Jisung takes his phone out of his pocket, about to call his mom. He has been wanting to ask how she is doing and how everything is working out with her and Josh. He is actually curious and he has to admit: He misses them.
He opens the device and immediately notices something. A text message, from an unknown nunber.
He gets those from time to time and there is never any major harm done. Usually they're just some advertisers, attempts at scamming or something else crazy. Jisung doesn't pay them attention, however, this one catches his eyes. He presses the notification with reservation.
0XX XXX XXXX:
Hello
Is this Han Jisung?
9.14am
Who is this? And how do they know his name? There's soon a lot of questions whirling in Jisung's mind and even more are on their way.
Should he block the number? And then delete it?
Jisung ponders on what to do. He could take a risk and confirm. Yes, he is Han Jisung. Or, he could deny, which would probably be a better idea in every way. Just say they have a wrong nunber or whatever.
He can't leave them on read though.
hello
depends on who asks
8.24pm
That's a good way of putting it. He isn't used to dealing with these kinds of situations with unknown people. Texting is easier than talking face to face though.
0XX XXX XXXX:
Well, my name is Park Johoon
Jisung is my son
I've been trying to contact him
But if this is some one else,
I apologize for the bother
8.25pm
What? His? His father? What is happening here?
Jisung feels himself going speechless. Nah, this man has to be a swindler or something.
It takes several minutes for Jisung to come up with something, his mind blank.
actually, I am Jisung, yes
He doesn't know why he said that. Or, actually, he does.
are you really my dad?
8.31pm
The question sounds dumb but it doesn't hurt to try, he guesses. Plus, he can't stop the curiosity.
0XX XXX XXXX:
Yes
Your mother is Han Soyeon, right?
8.31pm
This man really does know his mom. Well, if the man is telling the truth and is Jisung's father, then why would he not know Jisung's mom? Jisung is almost in aw.
yes, she is.
how did you get my number tho?
8.32pm
0XX XXX XXXX:
Ah, it's a long story
I've been trying to contact you for years
It's been so long
8.32pm
Jisung wonders if this man knows his age or, like, anything about him, really. Jisung knows his mom hasn't been in touch with his dad, like, ever. It has always been just him and his mom ever since he was born. He wonders what has happened before that.
The man keeps on texting.
0XX XXX XXXX:
If you'd like, we could meet up in person and talk?
I'd really like to get to know my son better
It has been so many years after all
8.33pm
This is getting both suspicious as well as hopeful. Jisung ponders on what to do since denying would be rude, right?
The boy chews his thunb nail as he thinks. Well, it wouldn't hurt to try.
Sure
8.34pm
0XX XXX XXXX:
Is next friday, okay for you? I'm in Seoul for two weeks but I have businesses
See, I'm on a business trip
8.34pm
That's fine by me
8.34pm
0XX XXX XXXX:
Great, let's meet at the front of the Four Seasons Hotel
at 8
8.35pm
Sure, I'll be there
8.35pm
0XX XXX XXXX:
Perfect
I mean, I'll look forward to it
8.35pm
The conversation ends with that but Jisung keeps staring at his screen until it goes black. This is interesting for sure. He can't wait but can't help the nervousness either.
Oh, how could he miss the gut feeling? Well, he decides to ignore it for now. If the man has succeeded in cheating him and he'll be revealed to be a murderer, then... Jisung doesn't know what he'll exactly do.
He's an adult. He can stand up for himself. He can say no to the man. And if the man truly is his father, it would change so much. He can finally meet his long lost dad.
~~~
The night at the house party ended quickly and Jisung doesn't really have any useful or clear memories of it. It's fine, he and Minho ended up going home after Jisung recovered from the anxiety attack. Minho even offered the other a piggyback ride but the other declined, even though he felt weak in the knees as well as really cold.
It wasn't a surprise that Jisung ended up catching a cold. It was nothing serious, really. He spent the weekend in bed and was in touch with his mom, Minho pampering him.
His mom has been doing well. In fact, Jisung has never seen her smiling that widely and joyfully before as they were on face time. She showed around their house; It's huge and dropped Jisung's jaw to the floor. Josh must be really earning well in his company.
Jisung can't say he isn't jealous. However, he doesn't need luxury houses with big windows or a man who spoils him with money because he has Minho. Minho is more worthy for him than a few bills of money.
After he regained his health again, the following week didn't really go according to plan.
He doesn't know what is wrong with him but he knows that the exhaustion wearing him out is chronic. It has to be. He has been so tired and he gets tired out by even the smallest things, the simplest chores. Things on daily basis tire him out which is concerning.
He barely has energy to get up from the bed in the morning and once his head hits the pillow in the evening, he drops dead instantly.
Plus, he fucking hates routines even though his life and this whole world is kind of built around routines and systems. He hates repeating the same day, over and over again. Lately, every day has felt the same. He has lost not only all his energy but his motivation, inspiration and interests as well.
In addition, he feels like crying every fucking passing second. He's tearing up all the time, eyes red and watery. The dam in breaking and there's nothing he can do but to just keep fighting back the damn tears.
He wants to cry and scream and... hurt himself.
It's fucking exhausting.
He's so done.
He feels even more terrible because Minho has obviously noticed the blue episode of the younger and has been trying to fix it. Minho has cooked all Jisung's favorite foods that came to his mind. He has been trying to joke, make the other laugh. However, the corners of the black haired boy's lips stay turned downwards.
Minho has been giving Jisung time and space, not wanting to crowd him or hover over him. However, Minho has also taken time off of his own work as well as school so he could be there if Jisung needs him.
Jisung has been trying his best to acknowledge Minho, to show him gratitute and love back equally but it's has been so hard.
Minho must hate him.
Jisung hates seeing his brows furrowed, the distress radiating off of him and the way he looks at Jisung as if Jisung was a terminally injured animal. The pity is almost too much for Jisung, although, he's aware Minho doesn't mean any harm. His intentions are purely gold and Jisung appreciates them. Still, he feels like screaming at the older boy from time to time.
Jisung doesn't know what's wrong with him. The previous week has been hell.
It's saturday now and they are supposed to have a movie night. Just something calmer to unwind from the week as well as spend time together. It's nice or it should be. Jisung can't help but feel terrible though.
And talking about hurting himself: It's the scariest thought. He has been clean for weeks, for fuck's sake. And suddenly the feeling of being a burden, a bother, a terrible boyfriend and the weight of insecurities and anxiety on his shoulders are weighting down on him.
Every night, as he waits for the sleep to come to him, he secretly wishes he wouldn't wake up ever again. Not by nightmares, not by an alarm, not by Minho.
He wants to gone for good. At least the exhaustion would leave him.
He wonders if Minho will be able to save him. Again. This low episode is beginning to feel really deep, heavy and wearisome. And it's all real.