"I just need a quiet place, where I can scream: How I love you."
- Mitski, I want you (Retired from sad, new career in business)
-
He lay his head down lightly while I slept with the weight of the world upon my shoulders. Seriously, I don't wanna carry it all together, but the conscience and the nature beneath me cannot stop me from feeling what to feel. Sometimes, I think that maybe he is what he is and it is what it was. - Meaning to say that I don't get the hold of the past and its upcoming consequences anymore. Which, I wish I can.
I woke up in my bed, the others have left now, leaving me all alone as I meet this mournful day. I guess that's what summers are for? One to enjoy and the next year to use it as a mourn of loss from the joy you wished you still had from last year.
I turned to look at the clock, its 12:30PM. How long have I been sleeping? Obnoxious. I scrolled through my phone, there has been a lot of said words in the unsaid. Red dots in every contacts on my phone log yet I'm still looking at no other than the number that has blocked me the moment he knew who I was.
I got up trying to feel determined for a few while, got dressed, and for another shot, I went to his front porch; carrying the same black box he threw away at his garage. The box looks frail now though, and I'm guessing that's because it rained earlier this morning.
I rang the doorbell and heard footsteps in coming. I tried fixing myself to achieve a best look I could possibly present myself with at times like these. As the footsteps felt like its next to intertwine with my presence, I felt a chill spine down to my body.
The door opened and it was someone whom I don't familiarize its gaze with. Did I got the wrong house? That shouldn't be the case, I just picked up the same rotting box from their garage that was supposed to be received and opened by him already. And if so, why is there a blonde boy standing in front of the porch, smiling and asking if who I was?
"Good no-on..uh..." He awkwardly smiles.
"Is Craig here?"
"Oh! Ye-eah..! You must be one of his old friends..Please come in.." He nervously said. What's up with this dude? Why is he twitchy?
I stepped in the living room and there, the vaguely familiar scent of his home wrapped around my senses; got me looking around and thought of how the place changed in a matter of time. The stairs in front of the front door that leads to the second floor and beneath it was the kitchen was already worn out and its walls we're occupied with small paintings and framed photographs that once belonged to the living room.
In the living room, once room filed with framed photographs all over the walls and those conformist floral wallpapers we're now matted and almost scratched out of place, revealing the original plain color of the wall. The tv wasn't sitting on the left corner anymore, Mrs. Tucker finally had the motives to move it to the right for a safer space; it used to be a bother to them for it made their pathway smaller and throbbing to get pass through.
I can't describe furthermore for other huge changes of the room for the boy sitting in front of the tv had drawn so much attention all of sudden, it's like meeting him for the first time again. He changed a lot. Up to his hair, down to every detail of him that are now such a stranger to me that will make you doubt if its still him.
He removed his piercings but left his septum on. His hair is now an overgrown mullet with his natural hair, which used to be shorter and colored than today. His sense of fashion had changed and I feel like the way he speaks and thinks had altered as well.
"Craig, a friend of you visited you!" The blonde boy, exclaimed and sat closely next to him. All of sudden he isn't so twitchy now. Funny.
He turned to look at me and there, our eyes both meet. My stomach fell down with shame, that I wanna just take a few steps back and runaway. He looks so shock with my sudden visit, making me think that I'm just giving him a reason to hate me more.
"Oh." He said in a stern tone. "I don't think I know him, Tweek.." He said, looking away.
"Must be a wrong lot, I'll go try knocking on the other doors.." I responded. "Sorry."
"Oh but, we're a-actually baking cupcakes after this game, m-maybe you should come and help us!" The blonde boy who's specified name was, Tweek, said. Craig gave him a glare which made him laugh nervously and glare back at him.
What are they..?
"I'd love to but...it's a shame I'm running on an urgent errands right now." I said while walking towards the door and stepping out of it. I could hear a voice urgently demanding the other to lock the door. The shame of waves had me drowning leading me shed a few silent tears.
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(Tweek's POV)
"Damn, who the fuck was that" I said, I did not just let a stranger in whom I stupidly thought was Craig's friend. Whenever I try to be a little nicer it always ends up shitty or something unnecessary
"You don't have to know. Don't ever let that emo get in." He said letting out a small chuckle which made me chuckle from the way he said it. But really, when that guy stepped in, from the moment his and Craig's eyes met, it feels like they we're connected in some sort of way before. I didn't to bother to ask much about it though, for there are better things to look after.
I stood up and dragged Craig by helding our hands together; demanding him to pick the baking materials for the cupcakes with me.
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We started baking; well, just me, baking. Craig was just sitting on the counter table staring at me doing my thing as he helps me hand the things I need. There he lay his gorgeous gaze, that I can picture after all these days. He kept talking about astronomy while doing so. - and I kept smiling back at him as I catch his attention when he talks. He smiles back at me too when there's a room for opportunity.
He even has this connecting theory about the Dip rang? rig bang? I forgot but it definitely sounds like that. Although, I didn't fully heard him because the mixer device was too loud that it muffled some of his monotonous words. - Well, I tried to hear him out, it's the thought that counts, right?
He said that once the explosion has happened, everything from the explosion are all connected, whether its a star from afar or a total stranger on the streets that I don't fucking care about. He said that it happens because we all came from one "mold" before it all exploded and created the expanding universe now.
Basically him saying that we all came from one stardust. He even told me the possibilities out there is endless and there could probably be a universe where me and his old friends are in a clique or me and him are superheroes.
Which makes me curious, how cool are his friends too??I wonder how he came up with those ideas and if his theories are true, then I'm glad I was connected to him in a way since the beginning or perhaps in some other planet.
He grabbed the radio and tried maneuvering the signal with the tip of his fingers. It led to this one indie song I haven't heard; yet, felt lively to me; Craig seems like his buying it too.
(Radio: Whatever made you think I would ever love you? Even if I could? ...Louise, Louise.. you can't be anybody's friend...Louise, Louise, I love you till I'm dead..)
"I love the song" I said, smiling to him.
"I love you-" He replied which made both of our eyes widened and our cheeks glow in flowery colors. There was a pause. - An awkward yet warming sensation.
"-u're...uh sense of.... music taste." He added. We both chuckled.
The song kept playing as a backtrack of my cooking and racing thoughts. Those 3 words Craig firstly muttered got me smiling the whole cooking, making my cupcakes filled with even more liking...or perhaps, safe to say, love? How cliché and cheesy to put it that way but I don't know how to describe it further more.
I couldn't even held myself back to smile of the thought "love"
🥚
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I love how mistki lyrics can be sad or romantic if taken out of context lol.
Michael for the past chapters: