A flickering candle burned faintly, casting bizarre shadows on the walls. I was looking at my reflection in the mirror, braiding thin pigtails with a familiar movement, which would then hide among the red curls. The small room was plunged into darkness. It was getting dark early, the sky seemed black, and the snow was falling in a dense veil to the ground, foreshadowing the coming blizzard. The trees tilted under the sharp gusts of wind. The house creaked as if it was about to collapse. Approaching the window, fixed my gaze on a barely noticeable light in the distance. Maybe it was the light from the houses of the city, or a lonely traveler set up camp and lit a useless fire, which will be covered with snow soon.
There was a feeling of emptiness inside. A nagging longing throbbed somewhere under ribs. It was like this morning I felt another side of life with the same other people, where for a second I could feel a little happy. I shook my head, pulling myself out of the quagmire of unnecessary dreams, but thoughts of leaving my own home have been bothering me lately.
The front door opened noisily. A deep-throated laugh shook the wooden walls, and I looked excitedly at the door to my room. When I got home, neither Jim or Thomas was there, and now, apparently, the brothers had returned from another drinking party together. Involuntarily shuddered when they began to sing songs brought from the local saloon. She hoped that their behavior might have disturbed her father, and Frank would slap his sons around the neck, silencing them. But he did not react in any way, as if he was not at home.
– Where is our little sister?!
There was dangerous amusement in their voices. I involuntarily, as if the instinct of the victim had worked before meeting with a predator, I looked around in an attempt to find a place where I could hide.
– Joanna!
But I froze, as if my legs refused to move at all, rooted to the floor. The stairs outside the room creaked under heavy footsteps, and I held my breath, feeling my stomach twist into a tight knot. The door swung open abruptly. Thomas appeared in it. His large figure occupied the entire doorway, almost touching the top with his head. I thought my father was a tall man, but his eldest son was even taller.
– Are you bored alone again? – his voice was insinuating and cautious.
– I'm having a great time alone, Thomas, – I replied, trying not to show the tremor in my voice.
– Join us, – he held out his hand invitingly. – It's fun with us, you know.
My brother seemed drunk and sober at the same time. His eyes were cloudy, his face relaxed, but he stood on firm legs.
– Thanks for the invitation, but I'm going to ask you to leave me alone, – I said, biting my lip until it hurt.
My heart was pounding wildly in anticipation of something bad. In two steps he crossed the distance between us and firmly grabbed my arm.
– Stop acting like that, Joe, – he said, his dark eyes flashing. – We've been through this before. Don't make me cross the line.
– You're doing it anyway, – I said through my teeth as my brother dragged me along.
Stumbled down the stairs. There Jim, leaning on the table so as not to lose his balance, hummed some annoying melody. When he saw me, he smiled broadly, spread his arms, laughed and climbed up with hugs, as if he hadn't seen his sister for many years.
– Joanna! – his arms wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. – My beloved sister!
It was as if I had been plunged headfirst into a viscous swamp. My brother smelled like he had shit put right in his mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut, as if it would help me to dissolve and disappear.
– You know, – he breathed hotly into my ear, making me recoil. – I look at every girl and see you in her. Those red curls... There's no one like that, Joe...
– Jesus, Jimmy, what are you talking about? – Thomas snorted, grabbing a bottle of rum from the kitchen cupboard. – There's nothing special about her. Another woman...
– But you still like touching her, – Jim grinned nastily and cupped my face in his hands. – She's so sweet and clean. All the other women have been dragged by other men for a long time, but our Joe...
I squeezed my jaws with such force that my teeth could start to crumble. Took Jimmy by the wrists and pulled him down, freeing myself from the grip of sweaty palms. With disgust in my eyes, looked at them from under brows, fingers clenched into fists, nostrils flared with growing hatred.
– She doesn't seem to like it again, – Tom stood at a distance, his head cocked to the side.
– Why are you always silent, Joe? – Jim held out his hands to me again, and I took a few steps back. - Or crying...
The words stuck in my throat like a bitter lump. Took a big step back. The lower back painfully collided with the kitchen cabinet. The realization that there were no possible escape routes hit me on the head with a heavy sledgehammer.
– It annoys me that she constantly resists, – Thomas wearily ran his palm over his forehead and hair, removing drops of sweat.
– And it even turns me on, – Jim pursed his lips and smiled gently, looking bleary-eyed. – So innocent, and only ours, Tom.
He came closer again and gently pushed my hair behind my ear, looking at my face with lust in his eyes. Touched my face with his palms, touching compressed lips with thumb. I stared at his chest, feeling my whole body tremble. Throat tightened.
– And she's afraid all the time, - he whispered, as if he were talking to himself.
The man's hands dropped to the back of my head, buried his fingers in hair and pulled back, forcing me to throw my head back with a quiet hiss, exposing neck. Jim brought his face closer, touched his nose to my forehead and noisily sucked air into lungs. Heart was pounding wildly under my rib cage, trying to crush the bones. Squeezed my eyes shut to white spots.
I remembered the prayer my mother taught me. I started repeating the words in my head, as if it would alienate the brothers from me.
But instead a hot palm went down the neck lower. There was nowhere to run. With a sudden movement, Jim picked me up in his arms, knocking a strangled squeak out of my chest, and sat me down on the kitchen table. I dug my nails into the sloping shoulders, and my brother laughed softly, taking my hands down. It was all a game to him. Fingers ran down my leg, and I couldn't hold back a loud sob when he touched the edge of the skirt and began to lift up. I grabbed his hands in an attempt to stop him, but Thomas was there, grabbing my hands. His face was stony, as if he didn't want to be a part of it. But I knew what he wanted. Tom loved different girls, loved to have fun with them, just to have pleasure and a sense of self-satisfaction. I jerked my foot, and when I missed, he rolled his eyes in displeasure, grabbing my ankle. Jim's hands continued to wander insistently over my body. Tears had accumulated in the corners of my eyes, there was not enough air, as if someone had blocked the flow of oxygen into lungs.
– I want to try you first so badly, – Jim whispered, pulling me even closer and rubbing his cheek against my hair.
My skirt was pulled up indecently high, exposing legs. He was breathing heavily, touching exposed areas of skin, and Thomas was helping to hold me in place when at one point I started twitching in hysterics. Tears involuntarily flowed down my cheeks. When I heard the sound of the belt unbuttoning, I realized that the Lord would not help me. No one will help. Except for myself.
Thomas was distracted. He let go of my hand. I began to fumble with my palm on the table while Jim could not cope with his pants. The cold blade burned the skin sharply. Knife.
Everything happened in one second. In a few movements. Convulsively grabbed the wooden handle. Swung, and the sharpened blade plunged into the back of Thomas's palm. With a squelching sound, pulled it out. Blood splattered on my legs. Swung again and plunged the knife into Jim's right eye. Now drops of scarlet liquid were on my face.
Pulse was pounding deafeningly in my ears. I didn't hear the screams, I just saw their faces writhing in pain. Thomas grabbed his arm. He got less, so I kicked him in the groin with all my might, knocking a stifled groan out of the man's chest. He clutched his aching place, knelt down, leaned forward, touching his forehead to the floor.
Through a hazy veil of tears before my eyes stared at Jim. He screamed even harder, throwing curses. I jumped on the floor, and my trembling legs seemed rooted to it again. Blood was pouring down his cheek. I couldn't stop looking. A long sob escaped him as he touched the knife handle with trembling fingers.
– Bitch! I'll kill you!
He was screaming, sputtering. The knife was sticking out of a mess of meat and blood. It was like I was suffocating. It's like in a scary book or a fairy tale. Jim took a step forward, raised his hand in an attempt to grab me, but I slipped right under him and pushed him in the back. My brother was leaning over the table, his shoulders shaking under loud inhuman sobs. Blood flooded the floor under his feet.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Thomas trying to get to his feet. His bestial gaze and angrily clenched jaws chilled to the bone. Then I turned on my heels, grabbed the first jacket I saw and rushed to the door. Now the legs were not standing still from fear. Now they were carrying me forward, away from the horrors of this house.
– Stop! You won't run away!
I opened the door and it hit the wall with a bang. A strong gust of wind crashed right into my face, scattering hair over shoulders. I turned around for a second and suddenly saw him. Father. He stood silently by the stairs and smoked. His face was expressionless. When the footsteps behind me began to approach, I ran outside.
The cold immediately scalded the skin. The oxygen seemed to have been pulled out of the lungs and frozen. The tears on my cheeks seemed to turn to ice. Because of the snow falling in a whirlwind, it was difficult to see anything. The wind roared deafeningly, bringing someone's unfinished scream. But I could see the dark outline of a horse. He was standing right in front of me, covered with a white layer of snow. Oh, my God, they left Ringo just like that, in this damn blizzard. But there was nowhere to go. Without thinking, I jumped on the horse, clinging to it tightly, as if it was my only friend and savior. Someone I won't lose even in a raging blizzard. I shouted loudly, squeezed Ringo's powerful sides, grabbing the reins. And it was as if he understood that we had to run.
I don't know if Ringo saw anything in front of him, but he was rushing forward as if he knew where he needed to go. Because of the howling of the wind, I wanted to close my ears. Snow swirled down to the ground, covering it with thick, loose snowdrifts. The black sky seemed to want to fall on my head and crush me into small pieces. Tall trees gloomily bent their bony branches, striving to touch my face. The frost turned fluffy snowflakes into sharp needles that pierced into the very bones, completely tearing off the skin.
It was scary. My heart was pounding wildly, then stopped soundlessly. Tears no longer rolled down my cheeks, a raging desire to escape tore soul. Just after some time I felt a real cold that gripped all the muscles and organs. I felt every part of my body and realized that I wasn't wearing shoes. Just some wool socks. I didn't have long to stay like this. The nearest town seemed abandoned in the middle of a white desert. Yellow light barely flickered in the darkening houses. Residents hid under wooden roofs. I couldn't stay there. Just move forward, and get as far away as possible. Pulled on the reins, and Ringo turned away from the city. The road was quickly covered with snow. The horse was running up the slope. Here the frozen river turned to the right and went to the endless blackening fields. The wind blew in sharp gusts in my face, forcing me to squint my eyes. In front of me was only an endless, empty and unexplored mountainous terrain.
When my hands began to go numb, my whole body was shaking from the cold, head was burning, I stopped the horse, forcing to take a step. The snowfall had stopped, the wind seemed light and weak, but it continued to tingle my cheeks.
On the left side there is a small lake. It was surrounded by dense black trees, and behind it towered the Rocky Mountains. Snow-covered tall fir trees stood majestically on the slopes. Now everything stood still, as if plunged into a deep hundred-year sleep. The air was fresh, cold, as if it had some dark bluish tint. Everything was silent, and I could hear the slow pounding of my own heart. Frost bound the waters of the lake, which reflected a bright celestial crescent.
In the silence I involuntarily listened and caught light voices. Frowned and tried to look closer. A yellow light was burning between the dark pillars of the trees. The voices seemed so far away and out of reach. I carefully led Ringo closer, involuntarily feeling my teeth chattering loudly. The horse was shaking under me too.
A dog suddenly ran out of the forest. A pink tongue dangled from the open mouth in different directions. He was rushing to the frozen lake, seeing, as it turned out, several birds on the shore. A dark-haired woman jumped out after him, shouting obscenities. A man's laughter was heard, and a disgruntled stranger waved a rag in the direction of the dog, still following the disobedient animal. She was short, large, and rather shapely. I saw the dog run out onto the ice after the birds. He started running around on it and barking loudly. The woman trudged after him, carefully shifting her legs.
A crack broke the peaceful silence. The dry sound bit into the air, causing all the frozen muscles to tense up. The woman raised her hands to her face, staring at the jumping dog, who did not realize what had happened. She took a few steps back, returning to the ground.
I don't know what I was thinking? Probably that I would be light enough for ice, but without thinking about the fact that the dog could also be even smaller than me, but the frozen layer above the water suddenly cracked. I carelessly jumped off the horse into the snow, immediately finding myself in it up to my ankles. My fingers were numb, and it was getting harder and harder to move my legs. Once on the shore, she carefully stepped onto the ice. The socks slid over the surface, burning sensitive skin.
– Hey! What the hell are you doing?!
I didn't pay attention to the screams calling me to come back. Probably, the brain in my skull has managed to freeze significantly.
– Crazy! Come back now!
For the dog everything seemed like a game. The dog saw me and began happily waving his tail, briskly stepping from paw to paw. White lines were developing right below him.
– Hey, buddy, – I said softly, holding out my hand. – Come to me. Look how worried your owners are.
He tilted his head to the side, sticking out his tongue. Legs felt stiff and turned into straight pieces of wood. With difficulty I took small steps to the incomprehensible dog. So shaggy, with golden-colored fur. When I stretched out my hands even closer, he suddenly playfully jumped aside and ran away. I watched in bewilderment as the dog jumped ashore and returned to the same confused owners. By the way, their faces seemed familiar to me.
– Come back!
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Where did I go?
Swallowing loudly, I took a cautious step forward. My whole body was shaking. But when another deafening crack followed, the heart seemed to stop. I heard nervous voices on the other side.
I raised my head for a second to see how the young man began to take off his shoes, approaching the lake, and the ice broke under my feet. I didn't have time to shout. Or hold my breath. Plunged into the water with my head. The air was knocked out of lungs, and all my muscles instantly turned to stone. It was impossible to move. It was as if I was in the dark, if it were a place. Empty, cold, lonely. My chest was burning with hellfire. My head felt like it was being squeezed by a vice. Air. I urgently needed to breathe. And I did it. The body shook under the water. It turned black before my eyes. It seemed as if I was in boundless oblivion with infinite time, and a hand was reaching out from its very bottom. Red hair glistened in the moonlight.
Maybe this is my fate? Here my life will end, and finally I will find myself in a quiet peace, where she was waiting for me. My mom. I closed my eyes.
As if from somewhere outside, from another world, I faintly felt strong hands grab me. Pulled up. But she was reaching out to me. I wanted to grab my leg and take it to myself. But at the same moment, a faint light broke through the blackness, and the next moment I abruptly straightened up. Lake water was pouring out of my throat, and someone was stroking my back while I spat out the leftovers. I loudly sucked in the air passing through my sore throat. It was disgusting in my mouth.
– That's it, dear. It's good.
The woman's voice seemed muffled, as if I was behind a thick wall. Then someone else's touch began to feel even stronger. Palms rubbed my shoulders, back, arms. I looked around. There was a white cloth over my head. A fire was burning opposite. The whole body is covered with thick tissues. I was shaking, my bones were about to crumble. Someone was touching my legs, rubbing them with their fingers.
– She would have been left without limbs. These socks at least helped in some way.
When the world became clearer before my eyes, I saw people. That woman was sitting next to me, holding a hot mug in her hands and looking at me, I think she was saying something. Nothing was heard.
– Give me some pairs of socks. And another blanket.
The black-haired man holding my legs was saying something. The bald spot has already taken hold of his head. His eyes were focused on my face, he was saying something, and I was looking only at his big nose. Like potatoes. I wanted to laugh, but I twisted from a sharp pain in my chest.
Suddenly a cloth fell on my head, and someone tied it tighter so that it would hold. I looked up and saw a familiar face. That man is a foreigner from the city. He stood opposite me, his arms crossed excitedly over his chest. Squatting on the other side, next to the black-haired man, was the same John, nervously gnawing a nail. And behind them, Arthur was sitting on a large log with a smoldering cigarette in his teeth. Wet hair was falling over his forehead, and he shook his head like a yard dog. He was wearing only a blue shirt and trousers, and wet men's clothes were hanging near the fire. There were no shoes on his feet, which, as it turned out, was also standing by the fire. He didn't seem to care about the cold. And the same dog was sitting next to him, curiously tilting his head to the side.
Suddenly I realized the whole picture. I was in the tent of the camp of the people who saved me and were now trying to bring me to my senses and warm me up. And they were the same guys from the city. They saved me. Jesus.
– Do you remember your name? – a woman's voice was heard over my ear so soft, gentle.
– Yes, – I said hoarsely and repeated it again. – Yes. Joanna. Joanna Starr.
– Thank God, – she said, sighing, and thrust a hot mug at me when I finally began to breathe evenly. – Drink carefully, girl.
– Joanna, how did you end up here? – the man pulling socks on my feet had a hoarse broken voice.
– Leave the questions, Dutch, – the blond man put a hand on his shoulder. – The most important thing is that she is alive.
– By a miracle, – the woman snorted, shaking her head.
– By Arthur, – said Arthur himself and smiled crookedly.
The dog suddenly ran up to me and began to sniff, and then lay down right under my side, forcing me to put my hand on top. I stroked the soft fur, holding a mug of hot herbal tea in my other hand. The dog put his head on his paws. Everyone around us smiled, looking at us, and I involuntarily did the same.