D-Day plus five
It was night time and they were finally nearing Carentan. Nearing, as in they were still a whole night's walking distance away. It had taken almost four days to get this far, and they had had to clear out a few other towns along the way. It had been a real eye opener for Evelyn. Sure, she had been at Brecourt, but she hadn't actually seen the battle. But when they had cleared out the other towns, she had been right in the middle of all the fighting, running to the countless calls for a medic. At first she had thought she would have been too terrified to function properly, to do her job, but it had been the total opposite. Strangely, her nerves and the adrenaline pumping through her body had helped put her nerves at ease. When that first call for a medic came, she ran without even thinking about the danger she was putting herself in. All she cared about was doing her job and getting to whoever needed help. It was only afterwards that she had thought about some of the situations she had put herself in. It was also on the way to Carentan that she had lost her first man. A Private Gregory from first platoon had caught a piece of shrapnel in the neck and it had hit the artery. She knew from the moment she saw him that he was a lost cause, but that didn't prevent her from trying to do everything in her power to save him. When his shaking body had finally become still and his face had taken on a lifeless yet strangely peaceful stare, she had wanted to cry right there and then on the dusty ground with bullets flying around her. But then the next call for a medic came and she was gone before she even realised it; Private Gregory put to the back of her mind. It was callous and cruel in a way. A man had died, and he deserved to be mourned over but war didn't allow for that.
There was a golden ember to the sky that was beautifully eerie as it cast an almost ethereal glow on the bodies of dead Germans scattered around the ground as they walked. Evelyn still couldn't get used to the sight of them. She felt a shiver run down her spine every time she had to walk past one. She had this awful, illogical fear that all of a sudden one of them was going to grab her ankle as she passed by them or jump up in front of her face. It was a ridiculous thought but one she couldn't get out of her head. The bodies of Americans, her comrades, didn't unnerve her but the Germans did. Perhaps it was because she knew they were the enemy and that if they were alive, they would be trying to kill her. Despite the Geneva convention, it seemed that the Germans weren't opposed to killing medics. Spina had told her and Eugene that he had heard from a guy in one of the other companies that they had seen Germans aiming for medics. She guessed the red cross they wore made them an easy target.
Walking a little way up from her, Frank Perconte didn't seem to feel any such apprehension. In fact, every German he came across, Frank would check their wrists for watches and would turn around and wave the watch excitedly at Evelyn when he found one that was still ticking. Peculiar little man. She groaned when the order to stop came and she found herself at a standstill beside yet another body. She shivered and when George put a hand on her shoulder, she yelped.
"Fuck sakes George," she glared at him. "Do you have to scare me like that?"
"Sorry," George exclaimed, looking anything but sorry. "It's not my fault you're so jumpy. Dead Krauts giving you the creeps huh?"
The grin fell from his face when he realised that she really was unnerved by them. He pulled her into a bear hug and rested his chin on the top of her head, spinning her around so that his back was towards the dead German. She waited for him to make some kind of smart comment but he didn't, and she was more than a little grateful to him.
"Hey you guys, guess what?" Perconte turned around. "We lost F company."
"Again?" They all exclaimed.
"Looks like we could be here for some time," George muttered. "Don't worry though Ev, I'll protect you from any dead Krauts. Just close your eyes and pretend I'm Liebgott."
Evelyn made a fist and punched him in the chest, giving him a death glare to go with it.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she hissed, looking around to make sure no one had heard. "Would you just quit it with the Liebgott jibes already?"
"Oh I'm sorry," George smirked. "Worried your little secret is gonna get out?"
"What secret?" She tried to sound casual.
"Oh Evie," he shook his head and lowered his voice. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice?"
She opened her mouth to retort angrily, but he put a hand over it. I swear to God you best not have been scratching your ass with that hand, George.
"I've seen you giving him long meaningful looks and come to bed eyes," he grinned when Evelyn scowled, but she kept quiet, not wanting to draw any attention to their conversation. "Ok, so you've not been that obvious but I'm your best bud, I don't miss anything. Actually, we've never discussed this, but am I your best bud? I mean, I feel like I am but it's clear you've already quashed my dreams about reciprocating my undying love for you, and you've chosen another to warm your, uh, heart. So, is this the same in the best friend stakes? Have you chosen another over me? Say it isn't true," he put a hand dramatically to his chest and pretended to sob.
"Shut up George," she couldn't help but smile. "I won't lie, you do have some stiff competition from Gene, but at the moment I'd say you're both about equal."
"I'll take that," George shrugged.
"But if you don't shut your mouth about Liebgott, you'll be relegated to the bottom. Got that?"
"Loud and clear," George pretended to zip his mouth shut. "Oh, but don't think this is the end of it. Once I get you back to England, we are having this conversation properly and you can't shut me down. We are best friends after all. Oh, oh, we could even have a sleepover. I'll paint your nails and you can paint mine while we giggle about the fact that Lieb's eyes look just like Cary Grant's, or that his physique reminds you of a Greek god. And then you confide in me that you've never kissed anyone before, so as your best friend I feel obliged to teach you and then the whole thing ends with you realising that you just can't live without me and you ditch that snarky beanpole for a real man."
"If there's just me and you at this sleepover, then where do I find the real man?" she smirked when George just stuck out his tongue. "Yeah," she snorted. "You're definitely a real man."
"I've never had any complaints before," he winked.
Evelyn rolled her eyes but was mercifully relieved from having to say anything else when they got the order to move out again a lot sooner than they thought.
... ... ...
D-Day plus six
They had walked all through the night, losing F Company about six times along the way. They had finally reached Carentan and as they lay in a ditch on the outskirts of the town, their fatigue became apparent. Along with a distinct sense of unease. It was like the calm before the storm. It was a beautiful sunny day and it was eerily quiet. In the distance was the unnerving squeak of a shop sign as it blew in the cool breeze. Beside her, George held out his canteen which she gratefully took a sip of water from. The atmosphere was tense as everyone waited. A little up ahead, Winters, Welsh and Compton were huddled together discussing their plan for the attack. When they broke apart, Welsh motioned them to get up.
"Let's go first, let's go," he ordered.
Moving as quickly and quietly as they could, they had almost reached the first building when the distinctive sound of machine gun fire came at them. The guy in front of Evelyn went down with a thud, and she dragged him into the ditch hurriedly.
"You're alright," she said, ripping open his trouser leg where the blood was pooling at the bottom of his leg. It was a clean wound and had gone straight through the calf. It wasn't bleeding too much either. Above her, on the road, bullets were speeding past and Winters was shouting at the men to get out of the ditch and move. The soldier moaned when she sprinkled sulfa on his wound and she quickly stabbed him in the other leg with a syrette of morphine. Ripping open a bandage she tied it tightly around the leg, but not too tight as to cut off the circulation. "We'll get you out of here, don't worry," she patted his knee. "Just stay right here and don't try to move."
Climbing out of the ditch, she ran as fast as she could around the side of the town, catching up with Shifty. Pushing open someone's garden gate, Shifty pushed her down the side of what looked to be a chicken coop and the wall of a building before squeezing into the gap with her. Another soldier who had followed them went down like a sack of potatoes. Evelyn made a move to get him but Shifty pushed her back.
"Shift, you gotta let me out."
"I can't," Shifty shook his head. "There's a machine gun in that building. I let you out and they'll shoot you."
"But I have to," she begged. "It's my job."
Directly opposite them, another soldier threw a grenade in the direction of the window where the machine gun was firing from, but it missed and suddenly the soldier was down.
"Shifty, come on," Evelyn growled. But the usually quiet and timid Shifty wouldn't relent. Taking a breath, he peeked around the corner and aimed his weapon. With a single shot he managed to take out one of the gunners, but the second he was about to let Evelyn out, the other jumped on it and started firing in their direction.
"Ah shit," Shifty shouted, as Evelyn tried to edge further back into the gap to make space. The bullets whizzed past them, so close that she was waiting for one to hit her any second. If she wasn't so concerned about being killed, she probably would have made such a fuss about hearing mild mannered Shifty swear for the first time in history. As the machine gun continued firing in their direction, the poor chickens in the coop next to them were killed in a flurry of feathers.
Suddenly the shooting stopped. They wouldn't find out until after the fight that Lieutenant Welsh had run right up to the window when the gunner was reloading and threw a grenade right at him.
"You alright, Shifty?" Lipton shouted. As Shifty peered around the corner once more and gave him a very relieved thumbs up, Evelyn ran out to the first wounded man.
He was already dead. She ran to the next one and growled angrily when she saw the bullet hole through the back of his head. They were both dead and it was her fault. She should have just shoved Shifty out of the way regardless of what he said. Yeah, and if you'd have done that, you'd be dead too.
Organised chaos was the only phrase Evelyn could use to describe the scene around her. There were artillery shells blowing up left, right and centre that caused the ground to shake like an earthquake. There were bullets flying from anywhere and everywhere. Men were shouting, buildings exploding. Every time she finished up with one soldier, there were two or three more lying in the road moaning and crying for help. By the time Carentan was secured, Evelyn couldn't recall how many wounded she had treated, but her work was far from done.
The wounded were being brought to the aid station where Evelyn, Eugene and Spina were trying their best to get around them all as quickly as they could. Everywhere Evelyn looked there was blood and missing limbs. But she didn't have time to stop and think about the horror of the situation, and she knew that in some ways that was probably for the best.
She was just finishing up bandaging what was left of someone's leg when the door burst open. At first when she saw Liebgott covered in blood, her heart stopped. Until she realised it wasn't his blood. And that was when she saw Tipper. Her mouth dropped involuntarily. As Liebgott and another soldier sat Tipper down on a wooden table that was serving as a bed, Evelyn ran over hoping that the horror on her face didn't show. This was one of the most horrific injuries she had seen so far. Tipper's face was burnt and bleeding, and he looked to have lost his left eye. His legs were a mangled mess.
"What happened?"
"Artillery shell exploded," Liebgott explained.
"Hey Tip," she smiled. "We're gonna get you fixed up alright?"
"Sure thing Ev," he spluttered, blood dripping out of his mouth. "Lieb, will you stay with me?" Tipper grasped Joe's arm desperately.
"I'm not going anywhere, Tip," he promised him. "You're gonna be fine now. You're in good hands with Ev."
Evelyn wasn't so sure. She didn't even know where to begin. Liebgott must have sensed her turmoil because he gave her a reassuring smile. Suddenly she felt as though she could do anything. She began assessing Tipper's wounds, rapidly deciding which to set about dealing with first.
"This might hurt Tip," she apologised, ripping open some sulfa. "I promise I'll try to be gentle."
... ... ...
Evelyn found Liebgott outside, leant against the wall watching Tipper and some of the more severely wounded being loaded into trucks to take them to a field hospital, where they would then be shipped back to England.
"He'll be alright, you know," Evelyn said, wiping her bloodied hands on a cloth. Liebgott looked at her but didn't say anything, just continued smoking his cigarette.
"Joe," she tried again, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," he muttered. "I just... I just can't help thinking that it could have been me and not Tipper who got hit. What if I'd have gone in that building first you know?"
"You can't think like that," she said.
"Why not?" he said angrier than he meant to be. Evelyn dropped her hand from him. "Why is that Tipper deserved what happened to him and I didn't?"
"It's not about who deserves it and who doesn't," she cried. "It's just about who's in the wrong place at the wrong time, Joe. Once your card is marked, there's nothing you can do about it."
"Yeah, well it's fucking bullshit," he muttered as he slunk off without so much as a glance back in her direction.
Evelyn sighed as she watched him walk away. She knew he and Tipper were good friends and that undoubtedly he felt guilty.
"Ev, can you come in here," Eugene shouted.
With one last lingering look at Joe as he disappeared down the street, she headed back inside.
... ... ...
Later that day
"Gene, do you mind if I borrow you in a minute?" Ev asked, giving him and Winters a tired smile. The aid station was quieting down finally. Most of the men that were left, were either sleeping or resting, having been administered morphine to ease their pains while they waited for their turn to be treated or moved.
"Uh sure," he nodded. "What's up?"
"Well, Lipton has an injury in a rather, shall we say, intimate place and I don't think he's all that comfortable with me, uh, stitching it up. Afraid I might cop a feel or something," she joked, forgetting she was with two of the shyer men in the company. The pair of them blushed and her lips twitched as she tried to hold in a chuckle.
"Yeah, no problem," Eugene answered. "Let me just finish up here and I'll be right over."
Evelyn nodded and peered over Eugene's bent over head to get a good look at Winters' small, but no doubt still painful, wound.
"How are you doing Corporal?" Winters asked, hissing as Eugene cleaned out the wound.
Tired. Overwhelmed.
"Fine, thank you, Sir. You?" she replied and then snorted, remembering why he was here in the aid station. "Well, apart from the foot of course."
"I think I'll survive," he smirked. "But really, how are you? I can only imagine how difficult these last few days have been for you."
"Same as they've been for everyone, Sir. We're all in the same boat after all."
"Yes but not everyone would have handled the news of their brother passing right before jumping into enemy territory quite as well as you."
"What?" Evelyn frowned. What the hell was he talking about? He had obviously gotten her confused with someone else. But before she could correct him he continued.
"Your brother. In Italy. I understand if perhaps it's still too painful to talk about yet, but I just wanted to commend you for your resilience and also convey my deepest condolences to you and Bill. After the way Bill reacted on D-Day, I wasn't sure it was wise to mention it him and I hadn't found a quiet moment to talk with you until now."
Her brother? Italy? Henry was in Italy. Oh god. No. The world seemed to spin and the noises in the aid station muffled as her ears thundered and whooshed. She couldn't breathe. Her eyes blurred. Tears began to pour down her face but she didn't even notice them. Her heart pounded thunderously in her chest. Bile rose in her throat. She was going to be sick. Everything felt hazy. Nothing felt real. This wasn't real. This was all just a bad dream. Henry wasn't-? She couldn't even bring herself to think about the word. Henry wasn't gone because if he was, Bill would have told her. Wouldn't he? Winters was saying something but she couldn't hear him. All she kept thinking was Henry. Henry is gone. No. Not. True.
Her heavy legs that felt like they were going to give out miraculously started to move of their own volition and before she knew it she was running. She didn't care who she bumped into on her way. She barely even noticed. She didn't hear Winters and Doc shouting after her. Didn't hear anything except her tortuous thoughts. Henry is gone. Henry is gone. Killed. Not true. Couldn't be true.
She didn't know how she found him or even how she knew where to find him but suddenly there was Bill in front of her. He was laughing at something with Toye and Malarkey. He looked like he didn't have a care in the world. Her stomach clenched.
"There's our favourite gal," Bill grinned, and then saw the tears on her face. He stepped closer, concern etched on his face. "Ev, what's the matter, you look-"
Bill's face turned sharply to the left as the stinging slap of Evelyn's palm met it.
"Is it true?" Evelyn growled. She gritted her teeth.
"Is what true?" Bill held a hand to his cheek, completely shocked at his sister's outburst. Malarkey and Toye eyed each other apprehensively and the men that were milling about stopped. Everyone was used to seeing Bill and Evelyn fight and argue, but neither of them had ever physically hurt each other. Until now.
"Henry," her voice cracked, saying his name out loud. The look on Bill's face told her everything she needed to know.
"Evelyn, I'm-"
"-Don't you dare!" she screamed, her eyes flashing thunderously. And suddenly she was like a woman possessed. Her hands balled into fists and she started punching him anywhere she could. His head, his shoulders, his chest. She was screaming and crying. Her heart was breaking. She felt somebody grab her around her middle and pull her away, but she was kicking and screaming like a mad woman, scratching at the hands around her waist. Still, they were like iron vices and refused to let go.
"Ssh," a voice murmured in her ear. A voice that through the haze of her grief she didn't recognise as Joe Toye. "Come on Ev, it's alright. Ssh."
"Evelyn please," Bill begged, coming closer and sending her into another frenzy of kicking and screaming.
"No! You knew and you didn't tell me! How could you?" she sobbed.
"Bill just leave her for a while," she heard Joe telling him as he set her down gently on the floor, but not removing his arms from her. Bill opened his mouth to argue, but Malarkey whispered something in his ear. Tears pooling in his own eyes, he cast his sister one last look before allowing Malarkey to lead him off.
By now a rather large crowd had gathered but one sharp command from Toye had them all scattering just as Evelyn's legs finally buckled from underneath her. She would have fallen straight to the floor if it hadn't been for Toye still holding onto her.
"Ssh, it's alright," he mumbled into her hair as he turned her around and cradled her into his chest. Her body was wracked with sobs, but he just held her the entire time, letting her get it all out.
Over the top of her head, he saw Winters hobbling towards them with Doc Roe, concern furrowing both of their brows. He shook his head, silently urging them not to come any closer. He pointed to a building across the road and mouthed Bill's name. Winters gave him a small nod and hobbled over to the building. Eugene looked hesitant to leave Evelyn but Toye hoped that he would be reassured that she was in good hands.
Joe didn't know how long he stood there letting Evelyn pour out her grief onto the front of his OD's but he didn't care. She needed this and he would stand there until it was dark if he had to. Eventually, she lifted her face to look at him. Her eyes were puffy and red rimmed, and the hazel green colour was dull and lacklustre.
"Sorry," she whispered, her voice hoarse from crying so much. She wiped her nose on her sleeve as stray tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
"Don't you dare apologise," Toye cupped her cheek. "You've got nothing to be sorry for."
"I just hit my brother in front of everyone," she looked down at their muddy boots, feeling ashamed.
"You were upset," Toye forced her face up gently to look at him. "Everyone understands that. Bill understands that. If you're worried that he's gonna be upset with you then you're wrong. He cares about you, he loves you."
"Loves me?" she exclaimed as angrily as she could given that she felt physically and emotionally drained. "If he loves me why the hell wouldn't he have told me that our brother is-?" her voice cracked again. She still couldn't bring herself to say it. Saying it out loud would make it real. Saying it out loud meant she would have to accept it, and she just wasn't sure that she could.
"He thought he was protecting you. Surely you can see that," Joe tried to reason with her.
"I don't need protecting," she spat. "When will he, when will all of you realise that I'm not a kid? Do you have any idea how it feels to know that not only is one brother gone but that the other knew and didn't say anything? I can't forgive him for that, Joe. I just can't."
"Ev," Joe pleaded with her, but it was plain to see that in her grief she was lashing out at anyone or anything she could. "Just talk to him. You've already lost one brother, don't lose another."
"I already have," she whispered. And without another word she turned and walked away.
Toye rubbed his face wearily and sighed. He knew she didn't mean what she had said, but still, Bill wasn't going to take it well. Toye was convinced that once the news had sunk in properly she would change her feelings towards her brother, but until then it was best that the two of them were kept apart.
... ... ...
Easy were on the move again, and by now news of Evelyn and Bill's fight, as well as the passing of their brother, had spread like wildfire. Whenever anyone had tried to speak to her about it or offer their condolences, she had cut them off. Even George had tried and had his head bitten off. None of them could take offence though because they knew it was her grief talking. She was their girl and if she needed to use them as verbal or physical punchbags they were all ready and willing. They would do anything to help her through this.
Just as Toye suspected, Bill hadn't taken it well. He was adamant that he needed to talk to his sister. Adamant that he needed to explain to her his reasoning. But everyone, Lieutenant Winters included, had dissuaded him. They all believed that it was in Evelyn's best interests right now to let the news settle in its own way, and that she would eventually come around. So, they were all doing everything they could to keep the two from having to see each other.
Evelyn hated the way everyone was creeping around her like she was a china doll who might break at the slightest touch. She just wanted them to behave normally and as though nothing was wrong. After her initial outburst, she had forced herself to close the metaphorical floodgates and ignore the fact that her heart was breaking into a million pieces. She found it didn't hurt as much that way.
"Hey George, wanna hear a joke?" she spoke up. They were crossing a field on their way to clear another part of town. George looked at her like he was afraid she was about to bite his head off again, but then he grinned.
"Nah, your jokes are rubbish."
"You're one to talk," she snorted. Keep smiling Ev. You can do this.
"Both of your jokes are shit," Perconte commented, and the pair of them narrowed their eyes at him. But Perconte wasn't perturbed. "Hey Luz, how far do you think we're going?"
"Oh Jesus Christ, Frank," George eyed him drolly. "I don't know. Until they tell us to stop."
"High ground," Hoobler said. "There's high ground up ahead."
"Okay genius, answer me this then," Perconte said. "Why is Easy Company the only company who's either at the front of an advance or, like now, exposed at the edge of the far line?"
"To keep you on your toes," Hoobler smirked.
"No," Perconte shook his head. "That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that we're never in the middle, and we're the fifth of nine companies in this regiment. Able through Item. Think of it."
George and Evelyn looked at each other and shrugged. He did kind of have a point.
"See there?" Hoobler pointed somewhere in the distance. "You see that-"
He never finished his sentence because apparently the Germans had decided to start firing, thus proving Perconte's entire point.
The battle was short lived, ending in a stalemate. On Colonel Strayer's orders, Winters had them dig in for the night, just as the rain started to pour. What a long night it was going to be.
... ... ...
"You hear that?" George nudged her sometime in the night. Neither of them were asleep. On the other side of her, Frank was snoring, seemingly oblivious to the moaning and shouting coming from third platoon.
"Medic!"
"Catch ya later, George," she said, clambering out of the muddy fox hole.
Evelyn got to the sound of all the commotion less than thirty seconds after Eugene. Floyd Talbert was leant up against a tree trunk, bleeding from the stomach. In the foxhole behind, Smith was muttering something about thinking Tab was a Kraut.
"What the hell's going on?" she asked Liebgott, who looked like he was about ready to swing for Smith.
"Fucking idiot here thought Talbert was a Kraut," he glared. "Fucking skewered him."
"I-I-I'm sorry," Smith continued to mutter, almost in tears. "It was the poncho. I was asleep and when I looked up all I could see was that."
Seeing that Eugene was managing fine on his own with Talbert, Evelyn jumped down into the foxhole with Smith, who was shaking and starting to hyperventilate.
"George, look at me," she grabbed hold of his hands. His eyes were darting wildly as Talbert moaned. She grabbed his face between her hands and forced him to look at her. "George, take some deep breaths." Breathing in and out slowly, she nodded when he began to follow suit. "That's it," she encouraged. "Nice and slow. Just calm down. Tab's gonna be fine. It's just a small wound. I've had worse paper cuts, I'll tell you."
"Oh yeah?" Tab groaned. "How about we get Smith to stab you in the stomach and then we can see if that's really true?"
"Shut up, Floyd," she grinned. "Or I'll really give you something to complain about."
"Promises, promises," Floyd muttered.
"You feeling better?" she smiled at Smith who was breathing normally, and his shakes were lessening. He nodded and she handed him his canteen, urging him to drink from it. She pulled out a piece of chocolate from her satchel and gave it to him. "Here, you need something sugary for the shock."
"What about me?" Floyd piped up. "I'm injured, don't I get chocolate?"
"Nuh-uh," she shook her head, smiling once again at Smith, who looked like the colour was returning slowly to his face.
"Ev, I'm gonna get Floyd out of here," Eugene said, satisfied that he was stable enough to be moved. "Will you be alright with Smith?"
"Yeah of course," she nodded. "See you back in England, Tab. Try to behave around all those nurses at the hospital, yeah?"
"Sure thing Ev," Tab gave her a pained smile. "None of them hold a candle to you anyway."
"How do you know?" Liebgott smirked. "You ain't seen any of them yet."
With a laugh, he ducked out of the way of the handful of mud that went sailing past his head.
Once Talbert was gone, Liebgott reminded Smith none too nicely that it was his turn to be on watch. Evelyn thought that perhaps it might be better if someone else took his place, but poor Smith had taken one look at Liebgott's thunderous stare and had insisted that he was fine to go.
"You're one mean guy, Joseph Liebgott," Evelyn frowned at him as Smith climbed out of the hole.
"Tell me something I don't know," he smirked, looking thoroughly pleased with himself.
Evelyn shook her head at him and was about to climb out of the foxhole when he grabbed her gently by the wrist.
"I think I'm in need of a foxhole buddy now that Tab's not here," he said. "And Winters did specifically say that there needed to be at least two to a hole."
"Well I know how much you're a stickler for the rules, Joe," she snorted, settling herself down. "Lucky for you Frank's snoring was annoying me anyway."
Neither of them spoke for some time, and the only noise that could be heard was that of Lieb flicking his lighter open and closed. Open and closed. Open and closed. Open and-
"-Enough of that already," she snatched it from him. Still they didn't speak. The air was tranquil and across the open field, the faint sound of singing could be heard.
"So uh, I'm sorry about your brother," Lieb finally said tentatively, peering at her in the darkness.
"I don't wanna talk about it," she told him, looking up at the night sky. Anything to avoid having to look at him or see the way he was looking at her.
"I never said you had to."
"Well, good because I don't want to."
"Yeah, you already said that."
Despite herself, Evelyn couldn't stop a small smile playing on her lips. Liebgott lay his head back against the side of the foxhole, looking up at the sky with her as silence resumed once more.
"I don't remember the last thing I said to him."
Liebgott turned his head to look at her when she spoke. It was so quietly said that he wasn't sure she had said anything at first until she repeated it.
"I don't remember the last thing I said to him." She looked at him, and even in the darkness he could see the tears glistening in her eyes like the stars glistening in the sky above them. "I remember that we were in the kitchen. He was getting ready to ship out after his two weeks leave. My mom was packing him some food and crying. My dad was telling him to take care of himself. But everything else is a blur. Did I tell him I loved him? Did I make one of my stupid jokes? I don't remember. Why can't I remember?"
A tear slid down her face. Joe didn't say a word. He couldn't have if he wanted to. What would he say? Nothing he could say was going to help the turmoil in her head.
"He was the best brother, you know. He was different from the others. He liked to read a lot. He was always reading something. He never got into fights like the others; he was always the peacemaker. He was kind and sweet and you know, he had this weird habit of dunking food into his coffee. Any food. It was kind of disgusting actually. I remember one day my sister Gina made a comment about him being an obsessive dunker and it stuck. So we all started calling him 'dunk'. He hated it, but we loved to rile him about it." She laughed to herself. "I'd give anything to call him that one more time. I'd give anything to have my mom tell me off for it. Oh god my parents," she sobbed, putting her hand to her mouth to try and stifle the sound.
"It's alright," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close.
"It's not though is it?" she cried. "I've been walking around all day trying to pretend that this is all just a bad dream and that it's not really happening, but the truth is that he's really gone and he's never coming back, is he?"
The look in her eyes hurt him so much. It pierced his own heart to see hers so broken. It killed him that he couldn't take her pain away, when that was all he wanted to do.
"Ev listen to me. I know this is cliché, but it's true. Henry might be gone, but here..." he put a hand over her heart. "...he'll live forever. Nobody can ever take away the memories or the love that you have for him. You have to remember that."
Joe could feel her heart racing beneath his hand as her mouth parted slightly. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her and make her forget everything. His hands ached to touch her. He cupped her face, peering into her eyes, willing her to listen to him.
"This will get easier," he promised. "You won't think so now or even tomorrow, but I swear to you every day that passes the pain will become a little less until one day you can wake up with a smile. Sure you'll miss him every day for the rest of your life, but the grief inside you won't cripple you. It will become something that only hurts when you let it, and then you put it back in its box and refuse to let it take over your life."
"How do you know that?" she whispered.
He knew. He had his own experience with grief. One that he had never shared with anyone before. But he was going to now. He had to. He had to make her see that she was going to get through this.
"I've never told anyone this," he started. His hands fell from her face and he took a deep breath. "When I was twelve, my parents had another baby. Miriam, they called her. She was a sickly little thing. Had never been in good health from the day she was born, but we loved her. She had the sweetest little smile you've ever seen and despite the fact that she was always ill, she was always happy. Honestly, you've never seen such a happy kid." He smiled. "One morning, I remember waking up hearing my mom screaming. It was like nothing I'd ever heard in my life. It was like her heart had been ripped out. I told the others to stay in bed; we all slept together in one room while my parents had the other. I walked into my parents' room and my mom was hysterical, holding my two year old sister to her chest and just wailing. My dad just couldn't calm her down. He gave me a quarter and told me to run to the phone box on the corner and call for an ambulance. The ambulance came but it was too late. She'd died in her sleep. For months, it was like a black cloud hung over us. My mom didn't get out of bed for weeks. My dad, in his own grief, just worked all the hours he could so he didn't have to be home. But then one day, I got up to make breakfast for my sisters, and mom was already in the kitchen getting it ready. She had her hair done and she had her favourite summer dress on. She turned and smiled at me, and you know what? After that day things just got easier. We never forgot her, we say a toast every year on what would have been her birthday. Does it still hurt to think of her? Of course it does. But you live with the pain and in a way it makes you a stronger person."
Evelyn was dumbfounded. She genuinely had no words. That Joe had shared something so profoundly personal had touched her deeply. Hesitantly, she took one of his hands in her smaller ones and smiled. He didn't take it away and instead smiled back down at her. Then he did something she would never have expected. With a tenderness she didn't know he possessed, he leant forward and placed a butterfly of a kiss on her forehead before pulling her into his side.
"You will get through this Ev," he muttered into her hair. "I promise."
She nodded, unable to say anything. And for the second night in less than a week she fell asleep in Joseph Liebgott's arms.