Troyes POV
His lips looked so delicate, fragile, as he laid sound asleep against my chest.
It was 4:00am, but I was wide awake, my eyes focused on nothing but his soft breathing patterns, and the way his fallen quiff curled around the side of his head.
Connor was completely out of it. He was utterly exhausted from the long flight and our emotional encounter. He had fallen asleep in my arms, his small sniffles fading as he drifted into dream land.
"No, please stop, NO!" my grip on Connor's torso all of a sudden tightened, my presence hopefully grounding him back down to earth. He had screamed out a few times, his eyes scrunching, as he dreamed painful thoughts. I could only watch, cupping his face and stroking his hair to calm him down. But I was still worried.
Was the war that bad?
Come to think of it, Connor had seized to tell me why he had returned, my knowledge of events no more than the fact that one day I was alone, drowning in my own misery, the next he was on our doorstep, proposing, hugging me, being there again.
So I didn't care. I didn't care why he came back, why he was distant about it. All I cared about was the fact that he was here, in my arms, back where he belonged.
Surely there was nothing to worry about?
-Morning-
"Good morning sweetheart, I made you some coffee!" I smiled, placing the steaming mug on his bedside. "Baby, are you going to wake up?" I chuckled, running my hands through his mousy brown hair. He snuggled further into the covers, humming in response, as I took a seat next to him.
"In a minute Tro." He replied, his face almost blank as he opened his eyes. There was something about him, something that wasn't quite right.
I got up, and placed a kiss on his forehead, before walking back through to our kitchen, still studying the golden ring, circling my finger. I smiled thinking about the proposal, how he could be so romantic. That's why I loved him.
After waiting more than 20 minutes, I had begun to get restless.
Where was he? Why wasn't he up yet?
I understood he was tired, exhausted after everything he had been through, but I was feeling selfish okay? I wanted to cuddle him, hear his voice every five minutes. I needed to remind myself he was actually home, for I would go insane if not, telling myself that it wasn't real.
"Connor?" I hollered. "Connor babe, come and get some breakfast!"
After no response, I pushed myself off the sofa; walking towards the bathroom, as I saw the light shining from the crack of the door.
"Con, are you in here?" I questioned, my eyes widening as I watched him, staring at himself intensely in the mirror. His hands looked like they were shaking, his eyes clearly bloodshot.
"Honey are you okay?" I pestered, putting a hand on his back.
"Hmm?" He suddenly shook his head, turning to face me as he wiped his eyes. He was almost in a trance before, his pupils dilated, completely focused on his trembling figure.
I wasn't sure what was going on, so I grabbed both of his hands, massaging his palms with my fingers.
"Why are you crying Con?" I said, watching his every move, as he bit the inside of his gum, his gaze now on the floor. "What's wrong?" I soothed.
"Just thinking about things." He weakly smiled, kissing me suddenly on the lips.
I knew he was trying to make me forget about what I just saw, but it didn't work, as I pecked his lips back, before pulling away again.
I knew he wasn't okay.
"I'm just going out for a walk, I will be back soon." He gulped, releasing himself from my grip. I followed him as he strolled into the kitchen, his distant nature now suspicious as he grabbed his shoes.
"Can I come with you?" I said, trying to sound normal, as he neared the door. "I fancy a walk too and we-"
"No Troye, I'm sorry but I want to be alone for a bit." He cut me off, placing a kiss on my forehead before stepping outside. "I will be back later." He breathed, his breath turning foggy as he stepped into the winter sun.
I nodded, too speechless to say much else.
What the hell was wrong with him?
-Afternoon-
I was editing a YouTube video.
It had been a while since I had posted, but I was too excited about Connor's return to not tell the fans. They deserved to know. We were still one of the biggest ships, even if we had been apart for months.
My work was almost done, and aside from checking the clock every five minutes, I was watching a documentary on Netflix, desperately trying to pass the time as I waited for Connor's return.
I had called him numerous times; the only voice speaking to me being the answer tone, and a woman's voice at that. Connor had been gone 4 hours, and I was more worried than ever.
'Ring ring, Ring ring'
My ears perked up at the sound of the home phone, my heart suddenly fluttering as I thought it must be Connor. I already missed his voice, my body craving its strong American tone, even if it had only been a few hours. I was needy and I wasn't going to deny it.
"Hello?" I muttered, my fingers crossed as I awaited a reply.
"Hey, you must be Connor's partner, Troye?" the voice sounded American, rather like Connor's, but a lot deeper, more throaty if you ask me. I nodded to myself, before replying, my hesitant nature quite prominent.
"y-yes, Who are you?" I questioned.
"I'm Andy, I don't suppose Con has talked about me?" He chuckled, before carrying on. "I'm one of his friends, from the army. We used to share a bunk, and I wanted to make sure he got home safely."
"Yes, he did thank you, and no, he has never mentioned you." I replied, obviously feeling awful that I had no clue who this 'friend' was. "Did you fly home with him?" I said.
"Yes, I'm in New York right now. I got a connecting flight after he landed, but I didn't want to leave him. I was ordered to stay by his side, you know, due to his mental state?" my breath hitched.
What mental state?
"What is wrong with his mental state Andy?" I stuttered, trying to choose my words carefully.
"He said he was fine?" I continued. "Is this why he came home?"
"Connor was diagnosed with severe post traumatic stress disorder Troye, he was not mentally fit enough to fight anymore." Andy gulped, listening to my large gasp down the phone.
"That is why I was told to accompany him on his flight home. The doctor said he wasn't fit enough to go alone. He can't be left alone Troye, he is extremely fragile."
My heart raced. My head ached.
He was alone now, he was out there, vulnerable, scared, and I wasn't with him. I wasn't protecting him.
"Troye?" I was suddenly bought out of my daze, by the voice on the phone, most likely grabbing my attention. "Are you still there Troye?"
"I-I have to g-go." I stuttered, hanging up the phone immediately as I ran to get my coat.
I texted Hannah as I was running to my car. My lips were trembling and my eyes had begun to water. I didn't know what to do!
'Hannah I need your help. Now!'
All I knew was that I had to find him. Before someone else did.
-Evening-
"Where else could he be?" Hannah worried as she began to drive us around the streets of LA. "We have been to everyone's house that we know, and I'm pretty sure we have searched most blocks in the city!" She huffed, as we made a right turn at the junction.
"I'm really worried Troye." She gulped.
"Try the park down the road. That's where we met!" I suggested, still ringing his phone every minute or so.
We began to drive, my eyes focused on the paths and roads around us, trying to spot any sight of him. I was proving to have no luck, as at 10pm the streets seemed bare, and it was dark and cold, the winter frost making the roads crisp, shiny in fact.
"How did you not know how fragile he was Troye? How bad is this?" Hannah frowned, stopping as we neared the park. "What did this Andy guy say?"
"T-that he shouldn't be left alone. He even had an escort just to get home Hannah. It's bad. It's really bad!" I cried, burying my head in my hands once again. "I'm so worried. I can't have anything happen to him! I love him too much and I-"
"TROYE! HE IS OVER THERE!" Hannah screamed, bringing the car to a sharp halt at the side of the road. "Come on, we have to go and get him!"
Connor was sat on the ground.
I approached him slowly, tentatively, as I didn't want to startle him. I knew he was in a very fragile state of mind, and my urge to hug his brains out had to be put on hold.
"Connor, Connie baby." I soothed, gently touching his shoulder with my hand.
He was completely unresponsive, his eyes staring blankly ahead, his body softly shivering as he sat. I cupped his face. My body shuddering at the low temperature.
"Baby, you're really cold, we need to get you inside sweetheart, everything is going to be okay." I soothed, rubbing my hands up and down his arm, desperately trying to warm him up.
"I have a blanket in the car, I will get it." Hannah suggested, walking back across the road.
My main focus was on getting Connor to respond. I pulled his body onto my lap, gulping as he laid limp against my touch. His shallow breathing, and unresponsive nature was worrying, and I tried so hard to wake him from his trance.
"Connor? Connor I need you to speak to me baby, I'm worried about you!" I pleaded, stroking his cold cheek. "Honey please, I need to get you inside!"
Just then Hannah ran over with the blanket, draping it over Connor's shoulders as I supported his head.
"Hannah help!" I whined, biting back my newly formed tears. "Hannah there is something wrong with him!" I cried, stroking his hair carefully and comfortingly.
"Okay." Hannah breathed, sitting at the front of Connor as I hugged him tight. I had to make him warmer. He had been outside too long.
"Honey, it's Hannah here." She smiled reassuringly. "I want you to squeeze my hand if you can hear me sweetie." She put her hand in his, waiting for a response. I did the same.
I felt a small squeeze on my hand, my heart pounding against my chest as I felt movement.
"Con?" I questioned, hopeful he was back with us again. "Babe?"
"K-killed h-him" he whispered. I was confused. "What?" I asked.
"I k-kil-led h-him" He began to tear up, closing his eyes, trying to block the pain.
"Troye we need to get him inside, he is dangerously cold, and his breathing is slowing." Hannah interrupted us, her hand on Connor's pulse. "He is suffering from shock Troye, really bad."
Connor was now laid out against me, his body limp, his eyes only just open. How were we going to move him?
"Okay, we need to get him in the car." Hannah began to prise Connor's body up, supporting his head. "He can't walk, help me carry him!" She demanded.
I looped his arms around my neck, begging he would hold on, and I pulled him into my chest, kissing his little head softly. He had begun to close his eyes, his green orbs fluttering open every so often. Hannah and I carried him to the car, gently placing him down along the back seat, re wrapping the blanket across his frozen body.
"T-Tro?" I heard him mutter something, almost inaudible, but I got into the backseat nevertheless, placing his head on my lap.
"I'm here baby, everything is going to be okay." I soothed, caressing his cheek. "We're going home now, you can have a little sleep yeah?" I tried to hold back my tears, but my voice clearly wavered at his fragile state. His body was shaking, and his small frame looked like it could break, his face now loosing it's blue tint as he warmed up.
"I'm so sorry I didn't notice Connie, how could I not notice you were hurting like this?" I shook my head, burying my face into his shoulder. "I'm going to make you better Con, I'm going to fix you."
"L-love y-you." He stuttered, clearly dazed as he began to wake from his trance. He seemed exhausted, his breaths short and sharper, as he tried to talk. I put my finger on his lips, and rubbed his shoulder to calm him.
"Don't talk, Hun, just rest okay?" I smiled. "I love you more baby."
And just like that, it was the same as this morning. My eyes were wide open watching the man I loved sleep peacefully once again.
I loved him so much, and I was going to make him better.
A/N
Hey! It's been a while!
This is a part two to the oneshot 'A grazed heart as lovers part' and I know it is sad, and probably very unrealistic, but I got a prompt about one of them having PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder.) and I thought I could incorporate it into this.
Leave me some feedback, I'm curious what you think of this one because I'm not too sure. Also would you want a part 3 of this?
Becca xx