Evelyn walked leisurely down the stairs as the faint strains of Christmas music floated up from the living room. It was late in the evening and as Evelyn entered the living room, she smiled upon seeing her Nonna fast asleep on the couch, a sherry clasped tightly in her hand still. Her weathered face was full of wrinkles from a hard working life as a single mother to three small children, after her husband had died young leaving her to provide for the family alone. Unlike most other women her age, Nonna was extremely proud of her wrinkles. Unlike most other women her age, she didn't ever try to cover them. She had always told her grandchildren that every single line on her face told a story. The lines around her eyes were from happy times and those around her mouth were from sadder times. But each one was just as important as the other, and instead of fearing them, they should be embraced and worn as a mark of pride and remembrance of every moment of a life lived to the full.
"Every year she does this."
Evelyn glanced behind her to see her brother, Henry walking through the living room door with a plate of food in his hand. Her eyes lit up as she snatched a crisp roast potato from the plate and shoved it into her mouth. Christmas leftovers were honestly tastier than the Christmas dinner itself. Not that there was always much left over after the boys had eaten second and sometimes third helpings. Growing up with so many of them, there was usually just enough food to go around and fill them up, but extra helpings were rare. But at Christmas, their mother and father made sure that they had a feast fit for kings.
"And every year Pops tells Momma not to let her drink too much," Evelyn's full mouth made the words come out all muffled. "I would have liked to hear her make Pops tell his mom that when she was alive. From what little he's told me of her, she would have lamped him. Anyway, it's ridiculously quiet in here. Where is everyone? I know Bill's gone to Frannie's but what about the others?"
"They went out," Henry answered. "Gina and James went home, and Momma and Clara went to see Mrs Gomez next door. Her daughter, Lorena, has brought the new baby round to visit so they're clucking about like hens around it. Anyone would think it's the baby Jesus the way they're all carrying on. Momma even put in a little dig to Gina about not making her a grandmother yet. It didn't go down too well. Dad, Earnest, Jack and Joseph Jr have all gone to Sal's for a drink, which leaves me, you and Nonna."
Sal Anastasi was their father's best friend. The two of them had moved to America from Italy together. Sal's wife had passed away during the summer so his Christmas day had been spent with his children and grandchildren. But every few weeks, since the death of Sal's wife, her father and brothers would spend the evening with him. Usually when they returned in the early hours of the morning, they were all blind drunk much to Augusta Guarnere's dismay. Last month when they had gone round, Earnest had been so drunk that he had actually managed to trip over his own feet and cut his head open, as well as giving himself a black eye. Their mother had not been impressed. Well, once she had gotten over the initial panic that one of her beloved children had been hurt.
"Why didn't you go?" Evelyn asked, pinching another potato from Henry's plate and sitting down on the couch. She curled her legs underneath herself, enjoying the fact that her father wasn't here to berate her for having her feet up on the couch.
"Didn't feel like it," Henry shrugged, plonking himself down beside her. "Besides, someone's gotta take Nonna home in a little while. "
"Wise choice," Evelyn agreed.
As the Christmas music continued to play quietly in the background, the coal fire crackled and Evelyn leant her head on Henry's shoulder as she watched the peaceful flickering of the burning hot flames. Having such a big family was something that she loved. Having so many people around you who loved you almost constantly was such a nice, warm feeling. But sometimes, like in that very moment, a few moments of peace and quiet was wonderful. Especially with one of her older siblings. She didn't always feel that she got to spend as much time with them as she did with Bill. The others were a lot older and always doing their own things. It was lovely just to share some one on one time with the others, even just to ask about work or how their day had been.
"Do you remember that year when you and Bill snuck downstairs at three in the morning to open your presents?" Henry suddenly asked out of nowhere. "And you opened everyone else's while you were down there. I think you were about seven and Bill was nine."
"Oh God," Evelyn laughed at the memory. "And then Bill and I wrapped everyone's presents back up again but we couldn't remember whose was whose afterwards, so they were completely muddled up by the time you all came to open them."
"Yeah, that's right. Earnest ended up with Gina's new dress while Clara got a hammer and saw meant for Jack. You and Bill got into so much trouble that day. You would have gotten in even worse trouble if it hadn't been Christmas I think."
"I swear I can still feel the clout round the head that Momma gave me," Evelyn snorted. "Oh, oh, and do you remember the Christmas about three years ago when Gina was adamant that she was gonna cook Christmas dinner alone because James and his parents were coming? She wouldn't let anyone in the kitchen and I thought Momma was gonna explode with the stress of being banned from her favourite room in the house. Dinner took about a hundred hours to cook and when we all finally sat down to eat, the turkey was still raw and instead of using sugar to make the panettone she managed to confuse it for salt instead."
"Yet somehow James still chose to marry her a few months later," Henry raised an eyebrow. "Guy probably has a death wish or something."
"I'm sure that she's improved somewhat by now," Evelyn said diplomatically.
"Is that why you make an excuse to not go around there for dinner unless James is cooking?" Henry chortled knowingly. "You should just do what I did; have dinner there once then tell her it was awful. She won't invite you again."
"That's mean," Evelyn smacked him playfully on the arm.
"She can handle it," Henry shrugged. "She's the biggest bitch I know."
"Hmm," was all Evelyn replied as she rested her head against Henry's shoulder. Her eyelids fluttered closed and she smiled contentedly.
"Are you asleep?" Henry asked a short while later.
"No," she mumbled. I'm just enjoying the peace and quiet. No one's arguing, no one's banging about making noise and best of all, there's no Bill annoying me."
"Tell me about it," Henry agreed. "Although I might choose having Bill annoying me over listening to Nonna's snoring."
They both glanced over at her and smiled warmly.
"Yeah but Nonna's snoring is a lot quieter than Jack's," Evelyn said. "I can barely sleep listening to him from the next room. I don't know you manage to share a bed with him and not kill him."
"Me either," Henry smirked. "I just kinda learn to block it out in all honesty. What about you? How do you share a room with Clara when she's constantly talking to herself?"
"I usually just throw a pillow at her until she shuts up enough to let me fall asleep. Although I do have to say that sometimes she does talk about some very interesting things. I'm just gonna say right now that I've got plenty of juicy little titbits I could blackmail Clara with if I needed to."
"Like what?" Henry asked, his eyes wide with excitement.
"Just things," Evelyn smirked, refusing to give away any details. "About people you happen to know."
"Tell me," Henry demanded.
"Nope," Evelyn shook her head and pretended to zip her lips closed.
"Evelyn," Henry warned, holding up his hands into claw shapes. "If you don't tell me I'll force it out of you."
Evelyn shook her head, remaining defiant.
"Fine, you leave me no choice," Henry sighed, shaking his head before leaning forward and tickling Evelyn right in the ribs. She squealed and squirmed. Her brothers all knew just how ticklish she was and took great delight in torturing her mercilessly with that knowledge whenever they could. "You better tell me otherwise I'm gonna just keep tickling you and there ain't anyone who can save you."
"Fine, fine, I give up," Evelyn panted. "Clara may or may not have unintentionally let slip that she has a crush on Ricky. And there's a chance that I might have heard her having a dream conversation about kissing him."
"Ricky, as in my best friend Ricky?" Henry exclaimed.
"Uh-huh," Evelyn nodded.
"The little minx. I knew she had a thing for him. No wonder she's always following us around with those annoying little puppy dog eyes whenever he's here," Henry leant back on the sofa and shook his head in disgust. "By the way Ev, you would be rubbish if you were ever interrogated. You would give up enemy secrets straight away."
"I doubt that tickling is used as a form of interrogation," Evelyn stuck her tongue out at him.
"You never know," Henry answered. "People are always thinking up new weird and wonderful ways of interrogating people."
"And you would know that how?"
"Well, I'm not really supposed to tell anyone this," Henry lowered his face and looked around inconspicuously. "But I'm actually a secret spy and I just use working at the timber yard as a cover."
"You're an idiot," Evelyn giggled.
"Yeah but you love me," Henry grinned.
"I suppose," Evelyn admitted reluctantly.
"I love you too, kiddo," Henry told her. "I know I don't say it much, and I know I don't always spend much time with you, but I love you a lot. Sometimes I look at you and I find it hard to believe that you're that same little girl who used to make me or Bill check under her bed for monsters at night. I aint tryin' to be all soppy but I'm proud of the woman you're becoming. You're smart and sensible and I can't wait to see you get married and start a family one day."
"Not for a long time yet," Evelyn grimaced. "Besides, you'll be married long before me. Momma knows you've been calling on Rita Morris. Mrs Gomez told her she'd seen the two of you together on three occasions. Mark my words she'll have you two engaged before long."
"We'll see," Henry smirked, the tips of his ears turning pink. Before Evelyn could say anything else, Nonna made an almost strangled gasp before suddenly waking up and looking completely confused as to her whereabouts.
Henry and Evelyn smirked at each other.
"Guess that's my cue to go," Henry mumbled, getting up from the couch. "Come on, Nonna. Let's get you home."
... ... ...
25th December, 1944
Evelyn awoke with a jolt. With only candlelight faintly illuminating her surroundings, she opened her eyes, willing them to focus. Above her she could see wooden beams and intricate carvings depicting images from the bible. The stale smell of blood lingered in the frigid air and the pained wails of men echoed like ghosts through the building. Her body ached and her shoulder felt like it was burning. Where was she? And why was she not sitting in a freezing cold foxhole with her brother or one of the others? She felt slightly disoriented and the dream about Henry had upset her. Sure, it was better than the nightmares she usually suffered with since his death, but it still hurt to see and even feel him in her dream to then have him snatched away once again when she woke up. She missed him terribly. She missed all of her family terribly, but with Henry it was different. She knew that once this blasted war was over she would see them all again, but Henry would still be gone forever. He would never be there to celebrate another Christmas with. He would never see her get married or have children. He would never get married or have children. It had been months since she had learned of his death, but it still felt like a hammer to the heart every time she thought of him.
"Eugene said you could sleep like the dead and he was not wrong," a strongly accented woman's voice spoke seconds before a face appeared in front of her own, breaking her from her sombre thoughts. A round face framed by wisps of dark blonde hair that had escaped from the refines of their blue kerchief. Kind brown eyes glistened in the pale light.
Evelyn opened her mouth to ask the very questions she had only just thought, but nothing more than a croak escaped. She licked her lips realising for the first time how very dry her mouth felt. It was as though it was stuffed with cotton wool. It was an odd and rather unpleasant sensation. The woman smiled in understanding and lifted Evelyn's head up while holding a cup of water to her parched lips. Evelyn groaned happily. She was convinced that this water to her must be what ambrosia was to the Greek Gods. It was rejuvenating; heavenly.
"Where am I?" she finally murmured.
"You are in the hospital in Bastogne," the woman replied, putting her hand against Evelyn's forehead to check her temperature. "Well, when I say hospital, I actually mean the church. The hospital was bombed weeks ago and we have been using this place ever since. Do you not remember what happened? I cannot say I am surprised. You had a nasty concussion and you have been asleep for over twenty four hours. We did not even have to give you any pain relief for your shoulder because you have been so soundly asleep that you did not wake up once. Not even when we checked and cleaned your wound."
Wound? Concussion? Evelyn frowned, trying to get her head around what she was being told. Why did she have no recollection of anything?
"You really don't remember?" the woman chortled. "From what Eugene told me, a mortar shell blew up in front of you and sent you flying into a tree. Hitting the tree is what gave you the head injury, but the shoulder wound was caused by a piece of mortar shell. You were actually very lucky, all things considered."
"Eugene was here?" Evelyn croaked.
"I tell you that you were wounded by a mortar shell and the only thing you want to ask me about is Eugene?" the woman smirked. "But to answer your question, yes he was. He brought you in here with another man who was wounded at the same time as you."
Everything suddenly came back to her, and for just a few seconds she could feel the heat radiating from the explosion as it propelled her backwards. Her stomach jolted as she remembered the feeling of soaring through the air before hitting the tree hard.
"Smokey!" Evelyn gasped, trying to sit up and growling when the skin on her shoulder felt like it was about to be torn in two.
"Stop! You will rip open your stitches," the woman grasped Evelyn by her uninjured shoulder and gently helped her to sit upright.
"Is Smokey alright?" Evelyn demanded. "I remember now. I was trying to get to him when the blast happened. Is he ok? Is he here? Where is he? Let me see him."
"Calm down," the woman ordered. "You will wake all the other patients with your hysterics. If you are referring to Walter, then please don't worry. He's out in the main hall with the rest of the wounded. We moved you in here because we thought it better what with you being the only woman."
"Well is he ok? I need to see him. I need to make sure that he's alright. I couldn't get to him in time and-"
"-The only thing you need to do is concentrate on getting yourself better for now," the woman argued firmly. "I will take you to see your friend when you are both more rested, alright? Don't even think to try and argue the point with me any further because I am in charge here. You may be able to bully the men of your company into doing as they're told but it will not work on me. Are we clear?"
Evelyn pouted, knowing that she had met her match and from what she gathered this woman was some kind of nurse. Therefore, in her pained state, all Evelyn could think of was that the fiery woman before her had the stuff to help the pain. And who in their right mind would be intentionally horrid to the person with the medicines? That was like cutting off your nose to spite your face. When the woman was satisfied that Evelyn was going to keep quiet, she pulled up the chair next to Evelyn's bed and sat down on it with an exhausted sigh. It was at that moment Evelyn realised just how tired the woman in front of her looked. Her once white apron was stained with blood and she had dark bags under her eyes. She looked as though she had worked for days and days on end without a rest until now.
"You're Renee?" Evelyn suddenly realised aloud. She could very well understand now just why Eugene had felt such an inexplicable need to look out for this woman. It was hard to describe but as Evelyn looked carefully at her youthful yet tired face, it was easy to see that underneath the stern exterior was a much more fragile centre. Evelyn smiled at Renee's surprised expression. "Eugene mentioned you when he last came back from Bastogne."
"Oh, I did not realise I had made such an impression," Renee blushed, playing with her hands nervously. "He is a very nice man. When he brought you in, he was very worried. He waited here for a few hours to see if you would wake up, and we talked a little. He spoke briefly of his wife and of you. I confess I was curious to know how a woman ended up in the airborne and insisted that Eugene tell me. From what I could gather, he thinks a lot of you."
"Wow, you got all that from Eugene in a few hours? That's more than most people get from him in a few years," Evelyn snorted. "He might be quiet and a little serious, but he's undoubtedly one of my best friends. I think I probably talk enough for the both of us which balances out his quietness."
"He may have mentioned that once you eventually woke up I would have a hard time getting you to be quiet again."
"Oh, he did?" Evelyn raised an eyebrow with mock sternness. "He's just jealous I was blessed with the gift of the gab and he wasn't."
"I have no idea what on earth you just said," Renee scrunched up her nose at the slang. "Some of the accents you Americans have are hard enough to understand but when you start to use these funny phrases, I find myself completely lost."
"I felt like that at first when we were in England," Evelyn chuckled. "For a country who speaks the exact same language as mine, some of the sayings and things they have totally baffled me. The worst was when we went to London and stayed in a hotel for my birthday. The porter asked me if I wanted him to carry my bag up the 'apple and pears' instead of just saying stairs."
"Very odd," Renee concurred. "While you are awake, let me have a look at your shoulder."
"Is it bad?" Evelyn asked, too afraid to look down as Renee carefully unwound the bandage.
"Are you sure that you're a medic?" Renee chuckled at Evelyn's eyes shut as tight as they could be.
"Just 'cause I can deal with other people's wounds doesn't mean that I'm any good with my own," Evelyn answered through gritted teeth as she felt the cold sting of water in her wound as it was being cleaned out. "And if I'm being honest, I never planned on getting wounded so I didn't think it would really matter."
"Hmm unfortunately, if you had not yet realised, you don't actually have any control over that," Renee muttered. "You will be pleased to know that everything is looking good. There are no signs of infection and the stitches are holding well."
"That's great. So when can I get a lift back to the line?"
"Are you being serious?" Renee was looking at Evelyn as though she had lost her mind. "You aren't going back to the line anytime soon."
"But I need to," Evelyn protested. "I need to get back to the guys. I need to get back to my brother."
"You need to stay here and get better," Renee argued. "If we could get you out of here, we would be sending you back to a proper hospital, but unfortunately there is no way for us to get the wounded out of Bastogne at the moment. Therefore, you are stranded here for the time being."
"Well good, 'cause I don't wanna leave Bastogne. The only place I wanna go to is back to the line, and if I have to walk there myself then I will," Evelyn insisted stubbornly.
"I'm not having this argument with you right now," Renee eyed her sternly, crossing her arms across her chest. "You can try and bend me to your will until you're blue in the face but it's not happening."
Evelyn huffed and wanted to fling herself down on the bed in annoyance, but she couldn't because of her blasted shoulder. She also wanted to wipe that smirk off of Renee's face but she couldn't do that either because she knew that were their roles reversed she would be saying exactly the same thing. Also, it didn't help that Renee actually seemed to be a ridiculously kind and caring person, therefore it was impossible to be anything but nice back to her.
"I'm sorry," she muttered, letting out a defeated sigh. "I just feel like I've really let them all down by getting myself wounded. And I've put extra strain on Eugene and Spina, our other medic."
"You've let no one down," Renee smiled kindly. "And you would put even more strain on your fellow medics if you were unable to help do anything. They would be concentrating on making sure that you're alright when they should be focusing on the rest of the men."
"I know," Evelyn nodded reluctantly. Renee spoke the truth. "But if you see or hear from anyone in my company will you tell them to make sure that my brother knows I'm ok? He'll probably be going stark raving mad wondering if I'm alright or not. He's very over protective. Annoyingly so, actually."
"Aren't all brothers?" Renee chuckled, pulling a bar of chocolate out of her pocket. "You wouldn't know this considering the fact that you have been asleep all day, but there are approximately nine minutes left of Christmas Day. Would you care for some chocolate to celebrate?"
Christmas. The first Christmas that Evelyn had ever spent without at least one person in her family. Even the last two when she had been away from home, she'd at least been able to spend with Bill. She couldn't have picked a worse time to get wounded. Then again, was there ever a good time to get wounded? She didn't think so. Still, the thought of Bill spending Christmas without her, given that they were only mere miles away from one another, really bothered her.
"You aint spending Christmas with your family then?" she asked Renee as she broke the chocolate bar up into bitesize squares.
"No," Renee shook sadly. "My father died when I was five, leaving just me and my mother. She was run over and killed by a German truck the day they invaded."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Evelyn reached out and grabbed her hand.
"Don't be," Renee smiled bravely, her lips quivering slightly as she held back tears that she hadn't ever allowed herself to shed. "At least she didn't have to see what has become of our home, and she hasn't had to feel hunger and fear in the way the rest of us have. She is with my father once more. The man she had loved since the age of fifteen until her dying breath. I choose to focus on that instead of allowing myself to wallow in misery."
"Is that why you came here to help out?" Evelyn asked, thinking that the woman before her was incredibly brave. She had a strength that very few possessed. Evelyn herself couldn't imagine being that strong in the same situation.
"I just wanted to be useful. In my entire life, I haven't once left Bastogne. I haven't ever needed to because everything and everyone I ever could have wanted were right here. The buildings and landscape of Bastogne may have changed dramatically, but the people that remain here are still the same. Bastogne has always been a place where people pull together and do anything that they can to help one another. I never had any aspiration to become a nurse, and this war has done nothing to change my opinion. Once all of this is over, I will choose to do something that doesn't involve blood and wounds and sick people. Perhaps I might become a teacher? I like the thought of teaching our young people about our history, and instilling in them that war and fighting are not the answer to things. I never want to see my country, or any country go through this again," Renee answered almost wistfully. "Enough talk of me anyway. I want to know what made you choose to become a medic?"
"I thought Gene told you?" Evelyn frowned.
"He did. But he only told me about how you became one. He didn't tell me why you became a medic," Renee explained.
"Where to begin?" Evelyn chuckled.
"At the beginning, perhaps?" Renee's eyes glistened with mirth.
With a roll of her eyes, Evelyn smiled and let out a little laugh before starting her long tale with her first day in Toccoa. It seemed like another lifetime now. It was almost difficult to remember a time when she hadn't spent every waking, and sleeping, minute of the day with her fellow comrades of Easy Company.
Renee listened intently, and with something close to fascination, as Evelyn led her through a journey spanning over two years and two continents. The laughs, the tears, the friends she had made. It had been more than two years since she had first run up Currahee but she could still feel the blisters on her feet from her boots and the metallic taste in her mouth as she tried to push herself up that hill. The tastes and smells of everything she had done and everywhere she had been seemed so tangible as she recalled everything she had experienced.
"It must be hard to be the only woman surrounded constantly by men," Renee enquired, once Evelyn had finished talking a short while later.
"It's not actually too difficult," Evelyn smirked. Well, for the most part. "Boys are disgusting. I mean, having five brothers I already knew that, but I'd never had to share a room with them before. Sharing a room with about thirty of them is an eye opening experience in more ways than one. The noises and smells that come outta them take some getting used to. But I can also say that they're sweet and funny and very caring. They've all been there for me through the hardest times over the last two years or so. They're all very special to me in different ways."
"And are any of them more special to you than others?"
"Well sure," Evelyn nodded. "Aside from my brother, I would count Eugene and George as my best friends. I just clicked well with Eugene from day one. I think we balance each other out. And George Luz. Well, he's just an annoyingly adorable guy who you can't help but be endeared by. Sometimes I would love to punch him in the face, but when he's not being a pain in the ass he's actually quite a sensitive little soul."
"But do you view any of them as more than just friends?" Renee asked. "Surely you can't have spent so much time with them and not have developed feelings for anyone?"
Evelyn opened her mouth and then closed it again as she fiddled nervously with her hands. She was torn. Her gut instinct told her that she could trust Renee implicitly, but her head told her otherwise. People always seemed to break her trust. She didn't think she could risk being dismissed from the Airborne, not after all this time. Also, there was a part of her that was too embarrassed to discuss the whole Liebgott debacle. She had fallen for his charm and lies, only to be humiliated and have her heart broken. She was ashamed of herself for being so gullible and naïve. She didn't know why, but she really didn't want this strong woman before her to look at her with pity or even disgust. She bit on her bottom lip to stop it trembling. No. She flat out refused to shed another tear over that man. She was doing a good job of pretending that she was over him and felt nothing towards him other than dislike. To admit different was like admitting defeat.
"Evelyn? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," Evelyn nodded, blinking back tears. "I'm just tired. Do you mind if I go back to sleep now?"
"Have I upset you?" Renee asked worriedly. "I'm sorry if I have. I was only curious. I wasn't trying to force you to admit something that you didn't want to."
"Honestly, don't worry about it," Evelyn reassured her. "My shoulder's hurting and I'm just feeling sorry for myself."
Renee didn't look like she believed her. She poured a measure of whiskey into a glass tumbler and held it out to Evelyn.
"Here. It's for the pain."
For a split second, Evelyn was about to refuse it, but then reached out for the glass and downed it in one big gulp. Her eyes watered as the amber liquid burned the back of her throat.
"Better?"
"Much better," Evelyn gave a small smile. Well, her shoulder at least was better, but she didn't think any amount of alcohol would ease the pain in her heart. "I think I'm gonna try and get some more sleep if you don't mind?"
"Of course not," Renee said, helping Evelyn to lie down and get comfortable. She pulled the threadbare blanket over her and smiled warmly. "I have to do my rounds anyway. If you need anything just call out and someone will come. Do not under any circumstance try and get out of bed yourself, do you understand?"
"Completely," Evelyn chuckled, closing her eyes.
Within seconds she was already fast asleep.
... ... ...
27th December, 1944
"Ev, are you awake?"
Evelyn was awake. It was impossible to sleep with the muffled sobs coming from across the room. She glanced to the bed beside her where a pair of almost sad brown eyes stared back at her.
Two days had passed since Evelyn had first found herself wounded and in Bastogne's makeshift hospital. Since that time, she had been sharing her own little room in the vestry with Smokey and Lieutenant Welsh, who had been wounded in the late hours of Christmas night. Apparently, he, Liebgott and Lieutenant Peacock had decided to give themselves a Christmas treat and warm their little dell with a fire. This of course made them perfect targets for the Germans, who it seemed weren't exactly feeling the Christmas spirit. Winters and then Nixon had decided to join their gathering, but fortunately both he and Peacock escaped unscathed while Welsh took a nice big chunk of mortar shell to the leg.
Evelyn's shoulder was beginning to feel somewhat better, although Renee still refused to let her out of bed unless it was to use the bathroom. Having Lieutenant Welsh and Smokey to keep her company at least stopped her from going completely stir crazy, but still, she was itching to get back to the line and the rest of the men. When she had asked Welsh how they all were, he had grinned and jokingly said that they were enjoying the peace and quiet without her loud mouth around. Evelyn had glared at him, forcing him to reveal that they were actually all ridiculously worried about her, especially Bill of course. Bill had apparently been behaving appallingly in his sister's absence. He had been bad tempered and even threatened to punch Malarkey in the face when he overheard him wishing Skip Muck a merry Christmas. Evelyn was disgusted with him. She knew that he was worried about her, but that didn't give him the right to go around behaving like that. Especially not to someone who was their friend and was undoubtedly just as worried about Evelyn as Bill. Lieutenant Welsh had grinned that impish gap- toothed grin of his and guessed that judging by the look on his sister's face, Bill was going to be in a whole heap of trouble when she saw him again.
"Ev?" Lieutenant Welsh whispered again.
"Yeah I can hear it," Evelyn answered back quietly.
This was the second night in a row that she had listened to Smokey breaking his heart as quietly as he could. When Renee had first told Evelyn that Smokey was in the hospital, she had neglected to tell her the true extent because she hadn't wanted to worry her, but it turned out that Smokey's wounds were life changing. He was completely paralysed from the neck down. When she heard Smokey sobbing in bed the night before, she had felt so guilty. There she was moping around and wallowing over Joseph Liebgott when poor Smokey's life had been completely turned upside down in a way that was completely unimaginable. In that moment, she felt like the most self centred and selfish person in the whole world. Walter Gordon, who was undoubtedly one of the nicest, mild mannered and jovial men in the whole company now didn't know what his life was going to be like from now on. It seemed such a cruel fate for a man so kind and gentle.
With a groan, and a little difficulty, Evelyn rolled out of bed and grimaced as her feet touched the cold wooden floor. She tiptoed over to Smokey as quietly as she could, internally cursing herself every time she stood on a loose floorboard. In the still of the night, each creak sounded a lot louder than it was. Every time she made the slightest noise, she half expected Renee to come bursting through the door to berate her.
"Smokey," she whispered softly, and even in the almost pitch dark she could see that his face was covered in tears and mucus. Tears and mucus that he couldn't even lift a hand to wipe away by himself. Reaching for a cloth on the crate come bedside table next to his bed, Evelyn tenderly wiped Smokey's sallow and stubbled face.
"Sorry," Smokey apologised through tears. "I- I-"
"Ssh, it's alright," Evelyn soothed as he sobbed once more, his entire body shaking. "Don't apologise. You've nothing to apologise for."
"Ev, you're my friend right?"
"Of course I am," Evelyn frowned, wondering why he would ask such a question.
"If I asked you to do something for me, would you?"
"Well, yeah," she answered hesitantly. For some reason a feeling of dread began to gnaw at her stomach, and she considered retracting her answer.
"Then you gotta help me," Smokey said almost desperately. "I can't do this. I don't wanna live my life like this."
"What are you asking me exactly?"
"You know what I'm asking you."
She did. He didn't need to say any more. The pain in his eyes was enough of an answer. It burned right into her soul. She shook her head, unable to form even the mere thought of a reply.
"Please Ev," he begged, his voice cracking and his bottom lip trembling. "I can't spend the rest of my life being a cripple; having people do everything for me. I refuse to spend my entire life being spoon fed like a baby and wetting the bed because I have no control over my own body."
"Don't talk about yourself like that, Smokey," Evelyn cried, tears pooling in her own eyes. "Who says you're going to be paralysed for the rest of your life? You could wake up tomorrow or next week and be back to normal again. You have to think positively."
"Evelyn, you know as well as I do that's never gonna happen. I hoped that if I made it through this war alive that I would really make the most of the rest of my life. Get a good job, get married, have a few kids. But now, I'm gonna wind up lying in a bed forever while my mom or one of my sisters takes it in turns looking after me. I wish that when that bullet hit me that it had just killed me. Death would be better than this."
"Stop!" Evelyn wanted to cover her ears and shake him simultaneously. She turned behind her briefly to see Lieutenant Welsh sat upright in bed and looking as though he was going to attempt to make his way over to them. Evelyn motioned to him with her hand to stay where he was and he nodded reluctantly.
"Evelyn, there is no one else I can ask to help me," Smokey whispered urgently. "If I could do it myself I would, but how can I when I can't even wipe my own nose? Please Evelyn. If I could get down on my knees and beg you, I would."
"Beg me to do what? Help you die? I wouldn't even be helping you, I would be murdering you," Evelyn snapped angrily. "I can't, I won't do it. You're my friend and I will do anything to help you but not this. There's a reason that bullet didn't kill you and things might seem hopeless right now but one day it will all make sense."
"You don't really believe that, do you?" Smokey almost growled.
"I do," she answered firmly. She knelt down beside his bed and put her face to his. With her nose pressed against his own, she looked him straight in the eyes and grabbed his hand. He couldn't feel it but she squeezed it tightly all the same. "Please don't give up. Please. You are the Walter Gordon who repeatedly dealt with all manner of insults from Sobel. Every time he made you feel like you weren't fit to be in the airborne you proved him wrong, with dignity and spirit. When you were wounded outside Carentan, you returned stronger than ever. Despite the things we have seen and been through, you have never lost your cheerful demeanour or your witty humour. You might not see it now, but I promise you that in time you will be glad that bullet didn't kill you. You will be glad to be alive. All those things you want from life, you will have them. But you can't lose hope. If you lose hope then what chance is there for the rest of us?"
"I'm scared, Ev," he sobbed.
"I know, Smokey. I know."
Ignoring the pain in her shoulder, Evelyn climbed up onto the bed and nestled herself against Smokey's shuddering body. She held him tightly until he fell into a deep sleep, and even then she couldn't let go of him. Her heart ached for her friend. She wished with all her might that she could take the pain away from him. As night slowly turned into a new day, exhausted emotionally and physically, Evelyn collapsed back onto her own bed and closed her eyes. She could feel Lieutenant Welsh staring at her but she didn't have the energy to even acknowledge him. All she wanted to do was sleep. Sleep and pretend that she wasn't going to watch this war destroy any more of the people she cared about.