TW for sexual abuse in this chapter, thought of mentioning it beforehand.
~~~
Jisung and Johoon make their way back to the hotel. Jisung can't help a gasp that escapes his lips as he sees the hotel from the inside and then the man's hotel room.
They take their jackets and shoes off, Johoon inviting the young boy further inside. Jisung just stands awkwardly and fidgets with his fingers as the man goes to sit down on the armchair, facing him.
"You look really pretty, Jisung, did I tell you that already?" the man speaks.
"Yeah, you told me that already" Jisung chuckles dryly.
"Well, you're pretty" he continues and gets up. "Just your mother" he says as he rummages through cabinets until he finds a bottle of red wine. "Doe eyes, full cheeks with a mole on the other one, petite body, just..." he says as he opens the bottle and finds two glasses. "Perfect" he finishes off, voice turning to a whisper.
He pours the wine into the two glasses.
"Uhm, I don't think I can drink more, sorry" Jisung hurries as he realizes.
"Oh? That's too bad" the man says. He takes one of tje glasses with him and goes back to the armchair. However, he leaves the glass on the table next to it and walks to Jisung instead, steps slow and gaze smug. Jisung takes a step back.
"What about some sweets? Sert treats for a sweet boy" the man asks.
"Uh, no thanks, I'm fine" trying to sound kind, Jisung waves his hands in the air.
He can sense the man's attempting something but doesn't know what. He seemed like a nice guy at first, polite and open. But as Jisung has beeb listening to his rantings and watching him, the mysteriousnes only grows in the man currently in front of him. Now, he seems to have some kind of an ulterior motive in mind.
Perhaps, it was a mistake to come to his hotel room, after all. However, Jisung doesn't want to seem rude or egoistic or anything. He wants to show he is having a good time with the man.
Which is true. Sort of.
The gut feeling he has had the whole time, having started when they were texting, remains.
"You know, Jisung... Are you up to some fun?" the man asks, voice low as he looks at Jisung up and down, biting his lower lip. Jisung ponders on what he has in mind since he's kind of hard to read.
"Uhm... sure" he says and right then and there, the man shoves him to the side forcefully.
Jisung gasps as he goes off flying. His head hits the wall with a painfully loud thud and then he falls to the floor. There are some blurry spots dangerously covering his vision with his ears ringing for a moment. It all happens so quickly that the air gets knocked out of his lungs, breathing wheezing slightly.
As the his senses come back to him, he quickly sits up and tries to process everything. However, the man is on him again.
The man is obviously stronger, sturdier than Jisung, shoving the poor boy to the ground and pinning his hands to the floor.
Jisung panics, unsure of what is happening. This isn't right. Something is wrong.
The man's smug grin and dark eyes are only frightening him further. However, fighting back would be difficult if not impossible. The grip the man has on him is extremely tight. Jisung feels like the bones in his wrists could snap.
Hesitantly, he opens his eyes, which have been unintentionally squeezed shut. There are fear as well as confusion swimming in them. He's so confused, but it only makes him more fearful.
"Oh, look at you, you're even prettier when you're lying under me... so pliant and responsive... you should have seen you mother back then, a whore spreading her legs to every guy passing by" he speaks and something flashes in his eyes. "Let's see what you got, shall we?" the man asks, bringing his face impossibly close. Jisung turns his head away, struggling in his hold and whimpering.
God, he feels so pathetic.
The flashbacks of the night at the house party are flooding his mind. This situation feels scarily similar. What would have happened if Minho wasn't there? Well, Minho isn't here and he most likely won't even come. Minho is at home, most likely not even caring where Jisung currently is.
Minho doesn't care.
"Won't you stay still for me?" the man asks, voice disgustingly soft. Jisung stills, going limb under him.
Just as the man loosens his iron grip on Jisung, the boy gathers his powers and fights the man off of him. However, he doesn't reach the door as he's being shoved back down again. He squeals.
There's a hand in his hair, fisting and pulling. Jisung's hands are left pinned between Jisung's body and the floor. He feels even more helpless now.
"Just like your mother, disobedient and stubborn little brat" the man grits his teeth, pushing the boy harder against the hard wooden floor. Jisung cries out.
He can't seem to be able to think straight right now, his thoughts unclear and obscure. His body is starting feel powerless with his head hazy. Additionally, his heart is racing like crazy and the edge of a panic attack is just around the corner.
There is nothing he can do.
This man is crazy.
"W-what do you want... from me?" Jisung stutters out, cheek mushed against the floor.
"Just want to have some fun, unfortunately, your mother didn't really appreciate it back then, so, I hope you do" the man answers and Jisung hates how there is pure evil dripping in his voice.
Jisung really, really doesn't want to picture what will happen next. Nevertheless, he knows. He knows and he's scared shitless.
In addition, all he can do is just whimper and cry, helplessly.
"Now, don't run off, yeah? We have just started" the man says.
Jisung can't see much but he can feel. He can feel the man hovering over him, his other hand around his neck. There's sounds of rustling of fabric as well as something metallic. He hears the man's breathing and his laughter which Jisung absolutely hates.
The panic rises as he feels the man's hand on the waistband of his pants. He tries to wiggle away but the rough hand around his neck is gripping him harder, making him flinch.
Everything is blurred, his head becoming fuzzy. He registers very little, only his aching body and the man's touch on him. It feels disgusting, sickening even. Jisung feels nauseous but what he feels the most is pain. Although, the pain is eased by thr adrenaline and the panicking.
It hurts. Everything hurts. The skin on skin contact, every thrust in and out of him feels raw and Jisung feels so sensitive, too sensitive. All he can do is lie still and limb, body rocking back and forth with the force of the man's thursts. There's tears and snot on his face as he keeps on silently crying.
God, he wants Minho. Why would he be so stupid? Minho hates him but Jisung hates himself even more. What would Minho think if he was to find out? What about his mom?
"Ah, you're so tight, just like your mom-"
"Take my mom out of your f-filthy mouth" Jisung stutters back, whimpering at one particular hard thurst.
"Oh?"
"Y-you're not- not my dad" Jisung cries, trying to be brave, however, it's really fucking difficult at the moment.
The man finishes after what feels like forever.
Jisung is numb, all over. He's numb, tired and so... disgusted.
"You can get out now" the man speaks in a monotone voice, getting up and pulling his pants back on. When Jisung stays still, in a trance, unable to even breath properly, he gets mad. "Get out! For God's sake. Get. Out!" he bawls, snapping Jisung into the reality.
The poor boy scrambles to his feet as soon as he realizes he's free to go, pulling his pants on and sprinting out. He winces, feeling sore and weak all over, everything beginning to hurt for real as he runs. He runs as fast as he can, stumbling over his own feet and gasping for air.
His chest feels tight, suffocating. He feels fucking disgusting, the man's touch a ghost on his skin, lingering and Jisung wants out of his own skin. The tears won't stop either.
He runs out of the hotel and flinches realising how freezing it is outside. It must be super late.
He wants to get back home. He wants Minho.
However, he's starting to feel the throbbing on the side of his head and it's getting unbearable, it feeling like his skull is being split open. His head is still out of focus, thoughts not making any sense. Also, his senses are starting to fade away again, scarily so.
The ringing in his head returns as well as the dark spots in his vision. He slows down his steps, his lungs and airways burning from the cold air.
He's unable to run far since his legs give up under him. He lets himself collapse to the snowy ground, out of breath and completely powerless. He cries out helplessly.
"F-fuck-" it hurts. He fucking hates it.
He hates himself.
Seeing he's unable to calm down and get a hold of himself, he looks around. His jacket, his phone, his keys- he left everything in the man's hotel room on accident. Fuck. He's so stupid. He is not going back there though.
Jisung spots an alley on the side of the main street, about ten meters away from him. There, he would be out of sight because he doesn't feel like being seen at this state. It isn't any safer or more sure option either but oh well.
Fuck it.
He doesn't think as he tumbles shakily there, limping since his lower body feels like there were countless little needles poking at his skin. The numbness isn't only mental; His skin is losing color and he's losing the sense of touch on his skin.
It's scary. He has never anything like this before, neither the physical damages nor the mental agony.
He crawls the rest of the way, gasping and panting, fucking exhausted.
The pain, the hurt, the mess of emotions as well as the spreading nunbness are all too much for him.
It fucking hurts to even be alive, to breath. He can't possibly live with himself.
His heart hurts too.
He leans against the brick wall behind his back and closes his eyes, trying catch his breath.
What is he supposed to do now? He has no one. He has nothing to do. It's the middle fo the night, no one is going to hear his cries, no one is going to come and save him.
He's left alone.
He might as well just die away, right now, right here. Freeze to death in an alley in the middle of the night. How pathetic.
As Jisung unconsciously places his hands on the ground next to him, he feels something sharp on the ground.
Shards of glass?
He could use the relief right now, even if sounds stupid and such an idiotic thing to do.
Jisung takes a piece in his hand and thinks.
Or, he doesn't even think as he sinks the edge into the skin of his wrist.
It's fucking painful and the contrast of the warm, dark blood on the ice and the snow looks...
Jisung does it again. The edge of the glass is really sharp, cutting the skin easily and creating deep slits. And God, there soon is so much blood gushing, streaming down his arms and staining his clothes.
It hurts but it still doesn't beat the mental, the emotional pain.
At least the tears stop and he feels a little lighter, but still not any less good.
When his hands turn white and too shakey to hold the shard, he lets it drop to the ground and goes limb against the hard wall.
He closes his eyes and tries to block out everything. It's easy since he's already half unconscious.
He's falling in and out lf consciousness, however, he's suddenly able to feel a very comfortable and warm, happy feeling for the quickest moment. It passes too soon.
Then, everything blackens. He'll die like this. He's sure.
~~~
I don't care where the destination is,
just run as much as I want
Let's run
Go to a place that is not suffocating
Run
Hide all my idiot face
Run
Running on the highway,
I won't set the destination
Yes
there will be at least a place in this world for me to rest
Just run with my both feet
Continuously run