If you've read the last chapter, do go back and reread it. I've added a part I didn't realize was cut out. Thank you and enjoy.
Sa'id Manse, Abuja.
"Listen, I know I haven't exactly been the best friend to you, and that despite everything you've done for me, we barely even know what's going on in each other's lives." Amina started, settling on the bed beside Inaya. Her lips were stretched into a small, comforting smile. "Regardless, you know you can always talk to me, right? I'm always willing to give you a listening ear."
Inaya's lips stretched into a smile which Amina could tell was forced in an instant. She could see through her that much. "I know." Inaya whispered in a low voice, though it was laced with all the tiredness she couldn't explain in words.
It was evident in her expression that she was exhausted, physically and mentally. In that instant, she doesn't look like the Inaya she shows the world. She wasn't chaos, or cypher. She's simply, Inaya. An ordinary woman who although managed to earn herself a reputation that makes her seem impeccable, is actually the most imperfect human out there.
Not to mention, she has been like this since she came back from meeting Aadil's father—that was a day ago. She had basically locked herself in her room, wallowing in thoughts. Her father would've noticed it, if not that he had to fly to another State for some important work so she was left with Amina who of course was quick to detect the change in her friend.
Hence why she decided to finally speak to her about it. She couldn't bear to sit there and watch her knowing something is bothering her. If she could help in any way, then she was willing to do so.
The expression had Amina's lips slanting into a frown, her brows squished together. "Speak to me." She encouraged softly, hoping to be a friend to Inaya, the friend she deserves and need in that moment. "Tell me really, what's bothering you? I know you aren't okay."
Inaya didn't respond immediately. She simply drew her lower lip between her teeth, worry evidently masking her features. She didn't even try to hide it.
"Let it off your chest." Amina encouraged yet again, because it was clear Inaya just needs a little push. "What's really bothering you?"
The addressed woman let out an audible sigh, before shrugging. "Everything." She admitted eventually, looking down for a brief second. "Everything's bothering me, Amina."
Amina didn't say anything immediately. She could tell Inaya had more to add, and she didn't want to interrupt. She was right, because only a moment later, the aforementioned woman continued.
"—nothing is going on as planned—not at work, and not here as well. I want to act like I'm okay, and that I can handle everything but you know what, sometimes I feel like I don't even know who I truly am." Imposter syndrome, that was one of the things bothering Inaya.
On some days, she has as much confidence in herself that could go over the chart. On other days, she found herself questioning every single decision she has ever made, and the ones she would eventually make. It's like having everyone picture you as some sort of glorious person, but in reality, there's no glory attached to you in the slightest. She feels like a liar, like someone desperately trying to fit in shoes that aren't hears only to get hurt in the process. And yet, she still dons them regardless of the wound, and strut around in it all the while feigning a smile, and pretending everything is alright. That's how she was feeling at the moment.
"--I took on a case, a very important one and there's no room for messing up. Just a while ago, I had full confidence in myself, but I'm no longer certain." She paused to let out another loud sigh, her tiresome eyes meeting her best friends. "There are just way too many odds against me."
Amina held her gaze softly, before she asked in a knowing tone. "Is Aadil part of those odds?" She tiled her head to the side slightly, giving her the I-know-the-answer already look.
Inaya didn't deny it, she simply held Amina's gaze wordlessly. She drew her lower lip between her teeth, lightly chewing on it with eyes that screamed words she couldn't bring herself to word out.
It was Amina's turn to sigh, her expression yawing even graver if possible. Pushing herself a bit closer to Inaya, she crossed her legs comfortably and thought of the right words to use to break down the news to her. "Inaya," She started in a low tone, to ease what she would say. "I really don't think he's good for you."
"Amina..."
"No, don't 'Amina' me. Just heart me out." She was quick to stop Inaya from cutting her midway and giving excuse for the man. Reaching her hand out, she took Inaya's in hers and gave it a small squeeze. "Listen, I know you think you like him but does he even love you back? Fisabillilah you've been going back and forth since the beginning. Is he worth it?"
Inaya licked her lips, shaking her head in the process before drawing her hand out slowly. "Amina, he cares."
"He cares, but does he love you?" Amina would beg to differ the whole 'care' thing. But, she refrained from saying that. "Honestly Inaya, a relationship is something that takes effort from both parties, not just one. And in yours, you've always been the one making the effort, never him."
From what she's heard from Inaya, and from what she's seen as well, she wants to believe Aadil cares about her friend as well but the man only keeps proving her wrong. She's been giving him the benefit of doubt all this while, but she isn't willing to do anymore. She should've known it would fall on deaf ears though. It's like when it comes to Aadil, she puts walls up so high, nothing can penetrate it. Because despite a part of her, a part she had buried deep down wants to agree with Amina, she was quick to shut it out.
Shaking her head, she proved hell-bent on defending the man. "Don't say that." She softly scolded, her lips slanted into a deep frown and eyes narrowed slightly. "You don't know him; you don't know us." She refused to be brainwashed into believing Aadil doesn't love her.
She knows him better than anyone. He cares about her. You wouldn't do the things he does to her to someone you don't love. He loves her, he just doesn't know how to express it and she's okay with that.
"—this is harder for him than it is for me." She added, her voice dropping. "Besides, it's not easy to love someone like me." She then scoffed bitterly, self-doubt heavy in her tone. "He deserves someone perfect, and I'm far from that."
Amina rolled her eyes, unable to help herself. "Come on, Inaya. Give yourself some credit, please." Her expression softened, despite the brewing hatred she has towards the man in the topic. "You aren't perfect, but no one is—not even him. Inaya, listen to me." Amina placed a hand on hers, and then continued. "You are beautiful, you're worthy of love just like everyone is. You are perfection in your own imperfect way, and if he has half the sense you portray him to have, he should be lucky to have someone like you love him."
Inaya shook her head, looking down. She wants to believe Amina; she wants to believe she's as good as Amina sees her but she doesn't believe so. She may have seemed to be type that has utmost confidence in herself, but she really doesn't. It's all a façade.
"Look at me." Amina pressed in a stern tone, which had her friend hesitantly looking up. "You do questionable things, but you do it for a good reason believe it or not. We both know it, and he is supposed to know it. Why do you think you aren't good enough for him? Is it because his father is the self-proclaimed righteous man, or that his family is apparently the epitome of perfection?"
Even she knows of the great Inspector General Bashir Kari, people speak extremely highly of him. He is a man that abides by the law, and has the perfect family despite his wife not being Muslim.
People still appraised him though for marrying someone out of his religion, it was as if he's showing people he has no prejudice against people of other tribe, or religion.
Not to mention, his seemingly perfect son, the impeccable Aadil Bashir Kari, leader of the Alpha Team of the top Special Forces in the country. In most tabloids showcasing perfect families, they are there. No one could dig up dirt on them no matter how hard the person tries, that's how impeccable they are claimed to be. And yet, Inaya isn't just anyone. She knows despite all that, they aren't perfect. But regardless, she still knew she is no match to them, especially not to the father of the man she wholeheartedly loves.
Is it so bad to say she wants his approval more than she shows? She has never met him, but she wanted to be the type of woman he would want for his son because regardless of Aadil's relationship with him, he is still his father. And, blood is thicker than water. The man's opinion should matter the most to him as well.
But, she will never meet that standard. She is the image of everything he wouldn't want for his son. And that alone brews enough insecurity in her which she can't seem to pluck herself out of.
"—Inaya I've been with you all these years. For years I've seen you try to change who you are, even if you don't realize it. You have been away from this man for years, and yet, you still try to become someone you aren't for him. Even now, be honest with yourself, you went to Shuri because of him, didn't you?"
Inaya kept her lips shut because Amina was right. She went there for work, but Aadil fueled her want to work there. For years she had thought of ways to slip back into his life, to return as a woman he can even consider loving. Sounds pathetic, right? That's what that love she has for him did to her.
"For Allah's sake, Inaya!" Amina huffed out an annoyed breath, her blood boiling at the realization of how her friend, a woman she has always viewed highly degraded herself without realizing for a man who isn't worth her. "Tell me," She started again, when she had regained her calm a bit. "what do you see in that man? What made you love him this much?"
Inaya's lips slanted into a small, ghost smile. "Do you need a reason to love someone?" She questioned in a low tone, her shoulders slumped in exhaustion.
Amina gave her a look that showed she wasn't impressed by the slightest. She doesn't want to believe what Inaya feels is love, this one-sided feeling can't be love. If it is, then she would rather never fall in love.
Inaya blew out a low breath, before she looked away. "I don't have a reason for loving him, I just do." She admitted honestly, still donning a warm smile at the thought of him. "I've liked him right from the moment I met him. I love him for the sake of Allah," She the shifted her gaze to Amina's annoyed ones. "Isn't that reason enough?"
Amina flicked her eyes close, before looking away. Biting her lower lip, she held back the urge to spit words she would regret. She's doing all this for Inaya, because she cares about her an awful lot. She can't bear to watch her act that way over Aadil. "Loving someone for the sake of Allah doesn't mean you have to suffer this much."
"Maybe not." Inaya swallowed the bitter truth down thickly. "But I don't mind."
"Well, I do." It's clear Inaya isn't thinking clearly. "And believe me when I say, for him to not have realized the gravity of the love you have for him, or for him to take it for granted, he doesn't deserve you. That much I know." She couldn't believe Inaya, the same Inaya Sa'id she knows is this much blinded by love. "Tell me something, how far are you willing to go for him? Suppose he accepts you, and still keeps treating you the same way...would you stay?"
"I have enough love for the both of us." Inaya responded without a second doubt. "I know he finds it hard to open up to someone. Loving someone is difficult for him but, I'm willing to give enough love for the both of us. I'm willing to give it my all because he deserves it. He deserves all the love life has to offer." The fact that she still managed to keep her tone soft, and held up her warm smile showed every ounce of love she couldn't voice out enough.
"—After this case, I intend to give everything up." Inaya declared, much to Amina's surprise.
"What?" She asked, bewildered. "You plan to give what up?"
"This life that I've been living." Inaya announced, sounding determined. "I want to start afresh, with no ties attached to my current life. I don't want to be known as someone that causes chaos, or a hacker that's only out for trouble. I want to be someone worthy of his love. I want to be someone that will give him everything I can offer, if it means us being together."
"You want to throw away your life for him?" Amina questioned for clarity, because she couldn't believe her ears. Giving Inaya a look that screamed her questioning whether the woman is in her right sense, she added. "You want to change yourself for him, even more than you already did?"
"I want to become a better person for him." Inaya corrected, nodding her head to certify the fact. "I want to be someone he can be proud of to show everyone. I want to be someone that would be of help to him. This job of mine, I'll give it all up—including the Forces. I'll quit permanently, for him. The endless manipulation, the lies, the facades, I'll throw it all away."
Amina stared at her as if she had grown two heads, waiting for her to tell her that it's all a sick joke and that she really isn't throwing away her life's work away for that man. When Inaya made no move to take back her words, or show she is truly kidding, Amina found herself letting out a chuckle of disbelief.
Amina personally found it revolting—the fact that Inaya has this much love for a man. A man that could, and already did break her heart into a thousand pieces and stomped on it. A man that's blind and couldn't see the love offered to him on a silver platter. A man someone like Inaya Sa'id is giving her all for.
Isn't the fact annoying from the perspective of someone who genuinely cares about her? She's practically throwing away her life's work for him. It angers her even more that the man in the picture doesn't know what he has. He doesn't know Inaya is giving everything, her entire life away just so she could be the perfect wife for him.
How can she not be upset? It's even more angering that at the end of the day, he might not even appreciate Inaya. More so, knowing even if he doesn't, Inaya still wanted to stick to him. It's angering to the core.
When she got a hang of her emotions, Amina rose her head up to stare at Inaya with eyes filled to the brim with disbelief. "Don't do this." She pleaded. "Don't do this to yourself, don't throw yourself away from him. He doesn't deserve you, you hear me. He doesn't deserve your love, not in the slightest."
"I've made up my mind already, Amina. And nothing will change it." Inaya's eyes had glossed over, but she swallowed the bitter bile down—refusing to let herself be swayed.
Amina held Inaya's gaze, her disagreement written across her features in bold. "Is he worth it?" She questioned in a low tone.
Inaya licked her lips, before she nodded and whispered back. "He is worth that, and everything else I have to offer." She stated earnestly. She then tsked, and flashed Amina a bitter smile. "You know, before I met him, barely anything made any sense to me; I just lived with no particular intention. Then he came; and in my life where everything made so little sense, I'm glad to have met him." Her smile widened slightly. "He gave my life a meaning, Amina. So, he's worth everything to me."
"I really can't change your mind, can I?" Amina asked after a few seconds of silence, her own eyes red.
Inaya shook her head, as an answer to the question.
Amina then found herself nodding slowly, before she swallowed thickly as well. Wetting her lips, she pushed herself off the bed. "Then I can't stay here and watch you do this to yourself." She declared, her heart heavy. "I refuse to be here and watch all this, knowing I can't do a thing to save you. I'm sorry, I just can't." Shaking her head, she turned around and left.
The minute she was out of the room, warm tears slid down Inaya's face like waterworks, unable to help herself. Her heart was heavy with emotions. Placing her hand over her mouth, she tried to muffle the sob but to no avail. It eventually came out, because she was soon on full crying mode.
She remained like that until she finally got everything off her chest by crying her pain out. Still, she convinced herself that she made the right decision. And with that thought in mind, she wiped away the leftover tears and picked up her car keys, heading out with one destination in mind—and that's to seal her fate.
It was late at night, probably around eleven at night and the house was eerily silent as always. She carefully closed the door, so as to not draw Amina's attention and risk being caught about to sneak out.
Fetching her phone out, her fingers moved across the screen as she looked for a particular number. When she found it, she tapped the call button and brought the phone to her ear as she stepped out of the house and made her way to her car.
The call didn't get answered, much to her dismay. Still, she didn't give up for even as she revved the car to life and swiftly drove it down the long driveway and past the gates down the hill, her fingers tapped the steering wheel nervously in an attempt to tame her nervousness. Her fingers anxiously chewing her bottom lip.
"Answer the call, Aadil." She mumbled under her breath, her eyes occasionally moving to the caller ID displayed across the screen while she hoped with everything in her that he would answer the call.
The fact that she was driving in a speed that she will be fined for if caught didn't matter to her then, not when she has one destination and one person in mind—a person that has overwhelmingly taken over her mind and soul entirely; the sole person she could think of.
For three consecutive calls, he never picked up—not once, much to her dismay. As such, she found herself blowing out a low and not giving up, she shifted her gaze to the phone in an attempt to call him again.
However, bright light flashed from the direction she was heading to. And by the time she looked up; her eyes widening with realization of what is about to happen, only one thought crossed her mind.
It was when Aadil said the exact words to her;
"One day, your past will catch up to you. And when that happens, your life will suddenly flash before your eyes and you will be left wondering how you've wasted your life away while you had the chance."
And then, everything went blank.