Hi guys
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"At night, when the stars light up my room I sit by myself, Talking to the moon, Trying to get to you."—Bruno Mars.
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!PART TWO!
I used talking to the moon bc her name is luna, and luna means moon do y'all get it?
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you won't be needing tissues, I promise
DEVIN BOOKER
12:34 PM.
Devin sat on the grass, in front of Stevie. Everyday he sat here, wishing she'd come back.
"Devin?"he quickly turned to face the voice that called out for him.
"Mr, and Mrs. Wilson. Shit I'm sorry, I stayed here to long." He spoke, wiping his face before getting up from the grass to stand to be met with Luna's parents.
Mr.Wilson seemed to be taking this hard, him and Luna were very close. She was his bestfriend since birth. On the other hand, Mrs. Wilson seemed to be ok.
she wore glasses that were darkly shaded, a black dress with heels to match. "Hello, Devin. Do you guys mind if I talk to my daughter alone for a second?" She asked, as her voice cracked. Devins heart broke when he saw tears ran down her face.
"Uh, Yeah." He spoke, nodding his head. Quickly looking down at Lunas grave before walking away.
"How you holding up,son?" Mr.Wilson asked, placing his hand on top of Devins shoulder as they walked over to his car.
"Uh.." Devin spoke, rubbing the back of his head
"Be honest. I've had enough of my wife's lies about being ok. I need to know that it is ok to cry about this." He spoke, biting his lip to stop the tears.
"Honestly, That moment of silence. Wh-when I walked back outside to check on her; It keeps replaying in my head. And every time, another piece of my heart breaks. I just want her back." He sobbed.
"you know when she was younger, like a teen and we were able to force her to do chemo. She thought she would never get a boyfriend or find love due to her looks. She was so broken, she loved her hair. She would wear wigs, just cause she hated it so much."
"When she started chemo again and cut her hair, I knew it was because she could find the beauty in herself by you. I dont know what you did; but my once depressed and frail babygirl, died happy. I just know she's looking down at us with the biggest smile on her beauty face." He smiled, just letting the tears fall as he looked up at the sky.
"I thank you Devin. I thank you for making her last months the most fun shes ever had in her life. And for showing her love that me and her mother couldn't give her."He spoke, looking up at the taller boy.
Devin nodded, watching as Mrs. Wilson stand up and walk over to them. "I want to talk to her." He spoke, before walking away leaving his wife and Devin together, along with an awkward silence.
"I know she hated me," she spoke, breaking the silence. Devin quietly scoffed as he looked down at his shoes. "I was just scared, so I held up my guard. I pretended to be strong for her and him. But when I was alone, the only thing I did was cry. I-I was losing my baby girl. And I dont know if he acted like he couldn't see it, but every time I looked into her eyes. All i saw was how sick and tired she was." she sobbed, covering her face.
"I didn't know what to do. S-she pushed me away. So I was happy when you came around. She wanted to live. She was happy, i just hated the fact that it wasn't because of me. Am I that bad of a mother that I couldn't even take care of my dying child, Let alone make her happy?"
"I'm sorry for lashing out like this, with everything going on I've been extra and all over the place. U-Uh she told me to give this to you, if an-anything happened. I didn't read it so I don't know whats in it. And please open it, just don't tell me about it." she spoke, handing him the book Luna's name written on the front.
"I-I cant, I would just ruin it." he spoke shaking his head. "Please, Just for her. And Im not telling you tp open it right now. But some time?" she asked, as he sighed nodding his head before taking the book.
"thank you." she smiled, just as her husband came back over. "Be safe, Devin." he spoke, as the walked towards their car. he deeply sighed, as he walked back over to Stevie. "I just got done being a therapist to your mom and dad. Well i didn't say anything, I think they just needed a ear." he shrugged, pulling on the grass next to her grave.
"Your mom gave me your book, I don't know if I should open it. Give me a sign if I should." he said, looking down at the purple notebook in his hands. "Quick baby, I'm getting nervous." he laughed, rubbing the back of his head.
that same brown butterfly landed on his shoulder again, as a warm smile filled his face. "I guess we'll go through it, suga." he smiled, opening the book. "Oh, this is a journal?" he asked, scanning over the text.
Journal entry #1
My mom calls me her glass child, she says i'm fragile. Maybe I am, but I hate when she calls me that. I don't want to be reminded of my sickness everyday. and every time she calls me that I want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I hate living knowing tomorrow isn't promised, well it isn't for everyone. but when I look into anyone who knows my sickness, it's like i'm already on my death bed. Especially in my dads. He's a good man, it's every parents job to hide their fear from their child.
But I can clearly tell that he is terrified. I am too, but every day I pray that one day my heart stops. That I take my last breath.
I want to feel numb, but when I think that I see my parents faces watching my casket holding my lifeless body be pulled 6-feet underground.
And when I was younger, I would read those romantic novels. Wishing someone would love me like that. but I don't think anyone would want to love someone on their deathbed.
But things changed, that's when I met you. Devin Armani Booker, your my new favorite person.
Life feels better, refreshing with you. the first two days since we met were a rollercoaster. I genuinely thought you've left already, but since you stayed it feels like your a breath of fresh air.
I feel sane in your arms. Man, As I write this tears hit the page. I found a way to to live my life without the constant stress and pain of being sick.
So I sit here and write this book for you, so if I do go; you'll have something to remember me by.
Devin I love you, and I mean it. You make me feel like the prettiest girl in the world, even when I feel like shit. Just don't let me hold you back from moving on with your life. I promise to love you forever, i'll always be apart of your heart.
love, Stevie
Devin deeply sighed, as tears ran down his skin. His chest tightened. "Everyone says to move on, but I don't know how too. I don't want to, I want you. I'd give up everything to have you back. I'm not brave enough to move on." He sobbed, covering his face in his shirt and holding his legs up to his chest.
DEVIN BOOKER
2:45 PM
It had been weeks, and the tears and pain never stopped. Devin spent all of his weeks at her grave, he didn't care if it was raining, hot, cold, snowy. He wanted to be with her;in anyway possible.
He needed her.
He had only got off the couch when he was at her grave, but other than that he was home. He didn't have to worry about work, the whole team was informed about his situation and felt sympathy for him.
His family had been over constantly concerned for him. His mom and dad didn't meet her, but she must've been special.
and she was. Her face was tattooed in his mind, He had dreams of her and him reuniting. She was happy, she was painting again. He was happy as well he got to be with the love of his life.
He had such vivid dreams of her, her smell, her soft lips on his, her fragile arms around him.
The most recent one was his favorite, she was still here. And it felt so real, so real that he thought he could touch her.
And the second he went to, she disappeared. He woke up to her not actually being here again.
"Here you go, baby." His mom smiled, handing him the bowl of fruits. He just shook his head. "C'mon, honey you have to eat." She sighed.
Devin sighed, sitting up straight. "I don't feel good, mama." He mumbled, placing his head on top of her shoulder.
"You haven't eaten, that's why." she whispered, rubbing his head. "No, like mentally." He spoke, blinking away the tears in his eyes.
"Do you think i'll make you feel better if you talk about her?" Veronica shrugged, looking down at her son. He thought of it for a bit before nodding.
"Tell me everything, what is she like?" she smiled, as a smile spread across his face for the first time as well.
her heart swelled, this is all she wanted to see her son talking and smiling again.
"You would've loved her, She loved to draw, paint. Her name was Luna Stevie Wilson-Booker." He inhaled, a lump in his throat. Two hands rubbing his back.
"She liked to go by stevie though, she liked the way I said it though. She sa-said it made her feel pretty again. Even though she was the prettiest girl in the world. She still is, Every time I close my eyes I see hers. I think of her pretty face, I want her back," He spoke, wiping the tears off his face.
"I called her, suga. Because she didn't like those other pet nicknames. She loved art, photography, cars, music, she loved Frank Ocean, Beyoncé and Rihanna too." He chuckled, placing his elbows on his knees.
"S-She just wan-ted to live her life, ma. If love could have saved her, she would've lived a strong and healthy life." He sobbed, clinging on to his mother.
"I know, I know. She sound perfect, beautiful. But you can't just sit here and cry. If she was as good as she sounds, then she would want you to get up and live your life; for her." She spoke, shaking her head.
"I'll try."
"Good, now i'm gonna' go and get some food. I'll be back." Veronica said, kissing his temple before getting up from the couch and leaving his house.
"Don't try, Do it. Your really getting on my nerves and i'm not even near you." A feminine voice spoke,Devin snapped his head in that direction.
Tears brimmed at his eyes, his mouth agape. He quickly pinched himself before looking at the girl in front of him. It hurt so he knew she was actully here.
It was her, it was really her. She looked beautiful, she looked healthy. But that didn't explain why she was here.
"Stevie? Baby is it really you?" He asked, going to touch her.
"I'm not here actually, just a figment of your imagination. Your driving yourself crazy. You gotta move on, I love you but. I love you more when your happy." She mumbled, shrugging her shoulders.
"Can I hold you?" He asked, as a single tear fell down his eye holding his shaky hands out to touch her.
She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I know it's hard. And I know your trying. I just don't want to be the reason your like this, hurts me to see you like this. I'm not saying move on with someone else,just try to." She spoke, as he placed his head on her chest.
He inhaled her soft scent, how did she still smell the same? How was he able to touch her?
"I don't want to talk about that. I just want to hold you right now." He sighed, Shaking his head.
"I'm here, I promise."
OMNISCIENT
5:30 PM
"Daddy look! I made this for you in class."Devin's oldest son exclaimed running towards him with an orange-colored piece of paper in his hands.
Devin smiled, picking up the two-year-old and looking down at the stick figures that were supposed to resemble their family of 4.
Devin had finally moved on, it had been 5 years since Stevie.
And for the least, he was doing alright, he had a wife someone his mom set him up. they settled down after three years and had two kids, a two year old son named Kaden and a baby girl on the way via surrogate they would be naming her Laurel.
"I love this buddy, I'll hang it up on the fridge." He smiled, kissing his cheek before placing him back down on his feet, he ran off somewhere in the house just as His mother~Devins new wife walked in.
"Hey, baby. How was your day?" Elise smiled, throwing her arms around his neck and bringing him down for a kiss.
"Well it wasn't the best since you k- that's good, got a workout in. couldn't complain." She shrugged, walking over to the fridge and taking water out. "well I'm gonna' go take a shower so I can get started on dinner." she smiled, kissing his cheek as she stood on her tippy toes.
"Ok, uh." he awkwardly smiled, looking down at the drawing before going to remove her on of the pictures on the fridge for mom space.
a particular picture fell to the ground? right by his feet. His face dropped as he bent down to pick the photo up.
Stevie and him smiling so hard, paint smeared on each others faces.
He didn't know why the photo was still there, but it was a coincidence since today was the 5th anniversary of her death.
He spent his whole day at the graveyard, not able to get out of his car. It seemed like since he had moved on, he left her in his past too.
Devin hated himself for that, she was his whole reasoning for still being here this day how could he forget her like that?
He didn't know who to talk to anymore, His wife Melanie didn't want to hear about Stevie. His parents didn't know her, and plus they would think something was wrong if he did talk about her.
He had lost all contacts with Stevie's parents. "Hello! Hello! Grandma and grandpa are here!" His mothers voice boosted through the house as she and his dad walked into the kitchen.
he quickly stuffed the picture in his pocket.
"Hey what are you guys doing here?" He smiled, wrapping his arms around his mom.
"I thought I texted you, But the wilson's wanted to check up on you. So I told them we could do dinner. Here." she smiled, looking around his kitchen.
"The W-Wilson's here?" He asked, as his eyes widened.
"Yup, go get ready boy." He dad spoke, patting his back.
OMNISCIENT
9:30 PM
"Dinner was lovely." Michelle smiled, clasping her hands in front of her. "It was, thank you guys for coming, bye." Devin smiled.
"Uh, devin? Do you mind speaking to me and Michelle outside?" Matthew spoke, as Devin mentally groaned.
"Sure, babe I'll be back." He said to Elise, holding the door open for the couple in front of him.
Devin really didn't want to talk about as a stevie right now, he knew they probably hated him for not talking to them or her.
"Look, im sorry I can't do it. I can't get out of my car to talk to her. Hate me for it but it still hurts." He shrugged, throwing his hands down.
"Devin we didn't pull you outside to talk about that. Me and um." Matthew paused, as Michelle sighed.
"We're getting a divorce, and we're both moving out of the house. You can stop by and get whatever you like out of Luna's room." She spoke for the both of them.
"Uh, I don't think that would be appropriate." He mumbled, running his fingers down his face.
"Please. Neither one of us can seem to go into her room, she didn't have any friends or nothing like that. Please just come by and look." Her mom sighed.
Devin took a deep breath, How could someone who didn't even vist her or her parents would be considered a friend or even a lover.
Devin thought he was doing ok without Stevie, he didn't want to ruin that by going to her house. It would bring back to many memories of her.
Her smell, her eye color, anything.
But at the same time he didn't want to hurt her parents, they obviously were still grieving. And as the same reasons as his, the house only brought back constant memories of her.
With a deep sigh, and one last look at the two standing in front of him. "I'll be over first thing in the morning." fuck, he watched as relief washed over their faces.
"Thank you, so much. if either one of us isn't there, just let yourself in. See you tomorrow." She smiled, before walking off to her car. Leaving Devin and her now ex husband alone.
"Why haven't you gone to the grave?" He asked, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his trench coat. His eyes read, and filled with sorrow.
"I don't know, I've gone I just can't get out my car. Every time I go, I just watch the leaves blow by and I try to hold my tears back. It's like she's watching me, hurting because I forgot her." Devin spoke, biting his lip.
"Don't worry about it. I can't seem to vist her either. I just use to go with my wife, but now that I'm alone it's driving me crazy." He shrugged.
"I hate myself for doing that to my baby girl. I failed her, I was supposed to protect her. And I didn't." He cried, turning to face the other way looking off in the distance.
"We can't do nothing about it, our jobs were to love her and we did just that." Devin mumbled, placing his hand on his shoulder.
"Maybe we can... vist her together. So it's not as hard." Devin shrugged. Mathew looked up at the younger boy for a while.
"She probably set this up." He laughed, looking up at the twinkling stars up a head.
"Yeah." devin laughed. "she's the prettiest star in the sky right now."
"Yeah, the brightest one." Matthew smiled, pointing up at the moon.
OMNISCIENT
6:30 AM
A small breath left Devins lips as he placed his car in park. Looking up at the massive mansion in front of him.
The house looked the same, minus the dying flowers on the edge of the drive way.
His eyes drifted toward the backyard gate, memories of him and Stevie running out the gate towards his car. unaware of the future that lies within them.
"Devin! You made it!" Michelle's voice pulled him from out of his thoughts. He quickly nodded his head before getting out and walking up to her holding the small notebook in his hands.
"Uh, yeah."
"You can just straight up to her room,
make yourself at home." She smiled, blowing out a deep breath as she tightly gripped onto the box she held in her hands.
He nodded, walking past her straight into the house. His heart sped up as he walked up the stairs. quickly stopping at the top of the stairs as her room door stared back at him.
"Just a few feet." that same voice spoke, he sighed taking small steps before pushing the wooden door open leaving a small crack.
Her soft scent instantly hit his nose. Her room looked untouched. Like no one had been in here.
walking a couple feet into the minimalistic room. pictures of her and Devin on her nightstand by her bed, random art supplies around the room. Every little thing in her room scream her.
everything fit her.
Tears brimmed at his eyes as he picked up one of the pictures of them together. Sitting down on her bed as he softly cried.
"I miss you stevie, I lied. I'm not ok. I'm not. I don't know how I fake it but I did. I need you, I'm not brave enough to be alone. I have Elise, but she's not there for me to actually talk to her. I had kids, One boy Kaden and a girl on the way Laurel."
"I think I would be an ass if I said I wanted at least one child with you. Something to carry out our legacy. I still have Haven, but he has to stay with my parents until Elise can get mentally prepared for him. Whatever that means."
"I don't have that connection with Elise like how I do you. I just thought marrying her would take my mind off you. I was wrong, it only hid my pain and feelings."
"I didn't finish the book, I only have a page left. I was waiting on the perfect moment to read it." he chuckled, grabbing the book from besides him and flipping to the last page.
journal entry #23
Whew, this is the last one I'm writing, I've been very tired these last few days. I don't have energy to do anything.
no energy to talk, walk, eat, draw or paint. But i'm here forcing myself to write this to prove my love to you.
I hate cancer, and I hate chemo, I hate being sick. It took everything away from me. But not you.
I hate being sappy too, But for you seems like I do a lot of that.
I want to keep this one short, because I don't feel good and plus your on the way I can't risk you finding this.
With me losing more and more energy, the more I come to peace with death. I don't care anymore.
But I do care about you, and my family. I write this book so you know I'm always in your heart, until my dying breath. Until my heart stops, devin I'm here.
I'm here until you push me away, But i'll still be there like an annoying pimple that won't go away.
I love you Devin.
love, your wife
LUNA STEVIE WILSON-BOOKER
My whole life I spent it in a hospital, watching my parents take turns on who was going to spend the night with me.
And sometimes neither one of them would stay, I would be alone and I liked it.
When I was younger I would like to go by Luna. I liked the way people would question why that name, because my dad loved the moon.
He called me his moon, Because I was strong like the moon. I beat cancer once, so I knew I was strong.
But once it came back and twice as stronger, He stopped.
It hurt like hell, I knew in that moment both of my parents had given up on me. My mom was fearing having more children, because if they ended up like me she would lose her shit.
She never said it, but her eyes did when she looked at me.
The doctors said there was no way I was beating this. If someone were to put their head on my chest in that moment, you would hear nothing but the sound of my heart breaking.
I was coming up with everything to save me. I was so afraid of dying, scared.
I was scared of the dark, and would do anything for that feeling of darkness to leave.
But then, I've realized I was put on this Earth with no purpose. That wasn't true at all.
I donr know why God himself did this to me, and i'll ask him why for the rest of my life. I don't think I'll ever understand it. While being in the hospital, the nurses always gave me a sappy look.
until one day a nurse actually decided to talk to me. She had seen me pulling at my hair. She had told me I was beautiful without my hair too. She told me she had a friend that was taking chemo as well.
That's how I met Nelly. She always gave me warm hugs. When I first started chemo, nelly held my hand because my parents weren't there.
She was my best motherly figure. Nelly had told me, her daughter didn't think of her as a mother anymore. More as someone she had to take care of.
So Nelly would love to play mother to me.
And I loved it too.
i've grown as a person, I went from someone who hated God for putting me here only to kill me. But now, With the help of Devin. I feel I am here for a reason.
I put my selfish reasons aside and I fell in love with this man. I grew into something, he showed me that every one is here for something.
mine just so happened to be him.
Even when I was sick, he still showed me love.
I'm grateful for him.
so with my last words on this earth.
I love you Devin.
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𝗪𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝗠𝗿𝘀.𝗣𝗼𝗼𝗹𝗲..🫂
I'm done! I'm done!