We're heading back to the apartment we relocated to after The Rake incident. We're taking the trip much slower this time. Only a few hours of the day is spent traveling while the rest is mainly focused on just...enjoying our time, pacing ourselves. We already faced the big bad, we made our choices and came to terms with them. No point rushing when we've got nothing else to fight for.
Jack's old school and the cave have nothing left for us now anyway.
The trek was done mostly in silence. Jack still spoke with static in his voice, after all. But, it definitely wasn't as bad as it was in the cave. I can hear an undertone of something human beneath the high ringing. Sometimes, if I focus in on that sound rather than the static, I can tune out the rest altogether. The brief glimpses of something nice beneath the horrid is what I find myself searching for. The joy in the madness is all we have left now.
On the journey, I managed to convince Jack that if he wore dark sunglasses and a cloth mask, he could blend into the crowd without much issue. I think he believes me more now than he did before, because he did it without much hesitation. He sat, the dark hood pulled over shaggy brown hair that I know I've seen before. I feel like I'm only just now noticing it, though. Was it darker before? I can't remember.
I caught myself staring at him on more than one occasion during the ride. So much really has changed about him. I suppose that cursed god kept it's word in that regard. The curse is noticeably weaker, even just from a glance.
From time to time I'll catch him staring at his own hands (which he always keeps uncovered, now that the talons are gone.) almost like he can't believe what he's seeing. Whenever we stop, I spend the time asking about what changes he noticed that I can't see. So far, he's told me that the hunger has abided. Even when he gets to the point where the hunger would've triggered a frenzy, there's nothing. That's the one thing he seems most relieved about. He's much less tense when I move close to him now, like he isn't so terrified of slipping up and accidentally hurting me. He's even instigated some of our interactions! It's nice, having him not be so afraid to touch me.
Another big change is his vision. He says that before it was just black and white dots taking the vague shape of things, and the only color he saw was red. Now, he says it's more like an old school technicolor TV, just with a thick static overlay. He can see more details, like hair and clothes. Still no faces, though.
He's been entranced by the window for most of the trip. I can't even imagine how long it's been since he was able to see grass, or stare out at the trees.
At one point, when we were away from the crowds of people, I noticed Jack glancing at my sandwich. I offered it over to him, and I could tell his impulse was to refuse. But then, a question made itself known to the both of us, and we sat there thinking the same thing; If everything else has changed, can he have normal food again?
Surely the answer is yes, right? What else is he expected to eat?
I offered it out to him again, nearly begging him to try it. He nodded, softly, before reaching out and tenderly holding the slices of bread between his fingers. He pulled the mask down over his chin, and I took note of how dull his teeth looked when he opened his mouth. He doesn't have fangs anymore.
Jack took what is possibly the smallest bite I've ever seen, part of me wonders if he only got bread and nothing else. I held my breath as he chewed, knowing what this would mean if he threw up.
He chews, and chews, and keeps chewing past the point where I know it's all ground to hell. It is as if he's afraid anything not pulverized to mush would make him hurl. I can tell he's procrastinating on the swallowing part, since we both know that's where it went wrong last time. But eventually, I watch him gulp it down. And we wait, both of us forgetting to breathe in the moment. Time passes in silence.
Yet, nothing happens.
No violent rejection. No vomiting for half an hour straight. No stomach pain at all.
Jack is still as a statue, as if he's processing what just happened. I'm in a similar state of paralysis, just watching on like someone witnessing a miracle in real time.
Suddenly, Jack doubles over, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He breathes heavily, his entire body shaking. I jolt up, fearing the worst and ready to comfort him. But, I find myself pausing when I hear sniffles coated in static.
Is he crying?
He's holding the sandwich to his chest, as if he's afraid it'll be snatched away the moment he lets go. The faint bit of light from the street lamps catches something as it falls from his face.
He is crying.
I feel my chest tighten with a deep sadness, as well as overwhelming excitement. The bittersweet feeling takes over my body, and before I know it I'm holding Jack in my arms. He throws his arms around my shoulders and pulls me tight against him, as if he hasn't had a hug in years. Which I'm sure he hasn't.
"I̴'̸m̷ ̷n̴o̴t̸ ̶d̵a̶n̷g̷e̴r̴o̸u̸s̶ ̶a̵n̸y̵m̷o̵r̷e̷...!" He whispers through baited breath, as if he's trying to convince himself of his own words.
We sat there, quietly celebrating with each other until the next bus arrived.
---
It was the last day before we got back to the apartment. The air was warm but humid, and it smelled like rain. I couldn't help but reminisce about the campsite and Adiyiah. It must be that time of year again, where the rain refuses to cease until fall arrives.
Damn, have I really been with Jack for a year now? So much has happened, but these past two months have gone by in the blink of an eye. It's so surreal.
I got out of bed, took a shower, and packed whatever little things I brought with me in preparation to leave. It was midday by the time I was ready.
Right before we left, Jack pulled me aside and asked if we could make a little detour while we're out. He said it wouldn't take long. I mean, I'd have to go anywhere he does anyway, but I appreciate him taking the time to check with me first.
It was two hours into the bus ride when I saw Jack reach up and pull the cord, signaling the driver to stop. I glanced out the window, but saw nothing but a forest on one side of the road and a massive empty field on the other.
What business do we have out in the middle of nowhere, Jack?
Regardless, I followed him through the trees. He walked faster than I was expecting, guess he's been slowing his pace to make it easy for me to keep up with him, but now that's out the window. More than once I had to yell after him to stop and wait for me to catch up. Anytime I asked him what we were doing, he would just dodge the question and keep walking.
I'm not suspicious of him anymore, obviously, but I can't help the little voice in the back of my mind telling me he's up to something. I know he will never hurt me, but he's definitely acting strange. I kept shooting him sideways glances as we walked, he either didn't notice or just pretended not to.
Eventually, we reached a huge clearing. One surrounded by trees as tall as skyscrapers. The grass went up to my knees and had all sorts of tiny flowers and little weeds everywhere. Nobody has touched this place in a very long time. And yet, part of me admired how nature reclaimed this little patch of land for her own.
"What is this place?" I asked as I squat down to better see a nearby beetle.
"I̴ ̴f̶o̷u̸n̸d̶ ̸t̸h̵i̷s̶ ̷p̵l̵a̵c̷e̶ ̸a̷ ̶l̸o̷n̶g̴ ̸t̶i̸m̴e̸ ̶a̶g̶o̶.̴ ̴I̴ ̷h̶a̶d̴ ̷j̶u̴s̷t̷ ̴b̶e̶e̷n̷ ̵c̸u̷r̶s̵e̷d̴ ̵a̶n̴d̵ ̵w̴a̴s̴ ̷t̶r̵y̴i̷n̵g̴ ̷t̷o̴ ̶f̸i̷n̷d̴ ̸a̵ ̵p̴l̶a̴c̶e̴ ̵f̶a̵r̴ ̵a̷w̴a̶y̸ ̵f̴r̷o̶m̶ ̸e̶v̴e̷r̶y̴o̴n̸e̸.̷ ̸T̸h̶a̶t̷'̵s̵ ̶w̸h̸e̸n̴ ̸I̶ ̴c̵a̶m̵e̶ ̶a̶c̵r̶o̴s̵s̷ ̸t̵h̸i̴s̷ ̸f̸i̷e̴l̷d̴."
"Okay...What are we doing here?" I lift my head up to see him with my question. He had his back towards me, but even from here I could tell he somehow already switched the sunglasses for his trademark blue mask. This whole time he had been swapping back and forth between the two, so the only time I saw his face unobstructed was in the cave, and that memory is one I'm eager to forget. Maybe he still hasn't gotten comfortable with the idea of showing me his face, even after the effects of the curse have been lessened. It's gotta be such a burden, being disgusted with yourself the way he is.
"Y̴o̸u̴ ̷n̴e̶v̵e̸r̵ ̶s̶a̸w̷ ̵t̵h̶e̶m̷.̴" He was being so cryptic, and he had kept his back turned towards me the entire time we've been here. I stood up and started making my way over to him, concerned by how vague he was being.
"Never saw what, Jack??" I reached out a hand, about to grab him by the shoulder and make him turn to face me when something gave me.
A gentle yellow light floated up from the ground. Then another. And another. Until a sea of soft, blinking lights emerged from the blades of grass. They surrounded us, moving and blinking in their own special routine.
My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't stop the awestruck gasp that escaped me. My eyes flitted about all around us, entranced by the flowy movements of the millions of lights.
"Fireflies--!!" I began, before my own excitement interrupted me.
There's so many! This is better than I ever could have imagined!
I tentatively reach out a hand, just watching the way their lights flicker on my skin. One bug flies over, gently landing on my shaking fingertips. It tickled as it crawled over my thumb.
Immediately, I get flashes of memories. Of being home, of listening to my mother weave stories, of being wrapped up safe and comfortable in bed. I remember Adiyiah listening to me prattle on and on about getting to see the fireflies one day. Aside from my family, she's the only one who knew I loved these dumb little bugs as much as I do. She would always sit there, a big smile on her face as I gushed to her. She never once made me feel like my interest was childish or dumb. She was sure to encourage me at every turn.
I wish she were here.
Tears sting at my eyes as I reminisced. I bite down on my bottom lip to stop the trembling emotions. A bittersweet wave rolls through my chest. I'm happy that I helped Jack. I'm happy I'm here, finally getting to see something I've always dreamt about. I'm happy I'm safe and alive. But, at the same time, I miss all that I had. I miss my family, my friends, the simple ignorance I didn't know would mean so much to me before.
The sun sets down below the horizon, leaving nothing but the fireflies to light the world around us. The dark blue haze of the late night sky contrasts the bold saturation of a golden lightshow. I feel like I'm standing in a Kaleidoscope.
I lift my eyes to Jack. He stands there, hand outstretched, beckoning the bugs closer. A gentle breeze blows through his wood colored hair. My heart wells at the sight. All at once I'm overcome with realization. I didn't realize until right now how much he means to me, how much I care about him. Although I want to go back home, and I miss all the things I've left behind to be here; I can't imagine a life without him now.
I reach out, clasping his sleeve and pulling him around to face me. His attention breaks away from the bugs, and even with a mask covering his face I can tell he's happy. I step forward, shortening the distance between us. For the first time ever, he doesn't flinch when I approach. My hand drifts up, cupping the cheek of his mask just as I had done when we lay together.
"...Jack..." I pause, my throat suddenly going dry. My chest is both light and unbearably heavy. I can't bring myself to look away from him, even with my favorite thing in the world all around me. All I care about now is him. I slide my hands down from his face, down the shoulders, and stop at his elbows. Without even meaning to, I find myself trying to pull him closer still.
"I love you." I whisper, taking another step closer, leaving almost no space left between us.
He takes a faltering half step backwards, his body language that of disbelief. He stands in shock, unsure if he even heard me right. I repeat myself again, and again, and again; until he's unable to deny it. I may still mourn the life I had and the people I knew, but living without him is not something I'm willing to accept. The thought of him being alone out there, is too much to handle. The image alone is agony. Curse be damned, I'm here because I want to be.
I'm here, and I love him.
"You're not gonna be alone anymore. I'm always going to be here with you. So, please, don't leave me either." I whisper, my voice trembling against my own wishes. Tears burn my eyes before leaving a hot trail down the side of my cheeks. I stare at him, into the endless void where eyes once were, trying to find some kind of reaction on features artificial and hollow.
Jack worms his way out of my hold, and for a moment I'm filled with fear. That feeling swiftly passes, however, when I feel him clasp me on either side. His tender hands trail down, dancing their way from my shoulders to my wrists, only stopping to graze over my knuckles.
A tickling touch of cold makes my skin prickle, but I don't dare pull away. He grabs my hands in his own and guides them up to his face. He then tightens my fingers around the edges of the mask, Jack's own hands motioning for me to remove it for him. When I hesitate, he gives a reassuring squeeze, telling me it's alright. I nod softly, pausing to build up the courage to do as he asks.
I watch with bated breath as the mask lifts away, revealing more of his skin as I go. Time slows while I study the dull, lifeless color of his lips. Just as it had been on the bus, his skin was pale and human; but it still had no warmth or color in the veins. The more I saw, the more I thought; he still looked like a walking corpse.
His eyes were still hollow, but not nearly as deep as they were before. Instead of a sinking void that devours any light that goes into it, it looked more like a dark shadow lingered under the eyelids. It felt almost like I could reach in and pull the darkness away.
His cheeks were no longer stained from dripping black tar. He looked so...human. So many of his features were normal, like he was any other guy out there. These changes must be new, since I doubt he'd hide his face if he looked like this. Even still, I could see the vulnerability in his expression. Even without eyes, his face took on a familiar bittersweet look.
"I̵'̴v̷e̷ ̶l̴o̸v̶e̶d̸ ̴y̷o̷u̶ ̴f̸o̴r̶ ̴a̶ ̴l̴o̷n̵g̸ ̵t̷i̷m̵e̷.̴ ̶M̸y̴ ̷h̸e̴a̵r̸t̶ ̸w̸a̵s̶ ̵y̵o̶u̶r̷s̷ ̴e̸v̷e̷r̸ ̷s̷i̷n̶c̷e̵ ̵I̶ ̸f̵o̸u̶n̸d̸ ̶y̵o̵u̷,̷ ̶h̶i̴d̸i̴n̶g̷ ̶i̷n̴ ̴t̶h̸e̵ ̸s̸h̵e̶d̴.̴" I blinked away my momentary shock, in favor of feeling my heart pounding in my chest.
As I was scrambling to find my footing from Jack's revelation, a little yellow light flew up and perched itself on his cheek. At first, I thought the light was just reflecting funny off his skin, but when the bug flew away a blushing pink haze took the place of the lifeless pale color.
Just as I opened my mouth to comment on it, a noticeable warmth in my fingertips drew the eye down.
I look down to see a similar change starting in his hands. A firefly sat on the knuckle of his pointer finger. It's like Jack was absorbing the light it gave off and began dispersing it through his body. The firefly's light slowly faded and dimmed before blinking out entirely, yet Jack's finger was rosy and hot to the touch.
Suddenly, my eyes flash up to him, the rush of realization nearly sending me to the floor.
"Jack--! The fireflies!" I began to shout, but his expression told me he was already aware. A rush of golden light completely blocked out the darkness of the sky around us. It got to the point where I couldn't see Jack anymore. If it weren't for the fact he was still holding my hands, I would've thought I lost him entirely.
The fireflies stayed for a moment, all mixing and moving to their own unseen pattern. It was like standing in the eye of a storm, yet knowing I would never be hurt. The bulk of them were on Jack, but I was swarmed as well. Despite how many bugs were on me, my shoulders only felt lighter and lighter as they flocked to me.
Suddenly, I was aware of something -or more accurately, the absence of something-.
If I ever stepped too far away from Jack, I would feel this draw, like a magnet pulling me closer. If I thought of leaving, a rush of nausea would wash over me. The cursed god had clearly put something in place so that I'd know the boundaries of how far I could go before the transformation would start. It felt like a chain around my heart, tethering me to him. But that feeling is gone now. Instinctually, I knew. I could run to the edge of this forest, and Jack wouldn't be affected in the slightest.
They cured me, too.
The moment I had this realization, the fireflies began to disperse.
Before I could even register the changes in him, my excitement took over. I jumped at Jack, throwing my arms around his neck, unable to hold back my joy. Tears soaked my face, yet my smile stretched from ear to hear. I smiled in silent celebration.
I pull away, noting all the differences. Brown hair, eyes the same deep blue as his mask, rosy skin. I can barely believe it, there was no sign of any curse at all! If he hadn't been wearing the same clothes he arrived in, I'd think this was a stranger.
"Are you surprised?" The voice came from Jack's lips, his smile infecting the sound. There wasn't any static to be heard. It sounded like the human undertone he had before, but much clearer, and a lot more comforting. It was so warm.
"Your voice-!" I gasp, sending a small ripple of laughter and smiles from him. I melt at the sight. I don't think I've gotten to see him smile before, and I love the way he laughs.
"Is this how you looked? Before...?" I ask, my eyes still glued to him. I can't bring myself to look away. I keep tracing the outline of his face, the shape of his eyes. I keep expecting to wake up and find him how he was, gray skin and hollow sockets, but the change never comes.
He nods, softly. His face falls a bit at the memory, but just as quickly returns to a smile. He squeezes my hands tight, as if he were afraid to ever let me go.
"Thank you." With those two words, I felt all of it; all the emotion he kept buried until now, all the relief and happiness at being freed from the curse. I've never had someone look at me as softly as he is now. And I've never felt so happy to be in someone's arms.
I slide a hand around his head, cupping the back of his neck. I pull him close, erasing all the space left between us. His lips were soft, his touch was gentle, and I found myself unable to pull away. He must've felt the same, because I only felt him pressing further into me.
Moonlight illuminated the field like a spotlight. I had never seen a moon quite so powerful before. It's as if the darkness was struggling to fend off the nocturnal glow of white light. The supernatural light of the fireflies dim and fade away, all their magic being used up. Even still, all I care most about is this guy in my arms.
We pull away, resting our foreheads on each other as we catch our breath. We stand calmly, holding hands and enjoying the soft touch of one another.
"Let's go home, Jack." I smile through my words, my voice coming out soft and tender. He nods softly, finally able to breathe freely.
I have so much of my life I want to show him. People he has to meet, food to try, things to see. I want to show him everything, to give him everything. He can finally live again. And I couldn't be happier to do it all with him. We can live...survive. Do whatever we want, so long as it's together.