Four Years Ago.
Kari Residence, Bauchi State.
Mrs. Murjanatu Bashir Kari passed away only a day later, much to everyone's surprise—including Inaya's.
When they had that conversation, she thought the woman still a while to live. She didn't sound like someone who knew she would die only a few days later. Truth be told, Inaya would've found the entire ordeal unbelievable if not that she witnessed the aftermath with her own eyes.
That was, without a doubt, the worst day of Aadil's life and would make it to Inaya's list of worst days as well. Reason being, she could still remember the day as clear as a sunny day. She could remember the situations that led up to that moment. The same day he ran into her conversation with Rasheed, a failed attempt at surprising the woman he loves.
Only to realize, she hadn't exactly been the woman he thought she was.
Inaya could still remember everything that happened, from Rasheed sliding out to leave the two alone, to her heart beating wildly against her ribcage—a few seconds away from it jumping out.
Aadil's expression as cold, the coldest she had ever seen from him. His bloodshot eyes were dry of any tears, not even a gloss of it. They stared into her orbs, unwavering, deeply chilling to the core. It was that sort of stare that strips you of any self-confidence you have planted in yourself, leaving you a cold, shivering mess.
It has been way too long since Inaya felt anything close to fear. And yet, at that moment, as she held onto his gaze with baited breath, her heart was hammering behind her ribcage as if wanting to jump out.
Her stomach was in uneasy knots, feet feeling as though she was standing on cold ice. She couldn't hold onto his gaze, at least, that was what she thought. She still had it fixed on his though, face bare of any walls she usually keeps up.
Sucking her lower lip between her teeth, she nervously chewed on it before making an attempt to walk closer to him. "Aadil..." She breathed out, her voice heavy with emotions. It sounded so foreign to her ears, as if it wasn't her voice. "...Aadil please, hear me out." She breathed out, her tone shaky.
It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Heck, he wasn't supposed to find out. He's bound to obviously, but she hadn't expected it to be this way.
His eyes slanted into a glare that suddenly had her pinned to her exact position, not moving an inch. If it was someone else, it wouldn't have bothered her but at that very moment, she felt compelled to abide by what he wants.
Though he tried to put a mask on his emotions, the betrayal in his eyes hit her like daggers. They were there, bright as the full moon up a starless sky; it's luminescence impossible to miss. The seconds it took for him to respond, the gut curling moments felt like it was hours.
"How long?" His voice eventually came, darker than the clouds when it's about to rain. He didn't raise it though; weirdly enough, it came out calm, and low.
Inaya dug her thumb into her index finger, the sting from it hurting a lot more than she would like to admit. At that point, she spotted a few cuts in that exact position from the repeated action and how sharp her nails are. She dreaded to answer him, because it broke her heart more than she'd like to admit. Still, she whispered out. "Since the beginning."
He held her gaze, and allowed the torturing silence to drag on for a while. He then suddenly let out a bitter chuckle, looking away for a brief second before meeting her gaze again. "You really are cruel." He stated, his voice thick with emotions impossible to slice through. "You had the time of your life making a fool of me, right?"
"Of course not." She was quick to respond, her eyes practically begging him to listen to her though she doubt she has anything to say that wouldn't sound like an excuse. Blowing out a shaky breath, she then rushed out before he could cut her off again. "It wasn't meant to go this far, I swear."
"Really now?" He didn't seem to believe her in the slightest, because he truly doesn't anymore. Reaching out to pinch the bridge of his nose, he then added. "Tell me then, wasn't it part of your plan to get close to me?"
"It was, but--"
"Wasn't it part of your plan to lie to me?"
"Aadil--"
"Was it not part of your plan to play with my feelings?" He gritted out, his voice dropping. Surprisingly, she expected him to yell at her, let out all his frustrations but he didn't. Regardless of the situation, he still kept his tone leveled.
Not because he didn't want to scream it out, but because he couldn't.
Even though she took his heart, and crushed it to bits—he still respects her way too much to act that way. Though, he doubts she deserves that respect but it's not like he can just wipe away his feelings right?
Inaya flicked her eyes close, taking in a deep, shaky breath. She could feel her eyes sting with tears, but she forcefully swallowed it down, not willing to let a single tear drop. It hurts inside, it felt as though her heart was being ripped out; and admittedly, she hates herself for doing this to him.
For the first time since she took this line of work, she actually regrets it. She regrets it because unknowingly, she fell for her own trap not expecting to harbor any feelings for Aadil Bashir Kari.
She thought they were just silly feelings as well. And truth be told, she hadn't even realized the gravity and actuality of her feelings till they were in that exact position with battered souls, seemingly impossible to pick back up.
Each held fragments of their shattered souls in that holder called a heart, one that was barely hanging onto the threads of strength to keep standing.
"Did you not plan on using me?" He pressed on, daring her to claim otherwise. They both know the answer, even if the one at the receiving end wasn't willing to admit it. When she didn't reply, he added in a low voice. "Do you know the worst part? I gave you everything, Inaya. I showed you the parts of myself I never wanted to show anyone. I was actually willing to try this with you. From the day we met, I knew I'd get hurt eventually and yet, I was still willing...for you."
Inaya pressed down her thumbnail against her index finger hard, fighting the urge to break down right there and then. It was too much...the emotions in his eyes and in his voice, they were all too much. It makes her feel even worse than she actually does.
She no longer knew what to say. It was as though her tongue was tied.
All she could bring herself to say was a single statement, a true representation of her feelings. "I hurt people." She swallowed thickly, blinking back her tears as she held his gaze. "That's all I'm good at." Her lips shakily curled into a bitter smile.
Aadil's expression didn't waver. "Saying that doesn't make everything better, you know." He stated simply, and earnestly. Truth be told, he was dying to believe her, but he couldn't bring himself to. "Your eyes can be so cruel, you know."
"Huh?"
"How could they still be the same beautiful hazels as when I first saw you?" Her eyes, they were the first thing that captivated him. "It felt as though I could see right through you with them. How wrong was I?"
"I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say. At that point, she knew absolutely nothing would bring back what they had, at least not that quick. "I'm sorry that along the way, I actually started to care for you."
She was supposed to say something comforting, right?
Well, that's the problem. One of the bad traits she has is with people. She's clueless when it comes to personal feelings and human interactions. Instead of making amendments, she recoils back and ruins the relationship to escape from such feelings. She truly loved Aadil, but even her feelings for him couldn't eliminate the toxic trait.
He could only let out a bitter smile and shake his head in disbelief. What was he expecting from Inaya Sa'id? For her to actually explain in a way that would show it was all just some misunderstanding? Because he is actually hoping for that.
But, she didn't.
Which means everything is right. And all she could apologize for was falling for him, not playing with his emotions and planning to discard it like some used shirt?
She truly is cruel.
"—I never meant for this to happen to us."
"There's no 'us'." He was quick to chirp in, shaking his head to get rid of that ridiculous image before she dwells on it for long. "There never 'was'."
She sucked in a harsh breath. "I'm still sorry I ruined what we had." She truly does feel bad, and regrets it. She just doesn't know how to express it. "I'm not perfect, and I will keep screwing things for myself in the future but I really do love you, Aadil."
"No, you don't." He won't accept that so called love; he doesn't want to. He tried to mask his emotions, and when he spoke again, his tone was cold as ice—because it was the brewing anger, and hatred for her speaking. "That's just the tiny conscience you have in you trying to justify your actions."
"I didn't mean to. I just had no other choice." She was used to putting her work first, it was the same then as well. She puts it above everything else, above people that's close to her. And even then, she was choosing her work over him. "Nothing I say will ever make up what I did."
"Let me ask you one thing." The last thing he wants as well is her excuses, he was curious of a thing though. Narrowing his eyes at her slightly, he questioned. "Are you still going to keep up this work of yours? Regardless of what it did to me, and the people around us as well?"
She swallowed thickly, taking in a sharp breath. When she blew it out, her expression was much more composed compared to earlier. "Yes." She admitted. "I'm sorry it turned out this way, but I can't just let go of my life's work for you."
"You're making a terrible choice." He stated earnestly. "You're wasting your time away for something that isn't worth it."
"Maybe. But, I'll still stick to it." Regardless of her feelings for him, nothing would change her mind when it comes to her work. She didn't work her ass off for years just to give up like that. She went through hell and back for it.
He offered her a bitter smile, and nodded slowly. "One day, your past will catch up to you. And when that happens, your life will suddenly flash before your eyes and you will be left wondering how you've wasted your life away while you had the chance." That was all he could bring himself to say.
She may not agree with him then, and she didn't—but one day, she will. That much he was certain.
Inaya parted her lips to say something, not that she had much to say—only be cut off by the jarring sound Aadil's phone ringing. The action had her zipping her lips shut, and looking away to give him space to answer the call.
He didn't do so immediately, choosing to hold her gaze for a few seconds before fishing out the phone. When Aahil's name flashed across the screen, he held back the urge to tap the reject button and begrudgingly tapped the answer one, bringing the phone to his ear. "What?" He grumbled.
Aahil's voice came almost immediately, in a tone Aadil couldn't recognize. It was't that usual overly annoyingly joyful. Rather, something deep, and somber. "It's Maa. She..."
It made Aadil uneasy. His brows crushed together, eyes slanted at nothing in particular as he turned his back to Inaya. "She's what, Aahil?" He inquired in a demanding tone, though something gnawed at him deep; scratching in an attempt to escape.
"She's gone."