It has been a few days since Jisung returned back to the normal world. The boy has been on his own mostly, avoiding any type of human contact, as well as possible. The only people he has been talking to have been his coworker Jeongin, his mom and Josh, but only because he has been kind of forced to.
It would be stupid to just keep his mouth shut all the time, when being asked something or so.
The boy has been avoiding Minho as well. In school, it's critical. He's afraid the older boy will spot him, want to talk to him and not let him leave until Jisung explains himself. Jisung is not ready yet. He is not ready to face Minho and explain.
He doesn't even know what to say.
I realized I'm gay and in love with you. I know, it's stupid and was never supposed to happen. I'll fix it, I promise, just give me time. I'm sorry. I'm such a coward.
Well, that'll do. Better be honest, right? Without any sugarcoating.
He should fucking man up.
But seeing Minho now in the schools library, sitting alone and studying, has Jisung's poor heart hurting. Once again.
There is this magical, magnetic force pulling him towards Minho. However, he holds himself back and forces himself to think first.
He doesn't know for how long he'll be able to keep up with this hide and seek. It's kind of stupid as well, to avoid someone like this. Ignore Minho's poor attempts at trying to confront him, Jisung turning his back to the older.
It would hurt anyway; Whether or not Minho has been trying to reach him. If Minho didn't have, it would break Jisung's heart with disappointment. If Minho had, which indeed is the truth, it would hurt still. And it does.
It's painful to watch the nth incoming phone call on the screen of his phone, the device ringing without any sound.
Jisung is not able to pick up.
He doesn't know what is wrong with him, nonetheless, he feels awful. He's an awful friend, for sure.
So, the young boy turns around and heads out of the library with a heavy heart and a heavy mind.
~~~
It hurts so fast
when love goes bad,
until at last
we fade to black.
We're living in a memory,
the present is the price I pay.
~~~
Jisung is currently chilling in his room. The boy is writing whatever comes to his mind, down on the notebook in his hands. It's one of the most precious tresures he has and he protects it with his life.
It's filled with mindless doodles, quotes, poems, lyrics; Whatever has come to his mind, basically. It's kind of a coping way for him, a way to express himself. When opening his mouth feels agonizingly difficult, he isolates himself in his room, with this notebook.
He often catches himself roaming in his own little naive world, dangerously deep in it. Time, other people, the reality don't exist in his world. Just him.
It's his own imaginary world.
When he was a kid, he used have imaginary friends as well. Their names are forgotten unfortunately, but he remembers how he used to hang out with them and talk to them about everything.
Minho kind of appeared out of nowhere and took him under his wings, as a brother. Those imaginary friends stayed in the background, Minho replacing them as the very first real friend Jisung ever had.
These kinds of notebooks have been piling up in his drawers, all of them possessing pieces of his own world, throughout the years. They have seen him growing, becoming a teen and a little man.
They hold his deepest secrets in them.
It's a saturday afternoon and it's been raining all day. The dark, gray clouds resemble Jisung's soul perfectly. He finds it peaceful, however, he hasn't had the usual extra energy to go out and enjoy the weather properly. So, he had stayed inside.
Suddenly, he hears the front door closing rather loudly downstairs. He puts his headphones down and listens.
He hears nothing.
His mom hasn't mentioned anything about going outside today.
He gets up and goes to his window, looking down to the front yard to see any cars. None. His mom's car is in its original place as well.
Suddenly, there's a knock on his door and he quails.
Opening the door, in front of him stands Lee Minho.
Minho welcomes himself in, closing the door behind him and looking at the shocked black haired boy in front of him.
"Hi, Jisung" he says. Jisung looks at him, eyes wide, agape and speechless.
What is Minho doing here?
"Hyung..." he breathes. He feels tearful out of nowhere. All of a sudden, he feels so much- too much. The dam is breaking. "Hyung."
"Jisung" Minho says again, much softer now and closes the distance between them. He pulls the younger into a warm hug, pressing close. Jisung starts crying, alligator tears rolling down his cheeks. Oh, how much he missed this.
He tightens his arms around the brunette and leans his head on his chest. The feeling is so nice. Oh, how lonely he has been. Why did he lock himself out like that? Why did he shun Minho like that? Why did he leave himself alone?
Why, when Minho is and has always been here.
Minho shushes him as he sobs. He doesn't know where these waves of emotions are coming from but they're making him shake with their force. It takes its time for Jisung to settle down, but it's okay, since Minho isn't going anywhere.
Minho is radiating warmth, however, his jacket is all soggy, Jisung realizes it only now. He retreats slightly, sniffling and frowning.
"Hyung, you're all wet" he says wetly and scans the other, taking in the soggy clothes, messy hair dripping water and the red cheeks.
"Uhm, yeah, it was raining, I'm sorry, you're all wet now too because of me" he says, looking at the younger apologetically. He reaches his other hand and dries the tears on Jisung's cheeks with his sleeve.
"It's okay" Jisung leans into the older's hand. "But we need to get you out of those clothes or else you'll get sick"
Jisung offers his own wardrobe for Minho, seeing most of his clothes are Minho's old ones. Jisung personally like oversized clothing and Minho's scent lingering on them. Some of them he had stolen, yes, he admits. However, some of them have just appeared out of nowhere, he swears.
Plus, he knows Minho likes when he wears his clothes, just saying.
Sitting on Jisung's bed, the silence is awkward. Jisung feels like he should say something, but then again, Minho must have a reason to be here as well. Why did he run in the rain alone to see Jisung? The younger doesn't deserve to have someone who sacrifices their health for him. The way Jisung has been acting lately, Minho should be cutting him off and blocking him.
Jisung deserves a cold shoulder, not this kind of gallantly.
Yet, here Minho is, in all his glory.
Jisung clears his throat but Minho speaks first.
"Jisung... I don't know what is going on with you but you must have a good reason for it. So, I'm not mad at you, if you're worried about that. I'm not mad, Sungie, just confused and... and a little concerned as well" Minho speaks softly. Jisung avoids looking at him, head down and eyes in the floor as if he was a kid being berated.
"I know you struggle sometimes, and I would like to help you, although, I thought you trusted me a little more than this, but it's okay, I understand, I just..." he pauses and Jisung expects for the worst, once again. He holds his breath.
"I just want to know why... why you didn't come to me" Minho finishes, meaning it more like a question for which he doesn't expect a straight answer. He doesn't sound mad or disappointed, but rather purely honest and genuine. Jisung takes in his words. "Anyway, before you ask why precisely I am here, let me tell you, I have a reason..."
Minho lingers, inhaling and exhaling.
"It's something you have a right to know, something I think you're ought to know... I just had to come to see you- to tell you that I-"
Jisung is holding his breath again.
"That I love you"
What?
"I-I realized it just recently and I have been keeping it to myself, but then you just disappeared, ignoring me completely, and I-"
Minhi sighs, shaking his head. Jisung gathers the courage to turn to the brunette.
"Today, I just couldn't do it anymore... I needed to tell you... and you're allowed to do whatever with this information, you can hate me, you can scream at me, you can cuss me out, whatever, I'll understand" Minho continues, hanging his head down, sniffling.
"I just... I'm sorry it turned out this way... it's stupid and was never supposed to happen... so, yeah, I'm sorry" he smiles bitterly and sniffles again.
He's crying, Jisung heart breaks at the sight. He's even more surprised hearing the words coming from Minho's mouth that are the exact same as his own thoughts.
They sound so authentic. Minho sounds so vulnerable.
Has Minho been pining in the same way as him? Has he been in the same pain as him? Afraid, unsure and insecure?
Jisung is feeling utterly conflicted; confused. The shock, the surprise, everything is messing with his brain right now.
Minho is confessing to him. Minho just confessed to him. He loves him. Minho loves Jisung.
Jisung's scared he's reading the room wrong though.
He doesn't want Minho be ashamed or embarrassed or anything. He must say something. That he returns those feelings even though it feels unreal. It is very much real.
"Hyung... You- You love me?" he whispers and looks at his hyung. Minho averts his gaze and nods.
"Yeah, I do... not in a friendly way, I- I'm in love with you"
"I love you too"
There's a pause. Minho freezes.
"W-what?"
"I-I love you too, I mean, I'm in love with you too"
Minho is now looking at him, eyes wide and shiny. There are so many questions, uncertainty in the air, but they have all the answers for them.
"I... Do you promise? This isn't a prank?" Minho asks and Jisung can't help but laugh a little.
"I promise, I mean it, Min"
Minho's lips break into a blinding smile and he surges forward, pulling Jisung into a bear hug, squeezing the hell out of the younger. Jisung laughs and squeezes back.
He is so happy. He can't believe this.
"God, thank you, thank you, thank you" Minho rambles as he places kisses on the younger's head. "I love you so much, Sungie, you don't even know, ugh, I can't believe this, I'm so happy" he sighs as he retreats just for the younger to pull him into another hug.
Jisung feels wetness on his cheeks, sniffling, but still smiling. He doesn't want to stop smiling ever again.
They retreat eventually, facing each other. Minho cups Jisung's face. "Look at you, you're crying" he says gently and fondly, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "Happy tears?"
"Happy tears" Jisung smiles.
They look into each other's eyes, gazing into the universe and its stars. It feels like a dream. A dream cone true. Minho's brown orbs are bright, taking Jisung's breath with them. Jisung is sure he looks as fond and dumb as he feels right now.
He sees Minho gazing at his lips for the quickest second, looking unsure, as if he's holding himself back. Jisung knows what he wants.
He wants the same thing.
"I-I would quite like to kiss you now... if that's okay?" Minho asks before Jisung can say anything.
"I would quite like that too honestly"
Their lips meet slowly but sweetly. Soft lips against soft lips. The kiss tastes salty because of the tears but like love anyways. True love. Happiness.
They're both impatient and desperate, seemingly having waited for too long for this exact moment.
Jisung has certainly been thinking about this part. Fearing whether he'd be good enough or not. He isn't experienced like Minho is. He isn't skilled like Minho is. Jisung is just a beginner, a hopeless one, this all being new to him.
He welcomes it all with open arms and a thriving heart.
He is so in love.
And in addition, it feels natural, ordinary, like the simplest yet the most beautiful thing in the world.
He doesn't get to look into Minho's brown eyes as the older is pulling him into another kiss. And another one. And another one. The touch of their lips becoming sloppy but staying as intense.
Minho's lips are like a drug, intoxicating and so, so sweet. Jisung can't get enough. He could die like this. Kissing Minho, holding him.
They fall to the bed, limbs tangles, unable to keep their hands off of each other. The evening is blissful, magical and full of happiness, the sun setting in the horizon, creating beautiful colors which light up the whole city. Jisung could use it as a metaphor if he was to describe he current feelings now.
His heart is whole as he lies beside his savior's, a string of fate connecting them and tying them together.