Y/n's pov
Everything felt so unreal. I was alive, but again I wasn't . I could feel Taehyung's presence, but again I couldn't see or feel him.
There was one point when I opened my eye, if I wasn't dreaming.
I was on Taehyung's lap, from the angle I remember. He was fast asleep, I tried to touch his face, make him known that I'm awake, but I couldn't, I fell into the helplessness again.
I tried so hard to fight my damn body, all I wanted was to just feel his skin against my fingers, to feel him, to feel complete again, to hold his face in my hands and apologize to him, and to tell him I tried my best to fight, I really did, please forgive me, or else I won't be able to live the rest of my life the way it was before, the guilt will be too much to bear. Please, just one touch.
I know, Taehyung talks to me, but I can't remember anything a moment after. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes. I don't even know where I'm. It feels like I'm trapped in my own mind.
I was lying, wherever tf I was, like usual. Helpless, almost dead. Just when I thought things can't get any more worse, a sharp pain jolted through my head, I wanted to scream and rip my hairs out, that jolt went from head to my throat real quick. Water, I need water.
Just how I imagined myself moving always, I did it again, but this time, I moved for real. I sat up, finally.
My hand roamed around finding water when something fell, a glass. Fucking hell.
"I'm thi-thirsty" I spoke, even speaking was like 100 needles being stabbed in my inner throat.
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Taehyung's pov
"Oh God" me and jungkook huffed in unison.
" Doc- DOCTOR!! " Jungkook ran down to bring the doctor dragging, bitch won't get to enjoy his meal when my wife just woke up.
I was still standing on the door, unable to process properly, is she really awake?
"Water, bitch" she was coughing. Oh God, yes, she's thirsty, water water.
"Fucking yes, I'm a bitch." I grabbed a bottle and poured it in glass.
I adjusted myself beside y/n on the bed, my one hand glided behind her neck, supporting her head, and the other one took glass near her lips.
I kept the glass on the table. Our eyes didn't for once looked anywhere else. They were locked.
Hurried footsteps could be heard, pretty sure they were of Jungkook doctor and nurses.
"Taehy-"
I pulled her in my arms to shut her up.
"Shush, don't say a word. Not now." I kept swinging her fragile body in my arms until the others came and separated us.
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"Take care of her, and if you'll need something, text or call me."
"Hmm, I will" I was standing at the door, Jungkook was leaving, he sat the whole evening with y/n, making sure she won't go unconscious again.
" And about that" he turned his body fully towards me and stiffed his shoulders. "Let's pretend we never had that conversation"
"Deal" the last thing I'd want to do would be to disclose that conversation to y/n. Literally.
I saw him off and went straight upstairs. Doctor and nurses just finished all their tests for today and went in their guest rooms.
Y/n was sleeping peacefully. But did she go unconscious again? My anxiety is such a bitch.
I don't want to wake her up but- "dumbun"
I gently touched her cheek with my finger.
"Tae, you're here" she opened her eyes and sat straight.
"Hey, lie down, don't sit for too long" I say besides her. My fingers still on her face
"I'm fine, really." She gave me a small smile but it turned into a frown soon.
"What's wrong" I pulled my hand back, rubbing my fingers against my palm, still feeling her face's softness against my skin.
"I just, feel dirty" I knew what she meant, but this wasn't the right time to talk about it, she's too fragile, not until a couple more days pass. My baby is strong, and I'm well aware of that, but now is not the right time.
"Would a warm bath help?"
She hesitated a bit at first but then nodded as a yes soon.
"Alright, wait for me."
After preparing her warm bubble bath, I came back to her.
Made her stand up near the bed.
"If your hands are paining, do you want me to help you remove it?"
A tear fell down her cheek before she whispered a quick 'no'
" I understand, I'll be outside if you need any help, okay? " I stretched my hand to pat her cheek, one of her two her lost mole to be precise, which disappeared because of the scars she had to face, but stopped just before my fingers could come in contact with her face.
I turned around to walk away when
" I feel filthy. Disgusting. Hideous. Undeserving. Dirty. Tired. I don't feel like myself."
I kept my back towards her, silently listening the words slipping from her mouth. Each word acting as a dagger to my heart.
Tears of shame were shedding from my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I lost my vi-"
"Shut the fuck up Y/N" I turned around with a jerk, eyes bloodshot red. Walked near her until she hit with the wall on her back. "Don't you dare apologize y/n. It was not your fucking fault. I know you're blinded by your trauma, but please try to understand none of it was your fault, and I don't give a fucking damn about your virginity, the one thing which I care about is you, your safety. I, failed to protect you, I should be the one apologizing. You're not filthy, disgusting or hideous by any means, I'm looking at you right now and trust me y/n all I could see is my whole world infront of me, you better think twice before saying anything bad about yourself from now, I take insults to my priority very VERY seriously, you get that? "
Smell of sweat and tears were filling the room. Her face was puffy, just how I like it but it's not because of oversleeping, but because of crying, constantly, which hurts me like hell.
She just lightly nodded her head, sniffing.
"I can't help it, all I could feel is his touch on my body, it di-disgusts me to the core. I feel like ripping my skin out" I knew this even before she spoke, I accidentally saw her twice scratching herself, in a weird manner, that was enough to understand why she was doing it.
"Y/n, look at me" I kept my index finger under her chin, tipping her face up a bit. "Do you want me to replace his touch from your body?" My eyes didn't leave hers for a mili second. My pleasure was the last thing on my mind, all I wanted to do was to make her feel safe. Emotionally and sexually.
"Say the word and I'll be the one to mark your skin." She didn't speak, all she did was stare at me with ger glossy eyes." I understand, I won't ever force you, please know that. Don't be harsh on your skin while bathing " I spoke with a smile and left her room.
Just as I closed the door, with a click it opened again.
" Y/n? " I turned towards her.
" Please " I walked towards her with concern spilling from my eyes, slipped my fingers behind her neck gently, grabbing her head in my hands, she let the weight of her face on my palm.
"What's wrong dumbun"
"Please scratch his touch off from my skin"
Hey kiddos! Hope you're enjoying the story so far.
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The emotional rollercoaster I went through while writing this chapter was insaneeeeee.
And happy 30k views!!!!!!! I love y'all too much. Have a cookie 🍪