of the tent.
Once the sound of Dike's footsteps crunching in the snow had disappeared, Evelyn took a deep breath and waited for Winters to begin berating her. Her heart thudded in her chest and if her hands hadn't been freezing cold, she was sure her palms would have been dripping with sweat.
"You do realise assaulting a superior is a very serious crime?" Winters finally spoke.
"I do, Sir," she nodded, her voice trembling a little. "But as I tried to explain to Lieutenant Dike, it was an accident. I wasn't purposefully aimin' for him."
"Who were you aiming for then?"
"Well I ain't exactly sure, Sir," she answered honestly. "Someone threw a snowball at the back of my head- I'm not sure who it was. But I just threw one back in that direction, hoping it would hit whoever it was. Only I had the misfortune of hitting Lieutenant Dike by accident."
"I see," Winters answered, the corners of his lips twitching slightly. "May I ask why on earth there were snowballs flying around in the first place?"
"Well, we were all kinda having a snowball fight," she murmured, lowering her eyes with shame.
It was pretty embarrassing to admit that a bunch of grown ups- not to mention paratroopers- were caught behaving like children in a school yard. The thing was that in those few moments, the world had almost stopped turning. There was no war, no Germans, no death, no lack of food or winter clothing. Instead there was just a group of friends who had allowed themselves to feel a few minutes of light hearted joy. Something that wasn't easy to find in the middle of a war.
"A snowball fight?" Winters raised an eyebrow.
"Yes Sir."
"I'm sorry Dick, I can't take this anymore," Nixon suddenly burst out laughing.
So far, he had sat in the corner, quietly observing the chatter before him. He had listened to Dike prattle on about something that most other leaders would have probably either made a bit of fun out of, or just given their 'attacker' a terrible punishment of latrine duty or something equally as questionable. The man had absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever, and worse, he was an appalling leader. Appalling was actually rather an understatement. He was abominable.
Evelyn looked at Nixon like he had gone stark raving mad. Here she was waiting for her telling off and he was laughing like a maniac. She frowned at Winters, who could no longer hold back his own mirth and allowed his face to crack into a wide smile.
"I'd suggest you avoid Lieutenant Dike for the rest of the day," he said.
"Excuse me?" she wasn't sure she heard him correctly. "I'm not sure I understand. Am I not in trouble?"
"You're not," Winters confirmed.
"But what about all those things that Lieutenant Dike just said?" she questioned. "The assault?"
"Assault," Nixon grinned. "That man wouldn't know an assault if it bit him on the-"
"- I think what Captain Nixon is trying to say..." Winter shot him a reproachful look. "...is that we understand things just got a little out of hand, and that unfortunately for you, you accidentally managed to catch Lieutenant Dike. And as for the other things he had to say. Well, perhaps when Lieutenant Dike is around you could try and speak an octave or two lower? And as for the smell? When we get out of here, you'll have to start using the same cologne as the men."
Evelyn grinned. They all got the impression that Captain Winters didn't think too highly of Easy's CO, and perhaps his dry wit was the only confirmation that she was going to receive. But it was enough.
"Now get out of here," Winters told her. "Unless you'd rather I actually find some kind of punishment for you, Corporal?"
"No thanks," she smirked, heading out of the tent.
"Oh and Evelyn?" Winters called after her. "Try and keep out of trouble."
"I can't promise anything, Sir."
... ... ...
Later that afternoon, Easy company was moved to their former position overlooking the town of Foy.
"If Dike shoots you one more of those looks, I'm gonna punch him in the fucking face," Bill snarled angrily, as they walk through the woods.
"No you're not," Evelyn tutted and rolled her eyes. "Just ignore him. He's only pissed off because Winters didn't take his complaint seriously."
"The guy's a schmuck. I still can't believe he thought that he could get you done for assault. Fucking dumbass. I don't know why Winters doesn't just get rid of him."
"And just how do you propose he does that?" Evelyn frowned. "Without a valid reason, he can't exactly just march up to Colonel Sink and tell him that he's getting rid of Dike, can he?"
"He's got plenty of fuckin' reasons," Bill scowled. "And he could always pull a Sobel and make a few more up."
"This is Winters we're talking about," Evelyn reasoned with him. "He plays by the rules. We can cope with Dike if we have to. There's enough of you NCOs to steer him in the right direction. Winters probably thinks the same way. If you look at it, Dike's merely the puppet and you guys are the strings that move him."
"Well what happens when those strings break, eh?" Bill wriggled his eyebrows.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me! Someone's gonna die. Someone's gonna fucking die!" Joe Toye suddenly growled, preventing Evelyn from replying to her brother. "Guarno, look at this shit! One of those 1st Battalion fuckers took a dump in my foxhole."
Evelyn grimaced. That is the most disgusting thing ever.
"Think they shit in everyone's foxholes, Joe," Bill answered casually. Evelyn looked at him strangely. His flippant reply was as though Toye had just said that there were fluffy little kittens in his foxhole. "I don't think they wanted to spend much time above ground."
Glancing around, Evelyn couldn't say she was surprised. All around them were pieces of exploded tree, and the ground was stained with blood that had become frozen over. By one of the foxholes they walked past, there were the remnants of what looked to be someone's arm. Or maybe a leg? It was difficult to tell. Once upon a time her stomach would have lurched viciously at such a sight, but now it had become practically normal. She felt as though she was slowly becoming as frozen as the snow beneath her feet. In some ways it was for the best though.
... ... ...
Later that afternoon, once the men were all settled, the three medics had gathered in a little huddle to assess their situation with supplies.
"I'm out of everything again,'' Spina complained. Opening up her satchel, Evelyn rifled around to see what she could spare. Which wasn't very much at all. She tossed Spina a bandage.
"Sorry, that's pretty much all I can give you," she apologised. "I'll head on back this evening and see if Lieutenant Speirs will take pity on me again."
"Just flutter your eyelashes and I'm sure he'll oblige," Spina chuckled.
"Not sure that Speirs is the kind of man who reacts to the flutter of lashes, Ralph," Evelyn smirked.
"Every guy reacts to the flutter of lashes, ain't that right Gene?"
Eugene was staring off into space, devoid of any emotion.
"Gene?" Spina tapped him on the shoulder. Eugene blinked. And again. His eyes seemed to clear and he was suddenly back with them. "Did you hear me?"
"Huh? Oh no, sorry," Eugene apologised. "I was in a world of my own."
"Yeah we noticed," Spina chuckled. "I hope that wherever you were it was better than here."
"He was probably back home on that Bayou," Evelyn teased. There was no reaction from Gene at all. Usually he would have at least smiled. But no. Nothing. "Eugene, are you alright?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
Spina and Evelyn looked at each other worriedly. Eugene seemed to go through these funny phases. He just seemed to go even further inside himself. He would distance himself. Even from Evelyn. There was nothing anyone could do or say to bring him back out. Time was the only thing that usually helped.
"I'm just gonna go for a piss," Spina announced.
"Catch you later Ralph," Evelyn said. She looked at Eugene once more. It was pointless to try and get any kind of conversation out of him when he was like this, but it wasn't in her nature to not try anyway. "Talk to me Eugene."
"There's nothing to say," he mumbled, playing with a loose strand of thread from his uniform.
"This is me you're lying to," she took hold of his hands and peered into his eyes. "Let me help you. Please. I'm your friend."
"I'm just tired, Ev," he looked down, unable or unwilling to look her in the eye.
"We're all tired," she answered sympathetically. And it was the truth. They were all emotionally and physically exhausted. Every single one of them. "Unfortunately for us, we're medics. We have to be the ones that pretend to be doing ok even when we're not."
"I know," Eugene sighed wearily. "But I just don't know if I can do it anymore."
"Of course you can," she squeezed his hands tight. "You're Eugene Roe. If anyone can do it, you can."
"You make it sound as though I'm some kind of saint."
"Saint Eugene," she smirked in her best attempt at a french accent. "I think it kinda has a ring to it. Seriously Gene, you're everything that I aspire to be here. You're strong, dependable, calm and soothing. Almost all the things I aint. You're the best medic in this entire company and without you, we would have fallen apart long ago. You might not see it, but you're the glue that holds us all together."
"That's the problem Ev," Eugene whispered. He looked so forlorn that it really hurt her to see. "I feel like you all expect me to be able to fix everything and sometimes I just can't. Look at Hoobler. I should have done more to save him and instead I just let him die."
"Eugene Roe, don't even talk like that. You did everything you could. You did exactly what Ralph or I would have done if we had gotten there first. You know the same as me that if that artery is hit, there's little to no chance of being able to fix it," she said desperately. "You can't blame yourself."
"Yet I do," he said, suddenly standing up. "Listen Ev, don't take this the wrong way but I just wanna be on my own for a while."
He was gone before she could even reply.
Evelyn was appalled at herself. How could she have not noticed that Eugene was blaming himself for Hoobler's death? She should have noticed. But no, of course she didn't because she had been too busy being a selfish Susan yet again to even consider someone else. Evelyn Guarnere, you are a disgusting human being who cares only about herself. Your friend needs you and you couldn't have given two flying monkeys about him or anyone else. Fucking Liebgott. Fucking Babe. What about fucking Eugene? She put her head in her hands and wanted to scream at herself. She had never hated herself more in a moment than she did then.
She didn't have much more time to ponder about it though because that familiar whistle of an artillery shell came soaring towards the camp, and before they knew it the ground erupted into smoke and flames. Evelyn ran as fast as she could to the nearest foxhole, which just happened to contain George, and dove in it. After what felt like an eternity, the shelling stopped and all was silent.
"Is it over?" Evelyn asked, breathing heavily.
She wanted to go and check on the men. She had not heard one single call for a medic. The glass half full side of her wanted to believe that it was because everyone had been fortunate and no one was wounded, but there was a niggling inside her that didn't quite believe it to be true. Just as she was about to climb out of the foxhole, the barrages started again. This time they were fiercer in quantity than ever before, and with every explosion that rocked the ground, Evelyn found herself clinging to George and praying that the next one wouldn't be the one to hit them.
"Stay down! You stay down!" Lipton yelled from his foxhole beside theirs once the barrages had stopped once more. But who knew for how long this time.
"First Sergeant Lipton?" Dike appeared, dazed. "You get things organised here, I'm going to go for help."
As he ran off, holding his helmet to his head, George and Evelyn looked at each other then at Lipton.
"What the fuck?" George exclaimed, basically verbalising exactly what they were all thinking. They were under attack, and yet again the first thing their commanding officer did was run away and leave them in the thick of it. What kind of help did he think he was going to get? They had to help themselves just as they had been doing for weeks. The man was as much use as a chocolate teapot. He was utterly incompetent. "Lip, where the fuck's he going?"
"I don't know," Lipton sighed, jumping out of his hole. "Listen, get battalion on the line. Tell them to notify BAS."
"Battalion's up, Lip," George told him.
"Me-medic!" came the pained cry of someone who sounded like Buck Compton.
As Evelyn jumped out of the foxhole and took off, she had no idea that what she was running towards would change her life forever.