Starting with the more coupley things is easy. Not a lot changes, however, they're obviously more free to kiss each other silly.
Yes, they are boyfriends now. In the late evening, that one blissful saturday, they called each other that for the first time. It didn't feel realistic at all and honestly, they're both learning and getting used to this.
Minho has more experience as well as courage. Anyhow, he respects Jisung's pace, gives him time and space. Minho listens to him, offers help and encourages him.
One time, in the midst of an anxiety attack, Minho offered him an advice Jisung has been following since: Do what feels natural.
Jisung has been doing just that.
However, it's not like the insecurities and fears are his fault. He can't help them and his overthinking brain.
Anyway, being in love feels like heaven and they've immediately jumped into the honeymoon phase. Not that Jisung minds. He's ready to take whatever Minho has to give and grant.
He stays humble though, since in the end, he doesn't want anything else than what he has now. He doesn't need anyone else than Minho.
"Sung? Want to hang out at mine tomorrow?" Minho asks while they're heading to Jisung's. It's a nice walk, a perfect moment, side by side and hand in hand. Minho insisted to drop Jisung off, even though Jisung swore he would be just fine.
"Yeah, sure, I haven't seen the cats for so long, I miss them" he pouts. Minho laughs.
"I'm sure they miss you too, they prefer you over me anyways"
The younger boy's house comes to the view which sends a wave of blues through the both of them. Their date is coming to an end after spending time in downtown and having a delicious dinner together.
Jisung is still sour about it because he could have paid just fine as well! Minho won their fight over whose card is going be used, so Jisung backed down and pouted until Minho kissed the pout away.
The sun is setting and the nights are getting colder. Jisung shivers, but the feeling of Minho's hand in his gives him new kind of warmth which warms him up from the inside as well.
Soon, they're at Jisung's door, both of them pausing and facing each other.
Jisung's fingers feel tingly at the touch where they brush against Minho's. He doesn't have a heart to let go just yet.
Except soon it'll be dark and Minho still has to walk to his own flat.
"Thank you for the date, it was nice" Jisung speaks.
Minho waves it off before pausing for the quickest moment and then closing the distance between them. He pecks Jisung's lips once, twice.
"Have a good night" he says against the younger's slightly chapped lips in a whisper.
Jisung pecks his lips back.
"You too"
They stare at each other for another moment before Minho takes a step back, squeezing Jisung hand.
"By then, I love you" he sings.
"I love you too"
Jisung watches Minho walking away, until his form disappears, out of sight. He makes his way inside but this time without the usual, creeping feeling of loneliness inside him.
~~~
🐇:
good night baby
9.14pm
🐿️:
weirdo
you said that already
like
fifteen mins ago
you miss me that much already? ;)
9.16pm
🐇:
I do not
9.17pm
🐿️:
:(
9.17pm
🐇:
wipe that pout away
or else
im going to come kiss you
9.17pm
🐿️:
ill wait for you then ;)
9.17pm
🐇:
nah, im tired
i will do it tmrw
btw i just wanted to tell you again
I love you
now say it back
9.18pm
🐿️:
i love you too min
9.18pm
🐇:
im learning how to use words
you know im not good with them
like you are
I'm sorry if im awkward at times
9.19pm
🐿️:
that's okay hyung!
just do what feels natural
like you told me
9.19pm
🐇:
yea, i guess so
9.19pm
🐿️:
and btw
i have insecurities as well
you know it
like i have no idea how to be a boyfriend, yk?
i have no experience
im learning still
so, i hope im doing good enough
and if im not, you gotta tell me
9.20pm
🐰:
sung...
you are perfect the way you are
you dont have to do anything
trust me on that
9.20pm
🐿️:
ahhh okay
i trust you
9.21pm
🐇:
good
but hey, im gonna head to bed soon
and read some more
yk, chemistry is a subject straight from hell
so, have a good night
dream of me ;)
9.21pm
🐿️:
i most definitely wil
gl!
<3
9.21pm
~~~
Ah, here I go again. Mourning about my own life.
Mom says I should feel happy, grateful, that I have a roof over my head. Happiness isn't only that. I think it's more mental, emotional, than just concrete and physical.
Happiness can be simple yet so complicated. It's subjective as well, I think.
Mom wouldn't understand. She spent his childhood in a broken home, in a broken family. She got broken as well, until she left. Mom has never understood me that well. I don't know if moms should know their children by heart but my mom definitely doesn't know me. She knows nearly nothing about me.
I mean, for her, I'm just a son. For her, I'm not a human being who feels, make mistakes and learns from them. For her, I'm not a human being who knows moral, has a heart and my own opinions.
At least, that's how it feels sometimes.
Minho's story is different than mine. Sometimes, I'm envious of him and I have a good reason for it.
His parents cherish Minho and love him, in a different way than my mom does to me. They are listening, understanding and accessible, even towards strangers- towards me. They have raised Minho so well, with enough love, with enough limits.
For me, it has been more limits.
All those uncountable times I have been over, I have always gottena amazed. The way Minho's mother hugs me as well, as if I was her second son. The way Minho's father teaches me all those weird, but deep aphorisms about life and tells me dumb dad jokes.
It feels like a second home to me.
Minho's home isn't dull, with cabinets full of hidden bottles of alcohol or litters all over the floor.
As I have been over to Minho's, I have noticed the open, permissive atmosphere, where everyone is respected and accepted as human beings.
All those times I have been at sleepovers there or even just passing by, I have always been welcomed. Those times have been memorable.
Then, Minho moved to his own apartment as he turned eighteen, looking for freedom and independence. Although, he's still in contact with his parents and visits his childhood home every now and then.
Minho didn't move far, but at least now he has room for himself, to be alone, his quiet self. His little flat is cozy and so Minho like. His took his three cats with him as he moved in and I'm glad he did.
Minho has grown to be a gentleman of his own kind, a unique one. Not a mess like I am.
Sometimes I am envious, embittered. But, as I have said, one can't choose their parents. It's all based on toss up, I'd say.
Anyway, I love Minho for who he is, without him having to act a role or fit in standards or follow any social norms. He says the same for me.
I believe him.
~~~
It's one late monday afternoon when he comes home from work. He's tired but it's daily tiredness, so nothing of ordinary.
He hears his mom and a man – most likely Josh – in the kitchen, talking and probably having dinner. He will join them later, after he changes into some more comfortable clothes and takes a painkiller for the headache. However, he doesn't even get to the staircase when his name is being called. So, he beelines to the kitchen.
His mom tells him to sit down so does. The woman looks at him like she has something important to say. She looks a bit unsure.
"Jisung... we have something to tell you" she starts. Jisung listens, waiting patiently for her to continue. "We are going to move" she speaks.
Jisung takes a moment to take in the information. Then it hits him.
What the actual-
"The fuck?"
"Jisung!"
"Sorry, sorry, I..."
"I know this can sound like a huge change and all, but everything will turn out fine, right, Josh dear?"
"That's right"
Josh nods and Jisung can't believe his ears.
"And... and where exactly? Are we moving to? Like... all of us?"
"To States, Josh was offered a job there and I don't see a reason against it... Jisung, think about it, we don't have anything here, it's time to change the scenery, it'll do good for us-"
"No"
"Excuse me?"
"I'm not doing it"
His mom suddenly looks upset. Jisung grimaces internally. He can see how her nerves are being tested and how the anger is rising behind her eyes. She's disappointed, of course she is.
Things aren't going the way she wants, so she starts the drama. Of course, she always does this.
And the one to blame is Jisung.
"Excuse me, young man. What is this attitude? You're talking back to me like that?"
"Mom, I don't want to move; I want to stay here, my whole life is here-"
"Enough!"
His mom screams and stands up abruptly, the chair falling behind her. Jisung flinches. The woman's face is red and it looks like a vessel on her forehead is about to burst.
"Go to your room, we'll talk later" she speaks, not shouting, but still strictly.
Jisung obeys immediately, hurries away with eyes shedding tears.
What the fuck is wrong with her? And what is the Josh's problem? His mom has been going crazy ever since she met him! Jisung can't trust either of them anymore, can't believe either of them.
He's an adult already, just having turned eitghteen. He isn't a hormonal preteen anymore. He isn't a cheeky little brat anymore. He has a right for words, for his own decisions. He is capable, for fuck's sake! He is capable.
He wants his own life. He wants to become independent and live. He doesn't want a narcissistic mother and a smelly, freaky Josh who is no one for Jisung.
"Now that we're together, you could call Josh a stepfather, right? Since you never had a real dad, Josh could become that kind of a person to you, Jisung. Doesn't it sound nice? Yes, he is a stranger to you, but you just don't know him yet! We'll finally become a whole, happy family! Give him a chance, for me. Do it for me, please.
Think about your mom, Jisung"
What the fuck?
Jisung wants to live for himself, not for his mom. If he is going to move somewhere with someone, it's with Minho. And with Minho, he doesn't care where he is.
Otherwise, he would rather die.