Never have I ever wanted to gently strangle a person so bad in my life just for them to talk to me.
The lovely man I call my boyfriend has barely talked to me for the last three days. For the last seventy-two hours it been wake up together "Are you okay?" "Did you take your medicine?" "I made you breakfast." "I am going to work." Then he'll spend a few hours at the garage, come back to mines go to sleep together, and repeat.
He willingly comes to my apartment, spends the night, and then barely talks me. I'm going to rip my hair out.
What bothered me even more was I couldn't stop stressing over it, even when I was meditating. That really pissed me off.
Meditation was a time for peace, being at ease, and relaxing oneself, but even then he barges into my mind. In my imagination he doesn't speak though his handsome face appears and I'm left dwelling on how my imagination is far to similar to reality.
Maybe if I run away he'll feel bad and talk to me again.
I scoff at the thought. That was nine-year old me talking after my momma whooped my and I wanted her to feel guilty. Never went through with the whole runaway plan though.
"What do I do? I mean I know need to talk to him, but how do I approach the topic?" I smack, pulling the spoonful of cookie dough flavor ice cream from my mouth and handing Astryd the carton.
"Seduce him. Bribe him." She suggests taking the ice cream from my hand and scoops the dessert with her spoon.
I hum sarcastically, "The essentials of any healthy relationship: seduction and bribery."
We were sitting on my living room floor talking about all that has happened over the few days. The club. The hospital. Carter.
She shrugs, "I wouldn't know. Not in a relationship."
I grab the tub of ice cream from her, "But you're in a love triangle, though. That's gotta count for something."
She waves her spoon slumping against my light grey couch, "Maybe, but I don't even try to seduce or bribe Leo or Sorren. If I did I would be setting them in the category of the men at the strip club, and I care for them to stoop them that low." She sighs, her head tilted back against the couch as she looks up at the ceiling.
I eat a spoonful, "Do they know what happened?" I can already infer her answer but I ask for confirmation.
She scoffs shaking her head, "Absolutely not. As quiet and calm Sorren is he'd lose his shit. Not like Leo would though. Ren would stress himself out." She takes the ice cream as I hand to her.
"I remember one time I had accidentally cut myself making dinner and they went out of their minds. Sorren hates blood so he was panicking while trying to the cut at the same time while Leo kept cussing, unhelpfully so, while looking for the first aid. Sorren tried to force me to the hospital and the cut wasn't that deep. Leo wouldn't let me out his sight, Ren kept checking the cut every five minutes, and they hid the knives for weeks." She chuckles, reminiscing, and I got a good look at her.
There was a dim, warm look held in her brown irises as she stared up ahead, completely absent, and there was a smile tugged on her gloss coated lips. My best friend had it real bad.
"Do you love them?" I find myself asking, gently.
She looked at me slightly startled, eyes widen before they soften, "You know I can't choose."
I nod, "That's why I said them." I could see the turmoil brewing in her head.
"I can't answer that." She shakes her head, almost vulnerably, and I nod understanding.
"There's nothing wrong with that."
Silent blankets over us before she speaks again, "You're the first person to ask me if I loved them both. It's always Leo or Sorren, but I could never choose between the two. Why should I?" She rambles.
I can tell this has ran through her mind thousands of times. She sounds so conflicted, but tired of this topic nagging at her.
"Technically you don't have to." I shrug as she passes the ice cream to me and I take a scoop letting the dessert melt in my mouth.
She huffs, "God, I thought about that so many times Ivy," She exasperates, "but what if they don't want that? What if they want me to choose?" Her brows furrowed in frustration.
"You be honest."
"Does that make me greedy?" She asked
We spent some more time together eating ice cream and enjoying each other's country Astryd left to run some errands.
Then I was left alone with Lola, my thoughts, and an empty carton of ice cream, but I couldn't stop thinking about Carter.
We barely talked today.
The sun was setting and he wasn't here. He's probably at the office or the garage or his house thinking about how his girlfriend has such an indecisive heart it doesn't know how to operate correctly.
As easy and tempting as it was to succumb to the overwhelming thoughts that could only be deduced to conclusions and assumptions; I knew they weren't going to get me anywhere.
I blocked out the overthinking and just started moving. Moving to my keys. Moving to my phone. Moving out of the apartment. Moving to my car.
In this moment I find it better to just move without thinking so there's no room for second guessing. I'll probably regret it later but I'll handle it later.
He wasn't at the office, I checked.
Now I sit in my car in front of the garage with his car parked next to mine, and though the garage door was closed I could see light inside through the thin rectangular windows at the top.
I turn off the car before getting out and locking it. I walk to the glass door where a 'closed' sign hangs on the end, but I pull the door in hopes that it was unlock. It was.
Why didn't he lock the door? He must've been waiting for me. It's the only answer. That or he forgot to lock...no he was waiting for me.
I pass the front desk of the that took up most of the small lounge area, and I walk through another door that led me to the garage where I spot my boyfriend hunched under the hood of a car.
He wore a gray muscle shirt and messy jeans, both clothings dirty with black grease or oil stains and his bare shoulders and arms were glistening from the sheen of sweat that was making the shirt cling to his skin.
I could only see the back of his head, yet he looked so rugged and messy and hot. The messy clothes, the sweat, the ruffled hair. All of it.
He looked so in his element, but appearance it was slightly strange seeing him so imprecise. Of course I've seen him in sweats on rare occasions, pajamas, and such; but this. This was a new look and I liked it.
For a moment I was dazed by his appearance and I was just watching him like a creep, but when he moved to stand at his full height I snapped out of it.
"Carter." I finally said something and as much as an achievement it was when he turned and looked back at me my mouth could no longer function.
He makes no move to say anything, but he doesn't turn his back on me either.
No, instead he turns his body fully towards me and leans against the front of the car.
I couldn't get a read on him.
"We need to talk. The silent treatment isn't going to solve anything and is a form of manipulation to make one feel guilty, and though it's working I didn't take you for the manipulative type." I winging it.
I sigh annoyed, "You're upset." He said nothing casting me a glance as he turns his back on me and continues to work on the car.
Unbothered, which is bothering me.
We were standing across from each other our eyes glued to the other person. His grease covered shirt was flinging to his front and grease was all over his wrist and gloved hands.
"Take it out on me." I mutter to myself. I swear it was barely whisper, a joke to relax, it was so quiet a mouse could barely hear.
He pushes himself off the hood of the car and my brows furrow as anxiety jumps up my throat and I can only hope I choke on the nervousness before he say anything.
I turn around pretending to busy myself with whatever was on the table behind me. I hoped in some way this action made him think he was hearing things and going crazy instead of him trusting his good ears and knowing what I said.
"What?" His spoke lowly with a gruffness in the base of his voice.
I close my eyes to regroup and get myself together. I could lie, say it wasn't me but a ghosts, gaslight him into thinking there are voices in his head. Make him question his sanity and it only seems fair since he's making me question mine.
I glance at from over my tense shoulder, cluelessly, "Huh?"
He nods his head letting the hood of the car down before he walks out of the garage. I sigh in relief and letting my shoulders drop, and in disappointment that he walked away. I felt uneasy, probably because he barely said anything.
I regret not telling Carter about my condition, but I have it handled. Regardless I should've thought about how it would affect him but I didn't.
He walks back into the garage wiping his now clean hands with a paper towel throwing it in the bin beside the doorway.
Carter was trudging towards me and I have to admit I was slightly intimidated by his stance and the sinister look in his eyes, or maybe it's because his eyes haven't drifted from mine as he made his way to me.
My lips part in shocked, eyes wide, as he lifts me up onto the table. His hands cup under my thigh as he stands between them. "Why didn't you tell me?" His lips aren't far from mine and if I could just lean in, give in, and kiss him.
I suck in a harsh breath to get my head together, "I spent all of my life with this condition so I don't find it as significant as someone else who cares about me would, it's selfish. I'm use to it and I didn't think you wouldn't be."
He nods with a hum, "I am upset," His hand slips under my shorts ever so slightly, "And you want me to take it out on you. That is what you said, no?" His Italian accent seemed more prominent with the question making me want to melt.
"Maybe?" I shrug helplessly but trying to play it cool. He nods clearly not falling for my lie as his hands inch up my bare thigh.
His rough, calloused hands that had been working on cars all day were warm against the skin of my thigh and, despite his subtlety incensed demeanor, they were gentle and tender as they slipped higher.
His fingers skims the fabric of my underwear with his hand resting dangerously high on my thigh, "What pissed me off about the entirety of the situation was the possibility that if your condition were to be triggered while I was with you, I would not have a damn clue on what was wrong." He grits through his teeth and my chest ached at the hoarse rawness seeping through his harsh tone.
"Cariño." I breathe softly as I cup his face with my hands.
"And you would mention your health so casually, like that night on the beach, when you first slept over, or when we went swimming and I let it go over my head." He shakes his head. "You do understand that if something were to happens to you I would go out of my mind, yes?"
My chest heaves as he looks at me. Distress and vulnerability burning in his golden eyes.
I didn't know what to say. I was trapped between guilt and desire as his hand was fiddles with the hem of my underwear beneath my shorts. I nod nevertheless.
"So why is that you are driving me insane, perfectly unscathed?" It was a rhetorical question, but a answer was on the tip of my tongue.
That he was driving me insane being distant as we stood in the same room for the past three days. I was debating on whether to do something outlandish just to spark a conversation, like pretending to drown or shove a mushroom down his throat before stabbing him with an epiPen. Instead I talked to him in hopes of getting more than a sentence from him.
He continues, "I was in my head about the entire situation and I should not have been so guarded with you when there are things I haven't told you, but your healthy, Ivy, that is not something you bypass."
"What haven't you told me?" I ask, almost breathlessly, trying to be present in the conversation but his hand teasing the line if my underwear is distracting.
"If I tell you please do not look at me differently."
"I can't make any promises, but I can try." I said softly.
He exhales, "My family's business is illegal. It has lead to terrible misfortune and I could not be apart of it, and Alessandro took over when I did not." Vulnerability bled from him, and I find myself wrapping my arms around his neck.
"What's the business?" My fingers sink in the dark stands of his hair.
Silence passed between us and I knew he was hesitant. "The Italian Mafia."
I didn't mean to but I tense in his hold and so does he, but neither of pull away.
He was cautious with his tone and his touch turns gentle as his eyes scan my features for disapproval or maybe rejection. Either way he didn't find any.
What do I say to that? I'm slightly alarmed at this information, but I didn't want my silence to be interpreted negatively.
"Oh."
His shoulder slaughter shake as he chuckles quietly and shortly to himself before he becomes earnest. "I wanted no part of it so I moved to America. Me not telling you about my family's business was not honest on my part, but I don't participate in that. I stay as far away from it as I can, yet you were so close and I didn't even know it."
I press a kiss to his forehead, my lips lingering. "Let's keep the secrets to a minimum."
His lips softly tip upwards, "I agree."
My fingers slip from his hair, along his jaw, and gently I grasp his chin. I tilt his chin to ensure his eyes were on mine, "And don't pull that silent treatment shit on me again. From now on we talk about our problems, understand?" I was serious with my eyes narrow.
His tongue skims his bottom lips as he leans in, "I understand." His words fan against my lips.
"Good." I mutter, my eyes falling to his lip on their own accord and watch as charming grin appear.
"Good." He replies, his fingers brushing against the skin reminding me of their place high on my thigh under my shorts.
"Great." Warmth bubbles in me as my mind tends to be laser focused on his fingers twiddling with hem of my underwear.
"Fucking terrific." He dives interlocking his lips with mine causing me to inhale sharply at crashing touch.
My hand lose its grasp on his chin and I cup his face as my other hand combs through his hair.
He had laced his lips with some drug that made my mind fuzzy, my stomach warm, and caused my heart to beat rapidly; but that didn't stop me from pulling him closer til our bodies were pressed against one another.
A muffled sound of surprise comes from me as Carter lifts me off the table, and my legs lock around his hips as he moves us to a couch.
I don't know why there is a couch in a car garage but I'm not really complaining.
He sits in the couch with me straddling his lap and his hands slip from under my shorts to hide under my shirt.
His enticing touch made my skin hot and my clothes overwhelming as it moves higher up my waist.
I pull back for a breath of air, "Take it off." My chest rose and fell as my eyes met his hooded dilated ones.
He grips the hem of my shirt and I raise my arms as he pulls it over my head, leaving me in nude color bra.
He fondles my breast, squeezing the over my bra watching as I ground myself against him feeling erection beneath, nestled against core.
"Move your hips, girasole." He rasps, leaning in his nose grazes against my jawline and his tongue skims my neck.
I listen to him. I slowly grind my hips forward, my knees pushing into the couch cushion, feeling the warmth grow between my legs.
Carters hands slip around me to my bra clasp and he undos it. The undergarment loosening on me and I let fall off my arms discarding it somewhere beside me.
Carter groans as his thumbs brushes across my nipple watching as the brown skin harden under his fingers.
"Absolutely breathtaking you are." He whispers to himself before his lips enclose around the bud and my cheeks go warm.
I arch into him my lips parting at the sensation of his teeth grazing the skin as he sucks, and I move my hips as my hands fall into his hair.
I let my eyes fall close finding a sense of serenity in the pleasure, the heat, the need—
My phone rings.
Me and Carter simultaneously groan in annoyance his forehead resting against my chest and my chin resting in the hair on top of his head.
I try to get up but Carter holds me down on his lap, "Let it ring." His arms keeps a tight lock on my waist as he scatters kisses along my chest.
Laughter bubbles as a smile graces my lips, "What if it's important?"
"Then it will be important later." He pulls back to look as me as he bucks his hips, his length nudging in the right spot.
"I don't wanna get up either but I gotta answer it. You won't even notice." I slip from his tight grip standing up and walking over to my tote bag.
It felt weird and cold being topless in an unfamiliar environment. I felt exposed obviously, and Carter watching me didn't help.
"Hello?" I answer my phone walking back to the couch and I throw my shirt back on before Carter pulls me back to his lap. I was warm again.
"What the hell is wrong with—" A deep voice starts.
"Bryce, don't you use that language with my daughter!" The voice of my loving mother sounds from the phone as she scolds my dad.
"I'm just trynna figure out why her and her sister find it convenient to spend their time in hospitals. Is this like a sisterhood bonding experience I don't know about? Spend time at a hospital rate one or five stars?" My dad's humor was unique at best but it made me smile, though my mom didn't find it funny.
"My parents." I mouth to Carter. He nods.
"Bryce Taylor our daughter just got out the hospital. This is not the time for jokes." My mom scolds him, again.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry darlin'." I hear him apologize.
I chuckle, "Mama it's okay."
"No it's not okay. You had us worried when your abuela called us early in the morning telling us you were in the hospital." She expresses, distress clear as day in her words.
"I was just too stressed my heart started acting up." I said resting against Carter's chest.
He had made himself comfortable leaning back on the couch with his legs spread as I sat across his lap.
"What we're you doing up around four in the morning?" My dad asked referring to the time I was emitted into the hospital.
"You know the medication makes it hard to sleep." I remind, sheepishly. I didn't know why I was trying to keep my voice low when Carter knew and I was literally sitting on top of him, but this stuff isn't something I usually go screaming on the roof tops about.
"Do you need a new prescription? I could call your doctor and—"
"Mama." I interrupt her, "Thank you but I don't need a new prescription, this was just one slip up. I'm twenty-six years old I am capable of filing a new prescription. Please don't worry."
"I'm your mother. It's my job to worry, even over slip ups." I hear small sniffle and I frown.
"Great, you made my wife cry." My dad exasperates, "You're grounded, you demon." He orders, disappointed.
I feel Carter's chest rumble as he silently chuckles.
I chuckle at the name. My dad seems to have strange nicknames for me and my sister. He calls me a 'demon' and calls Delani my 'mothers spawn' or an ass when she calls him old. The loving and joking manner he calls us the names contradicts from the meaning.
"I'm two states away. You can't exactly ground me." I scoff.
"Yes I ca—"
"Ignore your dad, and honey stop calling her a demon. She's an angel." She scolds him, again, before talking to me, "Ives, will you still be able to make it to your dad's birthday?"
"Yeah, I'll fly out Friday and spend the weekend." I said.
"Okay. We'll talk to you later."
"Alright, love y'all."
"Love you too." They both respond before we end the call.
When I set my phone down looking to Carter he was already looking at me with soft eyes and a smile etched on his lips.
"What?" I ask with a small chuckle.
He shakes his head, his smile widening, "Nothing. I sometimes forget you have an accent."
I furrow my brows, "An American accent?" I ask and normally I would say I don't have one and he's the one with the actual accent but it's different from his perspective.
You hear your voice all your life so you don't really think you have an accent but the other person has one instead.
He shakes his head, "You're southern accent. With certain words I can hear it like when you said 'y'all' or when you called your mother 'mama'."
The two words sound foreign in his lips and made me laugh.
"I like it. Though from some movies I would have expected you sound like you talk with a piece of wheat in your mouth as you herd cattle. Yours accent is better." He said resting his chin on my shoulder.
"Depends on what part of the south you're in. I'm from Dallas so you won't be hearing a whole lot of people yelling 'yee haw'." I shrug and his smile widens. I roll my eyes.
"They won't say what?" He asked teasingly.
"Nothing."
He laughs at my lack of enthusiasm I send him, "Just once, girasole, and I will not ask again."
It was my fault. I looked into his golden eyes and gave in without really even trying.
"Yee haw." I mutter unimpressed as he was smiling I gifted the greatest gift on Earth.
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<3🤠