The warmth she was wrapped in felt like the most comforting way to wake up on a morning when the sun was already beaming, birds sounding, and most especially when she began feeling the calm after a tiresome storm. It was quiet, and there was stillness.
Her eyes were pained each time she'd blink, a constant sting, and rubbing them hadn't made it go away. Agnetha laid facing the direction of the open door which led to the bathroom, observing the minimal details of cluttered items that were knocked over or not put away, reminding her how disorganized she had left things last night. Now with a gap through the dark curtains, daylight pushed through the room and she saw it all too clearly.
Over her hip she felt Björn's arm rest over, a weight she undoubtedly always enjoyed as it gave her a sense of security in the simplest form. It wasn't all she felt of him, however, noting now that he was closely pressed to her, making her aware of a few things. For instance the heat of his body, the breath on her shoulder, and a friend who had not greeted her in well over a week. Well, until last night, she thought.
Last night. She closed her eyes recalling what a mess she made, her emotions taking the best of her. Something that could have ended smoothly evolved into something, more or less, disappointing. She didn't want to remember it and part of her hoped Björn had totally forgotten about it.
Agnetha turned over her shoulder again and watched him, a snore gently sounding at his inhales. Her thought now was how he must have hugged her again during the night, even if she had turned away, even if she had left him uneasy with the way she had left him, not once but twice— running away to the archipelagos was one, and ending the night the way she did was another.
Nonetheless, she hadn't woken up like this in a while that it almost surprised her to have felt him still holding onto her. Her sigh was to herself as she turned back over, relaxing once again, and preparing herself for what the day would turn into. Taking a glance at her cell phone on the night stand, she checked the time; just after six in the morning.
The woman had left the bed and made her way around, finding the pan she used for self defense last night. Agnetha winced and rolled her eyes at her choices. This one was forgotten until now... At least it was by her. If she had not recognized Björn, she was going to swing at him. They'd be in more trouble with one another, that was for sure. He might never forgive her, and leaving to the summerhouse without telling him would no longer be the worst thing she might've done that night.
Not much later was when her other half had awoken, yet again finding that there within his chest was the unsettled feeling coming back to him. The bed on her side was not only empty but already cooler, telling him that she had been up for a while now. His bare feet on the cold floor had been perhaps the only good feeling on his body. He took care of his needs first thing, doing everything he needed to with taking his time, and then he sought her out throughout the large summerhouse. He did not find her anywhere he looked, and he had called out to her on several attempts. She couldn't have possibly ran away again. He hadn't known what her issue was. Sure there was pressure from what she had seen yesterday, he equally hated it, but he had only followed what she approved and by their talk last night that problem seemed to have been solved. Until the next shift in mood took him by surprise, just when he thought he'd settled the first of their issues.
"Agnetha," he called out on the patio beneath the blue sky. He had stepped out of the house and realized immediately the area beneath his feet was wet, understanding she must have washed the area. His toes wiggled and he grimaced at the sensation. There she was, he found, occupied with a watering can, gardening gloves, and scissors. "You can't honestly tell me you hadn't heard me calling earlier?" She turned over her shoulder with a wince from the sun, and he was rewarded with her glowing clean face and waves of blonde hair falling over her shoulders.
"Björn, how the hell will I hear you out here?" She answered him, putting her gloves on and resuming her work.
"I have been calling for you for five minutes, you know."
"Honestly where do you expect me to go? Of course I am going to be here."
"Really?" he retorted louder so that his answer could reach her. "After yesterday I can expect you to leave me for Mars. How the hell will I know?" He had watched her turn and though unheard he totally had felt the scoff exhale from her chest. The following of her eye roll confirmed it. "Please come up, Anna, I want to talk to you about something."
"Björn, let me finish and we'll talk later." His eyes had fallen across the length of her body, seeing her wrapped warmly from the morning breeze with a long blue robe, which was his of course, and black clogs on her feet. He shifted a bit irritably.
"And if I can't wait until later?"
"Let me do my work, will you? If it's so important you talk to me, come to me. I can't go to you right now. I am in the middle of this."
Only she would take up gardening at this hour, in a cozy night robe. He wouldn't take a step further outside without shoes. For one, she took his clogs too, and second he refused to go back inside to find another pair. To hell with it. He shifted around ready to open the door until he had seen something that caused a light bulb to turn on in his head, a tool he considered would put him in danger, but knowing that he needed her attention, in whatever form it came in, he would do it. They had much to resolve still that they hadn't worked out the night before, and he wouldn't go further into their day without having it fixed. If she was going to be even angrier with him, at least she would turn to face him and he would be able to have her attention pronto.
The woman bowing to clean the tree of roses just a bit further down on the lawn gasped and jumped, turning around furiously and she had no control over the words that shot from her mouth.
"Are you fucking serious, Björn?" she turned, waving her arms and growling angrily. Her back was soaked entirely from the cold water that had come from the watering hose.
"Very." He responded. It couldn't be so bad. It was just water. She would dry in the sun in no time. "I need you up here. Now, Agnetha." He pressed against the nozzle one more time, infuriating her more as she jerked from the splash of it against her, as if she feared water. As if she had no time to prepare herself. Björn's poor ability to hide his laugh brought on instant trouble. The smile was short lived and evolved into a frown as he moved aside quickly, dodging the small gardening shovel she had thrown at him, like a first reaction she didn't even need to consider.
"Enough!"
"You know, maybe if you'd thrown the scissor, your chance of hitting me could possibly have been better."
"Is this your goal today? Hm? To annoy me? Have you really nothing better to do?"
"Now that you mention it, I suppose I can always call up the new girlfriend you assigned me to and see how her morning's been after yesterday, if you really want me to do that." Her brows raised dangerously at him, and it felt this way because of how silent and still she became when she'd heard it.
"Wow," she breathed.
He watched her drop her items irritably and grumble her way up the steps to the house. That had done it. Björn listened to the list of words that left her mouth under her breath, things he hadn't been able to understand at all, and that didn't matter. She didn't care if he heard anything at all. Agnetha didn't look at him, and had only pushed through to get past him but he blocked her. She thought to herself that she would've let him off with everything, but how could she be surprised? He knew exactly what to say to make it worse.
"Wait. I didn't mean that."
"Björn, let me pass or so God help me—"
"No, no. You are not going inside," he groaned. "You're not getting past until you talk to me. Normally. I called you up because I want you to talk to me. Anna, look at me," he urged, frustratedly. Her tightly furrowed brows as she raised her eyes to him elicited her equal annoyance, but somehow the look he found crushed him this morning. Her eyes were red. They were puffy. And tired. Broken. Now he really knew she had been crying the night before, and not just a little. She might have started her day off today that way too.
"What do you want right now? For me to say 'Good morning, Björn?'"
"To fix things! Something is bothering you still and instead you put me aside, when you know entirely that your problem is my problem too."
"And you think, 'Ah let me splash her and piss her off to get her attention'. That's your wise idea?"
"Frankly... yes. It was," he answered. Her amusement with him was not there to be found, she rolled her eyes and pushed forward, but couldn't move further than half a step.
"Alright! Alright. I am sorry I splashed you like that. That was stupid."
"It was." She said over his words, and before he was finished.
"Will you just talk to me?"
"No. Because I don't have the time or energy to talk about anything, Björn. I am cranky, I am emotionally tired, and I need my own space to get over everything in my own way. And with you, you stay acting like a child to get me to talk to you, do you know what that does?" she wondered. "It stresses me more, Björn. It stresses me like you wouldn't believe, because just when the thinking in my head stops, you let it start again, and you do it so easily so carelessly so—"
"Anna," he interrupted.
"Annoyingly that I can't get past my day like I want to because you remind me again that I am avoiding something."
"Agn—"
"What?" Agnetha snapped. "And you wonder why I don't want to talk. I am trying to tell you. You don't even let me," she breathed heavily, she made another attempt to leave but he pulled her back in front of him. He truly couldn't make up his mind. The woman was as equally bizarre as she was adorable, telling him she would rather not talk about it and proceeding to complain to him.
"Okay. Sorry. Go on," he encouraged. "Tell me... Please. Please, baby, I want to hear what you have to say." Agnetha shook her head and took a breath before she went on.
"I woke up this morning, I checked my phone and it could have been the worst mistake, I knew better than to. But it started all over again, so I left it to garden, and just when finally I am distracted enough, you come to burst my bubble, push my buttons and remind me exactly what it is that's getting under my skin. So honestly, that is what it is." His arms still held her close to him, even had it become lighter. She found questions in his gaze now and taking in a different form of understanding in his eyes that she hadn't seen before.
"Do you love me?"
"What?" she breathed very softly, her face paling.
"Do you still love me, Agnetha? Do you love me?" Very gently, tenderly with tears clouding her tired eyes, she scoffed sadly to answer him.
"Björn, of all the fifty years I've known you that might have been the most ridiculous and possibly the stupidest question you have ever asked me."
"Then what was it last night?" Her gulp as she straightened came as she put her eyes to the ground, attempting to step back but he took the same step with her. "Cause to me, it's almost as if you needed me to love you, but just didn't want me to. You didn't want anything at all. Not really. You just left it at that. And this morning I am bothering you and pushing your buttons, bursting your bubble. You don't want me." That interpretation hadn't even crossed her mind.
"That's not true—"
"It isn't?" he countered, recalling that he was pleased but she carried it out like a duty. How could she explain this one, she thought.
"I love you," Agnetha whispered, words that she wholeheartedly felt. "You are all I want. And I know you love me," Agnetha shared. "But I just don't know if one day you might ever not." He gazed at her face, her eyes to her lips and there was the same reciprocation, her eyes passing the same features on his face.
"Now that, Agnetha," he sighed, "Might be the most ridiculous and possibly the stupidest thing you've ever said in the fifty-four years that I've loved you."
"What if you change your mind?" she asked.
"Have I ever gave you a reason to doubt my feelings? I've loved you even throughout my 40 year marriage. I've loved you for more than half my life. You do believe that, don't you?" He pulled her closer with an arm around her which she didn't fight off. She was too emotional now, more sentimental because she had already spent the previous day in tears and the affect was still there weighing on her. His palm curled around her face, cupping her cheek and deeply kissing her. "Don't you?" The touch lingered when they parted, as if something heavy had lifted and the emptiness was something they did not want to feel.
"I do."
"Good," he kissed her again. It was like she knew what he was doing.
"I am angry still," she whispered to his lips. "Björn, I am ang—"
"Be angry. You can be angry and frustrated." He looked into her eyes, just as if he were pleading her. "But even when you are I still need you to love me. I'll give you your space. Just don't turn from me. We will never be able to work anything out like that. We know that too well."
Her arms raised to his shoulders listening to him say that, and so simply, she allowed him to wrap his arms around her body to pull her in until there wasn't space for air to pass between their bodies from a gap. She was the one who kissed him deeply. Yes, she needed her own space often times, but not when it came to him. He was the only one who she hated to have space from. Perhaps that was the root of her problems and she didn't even know it. Pulling her tightly, he felt the weight of her against him. He had not realized the steps he took backwards would cause him to stumble back into a chair, but what a relief it was... to continue what they brought on in comfort. Her kisses met him impatiently, with need, and lovingly as if it cured the unease in their chests. How does it get like this, they wondered.
"I couldn't stop needing or wanting you if I tried," she answered him finally, forehead to his. She settled just above him and their attentions both perfectly captured by each other and nothing else. Not one glance of distraction to a wild animal passing by along the grass, an airplane flying overhead, or a boat passing on the sea.
"And do you really think that I could?" Björn questioned. "Seriously, Agnetha, I need to know. Do you think so? Do you think for a minute that it would ever not be you for me?"
"I don't know, Björn. I don't know. Is this what we are fighting about now?" she whispered with her head down. "A minute ago, I would have said it was about you calling up the new girlfriend I assigned," she said sharply. The comment wasn't forgotten. He kissed her to forgive him and make her forget.
"I would have said it might have been about you throwing gardening tools at me," he told her, his words ended with a tug on the belt that tied against her waist, just to put his arms around her.
"Maybe it wouldn't have happened if you didn't shoot water at me," she retorted, "Don't you think?" she breathed, removing the dirty gloves off her hands, ones she only now had the opportunity to lose. She bent a bit lower and she collided her mouth with his, feeling that he pulled her to deepen it like he would never taste her again.
"Well, tell me, Agnetha... Don't you hate being ignored? You ignore me. And I absolutely hate that." He claimed her again, forming silence before her response.
"I wasn't ignoring you. I am not ignoring you," she breathed against him, not knowing how the words were able to escape.
"Oh. Yeah, after I gave you no choice." She felt his lips trace up and back down and then over to the other side of her neck. He was lost with her, totally and completely. "I'd love to kiss all of you, Agnetha," he whispered affectionately. "The places of you I can reach and the places I can't."
When she had pulled from him he found her rosed up, a look in her eyes that he hadn't doubted she'd found in his. The hesitation did not make it any easier, she was sitting above him, heart racing, mind running just as fast and parts of her body feeling parts of his. Their pause was only made to note each other, like two greedy loving souls who only cared for what the other had that moment. They craved and craved more when they remembered exactly what they do to one another. Her hand was the first to move along his body, over his chest, towards his abdomen. Given that, she also was the very first to pull herself away, leaving him to protest the distance she had put. Agnetha was wobbly standing on her feet again, but she made it up and he almost followed thinking she was going to leave him again.
"Let go," she hoarsely breathed and he listened to that command without thinking about it. But this time he was surprised. She wasn't suddenly leaving him. She dropped to the ground what she wore beneath his blue robe which he wished she'd keep forever at this point. Agnetha watched the way his mouth curved to a delicious smirk when he had noticed it was more than the clogs, more than the robe that was his. She had even taken his pajama pants and tee. Everything looked better on her. Her ice blue eyes followed him as he removed his own and he accepted her back to her place quickly.
What a relief when they hugged, holding onto each other dearly and adoringly, like they had not just exhausted each other with problems that looked so minor by now. Agnetha felt his palms roam her waist, up her back and around again. He didn't leave an area untouched, whether covered or not. His mouth settled against her neck, soft murmurs left behind for her to pick up in between.
Björn was pleased to find her straighten up because her desire to unclothe herself down to less came unexpectedly. They were still outdoors and as guarded as the home was he was afraid there might be anyone else to catch her this way, even if it might be a bird innocently pecking at a tree. She lost the shirt impatiently, wriggling out of it awkwardly. The shirt she wore being thrown aside caused a near inaudible groan to leave his throat, and her eyes locked only on his even if he was occupied with looking at what she revealed to him. Almost instantly the robe she had around her went back up her shoulders, like he was protecting her from everything but his eyes that lingered on areas he loved. That look he had gave her all she needed to feel satisfied, it caused a rush to flow through her body knowing that she was the one who'd excite him this way. Did he know that was all it took?
This woman he loved who he was sure liked to drive him insane on normal days had felt warmth in different areas now, all different reasons. The sun, the heat, his body and hers, his hands and his mouth on her, her breath and his becoming a combined mix to enjoyably overwhelm. They moved in rhythms that turned into one and they sighed a shared exhale to one another, feeling the sweat form on their foreheads and against their backs. Suddenly, everything they had felt endless.
"My God, Björn," she panted while he whispered all the things she needed to hear against her ear. Moving her was just the half of it. "I'm—"
"I know," he breathed encouragingly. "I know you are."
She had a chuckle that killed him and only when he felt her grip on everything for her life did he give it a break from his words. He felt satisfied, emotionally and mentally. Her head pulled back from his as she sat up and he met her eyes, blue pools gleaming at him with hunger. It was all so steady. She had better control than him even in the same moment he felt her losing herself. She moved steadily, precisely taking what she didn't give herself the night before right until the pulsing and the beating of her heart calmed. Total relief. Equal relief.
"I love you," she mumbled against his face, arms wrapped around the top of his shoulders. She had lowered to him calmly, like at last all her battles had ended.
"I love you," Björn repeated to her lips, stroking the waves of her crinkled blonde hair. "Agnetha, I love you, and each day I find that I love you more than I thought I could the day before."
"It is a mystery how you still do."
"Don't doubt my love for you." Her hand stroked over his face. Silence came in to rest between them for a few moments as they caught breaths.
"You held her hand," she whispered, head rested on his shoulder. His eyes squinted with his thoughts.
"You told me to."
"I didn't think you would."
"You know, you also could have warned me about the necklace." Her chuckle was deep and warm. "Is that what it was?" he asked her after she said nothing. "That I held her hand?"
"No," Agnetha answered. "It's all of it. It made me anxious. So I made it here. But even with that, my phone is chiming with News and I can't escape it either. It frustrated me. I needed to occupy myself with something, so I busied myself with leaving the city. And this morning... I don't know. It started all over again."
"Who brought you here?" Her eyes flashed down to his and away.
"No one in particular," she said quickly, casually, voice pitched. And he knew she was keeping something. "I just made a call and an hour later I was here."
"Agnetha—"
"Let me get up. Björn, it doesn't matter. It was yesterday." He had a lot to think about now. She was running away again. She got more nervous when his face froze like he thought of something that he didn't enjoy the thought of.
"Just tell me it wasn't—"
"It wasn't." She eased him but it lasted for a moment and only so he couldn't name anyone. He held her tighter, keeping her from leaving him. There was something he saw in her eyes that told him differently.
"Anna—"
"It wasn't!" she snickered, then added very quietly and playfully, "Just his relative."
"No. You are kidding," he said seriously, warning her to not mess with him. He watched her bite her lip and slowly, and awkwardly stand up. She wouldn't say more and he left it at that. It was almost better not knowing though the thought of it got under his skin. "Where are you going now?" he sighed, standing with her and adjusting himself and his clothes. She tied her robe, waved a hand at herself tiredly before bowing down to the ground to pick up the clothes she abandoned at least twenty-five minutes ago.
"To take a nice, clean shower."
"Then I am going to make a pot of coffee," he offered. She rolled her eyes humorously at the both of them. Like nothing ever happened.
"Brilliant idea."
"Don't take too long. Twenty minutes and you'll be out here?"
"Less."
And indeed it didn't take her long. Before they knew it she was sitting on the outdoor sofa, legs up like he had from sitting on the lone chair beside her. Their small conversation had been calm now after they reflected on things alone before rejoining. She listened to his phone ring, apparently he had missed a lot of calls that early morning from what he told her. It had been Klara on the other end giving him updates, checking in on him, and working out a few matters. She confirmed that Expressen would release the statement from Lena which they'd prepared earlier in the week to be sent out within the next 24 hours. Agnetha listened to him talk and with how he answered she knew he snuck a few articles when she was in the shower and caught up with a few things. Everything related to the event showed how press heavy it was and specifically on the new romance.
He was off the phone in a rush, noticing Agnetha take sips of coffee quietly and peacefully. He promised to take it easy for the day, and he would. Truthfully, both needed that. He'd be back on top of things by tomorrow, that could be promised like sunrise.
"What does she say?"
"It is just as it should be. The media is left and right about it."
"Funnily, she might be the only one who has that point of view on this situation," she chuckled. "Does it affect you, Björn? How can you be calm?"
"What more can they say about me, Agnetha? I am 77 and I don't care what they might say now. In the end I know who I am. You know who I am. So if they want a side of me that is out there to know, I just gave them what they want. The important part is what's true to me, in my private life— I keep it to me. I keep you to me and that in the end is the most important thing." He saw tears in her eyes with her understanding and it was growing similarly to him.
"I love you," she told him again. He smiled and sat up, unlinking his fingers from hers.
"I have a thought," he smiled. Agnetha's arm came back down to lift her cup from the plate. "Why don't we revisit a premiere we actually liked?" Her hesitation as she waited on him to search what he needed on her iPad had her wonder for a minute or two over what that meant, partially because it took him twice the time to find what he needed.
"Lipstick Be Damned," Björn read at last. Her brows came together slowly in thought. "Anna leapt out of the bed in a tearing hurry..."
The pieces of the puzzle in her mind clicked together when she had listened to him speak the first few words he read off the device. Easily a smirk came about her face seeing his too, and the cup found its place on the plate again. He went on reading to her, gently moving back into a more comfortable spot. Likewise, Agnetha turned a bit, swinging her legs over the sofa bringing herself to lie back. She was glad that he thought of it.
Today, this felt like the perfect remedy. The sun was out, clouds moved above, breezes came and went. Björn's worn voice, however, stayed with her as minutes passed by, soothing and comforting reminding her that maybe, just maybe everything was going to be just fine.