Nearly slamming the door into his face shut - Not wanting to actually hear an answer to your own questions. He quickly let his foot slip between the frame and the door. Stopping you from closing it. "Go away..", you crocked out, letting your forehead fall against the door. The palm of your hands pressed firmly against the door.
You heard him sigh, "Let me in, doll.. I.. I wanna see you.. please.." Hanmas voice unusually soft. Pleading. It was something that made your throat dry up. Not wanting to let yourself get swayed away by him. It was Hanma after all. Someone who loved the thrill. Loved to play around and muddle around. Throwing things away that didn't give him satisfaction or excitement. Just like he had thrown you away once.. "Leave.. please.. Hanma.. just.. just go."
"I can't do this."
"Hanma!"
"I refuse to do this.. let me in, let us talk.. You don't understand how it feels to see you alive.."
You didn't budge, making him frustrated. Hearing him sigh, you already knew - already felt it - that he was gonna use force. But he didn't. All you heard was a 'thud'. A silent mumble of, "fuck", following after it. You decided to be daring and look through the little door gap. Seeing Hanmas forehead pressed against the door. His hand going up to rub his eyes. In frustration, annoyance or sadness, you couldn't tell. It was a bit odd anyways - his behavior that is. Hanma was always hard to figure out anyways. One moment he was the sweetest to you, the next he throws you to the side like you're a nobody.
The things he had said to you, still etched deep in your heart.
The way he almost had your life flash before you eyes, forever burned into your mind.
You were about to push against the door again, hoping that you could close it this time without him interrupting. But his voice halted you once more. "I am sorry."
Three simple words. Three, simple, words.. that made your head slightly spin. Trying to keep your mind clear, you shook your head. "What are you sorry for?" It almost came out as a scoff. Mockingly so. And you didn't expect Hanma to actually tell you what he was sorry for. You expected him to get defensive. Perhaps a bit aggressive. Desperately aggressive. A view you had seen before when he had his tattooed hand wrapped around your neck. Dangling you from the roof top of his building. But you were wrong. Another surprise that made your head spin more and more.
"I am sorry for treating you the way I did... I never knew what it was like.. to like someone.. to.. love someone.. All I knew was that.. I wanted you to myself. Have you bound to me.. I was jealous - and it's really embarrassing to admit that.. You're probably wondering, 'what.. The Hanma Shuji?!'.. and yes.. The Hanma Shuji.. the famous lone reaper.. was jealous and wanted the only woman, he ever found interesting, for himself.."
Listening to his little speech, you shook your head, biting your lips almost bloody.. "you tried the best, to be the worst.. You liked the thrill I gave you. The thrill around me. It made your blood pump and your adrenaline go nuts but all in all.. it has nothing to do with me as a person. As soon as you notice how fucking mundane and boring my life is, you will leave. Just like before. One again.."
"I am a changed man, my beautiful Doll.." He said. It was a statement. A said fact - looking by the tone of his voice. You sighed. "Whatever, Hanma.. Leave.. you have nothing to do here. Nothing to see." "I have to see you. I want to see you.. there's so much I have to do, too." "sure..", you sighed. Not hiding the sarcastic undertone. "what do you have to do around here?" You couldn't see the small smile that appeared on his face. It was so soft. Almost dreamy in a way as he closed his eyes. "I have to build a new life with you.."
Shaking your head, which he couldn't see anyways behind the door, you sighed. "You will never change Hanma. You're not build for a life like that.. a life like mine."
"And that's why I am telling you. I am a changed man. I want to build a new life with you.. After Isamu and Itsuki knocked me out and brought me away.. I beat myself up for not being able to escape on time.. when everyone told me you died.. I went on a rampage because everyone talked big about the plan of bringing you out of Japan... it took months to find out that you actually just disappeared.. and thats when I noticed that I can't be the man you need with the way I am right now.. I changed.. Because I wanted to see you again.. because I wanted to have you back.."
Getting a bit frustrated with his nonsense talk, you harshly pulled the door wider - catching Hanma off-guard as he stumbled forward. Almost face bumping against yours, trying to hold his balance with one stretched out arm towards the doorframe. His breath fanning against your cheek. "I'm falling more and more for you, can't you see?" Hanma joked. Trying to get you to smile even a little bit.. for him. "You're an idiot", you said in a matter of fact and Hanma nodded. All he could do was nod because he agreed. He knew he was an idiot. A fool. Someone who had taken life to easy and for granted many many times.
"please give this poor idiot a chance. Just one.. I'll even take a half chance.." "you're pathetic" Looking into his eyes which were locked on yours - he was nervous. Afraid to look away and have you disappear right in front of him. He wouldn't be able to bare it."I am.. I am absolutely pathetic... Pathetically in love with you", he grinned. "You look high" Your voice soft as you tilted your head - eyes still locked onto each other. "Your presence always makes me high" He whispered softly - his voice deep - as he felt himself lean closer, noses brushing against each other. "Hanma" A warning laced in your voice. Yet it didn't feel threatening, not to him and not to you. His lips brushed against yours, your eye lids dropping. Avoiding his seeking eyes.
"Give into me", another hushed whisper against your lips before he pressed them against yours. It took a moment, a second - when he felt your arms reaching out towards his body. Arms wrapping around his neck when he finally let go of the doorframe. Closed the door behind himself and wrapped one arm around your waist while his other hand grabbed the back of your neck. Desperately pressing your closer to himself.
You felt your back hit the wall, Hanma letting his lips wander down to your neck. Biting, sucking, kissing the wounds he was creating on the way. "God, I fucking missed you" His breath hitting your neck. "I always held back.. Please give me the go.. please..", he suddenly begged. His hands cupping your face making you look up at him. "I need you.. Fuck I need you so bad.. I wanna be buried inside you.. Feel you.. Never let you leave my arms ever again.. Please, doll!" A whimper almost leaving his lips as he looked at you so pathetically desperate. His breath rigid.
And you felt so pathetic too.
So desperate to be held by him, too..
Nodding slowly your head, you gulped down the weird lump in your throat. Finding yourself to say the words that he wanted to hear so so bad.. "take all of me.."
Hanma looked out the open window next to your bed. A cigarette hanging from his lips as he puffed out some smoke before he averted his gaze down to the woman resting on top of him. The woman he didn't want to miss even for a blink of an eye. One hand stroking your head, that was resting on his chest, the other drawing soft circles with the tips of his fingers. His eyes softened when you stirred a bit. He didn't want to wake you. Watching you snore away so peacefully made his heart feel at ease. There it was again, your closed eyes twitching when your eyebrows slightly furrowed.
A soft chuckle escaping his lips. Chest vibrating underneath your cheek. "I'm sorry for waking you.." Voice so tender and soft. Something that you didn't know Hanma was capable of doing.
"Annyoing.." was all you mumbled out. Trying to get back into a deep slumber. "I love annoying you..", he grinned, pinching your skin softly underneath his finger tips.
Swatting his hand away, you bit into his skin with closed eyes, a hiss escaping his lips. "okay okay, I won't bother you any further.. " A grin etched onto his face as you snuggled closer. And when he was sure that you were back in dreamland - he kissed the top of your head before whispering into the night three words he had yet to have the courage to say out loud..
But he knew, eventually he would be confident enough to do so.. Hoping to see your eyes shine and your face beam. Reciprocating his feelings.
"I love you"