Jisung's eyes flutter open, squinting at the harsh white lights.
Am I... dead?
He realizes he's in bed and there's something on his face, pushing air down his throat and helping him breath.
What is this?
His body feels light and heavy at the same time. Plus, it feels really tired too. His head is cloudy and mind slow, but his heart is running miles already.
As he gets used to the light, he tries to sit up to see properly what is going on.
As he does that, he groans; Moving feels like a real challenge. His forearms ache and as he looks down at them he sees a white, thick gauze wrapped around them, squeezing so tightly it's starting to feel uncomfortable.
He hears repeated beeping next to him and smells disinfectant. He looks around, eyes focusing, and he recognizes nothing but an unfamiliar looking room he is in.
Am I in... in hospital?
But why? How?
Jisung leans against the headboard, placing his hands in his lap.
What am I supposed to do now?
And where is everyone else?
Jisung's throat feels raw and dry - He could use a cup of water right now. He looks around the featureless room until his eyes halt at the bed side table. A cup of water stands proudly there, like it was meant for Jisung.
No one will notice if I take a little sip.
He reaches for it but his joints feel very weighty, cracking loudly and making Jisung cringe. They feel like hinges that haven't been oiled in years.
He pulls back, retreating with a pout. He can't reach the bed side table.
He huffs in annoyance and leans back again.
Great.
There are a big window on the other side of the room which attracts Jisung's interest next. Perhaps, he could hop out of this bed and carefully walk there. It's just a few steps so it wouldn't take long.
I just really want to look outside. I want to know what heaven looks like. Or wherever I am right now.
He places his hand on the plastic feeling mask he's wearing and just as he's about to peel it off the closed, gray door to the room opens.
The person rushing in stops dead in their tracks instantly. Jisung makes an eye contact with-
Minho.
It's Minho.
What is Minho doing here?
"Jisung?" the brunette asks, wide eyes blinking, as if he couldn't believe what he's seeing.
Is this a dream? Oh, I wish I knew.
Can't anyone tell me what haz happened?
Jisung just looks at the other confused, questions whirling in his head.
Minho's eyes shine and he looks... surprised. Like something he has been waiting for years has been finally granted to him.
Otherwise, it's hard to read Minho.
"Oh, God... Jisung" Minho exhales, voice trembling slightly. Minho takes small, slow steps to Jisung and sits down on the chair next to the bed. "How are you feeling? Are you in pain? Are you-"
He looks like he's holding himself back, like Jisung would break at any blink of an eye if Minho is not careful around him.
Minho eyes him all over, like in front of him would be the most precious jewel in the whole world. He looks amazed, however, his eyes are soon swimming in tears. He blinks them away.
Jisung wants to say something but he doesn't know what. He doesn't think he even knows how. He clears his throat but at the same second Minho is up and pressing the red button on the wall. Jisung winces slightly at the sudden movement.
Minho looks taken aback. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you"
Jisung looks away, fidgeting with his fingers.
What should I do now?
Jisung gathers his thoughts and tries to word them in a right way.
"M-" is all Jisung is able to get out.
"No, no, don't speak, it's okay" Minho reassures him.
He seems to hesitate for a moment before he cups Jisung's face in his palms and knocks their foreheads agsinst each other, gently of course. "It's okay, okay? You're okay" Minho murmurs and retreats, looking deeply into Jisung's eyes, like he would be trying to get a read of his soul. Minho presses his lips against Jisung's forehead. "I missed you so much" Minho whispers against Jisung's skin.
He pulls back, completely this time, but stays close. He takes Jisung's other hand in his, squeezing.
"You're... You're okay, just relax, it's all okay" Minho continues to rant. Jisung tries to take in what he says, closing his eyes and focusing on the proximity of Minho's presence.
"I love you so much, Sungie..." Minho confesses which make Jisung feel suddenly warm all over.
~~~
"Jisung, please, calm down, hey, it's okay, don't cry" Minho rushes as he hugs the boy in his arms even tighter.
The sobbing doesn't stop, on the contrary, only increasing. They're so loud and painful, breaking Minho's heart over and over again.
The doctor came in an hour ago, examining Jisung and asking him questions Jisung didn't seem have an answer.
However, Jisung has gotten his voice back as well as his ability to speak. Although, the havoc of thoughts and the messy mixture of feelings haven't been solved or assorted yet. Minho can sre how overwhelmed the poor boy is.
The doctor told Jisung some little things about what has happened but it's a fact that only Jisung knows details. Everyone else can only guess.
Well, if Jisung even remembers.
Jisung does though.
As soon as he realized what had exactly happened, all those painful memories flooding his already overflowing mind, hit him straight in the face.
The guilt, the anger, the disappointment boiling on the surface out of all other emotions.
I didn't succeed. I didn't die. Why is it even possible that this happened? What were the odds? God, I'm so unlucky. I'm so stupid.
I was so sure... I was so sure I was going to-
"Shh, Jisungie... please, breath with me" Minho is cupping his face and searching for his eyes. Jisung closes them, more tears escaping even from under the closed eyelids. He buries his face in his hands, feeling so small.
Minho's brows are furrowed and he looks at Jisung in empathy. Seeing Jisung hurting hurts him as well.
Minho is clueless, wanting Jisung to calm down and be okay. But he also wants to know more.
He just has to wait for Jisung to make the move, with his pace. He will be ready when Jisung is ready, that's for sure.
Jisung ends up crying himself to sleep, passing out out of the exhaustion. Minho dries the tears away, running his finger's on the younger's sunken cheeks.
Soyeon was there earlier when the doctor came. She has been mostly remaining calm but Minho can see how she truly feels in her eyes. The way she can't look at Jisung for too long, face nautral but eyes full of emotion and fear.
She has kept her visits short as well. She has been busy with moving and dealing with some finance stuff. If Minho is being honest, he doesn't care where the woman is. He just cares about Jisung and knowing Jisung cares about his mom, Minho feels like he has to ask the woman abut her wellbeing as well from time to time.
Minho sighs, pulling the blanket further on Jisung so he doesn't get cold and then leaning back on the uncomfortable plastic chair.
Jisung usually stays asleep for a few hours; He has been sleeping a lot. Well, it's anticipated seeing he's still recovering.
Jisung woke up a day ago and his body is really weak. He has been able to eat a few spoons of apple sauce and take little sips of water. That will have to do for now.
Minho hasn't been able to eat much either. He's constantly on an alarm mode, ready to listen to Jisung and help him. It's exhausting and Minho is dead tired. He's been napping when Jisung's asleep, head pillow on Jisung's tummy.
He has only little in his hands. All he is able to do is wait and offer Jisung support, time and space. And even if Jisung sometimes screams at him to hate him, to get out and to break up with him, Minho stays. He may leave the room, but he stays hovering in the hallway and maybe gets himself coffee to clear his head.
Jisung is a mess of emotions, sensitive and exhausted, but it's not like it's Jisung's fault. All kinds of news drain Jisung and takes his energy away. Jisung isn't one to be blamed for everything being too much for him. Minho understands him on a certain level.
The point is: Minho stays, always.
And if Jisung breaks down again, apologising over and over, Minho doesn't mind. Seeing, when Jisung is hurting, Minho is hurting.
~~~
"Minho..." Jisung calls for his boyfriend who is on the other side of the room, filling some papers.
"Yeah?"
"I think I'm ready"
Minho pauses and turns to Jisung, one eyebrow raised.
"Really? Jisung, you don't have to rush anything, we'll talk when you're truly-
"But I am ready, I have to be, sooner better than later" Jisung claims, voice serious.
Minho sighs, gets up and goes to Jisung. He sits on the mattress next to the younger and takes his other hand in his.
"I'm here"
Jisung takes a deep breath, watching Minho playing with his fingers. He has been mentally preparing himself for a couple of days now. There is no way out of this.
Even if he was never ready, he feels the need to tell someone. He's afraid the memories, especially the clearest ones, are going appear in his dreams if he doesn't let them out in the open.
He decides to just go with the flow, since if he makes plan on what to say and how to word things, it'll make him panic if things don't go according to that plan.
He already feels awful. Minho has to know the truth.
"I... Where do I begin?" Jisung sighs, shaking his head.
"Why don't you start at the moment you left that night? You said you were meeting someone?"
Jisung thinks for a moment.
"It was my- my dad... Park Johoon. He had texted me maybe... maybe a week earlier. I have no idea how he had gotten my number but... yeah... I went to meet him since he insisted on meeting" Jisung explains. Minho listens attentively, silently supporting him to go on.
"And obviously, I said yes, because... because well, he was my father, duh! And refusing would have been rude and I really wanted to give him a good first impression of me..."
"He was nice at first... A bit weird and he had this... mystic vibe... and I was sure he was my real dad, he knew my mom too but... that certainty died down soon"
"What happened then? Where did you guys meet?"
"We went to have dinner, he insisted on paying everything, the taxi, the food... We talked about random things and then... I thought that was it but he..."
Jisung reminds himself to breath since he catches himself getting teary and choked up. The memories- God, can someone erase them for him?
"Did he do something?"
"He insisted on going back to the hotel where he first met... So, we went to his h-hotel room... I don't know why I went with him, maybe I just didn't want to disappoint him or whatever" Jisung speaks, voice shaking slightly. As he goes the story through, voicing the his thoughts and memories, he realizes just how stupid he has been.
What was he thinking?
"Anyway, I noticed something changed in him. I refused a glass of wine and then he just... I don't know what exactly happened, it all happened so fast" Jisung's voice breaks. It's getting harder to breath, his airways closing dangerously.
"You don't have to continue if-"
"No, Minho, don't say anything, let me finish"
Minho nods quietly and goes back to drawing mindless shapes on Jisung's palm
"He pushed me and my head hit the wall... after that everything I remember is blurry... I remember the pain"
"In your head?"
"Yeah and- and..."
Jisung isn't sure if he's mentally able to say the next thing. It could help the police to investigate as well as the doctor to get a better view of his injuries. And even if Jisung didn't reveal the most painful memory, it would haunt him forever still.
So, it's better to share it now. It's better to be honest.
"Minho, I... He held me on the ground, I couldn't escape, I didn't want it, I swear! It hurt, it hurt so fucking much-"
"Jisung, what are you saying?"
"He... he took off his pants and then he took off mine and-"
Minho doesn't know how he manages to grasp what Jisung is trying to stutter out but he does and his eyes widen in realization. His heart absolutely stops.
It can't be, can it? How much has Jisung been suffering? And all on his own?
"Jisung... You have to be honest with me right now... Let me clarify... Did he do something- something sexual to you?"
Jisung is now completely gone, sobbing once again. Minho can make out him nodding though, Minho's worst fears coming true.
"Oh, honey..."
"I'm so sorry, Minho, I'm so disgusting, please, I understand if you want to stay away-" Jisung starts apologising again, trying to pull his hand away from Minho but Minho grips him harder.
"No, no, no, Jisung, God... no" Minho stands up and Jisung flinches.
"If you want to leave-"
"I'm not leaving, Jisung, oh, Lord... you've been raped, Jisung. Do you understand how serious that is? It's a crime, baby" Minho explains, tone serious but gentle. Jisung seems to cry even harder at that. Minho wraps his arms around him as he sobs and hiccups.
When Jisung seems to calm down enough for him to speak somewhat clearly again, he continues.
"When he f-finished, he yelled at me to leave, so I did... I-I ran so fast, I don't think I've ever run that fast before but... but it was hard since I was sore and tired and..." Jisung sniffles. Minho wipes the escaping tears away but they aren't stopping.
The pain in Jisung's eyes are like knives straight to Minho's heart. It's like Jisung is imagining it all and getting lost in his own head.
"I fell down and knew I had no chances to get home or get help like that... It was late, so damn cold and there was no one out there... I felt so helpless, so scared... I found this alley which was close, it provided a place where I couldn't be noticed, I don't know why I went there but..." Jisung explains, turning his head to look outside the window.
"The pain was so... so excruciating... I was just hurting all over, physically and mentally and... I saw these shards of glass on the ground and... yeah"
You can imagine what happened next.
Minho does or at least tries his best to imagine and emphasize. He feels sick to his stomach.
How much has Jisung been through?
Jisung doesn't seem to be a good to continue, staying silent for now. Minho doesn't pressure him into anything, just hugs him tighter.
"Thank you for telling me, you're so strong and so brave, I love you" Minho whispers against Jisung's hair and presses a kiss against it afterwards.
"I love you too, hyung"
~~~
The police managed to find the man. However, the man didn't comment on anything he was asked about and the whole process was kind of useless. The man was let out and the case was left that way. It was kind of Jisung's wish to be left in peace. He didn't feel any need to sue the man or anything. He just wanted recover in peace, at home and with Minho.
People were against it at first, especially Minho and Soyeon, claiming the man has to be punished. But the way Jisung got so distressed and overwhelmed by the whole discussion, it was left the way Jisung wished it to be left.
Jisung recovered well, still having been a bit weak when he was released from the hospital. And the mental, the emotional scars were even deeper, but they found a therapist for him and weekly visits. Minho accompanies him every time.
Jisung continues to live with Minho and firstly, after he had returned home, he got a few weeks off due to the whole incident. He needs time to rest and recover and not to worry his little head too much. Plus, it will most likely take years for him to be completely okay again, even if the physical wounds have already healed.
If anyone is ever completely okay.
Soyeon moved back to Seoul. She told the boys how Josh had been caught red handed cheating. Well, the cheating didn't turn out to be only cheating. It turned out thay Josh had a wife and two children already, which had been a massive shock to Soyeon.
The rest is history.
It's a christmas eve now and one of Minho's greatest wishes have been granted to him today; spending christmas together with Jisung. Minho can call himself the happiest man on earth with ease and without stuttering. Jisung seems to be happier as well which is all that matters to Minho.
Minho is a humble person but he will forever feel proud of himself for listening to the gut feeling and going out to the cold winterly night of Seoul that night. He feels so lucky he was able to save Jisung and he will keep doing that over and over if it means Jisung will be okay in the end.
Now, they can get back to start line together, side by side.
~~~
So that I won't be in pain
in that dream
I want to call you quietly
I can't forget
Would I return to the last if I want
I know one word would make a change
The word I couldn't say
Don't send me locked in the deep dreams
~~~
I have a love-hate relationship with endings that aren't happy so I wanted to write an alternative ending for those who crave for something more hopeful
:D